Today it's a battle of the opposites when the chaos of the wild west meets the order of the british trenches. These two couldn't be more different with one a group of cold, calculating but still tight knit band of outlaws and the other a bumbling regiment of sharp wit and unbridabled stupidity. It's rebels vs empire but only one can emerge victorious (although you all know who I'm rooting for);
Captain Blackadder's Men: The men commanded by the cunning Edmund Blackadder, who tries everything he can to escape his grisly fate.
vs
Dutch's Gang: The wild west bank robbers lead by Dutch van der Linde, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.
Who is Deadliest.
Captain Blackadder's Men[]
Captain Blackadder's Men are a company under the command of Captain Edmund Blackadder, part of the long Blackadder family which has spanned centuries dating all the way back to the 15th century. Captain Blackadder is reluctant to meet his fate in the inevitable 'Big Push' and tries everything in his power to avoid meeting an early death through deceit, trickery and cunning.
Captain Edmund Blackadder[]
| “ | I, on the other hand, have a degree from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, and three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of Me.
— Captain Edmund Blackadder.
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Captain Edmund Blackadder is the last in the long and illustrious Blackadder Family, a family of individuals known for their great cunning and sharp wit. Edmund is not different to his ancestors and having joined to army to fight against unarmed natives in the Scramble for Africa and was appalled to find out during the outbreak of WW1 that he would now have to face an enemy who could actually fight back. He has since spent his time trying to find anyway he can to escape from his position from posing as a chef, to setting up an entertainment core and eventually resorting to feigning madness but in the end he cannot escape the 'Big Push'.
Lieutenant George[]
| “ | I'm a complete duffer at this sort of thing. In the School Debating Society I was voted Boy Least Likely to Complete a Coherent... erm...
— Lieutenant George, on his dubious debating skills.
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Lieutenant George is a upper-class officer serving under Captain Blackadder. George enlisted for the army on first day of WW1 along with his friends of the Trinity College Tiddlywinks, becoming an enlisted officer purely because of his upper class up bringing. Filled with a boyish sense of enthusiasm and patriotism is the only member of the squadron who relishes the idea of 'going over the top', hoping to face the Germans in a blaze of glory. Despite his education at a highly rated university he is remarkably unintelligent and often agrees with the innane plans of Private Baldrick, much to his Captian's annoyance.
Private S. Baldrick[]
| “ | I have a cunning plan.
— Baldrick's Catchphrase.
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Private Baldrick is a hapless private of Captain Blackadder's platoon and resident cook despite being supposedly the 'worst cook in the whole world'. From a ancestry that dates back just as far as that of his captain Baldrick, like the rest of his ancestors, is a dumb as a post and his so called 'cunning plans' range from harmless misunderstanding to borderline suicidal. It is unknown why he signed up for the war although it likely he was forced into conscription and he is just fearful as 'going over the top' as Blackadder himself but his nonsensical ideas and musings often find him on the receiving end of Blackadder's annoyance.
Captain Kevin Darling[]
| “ | Rather hoped I'd get through the whole show. Go back to work at Pratt and Sons, keep wicket for the Croydon Gentlemen, marry Doris... Made a note in my diary on the way here. Simply says: "Bugger."
— Kevin Darling.
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Captain Kevin Darling is the smarmy right hand man of General Melchett and shameless sycophant, using flattery to wriggle his way into an officer staff role to avoid actually performing any combat role. It is because of this that he is at loggerheads with Blackadder, who is envious of his 'cushy' role and safety it brings and acts as the only other intelligent mind to act as foil Blackadder's various attempts to get out of the trenches.
Weapons[]
Dutch's Gang[]
Dutch's Gang are a band of vicious wild west outlaws originally formed by Dutch van der Linde as a sort of modern day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. However this apparent heroism covered up a dark and cruel criminal career of assault, rape and murder and Dutch's slow descent into madness drove the members apart after a famous botched robbery in 1906.
Dutch van der Linde[]
| “ | We can't always fight nature, John. We can't fight change. We can't fight gravity. We can't fight nothin'. My whole life, John, all I ever did was fight.
— Dutch to John Marston.
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Dutch van der Linde is the leader of the self named Dutch's gang. Originally the gang included John Marston, Bill Williamson and Javier Escuella but the gang disbanded after Dutch slowly began to slip into insanity. Dutch disappeared for many years until resurfacing as the leader of a gang of disenfranchised young Native Americans in West Elizabeth. Originally robbing banks to give money to those in need, Dutch's slip into insanity lead to him adopting a more nihilistic approach and he was eventually hunted down by his former friend John Marston, where he committed suicide to avoid being killed by the government.
John Marston[]
| “ | Every man has a right to change, a chance of forgiveness.
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John Marston is a former outlaw and bandit. He ran with Dutch and his gang committing bank robberies, train raids, murders and other various crimes across the country until one day in 1906 a botched bank robbery ended with him being badly wounded and left for dead by his supposed comrades in arms. He took this as a sign to give up his outlaw ways and retired to a ranch in New Elizabeth with his wife and son. However this peace was not to last long when his family is kidnapped by Agent Edgar Ross as leeway to force John to hunt down and kill his former comrades.
Bill Williamson[]
| “ | Things are different now, John. Now, I'm in charge! No more Dutch, and no more you!
— Bill to John Marston
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Bill Williamson was a former solider who used to be in Dutch's Gang but after Dutch went insane Bill made his own gang which took up residence in Fort Mercer, an old abandoned military fort. John Marston was sent to apprehend him and after initially being shooting and injuring him, Bill was later forced to retreat to Mexico where he was kept under the protection of President Allende until Marston later caught up with him and executed him after being betrayed by Allende's regime.
Javier Escuella[]
| “ | You were always the weakest, John! Always a puto!
— Javier to John Marston
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Of all of Dutch's old gang, Javier Escuella is the one whose past is the least known although like John Marston he was an orphan who was taken under Dutch's wing. After Dutch went insane he returned to his native Mexico where he worked as a hit man for President Allende and would later help Bill Williamson to hide after he fled John. Javier was later tracked down by John to a fort in Neuvo Parasio where after trying to talk John out of capturing him he attempts to make his escape out of a window but is ridden down and captured.
Weapons[]
X Factors[]
Training: Blackadder's Men=77/Dutch's Gang=55
Blackadder and his men have been trained by the British army in order to fight the German Soldiers but it is likely George and Baldrick have only received basic training as they are both new recruits and the army was more concerned with getting them into battle than making sure they were properly trained. However this is still better than Dutch's gang who are mostly self taught and while Bill did serve as a soldier for a bit the other three learnt as they went along rather than getting any specific training.
Experience: Blackadder's Men=69/Dutch's Gang=76
While Blackadder's Men did serve in the trenches in WW1 they spent most of that time sitting idly around waiting for the order to go over the top and the one time they are involved in any combat they are killed pretty quickly. Blackadder has been serving in the army longer than the other three but this was mostly against unarmed savages than against a trained force. Dutch and his gang may not have been in any wars but they have spent a considerable amount of time robbing banks across the Wild West and have been in numerous fire fights with law enforcement and presumably other gangs as well.
Weapon Skill: Blackadder's Men=75/Dutch's Gang=85
Dutch's Gang are all skilled marksmen with Dutch and Marston in particular showing themselves to be highly skilled marksmen and quick draw specialists. Blackadder and his men never show any particular skill with their firearms, they are about as accurate as you'd expect trained soldiers to be.
Brutality: Blackadder's Men=70/Dutch's Gang=90
Being career criminals Dutch's gang are not adverse to shedding blood in their and will cripple, kill and rape in order to achieve their goals. While they are soldiers and are expected and trained to kill, Blackadder's Men rarely kill anyone throughout their time in the trenches and George and Baldrick are much to kind hearted to cause any malicious damage to anyone.
Voting System/Notes []
In order to counted as full votes must be at least 5 lines long or have been done in an edges format.
Anything less than 5 lines but which is competently argued and thought out will be counted as a half vote. I will inform anybody if their vote is considered a half vote and allow them to amend it to bring it up to a full point.
Irrelevant votes will not be counted at all.
This battle will take place in a one of the battlefields on the western front. There will be a large trench next to a dirt road with plenty of cover from abandoned artillery and trench defences. Blackadder's Men will start off in a trench and Dutch's Gang will be travelling along the road in an armoured stagecoach.
Battle []
None written (although I might come back and write one at a later date)
Winner: Dutch's Gang
Final Verdict []
Despite having the inferior weaponry, Dutch's Gang won this one by a landslide. Blackadder and his men were too goofy and lacked the killer instinct that Dutch's Gang had in spades as well as not really having a whole lot of combat experiance, spending most of their time sat in a trench. Dutch and his men were much more skilled with their weaponry and more used to open combat.