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| “ | Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and kills! The people it kills get up and kill!
— Dr. Foster, Dawn of the Dead
|
” |
A zombie is a human corpse brought back from the death by a virus, curse, or other kind of scientific or supernatural cause. It is one of the most recognizable monsters in pop culture and was first introduced in George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead.
Those brought back as a zombie often forget skills and knowledge learned during life and are solely focused on he consumption of human flesh, though, in some media, they keep some semblance intellect giving them access to limited tool use. Their main method of attack is either clawing at their victims or biting them. In some media, the bite spreads the zombie virus in others the bite simply infects the wound causing the victim to die.
Because they no longer hold back, zombies are often physically stronger than humans though their rotting muscles means that this lessens over time. Zombies are surprisingly durable, being able to survive most injuries that would be fatal normal humans. The only way to kill a zombie is by destroying the brain or chopping off its head as the brain often houses the zombie virus.
Since they are easy to manipulate and have limited intellect, zombies are used by some as attack animals to defend or attack settlements. This is a double-edged tactic however as zombies are just as likely to kill their 'masters' as they are the people they are released upon.
Battle vs. Sasquatch (by Goddess of Despair)[]
No battle was written.
WINNER: SASQUATCH
Expert's Opinion[]
The voters believed that the Sasquatch had a variety of factors in their favor, including greater size and strength, a tough hide, and greater intelligence to allow them to escape the mindless horde of zombies.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Battle vs. Velociraptor (Jurassic Park) (by Goddess of Despair)[]
Velociraptors 
Zombies- 
x 60
The velociraptors shiver at the growing sounds of moaning. The alpha female of the pack looks out the destroyed window of the building and examines the incoming horde. The zombies slowly advanced on the house, compacted in a huge wave of decaying flesh. The alpha female took a whiff of the air and smelled the delightful smell of food. Surly creatures that slow couldn’t harm the pack much. The alpha female smiled and barked orders to the pack and they immediately sped out from the building, directly into the horde.
The pack leapt onto the first few zombies and crushed the first five undead. One velociraptor took his claw out of a zombie’s head and turned to the side only to be grabbed by the throat by a zombie. The velociraptor struggled but couldn’t escape the grip of the corpse as 4 other zombies joined in and chewed away at the flesh around the dinosaur’s neck.
Another velociraptor rushed forward and leapt onto a zombie that was bent over the dead velociraptor and enjoying the meat. The raptor pounced onto the zombie and sank its claw into the zombie’s back. Surprisingly, the creature ignored the injury and continued eating. The velociraptor was shocked and couldn’t react when another zombie grabbed its back and started to bite at the creature’s sides. The raptor stomped on the zombie’s foot and thrusted its claw into it, but the zombie continued to dig deeper into the beast’s side until it fell over dead.
The pack was getting crushed and the alpha female knew it. She swept a zombie off his feet with her tail and bit into another zombie’s skull, swallowing some of the meat before the corpse fell to the ground beneath her. She signaled her remaining pack mates and they attempted to flee the carnage. One velociraptor is unlucky and trips on top of one of the corpses. The zombies fell upon it in an instant, preventing it from standing. It cried out for help as another velociraptor walked into view, however this one was pale and had several pieces of flesh missing. The velociraptor screamed in pain as its undead brethren joined in on the feast.
Later that day…
The alpha female and her final pack mate have at last escaped the sound of moaning undead and are exhausted. The alpha female had grown pale and her pack mate had fallen to the ground exhausted. The alpha female looked upon her pack mate but suddenly, she saw everything differently. She looked upon the uninfected velociraptor and stood over it as the zombie virus stripped her subconscious of any thoughts except for one thought…food… She bent over and tore a chunk of flesh out of her pack mate’s throat. Now she was in a new pack, a pack not of the living, but a pack of the dead.
Expert's Opinion[]
The zombies were able to prevail over the velociraptors thanks to their virus. The velociraptors were smart, but no smart enough to understand how to prevent themselves from getting infected. Even if the velociraptors eliminated the entire horde of undead, they would eat the zombie meat and thus infect themselves with the virus. The velociraptors are tough opponents, but in the end they can't outsmart the zombie virus.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Battle vs. Raider (Fallout) (by Urbancommando77)[]
No battle was written.
Expert's Opinion[]
The zombies were simply in a scenario that fully worked against them. While they had the superior numbers, unfortunately they were up against fully armed opponents with a fortified position, and came out in waves instead of being one horde of zombies.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Battle vs. Werewolf (by Deathblade 100)[]
Werewolves: 
Zombies: x400
On a full moon, a piercing howl filled the air as a pack of three werewolves move towards a rundown warehouse looking for food. The Alpha orders his pack to split up to cover more ground. As one of the wolves moves towards a door, a strange shuffling sound came from inside the building. As the werewolf moved backwards, the door burst apart and a group of 200 zombies emerged.
The werewolf quickly swings its claws at the nearest zombie, puncturing its skull and piercing its brain. A few more strikes cut down a further six of the undead.x6 The werewolf notices the rest of the horde heading towards it and it starts to withdraw. As it moves, a zombie grabs hold of the creature and holds it down as the rest of the horde slowly starts to disembowel and dismember it.
TBC
Expert's Opinion[]
This was a close match up. While the Zombies did have the numbers, the Werewolves had better weapons, speed and intelligence. In the end, the sheer weight of the undead could not overcome the speed and intelligence of the Werewolves.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Battle vs. French Foreign Legion (by Deathblade 100)[]
TBA
Expert's Opinion[]
This was a close match. While the Legion had firearms and intelligence, the overwhelming hordes of of the undead were capable of evening out the odds. All in all, both sides had their own advantages and disadvantages and this resulted in a draw.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here
Battle vs. Vampire (30 Days of Night) (by Elgb333)[]
The Memoirs of Lucy Ikos
A resident of Barrow, Alaska
My name is Lucy Ikos and I am writing the events that happened here in our town of Barrow in case we don’t survive this catastrophe. I apologize for any grammar and wording errors for my writing ain’t that good, as an ol’ country girl like me has just enough schooling to make this journal.
For those of you who are reading this, I am probably dead. As I am writing this journal, less than half of the town had died. The Alaskan snow has been drenched with the blood of its townsfolk, and most of anything still standing is burning at this moment. You maybe wondering what happened for such a bloody thing to happen to the town, and I wish I have the simplest answer to give to you. Truth to be told the rest of the survivors and I currently huddled in the basement of my bar don’t even know what the hell is happening. All we are doing now is hide, pray and weep for everything to just be fucking over.
But still, here in this notebook, I write everything that I have witnessed, and I hope to God that ya’ll believe me.
It all started approximately half a month ago. The snow has started to blow strong early this year, and the people have started to prepare for another 30 days of darkness in Barrow.
I was working at my bar when the dreadful news arrived. A ship have drifted to the port of Barrow. There was no crew inside, and the ship’s engine was on the verge of breaking apart. We called to anyone in the cities and even the Federals about this mysterious ship but no definite answer came forward. Communication has been almost dead ever since some strange outbreak was happening in New York and Los Angeles, and the ship itself is said to be headed towards San Francisco before some shit happened. We shoulda fucking knew that mystery only brings unseen evil.
As the law started its investigation on this ship, one of the deputies stumbled upon the lower deck. He came upon the crew’s bunkers. Information about what happened next was hazy but it was clear that someone or something attacked him. He came out with a bleeding neck. The other sheriffs grabbed the young kid and took him to the hospital. He “died” before the doctors can examine him, but he never really died when he rose up one night and became rabid. He bit some of the nurses and securities sent to apprehend him, and they too turn rabid. Soon, reports said that all the bodies in the hospital resurrected as if Jesus finally came down again from heaven. Yet it wasn’t Jesus but Satan bringing malevolence came upon our town. The “walking” dead spilled into the streets and started killing. And as we brave Alaskans try to fight em off, another evil came attacking us from the rear.
---
Just as the same time we were fighting these corpses, some of the hunters settled in the outskirt of the town came running into our town, many wounded and covered with blood. Panicked and traumatized, they reported of a group of Goth bloodsuckers who attacked them. These monsters were unlike anyone or anything they have come across, for they were faster than any cougar and as powerful as the biggest bear. They slaughtered almost everyone in the settlements and were headed towards our town.
We try to contact anyone for help in the neighboring towns and cities but to no avail. The Winter was making it difficult to communicate, and even for those who have satellite phones, all they receive in their speaker were blank fuzz. The sheriffs, still optimistic of winning the battle, decided to send some deputies and civilians to hold back the bloodsuckers while we handle the walking corpses. When they returned, they were barely human and attacked us, first killing their loved ones, before going after us who were still fighting back.
We manage to capture one of the “dead” deputies (at the cost of five people), and we learned that the bloodsuckers were led by a man named Vicente. They were some sort of ancient secret society of human killers who have decided to visit Barrow during the annual 30 days of darkness, to feast upon us townsfolk for a month straight. They were called "vampires" by the deputy, the same ones my grandfather used to scare me. Our town has now been overrun by both vampires and these "zombies". God I pray ya’ll still reading and believing in what I am writing.
It didn’t take too long before we got overwhelmed from both sides. Being beaten back, we had no choice but decided to hunker down inside our houses, while several volunteered to run through the snow to get help. Me and many more hid inside my bar. It was a scary premise, as many of us watched in fright as our streets became filled with vampires and zombies. Anyone caught outside were easily ripped apart and eaten by these things.
But soon as they came, we soon saw that these two monsters didn’t want to share the town.
---
The first confrontation happened when several young male vampires were chasing this teenage girl through the street (we couldn’t do anything but watch). As the girl went inside this alley with the vampires still in pursuit, she was suddenly grabbed and torn by a lone zombie. The vampires at first looked in curiosity at the living dead. But as the latter suddenly went towards them, the vampires, pissed that it took their victim, ripped the poor bastard to shreds.
Soon a dozen more arrived and a skirmish soon erupted. The three vampires had no problems dispatching the corpses with ease using their claws. And as another dozen came in, the vampires had to retreat back and report to their master. Vicente sent a squad to further scout these dead beings. The slow pace of the zombies and their brainless clumsy mannerism made the vampires scoff. Some of the vampires happily killed many of them for fun. However, one zombie somehow manage to run towards them and got a bite off an unsuspecting vampire’s neck, killing him. In a frenzy, the vampires murdered many of the zombies that night before going back to their master.
But as they do so, one of the zombies, a big hulking one whom several of us named Big Daddy, became enraged at the vampires killing his fellow zombies (a rare trait that we observed among these walking corpses). Other zombies, who were visibly smarter than the others grouped themselves together with Big Daddy as they march towards the vampire in retaliation.
---
At around the same time, more and more of us were dying. Some were killed off in the streets in the most painful and sadistic way possible by these two monsters, while others here have started to die of cold, dehydration and hunger. God seemed to have left Barrow to die. But as one person die, we have to be careful as they can turn into a zombie. At first we thought that it takes a bite or a scratch for a person to become one, but it seems that dying seems to do the trick. In a strange way it bolstered the zombie’s numbers even more, while the vampires, who themselves also infected humans, were doing so at a slower pace.
From time to time we would watch in fear as some of the vampires went out on their usual hunts. I personally watched them attack a manor filled with Alaskans. The people inside put up a great fight, killing several bloodsuckers, but was overwhelmed in the end. They ate the kids, turn the men into vampires, while did some of the most aweful stuffs to the women and girls.
We too would face the zombies occasionally. When one detects a house filled with people, a whole swarm of em would attack and to get inside. Their physical strength does make it difficult to fend them off, but there was no problem ever evacuating if necessary. Sometimes though, one of the townsfolk would recognize one of his/her relative being turned intoa zombie and would unwittingly try to meet them, which would result in a very tragic end. Evacuating also possess other problems, since it makes us vulnerable when the vampires get our scents.
What the zombie lack in speed and smart, they made up for numbers. One of my accountants estimated that at least two thousand of them are zombie while the vampires only have a quarter or even an eight of that number. Worst, is that many of the zombies have started to gather some weapons, at first simple melee tools, but others better armed with guns and even horses. The vampires weren't doing anything, as many were busy and distracted "partying" with their captured prey at the town's plaza (their headquarters). They were unaware of what was going to hit them.
Now the real battle has begun, but whoever wins, we people at Barrow feel that we have already lost.
---
The first major confrontation happened at the hospital. A large number of vampires were busy feasting on the trapped, still-living patients in that area, not knowing that the zombies were slowly shambling towards them. The zombies took them by surprise, ripping several of them easily, but the vampires quickly recovered and counter attacked, killing twice the number. Many of the fast zombies manage to pounce on the unsuspecting vampires, while some who had weapons attacked the downed bloodsuckers. They ripped, smashed and shot the vampires with melee weapons and guns, which proved effective. Most of the vampires were wiped out in that battle, 40 of them dead while the zombies lost 130.
Another battle happened on the kindergarten school, whom the vampires turn into some sick pig pen with kids inside. A number of zombies on horseback, came galloping toward some vampires relaxing on a play ground. They took the vampires by surprise yet again (which at this point was percieving the zombies are purely comical and harmless), as the zombies came swarming in from all direction. The ones on horseback killed some vampires with the hoofs of their horses, while many ripped and tore many vampires. Things was turning for the zombies as 50 vampires died while the they lost a meager 20.
At this time, several of us decided to use the fighting as a distraction to try and slip away. Some fled on foot while others by boat or car. Some were successful while others not so much. Escaping on foot made you vulnerable to some zombies hiding in the forest, while fleeing in a vehicle alerts you to the vampires who would then give chase. Many of those who tried to escape were either butchered or turned by both monsters, but many more thankfully escaped.
I remained at my bar alone, to keep documenting what was happening. I told those with me that whoever reaches help first, to never come back for me. To do anything to destroy this town.
---
Finally, the vampires got wind of what was happening and recomposed themselves. All of the zombies at the town converge and surrounded the plaza, eager and ready for a fight. The vampires quickly and panickly barricaded themselves, and afterwards were just as itching for a battle. The zombies came rushing in but the barricade of the vampires held. Many vamprires slaughtered many more zombies as they helplessly try to climb the barricade the vampires put in. During the initail onslaught over 500 zombies died while the vampires lost none. Some of the zombies started to use their tools to take chunks out the barricade, but some vampires sacrificed themselves to kill off those who were smart enough to do so.
Soon the zombies' numbers were dwindling fast, and those idiots remaining were too dumb to retreat and regroup. Sensing victory, the vampires made a sharp howl, before opening their barricades and attacked, confident to finally wipe out all the zombies. This proved to be another fatal mistake as their underestimated the total number of remaining zombies yet again. At close quarters and in a tight crowd, the vampires were having difficulty fighting the zombies up close. While one can kill several, others would work together to overwhelm and destroy. The vampires slashed and killed, making sure to hit the head to kill them faster, but many zombies also sent themselves forward and grappled any vampire they can reach.
The vampire's leader, Vicente, who was assessing the situation, decided to attack the leader of the zombies, Big Daddy. The zombie tried to stop Vicente with an M16 he picked up, and while he hit him at least four times, the vampire shrugged it off. Vicente encircled Big Daddy, using his superior speed to run circles at the poor clumsy corpse. With a thrust, he plunge his hand on his chest. The zombie howled, but quickly retaliated by biting the face of Vicente. The vampire screamed in pain before finally grabbing and pulling the head of Big Daddy off of his body. The leader of the zombies fell, but the vampire leader was fatally wounded. As Vicente tried to walk away, I took the oppurtunity to shoot him in the head with my .50 cal from my window, I didn't care if my shot would be heard, all I wanted at that time was to take revenge.
With both leaderless, the battle was turning bad for the zombies. All of those who were smart or fast enough to fight the vampires were gone. It didn't take too long for a new leader of the vampire to emerge, and with one final careful push, the vampires finally destroyed all the zombies in town. Only 80 of them remained, but they all stood triumphant.
They then turn their eyes towards my bar, to hunt down the one who have killed their leader earlier. Unlike the zombies, the vampires easily burt through the nailed doors of my home. With all my ammo, bombs and guns I stood my ground, chucking everything I have on them. I killed several of them, but in the end I myself got bit in the wrist.
I didn't want them to take me, so lit up some dynamite, threw it in the middle of my bar and watched as they all tried to run, trapping themselves as they helplessly squeese through the small door. I manage to get out just in time, and the explosion killed dozens of them. With no time to celebrate, I quickly took refuge in the police station where I locked myself in a cell. I grabbed the candle and cauterized my wound (which hurt like a bitch).
---
And here I am now, alone and writing this story to you. The bite feels corrosive and painful, as if it is eating me from the inside. I don't know if I am going to turn or not, and I can hear some of the remaining vampires still searching for me. I had no plans to survive another night, but then I heard a sound booming through the air. I knew from then that my prayers have finally been aswered.
I can hear fighter jets from the USAF base flying above. I doubt even with their superhuman powers the vampires are strong enough to catch one. I breath a sigh of relief for it won't be long for my pain and suffering to be finished. I knew that these jets are here to bomb the living hell out of this freaks. To send all ugly monsters and undead back to the deepest macabre stinking cestpool in Hell where they belong! My nightmare was now done.
Expert's Opinion[]
The vampire won because they simply outclassed the zombies in almost all categories, from weapons, physicality and x-factors. Most importantly they have more speed and intelligence in their ranks, things that are rare and a minority for the zombies. The zombies only takes the edge in the infection category but even that isn't enough.
While the outcome is the same to the episode finale of Deadliest Warrior, the purpose of this rematch is to create a more accurate list of each monsters' stats, and make them more faithful to their source materials. It wasn't easy since I have to dig through a lot of wikis, comics and other expanded universes to make this battle.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.Battles here were deemed to be unfair or otherwise not in accordance with wiki standards, and have been removed from the statuses of the warriors and displayed below.
Halloween Special (by Goddess of Despair)[]
In the dark of night, a small group of zombies zones in on an even smaller camp bordering a lagoon. A heavy rain falls upon the area, making the sounds of the undead quieter. The Rake spots several zombies in the forest and licks its lips. It took off running towards the first zombie it saw, striking its head with its claw. Turning, The Rake struck down another zombie before being grabbed from behind.
The Rake struggled against the undead assailant, before the rotten teeth of the zombie pierced The Rake’s neck. The creature roared in pain, only bringing the other zombies closer and closer. Slowly, The Rake was brought to the ground and stripped of its flesh.
Hearing this cry, a camper exited his tent to take a look at the forest. He stood outside armed with only a flashlight and scanned the forest. He flashed the light upon a zombie, which holds a human arm in its hands. The camper screamed in terror, and turned to run, only to collide into Jason Voorhees.
The camper let out another shriek and fell to the ground. Jason lifted his Machete and thrusted it into the camper’s chest, before turning his attention to the zombie approaching him. The ghoul dropped the arm it held and grabbed Jason, biting his arm.
Jason ignored the wound and struck the zombie with his Machete, removing the creature’s head. Suddenly, he was struck in the back! Jason stumbled and turned to see the Bogeyman eyeing him, hammer in hand. The two stared at one another for a moment before several more zombies exited the wilderness around them.
Jason ignored them and raised his Machete, delivering a slice to the Bogeyman’s chest. The man ignored the pain and slammed Jason with the handle of his hammer, driving him back. Taking advantage on the groggy state of the serial killer, the Bogeyman struck Jason with the head of his hammer!
Jason stumbled back into the open arms of several zombies. He sliced one with his Machete, then another, but the other three managed to force him to the ground. The Bogeyman merely watched, before hearing a loud roar in the distance.
He turned to see the Jersey Devil flying directly towards him. Before he could raise his hammer, the demon flew by and sliced off his throat! The demon didn’t stop there, and rammed into the zombies that covered Jason, striking two with its claws and stomping on the third with its hooves.
Meanwhile, a now reanimated Rake walks alongside the lagoon aimlessly. In curiosity, the Gill Man rised to the surface to see the creature. The Rake at this point was missing an arm and most of the flesh around its chest and head; however its brain and claw still functioned. The Rake stumbled after the Creature who grabbed the undead monster by the legs and dragged it into the lagoon.
As the Rake became submerged beneath the lagoon, it struck the Gill Man with its massive claw, leaving a large cut on the creature’s head. The Gill Man released the monster and struck it in the head with its webbed claw, killing the undead fiend before succumbing to its wound.
The Jersey Devil let out a loud, blood curdling scream and flew towards Jason, sending him to the ground with a claw strike to the head. Jason got to his feet as the Jersey Devil flew by again, striking him once more in the head and bringing him down. Jason got to his feet one last time before the Jersey Devil cashed into him, sending the two crashing through several trees!
Both the Jersey Devil and Jason lay on the destroyed tree, until the Jersey Devil slowly began to stand. With one last tremendous roar, the Jersey Devil opened its jaws and crushed what remained of Jason’s head in its mighty jaws!
Victorious, the Devil’s favorite demon spread its wings and took off; never to be seen for another hundred years.
Expert's Opinion[]
In this battle of horrors, the Jersey Devil emerged victorious in first place.. Jason followed closly in second due to his tremendous strength and durability, however his lack of intelliegence and speed was his undoing. The Creature from the Black Lagoon came third. Although being the smartest warrior here, the Gill Man was slow on land and its only weapons (webbed claws) were not able to inflict enough damage to bring down most of the other warriors. In fourth place was The Bogeyman. Although he was very similar to Jason, he was still inferior in strength, speed, and intelliegence and carried a weapon less practicle than the machete. In fith was the zombie horde. Despite outnumbering all other fighters, they were the dumbest, slowest, weakest, and least durable. In last place was the Rake. He simply relied too much on stealth in order to win.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Reason[]
The battle was declared unfair because of the power imbalance between the warriors.
Battle vs. Giant Short-faced Bear (by GSFB)[]
12,000 years ago, in the land of Beringia (modern Alaska), a Giant Short Faced Bear sniffs the air, smelling flesh a few miles away. The bear is puzzled by the smell, a mixture of fresh meat and rotting flesh, with a hint of something h had never smelled before. Puzzled and hungry, the bear gallops to the source.
Upon arriving, he finds 63 zombies trying to bite into a fallen Bison, which had died of old age. The creatures were odd, greenish, resembling humans but smelled and acted far, far differently. Some wore wierd clothing. One of them had a strange cloth over his upper body that had the words "Death before Disco" on them. The beings kept trying to bite into it but the flesh was frozen stiff. The bear, however, knew he was strong enough to bite through, and he stood upright, 14 feet in the air, and roared.
The Zombies stop biting and turn, seeing the enormous animal, listening as it roared again, trying to intimidate them.The souless beings sense fresh meat, and with wide open eyes and mouths, they moan in unison. The horde approaches the bear.
Giant Short faced Bear: 
Zombies: 
X 63
The Bear looks at the Zombies, confused. Usually beasts far, far larger and stronger than these ugly things flee from him , but these things didn't even smell afraid. In fact, they smelled...hungry. Hungry and dead, yet they were moving. The Bear realized that these things were what he was smelling miles away, and he was now hungrier, and more determined than ever to defend his territory and show every critter, other than the Mammoths, who ruled.
The lead Zombies closed in. The Bear backed up a little, then swatted twice.
6
The Bear roared again, and now found himself almost surrounded. Not backing down, he swatted three more times.
9
The Zombies en masse now closed in, biting and clawing. However, their bites and bone fingers had no effect on the bear's thick, furry hide. The bear, happy in a primitive bestial way at the sudden realization of a big, easily won meal, now began swatting in all diirections and biting a few on the chest, neck or head. The bear snarled in suprise as many of the fallen Zombies, though crippled, where still alive. Whenever he could, he swatted the down yet alive undead until they stopped moving.
12
The Zombies kept coming, clawing, biting, moaning, trying to overpower the giant monster through their sheer numbers, yet the more they came, the more were severed in half, decapitated, smashed, or sent flying through the air, some of them still alive yet crippled and useless. Those that lived over the swat and subsequent flight the bear chased down and swattedon the head, having already learned that it was these beings most vulnerable spot.
30
The Giant Short Faced Bear was more savage than ever, foaming at the mouth with rage and hunger. It charged the last six Zombies, crushing them underpaw. Most survived and squirmed on the ground, until the bear turned and, one by one, smashed them with his paws till dead.
6
The Bear, not sensing further Zombies, stood and roared. In the distance, Stephen Colbert, armed with a pink lightsaber, yelled "You'll pay for this bears!" and puffed away in his secret time machine, not getting the bear's notice. Almost smiling, the bear lowered his short maw, beginning to nibble on his prize...
Expert's Opinion[]
The GSFB's larger size, greater strength and endurance, and more powerful attacks gave it an easy win over the zombies.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Reason[]
Battle was disregarded as unfair to the Giant Short-Faced Bear due to numbers.
Battle vs. Hannibal Barca (by GSFB)[]
forty miles from Carthage, Hannibal rides on a war elephant. Having four other elephants with him, ten cavalry and 25 ground troops behind, he sees and hears no reason to fear, until he rides past a meek forest, and witnesses 2000 moaning zombies. 1999 of them surround and move around 1, a female dressed on odd clothing and holding up a microphone with a severed cord dangling below it.
Hannibal sees the individual zombie wearing a bloodstained belt, with writing in a tongue he could not identify:
KATY PERRY
As his force leaves the covering of the trees the female Zombie points to the Carthaginians and moans, in a voice so lovely and haunting it made Hannibal think of the sirens of Odysseus. The Zombie horde turns around, and together they moan and walk towards the force. Hannibal asseses the situation and commands a charge.
Immediately 5 war elephants charge towards the Zombies. With a signal from Hannibal his cavalry mass on the elephant's flanks and charge out, readying their soliferums. The infantry walks forwards in a tight Phalanx formation. Within a matter of moments, the elephants and Zombies collide:
Immediately zombies are tossed high into the air, crushed under elephant foot or by flicks of elephant trunk, or impaled by elephant tusks. Soliferums rain down from the elephants, and though zombies not wounded in the head survive, 400 of them are either killed or crippled by the time the elephant breach the back of the zombie horde.
The cavalry, at the same time, lets loose a barrage of soliferums, and then the cavalry captains order a charge into the fray, spears and swords ready. Not noticing yet the fact that the zombies are immune to all but a head shot, they do not last long within the horde. Horses panic, men are pulled down, and the zombies add to their numbers.
The Infantry then engage the Zombies. At first the troops are spooked when the zombies survive being rammed through with Sarissa or the Cavalry and Elephant rider's soliferums, but when their captain notices that they are felled by headshot or crippled by decapitation, he orders his men to forgo the sarissas and strike out with their Falcatas, telling them to hit the heads.Though the zombie numbers are great, the Carthaginians manage to hack their way into the undead horde.
After getting the elephants to turn around, Hannibal orders another elephant charge. Although now without soliferums, the elephants crush many more Zombies underfoot as they blow through, finally piercing the front of the Zombie horde like ancient cruise missiles.
It is then that the infantry begins to collapse. the gore being flung by the falcata strikes are laced with Zombie virus, and most of the soldiers are now covered. Soon several fall dead, only to revive and join in the Zombie attack. the Phalanx collapses, every man fights for himself, and before the third charge of Hannibal's is finished all the infantry are mindless walking dead!
Hannibal prepares a fourth charge. He intends now to head towards the odd female zombie, the one with the odd belt writing. He hadn't decided yet as to whether it was the devil or an angel, but either way he was going to destroy it, this abomination that somehow gave him a "Hummingbird Heartbeat"! After the charge he planned to enter Carthage and amass a force to exterminate this hellish brood. He ordered the charge.
Hundreds more Zombies fall as the elephants draw near. Just before Hannibal's elephant reaches the mysterious undead woman, however, she sings a wordless harmony, a mighty octave which stops the Carthaginian war elephants. The Elephants turn their heads in puppy-like fashion, and even the mahouts are somewhat enchanted.
Before Hannibal can order the slaying of his elephants, the Pachyderms rear up and fall backwards, killing almost all who where upon them. Those that survived where either crushed by the elephants or eaten by the zombies. Hannibal is a red smear.
Hannibal's elephant lifts the woman zombie onto its shoulders, and as the elephants return to their home city of Carthage, the singing Zombie draws the curious, and doomed outside the city, where they will be met by the last 200 zombies, who follow the elephants!
WINNER: ZOMBIES!
Expert's Opinion[]
Due to the number of the Zombies, their hard-to-kill natures, the ignorance of Hannibal and his men in fighting such beings (and with the aide of Katy Perry), it was decided that even war elephants would not be enough to overcome the power of the Horde, which could have made the elephants spook an panic (or in this case, rebel!)!
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Reason[]
Battle was disregarded as unfair for Hannibal Barca due to numbers.
Battle vs. Orc (The Lord of the Rings) (by GSFB)[]
On the Pelennor fields of Gondor, during a gold colored, murky dawn, the Rock band Disturbed begins to play their song, "Down with the Sickness". As the lead singer begins sinning and the lead guitarist begins to pick up tempo, an army of 300 orcs, mostly Snagas with a few big Black Uruks of Mordor commanding, march out to face a horde of the undead, which outnumber them 10 to 1.
"Drown deep in my sea of loathing,
Broken your servant I kneel
(Will you give it to me?)
It seems what's left of my human side
Is slowly changing in me
(will you give it to me?)"
The Uruk high commander sneers, seeing the undead shamble towards them under the rising sun. They come in all ages, some ancient, some children, most of them adults or subadults. He growls at all the smaller Snagas, getting them to remain calm and disciplined. The Zombies moan.
"Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently is changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me..."
The Uruk commanders order the Snagas to fire arrow volleys. The Snagas comply. Though they are poor shots, there is so many Zombies about that their arrows eventually find targets. However, all but a few Zombies go down. One of the Snagas notices that only head shots bring them down. He tells this to the High Uruk, who relays it to his orcs and orders a charge. The Orcs pull out their swords, clubs, daggers, or ready their spears. The Orcs howl and roar. They charge, and the Zombies go out to meet their meal.
They Clash!
"Get up, come on get down with the sickness!
Get up, come on get down with the sickness!
Get up, come on get down with the sickness!
Open your hate, and let it flow into me!
Get up, come on get down with the sickness!
You Mother get up come on get down with the sickness!
You --- Get up come on get down with the Sickness!
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me!"
The Orcs slash with their scimitars, strike with their clubs, or even punch the skulls of the enemy, each blow a fatal wound to the Zombies. Some however are overcome and devoured, many dying from the diseases of the Zombie teeth before they can be fully eaten. The Uruks doo better, shrugging many zombies off with ease. The Snagas bite back at the undead, but immediatelyspit out the awful decay in their mouths, opening themselves up for a counterbite. One big Snaga grabs two of the undead and ramms their heads into each other, killing both by hi awesome power. One of the Uruks bodyslams a big zombie, lifts a boudler, and smashes the fallen Zombie's head by hurling it onto him. Roars from both sides fill the fields, the battle shaking the soils. The Uruk Commanders continue to press on with orders and scimitar sweeps.
"I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
(Wil you give it to me?)
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me
(Will you give it to me?)
By now half the undead are slain. However, 200 orcs have been overpowered and butchered. The Uruks slash with their whips to keep the Snagas in line, but it is almost impossible to keep them from retreating. Yet the Zombies solve this for them, surrounding the Orcs with their numbers and driving into the remaining monsters of Mordor. The Uruks order the Snagas into better formation to deal with the instinctual pincer movement, and the Snagas themselves undergo berserker fury as they fight for their very lives, if not their very souls.
"It seems your having some trouble
in dealing with these changes
Living with the changes (oh no)
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me!"
The Snagas fight well, but grow undisciplined. The Uruks try to make up for this by howling them on, but the Zombies continually chew their way towards the center orcs. The Snagas adrenaline is fever pitch, however, and the Zombies numbers are less than 800, and falling fast! Meanwhile, the Zombies have had trouble trying to get past the armor of the orcs, but eventually ther numbers give them the strength to tear it off and continue to eat. Many however have stopped fighting the orcs and devote themselves to eating the Orcish dead.
"Get Up! Come on get down with the sickness!
Get up, come on get down with the sickness!
Get up come on get down with the sickess!
Open your hate and let it flow into me!
Get up and come on get down with the sickness!
You mother get up come on get down with the sickness!
You --- get up come on get down with the sickness!
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me!"
The last of the Orcs are finally seeing victory at hand. The last few zombies attacking them number but 19, while four Uruk and one Snaga remain of the orcs: enough to ensure victory. None of the Uruks have fallen, and though the remaining Snaga has his throat ripped out by a Zombie's bite, they slay the 19 and target the remaining zombies who feast on the dead Orcs. The last Zombie to die is a little girl, who snarls at the Uruks with amber/green eyes and a fury worthy of the Orc kind. The Chie Uruk smiles at the child, then slays her with a blow of his scimitar, chopping the head sideways in two.
Seeing no more Zombies, the Uruks gather in a circle and raise their swords into the air.
"For the glory of the Uruk-Hai, for the glory or Mordor, for the glory of Sauron!" the Uruks chant, though you cannot hear them due to the band Disturbed, which starts with the more chaotic, less desirable part of their song, a part that gets the Uruks attention.
The band continues the maddenign conclusion to their song, until the lead singer and head guitarist gawk and grow quiet. The other band members are about to ask them what was wrong when they notice it two. The band runs away, leaving their equipment, while the Uruks charge after them, their scimitars raised in the air, their voices like the bellows of demons of the ancient world...
WINNER: ORCS
Expert's Opinion[]
After considerable debate, it was determined by a majority that the 10 to 1 odds were not enough for the dumb undead to defeat well armed, armored, and super strong orc troops of Mordor especially since they had some Big Uruks alongside them.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.