| “ | Fly, my pretties! Fly!
— Wicket Witch of the West
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” |
Winged baboons are a species of flying primates in service to Evanora the Wicked Witch of the East. Unlike the smaller monkeys that service Theodora the Wicked Witch of the West, the winged baboons have bat wings instead of feathered wings and trust more in brute strength rather than sheer numbers in order to defeat their enemies.
On top of possessing sharp claws and teeth, the winged baboons often wear armor into battle and are armed with various polearms, usually tridents or spears. While not as smart and cunning as their smaller counterparts, the baboons still posses sentience to the point they can speak and effectively follow orders from the Wicked Witch of the East.
Battle vs. Ent (by GSFB)[]
Outside the walls of the castle of the Wicked Witch of the West, an army of 300 Ents begins their siege. Lifting great boulders, they throw them at the castle, smashing walls and felling towers. The Winkies, the peoples ruled by the Witch, hide from the Ents and dare not retaliate. The Witch, terrified and sullen, summons by her incantations an army of Flying Monkeys, great winged baboons that darken the western skies. Treebeard, leader of the Ents, sees the witch do this. He also sees her prepping a fireball, and throws a large stone. Before the witch can throw a fireball, the stone impacts her high tower, crushing her and smashing her tower to mere rubble.
"Watch out my fellow Ents: a dark horde approaches from the West, from the air! Ready your stones and be ready to throw them into the sky!" Treebeard bellows.
The Flying Monkeys near enough for the Ents to throw their stones at them, but the Monkeys strike first, sending down a rain of thousands of tridents and spears at the Ents.
"Hold on little Shire-lings-
Treebeard was cut off by the sounds of his two young little hobbits being impaled and falling from his shoulders. He looks down, seeing them red with blood and speared each several times. One of them was nearly beheaded.
"Oh, NO!" Treebeard said. He joined his fellow Ents in throwing their stones back at the monkeys. While Hundreds of Flying Monkeys died by the great stones, knocking them from the sky, not one Ent fell, despite all of them looking like giant wooden porcupines.
The largest and eldest Flying Monkey snarled, and roared loudly, pointing his pronged spear at the Ents. The Monkeys flew down as one, multiple ones landing on each Ent. The real battle had begun.
Treebeard was not alone among his kind to roar with pain and confusion as the monkeys alighted on each ent, pulling out the spears from the Ent's knobby flesh and striking repeatedly. The Ents twirled their mighty fingers in every direction, cutting right through countless winged Baboons. Their great hands crushed several monkeys at a time, and their feet squashed those still alive yet wounded on the earth. Some of the Monkeys were sawing at the Ent's legs, trying to cut them down while their comrades distracted them giants as best they could.
"Keep disracting him guys: I think I'm halfway there!" One of the sawing monkeys said, sawwing with two tridents at the knee of an Ent.
"Well why don't you take your TIME there, Nevel: Its not like we are IN A RUSH!" Another said, clawing at both eyes of their particular surlry ent.
Eventually, several of the Ents were brought down, their legs cut at the knees. Yet the fallen Ents were not dead, and continued to fight, flinging monkeys by the dirty dozen off of their heavily pierced, shredded, scratched and gnarled hides. Those Ents still capable of standing threw stones at the monkeys, knocking them from their fallen Ent comrades. Some standing Ents grabbed monkeys and used them to swat more monkeys off fallen Ents. While several thousand Monkeys had been slain, not one Tree Shepherd Giant was lost.
"If we only had fire, you primates: we would have won this by bloody now!" Another Flying Monkey said, sounding like Eric Idle of Monty Python. Other Monkeys on the same Ent hummed and nodded at the same time. The Ent they were one looked at the puzzled, lifting his hands.
"Oh yeah right: the battle." The Monkeys said, and resumed their attack on the Ent. The creature, enraged, grabbed several of them and bashed them into each other. Several more Monkeys flew overhead, throwing down more spears and biting and clawing at the Ent's heads.
"Keep tearing into them all, my good Ents: avenge the Hobbits of the Shire!" Treebeard Yelled, having killed almost all the monkeys that had ripped at his Oaken bark.
In just several minutes time the Ents began to gain the upperhand. More and more became free of Flying Monkeys, most being killed with a few escaping to the clouds, heading east. More and more of the monkeys dissappeared as the Ents whirled around their weedy fingers, which could slice monkey flesh like hot knives through butter.
The Elder Flying Monkey, now armless and lacking a tail, saw that there were only 87 monkeys left. He roared.
"Retreat! Retreat, for the wicked witch is dead, and the Ents are almost invincible! Retreat!!"
The Monkeys, as one, flew as quick as lightning towards the heavens: yet out of those 87 Monkeys only 15 made it to the safety of the Clouds.
Treebeard, his eyes plucked out and his skin all nearly lost, rose with the few Ents still capable of standing, and raised his mighty fists.
Just when he was about to roar a victory bellow, the illusion dissappated, and Jimmy Chong was sitting by himself, surrounded by pink smoke, his fingers holding a new type of Joint. Wide eyed, he stared at the joint, moving it left and right.
"Man," He said, sniffing the smoke, "that was GOOD stuff!"
WINNER: THE ENTS
Expert's Opinion[]
This was a rather easy win for the Ents, as they were far larger, stronger, and more durable. Their tough wooden bodies were impervious to the Monkeys' teeth and claws, and were able to simply kill them by swatting them right out of the air. The monkeys may have had quantity, but the Ents had quality.