Deadliest Fiction Wiki

Battles here were deemed to be unfair or otherwise not in accordance with wiki standards, and have been removed from the statuses of the warriors and displayed below.

Halloween Special (by Goddess of Despair)[]

In the dark of night, a small group of zombies zones in on an even smaller camp bordering a lagoon. A heavy rain falls upon the area, making the sounds of the undead quieter. The Rake spots several zombies in the forest and licks its lips. It took off running towards the first zombie it saw, striking its head with its claw. Turning, The Rake struck down another zombie before being grabbed from behind.

The Rake struggled against the undead assailant, before the rotten teeth of the zombie pierced The Rake’s neck. The creature roared in pain, only bringing the other zombies closer and closer. Slowly, The Rake was brought to the ground and stripped of its flesh.

Hearing this cry, a camper exited his tent to take a look at the forest. He stood outside armed with only a flashlight and scanned the forest. He flashed the light upon a zombie, which holds a human arm in its hands. The camper screamed in terror, and turned to run, only to collide into Jason Voorhees.

The camper let out another shriek and fell to the ground. Jason lifted his Machete and thrusted it into the camper’s chest, before turning his attention to the zombie approaching him. The ghoul dropped the arm it held and grabbed Jason, biting his arm.

Jason ignored the wound and struck the zombie with his Machete, removing the creature’s head. Suddenly, he was struck in the back! Jason stumbled and turned to see the Bogeyman eyeing him, hammer in hand. The two stared at one another for a moment before several more zombies exited the wilderness around them.

Jason ignored them and raised his Machete, delivering a slice to the Bogeyman’s chest. The man ignored the pain and slammed Jason with the handle of his hammer, driving him back. Taking advantage on the groggy state of the serial killer, the Bogeyman struck Jason with the head of his hammer!

Jason stumbled back into the open arms of several zombies. He sliced one with his Machete, then another, but the other three managed to force him to the ground. The Bogeyman merely watched, before hearing a loud roar in the distance.

He turned to see the Jersey Devil flying directly towards him. Before he could raise his hammer, the demon flew by and sliced off his throat! The demon didn’t stop there, and rammed into the zombies that covered Jason, striking two with its claws and stomping on the third with its hooves.

Meanwhile, a now reanimated Rake walks alongside the lagoon aimlessly. In curiosity, the Gill Man rised to the surface to see the creature. The Rake at this point was missing an arm and most of the flesh around its chest and head; however its brain and claw still functioned. The Rake stumbled after the Creature who grabbed the undead monster by the legs and dragged it into the lagoon.

As the Rake became submerged beneath the lagoon, it struck the Gill Man with its massive claw, leaving a large cut on the creature’s head. The Gill Man released the monster and struck it in the head with its webbed claw, killing the undead fiend before succumbing to its wound.

The Jersey Devil let out a loud, blood curdling scream and flew towards Jason, sending him to the ground with a claw strike to the head. Jason got to his feet as the Jersey Devil flew by again, striking him once more in the head and bringing him down. Jason got to his feet one last time before the Jersey Devil cashed into him, sending the two crashing through several trees!

Both the Jersey Devil and Jason lay on the destroyed tree, until the Jersey Devil slowly began to stand. With one last tremendous roar, the Jersey Devil opened its jaws and crushed what remained of Jason’s head in its mighty jaws!

Victorious, the Devil’s favorite demon spread its wings and took off; never to be seen for another hundred years.

Expert's Opinion[]

In this battle of horrors, the Jersey Devil emerged victorious in first place.. Jason followed closly in second due to his tremendous strength and durability, however his lack of intelliegence and speed was his undoing. The Creature from the Black Lagoon came third. Although being the smartest warrior here, the Gill Man was slow on land and its only weapons (webbed claws) were not able to inflict enough damage to bring down most of the other warriors. In fourth place was The Bogeyman. Although he was very similar to Jason, he was still inferior in strength, speed, and intelliegence and carried a weapon less practicle than the machete. In fith was the zombie horde. Despite outnumbering all other fighters, they were the dumbest, slowest, weakest, and least durable. In last place was the Rake. He simply relied too much on stealth in order to win.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared unfair because of the power imbalance between the warriors.

Battle vs. Giant Short-faced Bear (by GSFB)[]

12,000 years ago, in the land of Beringia (modern Alaska), a Giant Short Faced Bear sniffs the air, smelling flesh a few miles away. The bear is puzzled by the smell, a mixture of fresh meat and rotting flesh, with a hint of something h had never smelled before. Puzzled and hungry, the bear gallops to the source.

Upon arriving, he finds 63 zombies trying to bite into a fallen Bison, which had died of old age. The creatures were odd, greenish, resembling humans but smelled and acted far, far differently. Some wore wierd clothing. One of them had a strange cloth over his upper body that had the words "Death before Disco" on them. The beings kept trying to bite into it but the flesh was frozen stiff. The bear, however, knew he was strong enough to bite through, and he stood upright, 14 feet in the air, and roared.

The Zombies stop biting and turn, seeing the enormous animal, listening as it roared again, trying to intimidate them.The souless beings sense fresh meat, and with wide open eyes and mouths, they moan in unison. The horde approaches the bear. 

Giant Short faced Bear: Blue

Zombies: Green X 63

The Bear looks at the Zombies, confused. Usually beasts far, far larger and stronger than these ugly things flee from him , but these things didn't even smell afraid. In fact, they smelled...hungry. Hungry and dead, yet they were moving. The Bear realized that these things were what he was smelling miles away, and he was now hungrier, and more determined than ever to defend his territory and show every critter, other than the Mammoths, who ruled.

The lead Zombies closed in. The Bear backed up a little, then swatted twice.


The Bear roared again, and now found himself almost surrounded. Not backing down, he swatted three more times.


The Zombies en masse now closed in, biting and clawing. However, their bites and bone fingers had no effect on the bear's thick, furry hide. The bear, happy in a primitive bestial way at the sudden realization of a big, easily won meal, now began swatting in all diirections and biting a few on the chest, neck or head. The bear snarled in suprise as many of the fallen Zombies, though crippled, where still alive. Whenever he could, he swatted the down yet alive undead until they stopped moving.

12 Green

The Zombies kept coming, clawing, biting, moaning, trying to overpower the giant monster through their sheer numbers, yet the more they came, the more were severed in half, decapitated, smashed, or sent flying through the air, some of them still alive yet crippled and useless. Those that lived over the swat and subsequent flight the bear chased down and swattedon the head, having already learned that it was these beings most vulnerable spot.

30 Green

The Giant Short Faced Bear was more savage than ever, foaming at the mouth with rage and hunger. It charged the last six Zombies, crushing them underpaw. Most survived and squirmed on the ground, until the bear turned and, one by one, smashed them with his paws till dead.


The Bear, not sensing further Zombies, stood and roared. In the distance, Stephen Colbert, armed with a pink lightsaber, yelled "You'll pay for this bears!" and puffed away in his secret time machine, not getting the bear's notice. Almost smiling, the bear lowered his short maw, beginning to nibble on his prize...

Expert's Opinion[]

The GSFB's larger size, greater strength and endurance, and more powerful attacks gave it an easy win over the zombies.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Battle was disregarded as unfair to the Giant Short-Faced Bear due to numbers.

Battle vs. Hannibal Barca (by GSFB)[]

forty miles from Carthage, Hannibal rides on a war elephant. Having four other elephants with him, ten cavalry and 25 ground troops behind, he sees and hears no reason to fear, until he rides past a meek forest, and witnesses 2000 moaning zombies. 1999 of them surround and move around 1, a female dressed on odd clothing and holding up a microphone with a severed cord dangling below it.

Hannibal sees the individual zombie wearing a bloodstained belt, with writing in a tongue he could not identify:


As his force leaves the covering of the trees the female Zombie points to the Carthaginians and moans, in a voice so lovely and haunting it made Hannibal think of the sirens of Odysseus. The Zombie horde turns around, and together they moan and walk towards the force. Hannibal asseses the situation and commands a charge.

Immediately 5 war elephants charge towards the Zombies. With a signal from Hannibal his cavalry mass on the elephant's flanks and charge out, readying their soliferums. The infantry walks forwards in a tight Phalanx formation. Within a matter of moments, the elephants and Zombies collide:

Immediately zombies are tossed high into the air, crushed under elephant foot or by flicks of elephant trunk, or impaled by elephant tusks. Soliferums rain down from the elephants, and though zombies not wounded in the head survive, 400 of them are either killed or crippled by the time the elephant breach the back of the zombie horde.

The cavalry, at the same time, lets loose a barrage of soliferums, and then the cavalry captains order a charge into the fray, spears and swords ready. Not noticing yet the fact that the zombies are immune to all but a head shot, they do not last long within the horde. Horses panic, men are pulled down, and the zombies add to their numbers.

The Infantry then engage the Zombies. At first the troops are spooked when the zombies survive being rammed through with Sarissa or the Cavalry and Elephant rider's soliferums, but when their captain notices that they are felled by headshot or crippled by decapitation, he orders his men to forgo the sarissas and strike out with their Falcatas, telling them to hit the heads.Though the zombie numbers are great, the Carthaginians manage to hack their way into the undead horde.

After getting the elephants to turn around, Hannibal orders another elephant charge. Although now without soliferums, the elephants crush many more Zombies underfoot as they blow through, finally piercing the front of the Zombie horde like ancient cruise missiles.

It is then that the infantry begins to collapse. the gore being flung by the falcata strikes are laced with Zombie virus, and most of the soldiers are now covered. Soon several fall dead, only to revive and join in the Zombie attack. the Phalanx collapses, every man fights for himself, and before the third charge of Hannibal's is finished all the infantry are mindless walking dead!

Hannibal prepares a fourth charge. He intends now to head towards the odd female zombie, the one with the odd belt writing. He hadn't decided yet as to whether it was the devil or an angel, but either way he was going to destroy it, this abomination that somehow gave him a "Hummingbird Heartbeat"! After the charge he planned to enter Carthage and amass a force to exterminate this hellish brood. He ordered the charge.

Hundreds more Zombies fall as the elephants draw near. Just before Hannibal's elephant reaches the mysterious undead woman, however, she sings a wordless harmony, a mighty octave which stops the Carthaginian war elephants. The Elephants turn their heads in puppy-like fashion, and even the mahouts are somewhat enchanted.

Before Hannibal can order the slaying of his elephants, the Pachyderms rear up and fall backwards, killing almost all who where upon them. Those that survived where either crushed by the elephants or eaten by the zombies. Hannibal is a red smear.

Hannibal's elephant lifts the woman zombie onto its shoulders, and as the elephants return to their home city of Carthage, the singing Zombie draws the curious, and doomed outside the city, where they will be met by the last 200 zombies, who follow the elephants!


Expert's Opinion[]

Due to the number of the Zombies, their hard-to-kill natures, the ignorance of Hannibal and his men in fighting such beings (and with the aide of Katy Perry), it was decided that even war elephants would not be enough to overcome the power of the Horde, which could have made the elephants spook an panic (or in this case, rebel!)!

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Battle was disregarded as unfair for Hannibal Barca due to numbers.

Battle vs. Orc (The Lord of the Rings) (by GSFB)[]

On the Pelennor fields of Gondor, during a gold colored, murky dawn, the Rock band Disturbed begins to play their song, "Down with the Sickness". As the lead singer begins sinning and the lead guitarist begins to pick up tempo, an army of 300 orcs, mostly Snagas with a few big Black Uruks of Mordor commanding, march out to face a horde of the undead, which outnumber them 10 to 1.

"Drown deep in my sea of loathing,

Broken your servant I kneel

(Will you give it to me?)

It seems what's left of my human side

Is slowly changing in me

(will you give it to me?)"

The Uruk high commander sneers, seeing the undead shamble towards them under the rising sun. They come in all ages, some ancient, some children, most of them adults or subadults. He growls at all the smaller Snagas, getting them to remain calm and disciplined. The Zombies moan.

"Looking at my own reflection

When suddenly it changes

Violently is changes (oh no)

There is no turning back now

You've woken up the demon in me..."

The Uruk commanders order the Snagas to fire arrow volleys. The Snagas comply. Though they are poor shots, there is so many Zombies about that their arrows eventually find targets. However, all but a few Zombies go down. One of the Snagas notices that only head shots bring them down. He tells this to the High Uruk, who relays it to his orcs and orders a charge. The Orcs pull out their swords, clubs, daggers, or ready their spears. The Orcs howl and roar. They charge, and the Zombies go out to meet their meal.

They Clash!

"Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

Open your hate, and let it flow into me!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

You Mother get up come on get down with the sickness!

You --- Get up come on get down with the Sickness!

Madness is the gift, that has been given to me!"

The Orcs slash with their scimitars, strike with their clubs, or even punch the skulls of the enemy, each blow a fatal wound to the Zombies. Some however are overcome and devoured, many dying from the diseases of the Zombie teeth before they can be fully eaten. The Uruks doo better, shrugging many zombies off with ease. The Snagas bite back at the undead, but immediatelyspit out the awful decay in their mouths, opening themselves up for a counterbite. One big Snaga grabs two of the undead and ramms their heads into each other, killing both by hi awesome power. One of the Uruks bodyslams a big zombie, lifts a boudler, and smashes the fallen Zombie's head by hurling it onto him. Roars from both sides fill the fields, the battle shaking the soils. The Uruk Commanders continue to press on with orders and scimitar sweeps.

"I can see inside you, the sickness is rising

Don't try to deny what you feel

(Wil you give it to me?)

It seems that all that was good has died

And is decaying in me

(Will you give it to me?)

By now half the undead are slain. However, 200 orcs have been overpowered and butchered. The Uruks slash with their whips to keep the Snagas in line, but it is almost impossible to keep them from retreating. Yet the Zombies solve this for them, surrounding the Orcs with their numbers and driving into the remaining monsters of Mordor. The Uruks order the Snagas into better formation to deal with the instinctual pincer movement, and the Snagas themselves undergo berserker fury as they fight for their very lives, if not their very souls.

"It seems your having some trouble

in dealing with these changes

Living with the changes (oh no)

The world is a scary place

Now that you've woken up the demon in me!"

The Snagas fight well, but grow undisciplined. The Uruks try to make up for this by howling them on, but the Zombies continually chew their way towards the center orcs. The Snagas adrenaline is fever pitch, however, and the Zombies numbers are less than 800, and falling fast! Meanwhile, the Zombies have had trouble trying to get past the armor of the orcs, but eventually ther numbers give them the strength to tear it off and continue to eat. Many however have stopped fighting the orcs and devote themselves to eating the Orcish dead.

"Get Up! Come on get down with the sickness!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

Get up come on get down with the sickess!

Open your hate and let it flow into me!

Get up and come on get down with the sickness!

You mother get up come on get down with the sickness!

You --- get up come on get down with the sickness!

Madness is the gift, that has been given to me!"

The last of the Orcs are finally seeing victory at hand. The last few zombies attacking them number but 19, while four Uruk and one Snaga remain of the orcs: enough to ensure victory. None of the Uruks have fallen, and though the remaining Snaga has his throat ripped out by a Zombie's bite, they slay the 19 and target the remaining zombies who feast on the dead Orcs. The last Zombie to die is a little girl, who snarls at the Uruks with amber/green eyes and a fury worthy of the Orc kind. The Chie Uruk smiles at the child, then slays her with a blow of his scimitar, chopping the head sideways in two.

Seeing no more Zombies, the Uruks gather in a circle and raise their swords into the air.

"For the glory of the Uruk-Hai, for the glory or Mordor, for the glory of Sauron!" the Uruks chant, though you cannot hear them due to the band Disturbed, which starts with the more chaotic, less desirable part of their song, a part that gets the Uruks attention.

The band continues the maddenign conclusion to their song, until the lead singer and head guitarist gawk and grow quiet. The other band members are about to ask them what was wrong when they notice it two. The band runs away, leaving their equipment, while the Uruks charge after them, their scimitars raised in the air, their voices like the bellows of demons of the ancient world...


Expert's Opinion[]

After considerable debate, it was determined by a majority that the 10 to 1 odds were not enough for the dumb undead to defeat well armed, armored, and super strong orc troops of Mordor especially since they had some Big Uruks alongside them.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Battle was disregarded as unfair for Orcs due to numbers.