Thorin Oakenshield, the exiled dwarvish king of Erebor who went on a quest to reclaim his kingdom from Smaug
VS
Tyrion Lannister, the Lannister nobleman with short stature and joker personality, but a mind sharper and deadlier than any sword.
In celebration of the recent release of the third movie in the Hobbit Trilogy and Telltale Game's first episode of the Game of Thrones video game (A literal Game of Thrones?), it's a battle of dwarf vs... a different kind of dwarf... to determine WHO IS DEADLIEST?
Combatants[]
Thorin Oakenshield[]
| “ | "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. But, sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell."
— Last words of Thorin Oakenshield
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Thorin Oakenshield is one of the main characters of J.R.R. Tolkein's novel, The Hobbit. Thorin is the son of Thrain, the last king of the dwarvish kingdom of Erebor before it was destroyed by the dragon, Smaug. Thorin had previous led a campaign against the orcs of Moria, where he fought off the leader of the Orcs, a giant orc named Azog. Thorin held off Azog and his massive mace using only an oaken branch, earning him the name "Oakenshield". Later, Thorin, accompanied by twelve other dwarves, the wizard Gandalf, and the hobbit Bilbo Baggins went off on a quest to reclaim the Arkenstone, symbol of the power of the King of Erebor from Smaug. Thorin first found his sword, originally an elvish blade known as Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver, in the horde of a group of trolls which were outwitted and tricked into staying up past sunrise- fatal for their kind- by Bilbo.
Thorin would first use his sword, along with Gandalf's sword, Glamdring, the Foe Hammer, after they escaped from the captivity of the trolls of the Misty Mountains. Thorin would go on to face a race of highly predatory, sentient giant spiders in Mirkwood, and escape from the captivity of the wood elves along with the rest of the group, before landing in the town of Esgaroth, or Lake Town.
From there, Thorin and the others ventured to the Lonely Mountain, former seat of the King of Erebor, and discovered the hidden entrance, which could only be seen by the last light of Durin's Day. Bilbo was the first to infiltrate the underground chambers that had become Smaug's lair, evading detection aided by a magic ring he found in the goblin's lair (unknownly the One Ring forged by Sauron). The dragon later escaped, and attacked Lake Town, only to be killed by a black arrow fired by Bard the Bowman.
After Smaug's death, Thorin was barricaded in the Lonely Mountain by the men of Lake Town and the wood elves, hoping to force him to share the treasures captured from Smaug, which Thorin refused to do. All three of them were beseiged, however, by a horde of 15,000 orcs and wargs. The the elves, men, and dwarves were forced to ally against the invading horde, and ultimately proved victorious when they were rienforced by 500 veteran dwarvish warriors from the Iron Hills, as well as the Great Eagles of the Misty Mountains and the skinchanger Beorn, in the form of a giant bear.
While the battle was as victory, Thorin was mortally wounded, and died shortly afterwards. Thorin was buried in a tomb under the mountain along with Orcrist and the Arkenstone.
Tyrion Lannister[]
| “ | Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!
— Tyrion Lannister during the siege of King's Landing
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| “ | I'm guilty of a far more monstrous crime: I'm guilty of being a dwarf!
— Tyrion Lannister at his trial
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Tyrion Lannister is a major character in George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series of novels, and the TV adaptation, A Game of Thrones. Tyrion was the third son of Tywin Lannister, lord of Casterly Rock, preceded by Jaime and Cersei Lannister. Unfortunately for Tyrion, he was born a dwarf, reaching only about four feet in height upon reach adulthood. Since childhood, he was subject of prejudice because of his condition, however, he managed to rise in status thanks to his great intellect.
Tyrion was falsely accused of orchestrating an assassination attempt on Bran Stark by Lord Petyr Baelish and Lady Catelyn Stark. This leads to Tyrion being taken captive and taken for trial in Baelish's mountain fortress of the Eyrie. Tyrion, however, is acquitted in trial by combat, represented by a mercenary named Bronn. This incident leads to a conflict between the Lannisters and Starks, which, after Tyrion returns to King's Landing, escalated further with the death of King Robert Baratheon and the subsequent execution of Lord Eddard Stark by Joffrey Baratheon. These incidents trigger off a conflict between Joffrey and the Lannisters, two other claimants to the throne, Stannis and Renly Baratheon, as well as the Starks of the North and the Greyjoys of the Iron Islands, both of whom claimed independence from King's Landing. This conflict became known as the War of the Five Kings.
Tyrion is appointed acting Hand of the King by his father while Tywin led the army against Robb Stark's Northern forces. During this time, Tyrion is forced to prepare the defenses of King's Landing from an attack by the fleet of Stannis Baratheon. Tyrion prepares a defense hinging on the use of a ship filled with a highly flammable Greek Fire-like substance known as Wildfire, and sailing it unmanned into the Baratheon fleet, before igniting it with a flaming arrow. The plan is an outstanding success, and much of Stannis' fleet is destroyed in a massive explosion, and sinks into the Blackwater Bay. Stannis and a significant fleet, however, survive, and launch an invasion, ramming the gates to the city. Tyrion dons a custom-sized suit of plate armor and personally leads a counterattack against Stannis' forces, at one point killing a man in single combat with an axe. Tyrion is wounded, however the defenders hold out for long enough to Tywin's cavalry to arrive and reinforce the city and force Stannis into retreat.
After the victory at the siege of King's Landing, Tyrion is made Master of Coin and given a seat on the king's small council. Tyrion, while losing his status of acting hand of the king, remains a major figure in court, and is unwilling married to Sansa Stark. When King Joffrey is poisoned at his wedding to Margaery Tyrell, Joffrey points to Tyrion with his last breath, and Cersei accuses him of the murder. At Tyrion's trial, his former mistress, Shae, bears false testimony against him.
Tyrion demands a trial by combat, this time represented by Prince Oberyn Martell of Dorne, who intends to use the trial as an excuse to kill Gregor Clegane, the champion of the crown, in order to avenge his sister, whom Gregor murdered years earlier. Oberyn manages to strike Gregor with a poisoned spear, however before he succumbs, Gregor managed to kill Oberyn by crushing his skull with his bare hands. Because of this result, Tywin sentences Tyrion to death.
Before the sentence can be carried out, however, Tyrion is freed by his brother, Jaime, and strangles Shae to death, before taking a crossbow and shooting his father, literally while he sits on a garderobe (medieval toilet).
Weapons[]
Swords[]
Orcrist (Thorin)[]
Orcrist is an elvish blade forged in Gondolin that Thorin found in the troll's horde. The weapon, also known as the "Goblin Cleaver", or "Biter" amongst orcs, was a legendary blade known to slain many an orc. The blade is possesses the usual high-quality and durability of elvish steel. The blade will also glow blue if orcs are nearby. Morphologically, Orcrist is a single-edged sword similar to a real-world falchion, designed primarily for hacking and chopping, but also possessing a point capable of thrusting.
Arming Sword (Tyrion)[]
The Westerossi arming sword featuring in A Game of Throne, is, for all intents and purposes, identical to the weapon used in medieval Europe from about the 1100s to the 1500s. The weapon has a straight blade, tapering to a point, with a pair of straight quillons giving it a cruciform shape. The blade sword also has a rounded pommel which can be used for striking at close range. While most arming swords were about three feet long, given Tyrion's shorter stature, his blade is likely closer to two feet in length.
119's Edge[]
While Tyrion's arming sword is the more versatile weapon, I must give the edge to the longer blade, which is Thorin's Orcrist.
Axes[]
One-Handed Axe (Thorin)[]
Thorin uses a one-handed battle axe as a secondary weapon. The Axe has a roughly diamond-shaped blade, meaning the center of the blade comes to a triangular point, which would presumably focus the impact to allow for better armor penetration. The axe also has a hole in the center, presumably to reduce weight. Thorin's axe has a roughly two-foot long handle.
Double-Bit Axe (Tyrion)[]
During the battle of King's Landing, Tyrion uses a double-bit single-handed battle axe with a handle about 2 feet in length. The weapon is of lightweight construction, with a blade more like a meat cleaver than a woodcutting axe, not unlike a Viking axe. The weapon is also extremely sharp, capable of severing a man's leg.
119's Edge[]
The two axes are very similar, but Tyrion's axe appears a bit sharper than Thorin's by virtue of its narrower, more cleaver-like blade (an overly thick blade is harder to sharpen to a fine point). Tyrion's axe is also a double-bit weapon, meaning it can do lethal damage from either side.
Bows[]
Shortbow (Thorin)[]
Thorin uses a shortbow at one point in the Hobbit movie. He is only seen holding it briefly, but I think it was no more than 2-3 feet in length, scaled down for use by a dwarf, and appears to be recurved, to allow for greater power from its small length.
Crossbow (Tyrion)[]
Tyrion uses a crossbow in the final episode of season four of Game of Thrones. The crossbow appears to have a metal, likely steel prod (bow part), giving it greater force and flexibility than a wooden-prodded crossbow, meaning it would likely be able to pierce armor. Tyrion's crossbow is loaded using a type of lever sometimes known as a goat's foot lever to pull back the bow, and is fired using a trigger similarly to a modern rifle. The crossbow is, in many ways, an ideal weapons for Tyrion, as it allows him to kill even an armored enemy without physically fighting them, a task which his small frame is ill-suited for.
119's Edge[]
While Tyrion's crossbow has a lower rate of fire, it makes up for its with its superior armor penetration, stopping power, and likely range, given the shortness of Thorin's bow. It also can be held at the ready for long periods of time, like a gun, which, contrary to what Hollywood will tell you, cannot be done with a bow- a bow is only drawn when its about to be fired.
Shield[]
Oaken Shield (Thorin)[]
Thorin's surname of "Oakenshield" is a reference to his use of an oaken branch as an improvised shield and blunt instrument in battle with the orcs of Moria. This branch was later kept by Thorin and carved to form a wrist shield covering the side of his arm, used for parrying enemy attacks.
Heater Shield (Tyrion)[]
At one point, Tyrion uses a heater shield to defend himself from a attacker. The heater shield is roughly U-shaped, with a wide top and getting narrower to a point at the bottom. The shield was clearly designed for a larger man than Tyrion, however, he is still capable of using it, and his small stature means that he can use it to protect most of his body at once. In addition to defending with it, Tyrion also manages to beat his attacker to death with the shield.
119's Edge[]
While Tyrion's Heater Shield is unwieldy for a person of his size, it is also capable of covering most of his body, while Thorin's Oaken shield offers much more limited protection.
Explosives[]
"Flashflame" Ceramic Grenade (Thorin)[]
In the movie, The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, one of Thorin's dwarves, Balin, proves capable of manufacturing a crude ceramic grenade, presumably made with gunpowder (or a similar substance) and a small ceramic container. The weapon proves itself capable of stunning Smaug briefly, but does no real damage. While it might produce some shrapnel, even against a human, it would unlikely to be lethal. The Flashflame does not appear in the books. Thorin will have a single flashflame on his person for the purposes of this match.
Wildfire (Tyrion)[]
Wildfire is a substance in the Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones universe with properties similar to Greek Fire, but with a volatility similar to nitroglycerine- it will burn violently with green flame and explode if confined, and can be set off by heat or even a sudden impact- such as dropping or throwing a jar of wildfire. During the Battle of the Blackwater, Tyrion uses a ship filled with wildfire to destroy much of Stannis Baratheon's fleet in a massive explosion. For the purposes of this match, Tyrion will have a sealed jar of wildfire with him, which he can throw like a molotov cocktail
119's Edge[]
Thorin's Flashflame as it is less powerful, but less likely to kill the user of it is struck by a stray arrow, for instance.
X-Factor[]
| Thorin Oakenshield | X-Factor | Tyrion Lannister |
|---|---|---|
| 90 | Combat Experience | 65 |
| 80 | Training | 70 |
| 80 | Strength | 50 |
| 50 | Armor | 90 |
| 80 | Technology | 85 |
| 70 | Intelligence | 95 |
| 70 | Agility | 75 |
Explanations[]
Thorin takes the edge for combat experience by far. Tyrion has engaged in combat, as well as played a command role multiple times, but you have to note that he was literally knocked unconcious (once accidentally) in battle. Both of them are high-ranking members of their respective society, and thus probably have decent levels of training in combat, but Thorin moreso, as he was expected to fight, unlike Tyrion, who fell into the position of a commander after becoming acting Hand of the King. In terms of strength, Thorin takes the definite edge over the much smaller Tyrion. On the other hand, Tyrion is far more intelligent, with a natural talent for thinking out of the box. Tyrion also wears plate armor into battle, far superior to the chainmail-under-furs worn by Thorin. Tyrion is also probably a bit lighter on his feet, given his size, and possesses slightly superior technology with his crossbow, plate armor, and Wildfire.
Thorin's Retainers[]
Thorin will accompanied by five dwarves from his company in his quest to the Lonely Mountain.
Fili[]
Fili was one of the dwarves that accompanied Thorin on his journey, and, like the other dwarves, is far less developed in terms of charcter than Thorin. He is the brother of Fili, and as one of the more capable combatants in the group, preferring a pair of short swords and a warhammer.
Short Swords[]
Fili wields a pair of short swords, about two feet long, and similar in appearance to oversized meat cleavers or butcher's knives, but they have something of a point on the end, giving them some thrusting ability.
Warhammer[]
Fili also uses a long-handled warhammer with a handle of about four feet in length. The weapon is capable of causing severe damage and breaking bones under armor, however, the weapon has no back spike, unlike most warhammers.
Kili[]
Sword[]
Kili favors a short sword of about two-and-a-half feet, a bit longer than his brothers. Unlike his brother's sword, Kili's blade is of a more conventional design, with a double edge blade with a triangular point. The weapon appears to be heavier than a real-life sword of similar size, likely accounting for Kili's greater strength as a dwarf.
Shortbow[]
Kili uses a shortbow similar to Thorin's. He is only seen holding it briefly, but I think it was no more than 2-3 feet in length, scaled down for use by a dwarf, and appears to be recurved, to allow for greater power from its small length. Kili is known to be skilled archer and have very good eyesight.
Dwalin[]
Dwalin was one of the Dwarves who travelled with Bilbo and Gandalf on the quest to regain the Lonely Mountain from Smaug. He is the brother of Balin.
Tall, moody, strong and very brave, Dwalin is a Dwarf through and through. A famous warrior and a powerful ally, Dwalin would like nothing more than to see the return of the Dwarven King under the Mountain. (From LOTR Wiki)
Grasper and Keeper[]
Dwalin Wields a pair of Dwarvish Axes known as "Grasper and Keeper" with a broad edge and a back spike for use in piercing armor. The weapons are about two feet long.
Warhammer[]
Dwalin also uses a warhammer with a blunt head, no spike, and four-foot handle. The weapon bares some differences, including a broader, more rectangular head, but is otherwise similar to Fili's hammer.
Balin[]
Balin was a Dwarf leader, the son of Fundin and elder brother of Dwalin. He was one of the twelve Dwarves who accompanied Thorin II Oakenshield on the quest to regain the lost kingdom of the Lonely Mountain.
A Dwarf Lord, Balin is old and wise. He is one of Thorin's closest friends and advisers, and is always willing to listen and offer some wise counsel. Balin is distantly related to Thorin, and is a descendant of the noble house of Durin. (From LOTR wiki)
Sword-Mace[]
Dwalin's sword is an unusual design of weapon consisting of a sword blade about 2.5-3 feet long, with a metal head similar to a mace with three spikes, one acting as a point for thrusting and the other two pointing to either side for piercing armor.
Flashflame[]
Balin proves himself capable of manufacturing a crude grenade, or "Flashflame" presumably made with gunpowder (or a similar substance) and a small ceramic container. The weapon proves itself capable of stunning Smaug briefly, but does no real damage. While it might produce some shrapnel, even against a human, it would unlikely to be lethal. The Flashflame does not appear in the books. Balin will have a single flashflame on his person for the purposes of this match.
Dori[]
Dori was a Dwarf of Durin's Folk, who along with his brothers Nori and Ori travelled with Bilbo Baggins as a member of Thorin and Company in The Quest of Erebor to reclaim the Lonely Mountain from the Dragon Smaug.
Dori had a flute that he played in Bilbo's home before leaving on their journey. He was said to like food as much as Bilbo or any hobbit, and was described by the narrative as "a decent fellow, despite his grumbling." Dori was the strongest of the company of Dwarves. He usually wore a purple-hooded cloak when traveling abroad. (From LOTR wiki)
Short Sword[]
Dori wields short sword similar to those of Fili and Kili, with a heavy, butchers knife-like blade and a point vaguely reminiscent of a "westernized tanto"-pointed knife. The weapon is about two feet long.
Flail[]
Dori also carries a multi-headed flail with two metal heads attached. The heads do not have spikes- it is a purely blunt weapon, but can strike with enough force to break bones under armor.
Tyrion's Retainers[]
Tyrion will have four people who have been part of his entourage at various times, as well as his brother Jaime.
Bronn[]
| “ | You didn't fight with honor
— Lysa Arryn, on Bronn
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| “ | No, but he did
— Bronn, on his dead opponent
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Bronn is a major character in the first, second, third, fourth and fifth seasons. He is played by starring cast member Jerome Flynn and debuted in "Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things." He is a skilled and dangerous sellsword (mercenary) who comes to prominence when he champions for Tyrion Lannister in his trial by combat in the Eyrie. Bronn subsequently enters Tyrion's service as his bodyguard and enforcer. (From GoT wiki)
Longsword[]
Bronn's favored weapon is a longsword similar in design to a European longsword used in the late Middle Ages and Renaissance. The weapon is characterized by its cruciform shape, long blade- about 3.5-4 feet long, and double edge, making it equally versatile for slashing and thrusting.
Longbow[]
Bronn is also a competent archer, favoring a longbow of about 4.5-5 feet in length, similar to an English Longbow. The longbow lacks the close range impact force of a crossbow, but it can loose arrows much more quickly, and has a greater ability to shoot arrows long distances.
Sandor Clegane[]
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| “ | Fuck the king
— Sandor, on Joffrey Baratheon
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| “ | I'm going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
— Sandor, on chicken
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Sandor Clegane, also nicknamed The Hound, is a major character in the first, second, third and fourth seasons. He is played by starring cast member Rory McCann and debuts in the series premiere. Known as the Hound for his savage nature and unquestioning obedience to his masters, Clegane served as the personal bodyguard of Joffrey Baratheon for many years, frequently chafing under Joffrey's sadistic whims yet always following orders. The Hound is taciturn, brutal, and frequently callous, but not completely without compassion. He joined the Kingsguard when Joffrey took the Iron Throne, but deserted his post during the Battle of the Blackwater. Sandor favors a heavily riveted armor which may be a more of brigandine (metal plates riveted inside fabric), as well as his trademark helmet shaped like the head of a dog.
Longsword[]
Sandor's favored weapon is a longsword similar in design to a European longsword used in the late Middle Ages and Renaissance. The weapon is characterized by its cruciform shape, long blade- about 3.5-4 feet long, and double edge, making it equally versatile for slashing and thrusting.
Dirk[]
Sandor also carries a double-edged dagger similar to a Dirk
Jaime Lannister[]
| “ | The boy won't talk. And if he does, I'll kill him, Ned Stark, the king, the whole bloody lot of them until you and I are the only people left in this world.
— Jaime to Cersei Lannister
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IN THIS FIGHT, JAIME LANNISTER WILL HAVE BOTH HANDS INTACT
Jaime Lannister is a major character in the first, second, third, fourth and fifth seasons. He is played by starring cast member Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and debuts in the series premiere. Ser Jaime Lannister is a knight of the Kingsguard, the son of Tywin Lannister, twin brother of Queen Cersei Lannister, and older brother of Tyrion Lannister. Previously he served in the Kingsguard of Aerys II Targaryen and, infamously, he betrayed and killed Aerys during the Sack of King's Landing, earning him the sobriquet "The Kingslayer". Jaime is involved in an incestuous sexual relationship with Cersei, and, unknown to most, is the biological father of her three children, Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen.
Jaime visits Winterfell in King Robert's entourage; he pushes Bran Stark from a window when Bran sees him having intercourse with Cersei. Bran survives, but is paralyzed and with no memory of the event. Evidence implicating House Lannister emerges and sparks a war with the Starks, which eventually escalates into a major conflict. Jaime leaves his post to join his father's attack on the Riverlands. After Joffrey assumes the Iron Throne, Jaime is promoted in absentia to Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. However, his army is routed by Robb Stark's forces during the Battle of the Whispering Wood and he is taken prisoner. Catelyn Stark later releases him with the promise that he will return her daughters Sansa and Arya to her. Escorted by Brienne of Tarth, they begin an arduous journey back to King's Landing, during which Jaime's sword hand is cut off by Locke.
Longsword[]
Like most Westerossi knights, Jaime's favored weapon is a longsword similar in design to a European longsword used in the late Middle Ages and Renaissance. The weapon is characterized by its cruciform shape, long blade- about 3.5-4 feet long, and double edge, making it equally versatile for slashing and thrusting.
Shagga, Son of Dolf[]
| “ | When you meet your gods, you tell them Shagga, son of Dolf, of the Stone Crows sent you.
— Shagga
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Shagga, son of Dolf, is the leader of the Stone Crows, one of the hill tribes who live in the foothills of the Mountains of the Moon on the western border of the Vale of Arryn. He is a notable warrior who holds fealty to no lord.
Shagga leads the party of tribesmen which finds Tyrion Lannister and Bronn traveling out of the Vale into the Riverlands. Shagga intends to rob the travellers and take Tyrion captive as a fool. Tyrion offers an alliance between the hill tribes and House Lannister on the basis that they share mutual enemies, House Arryn and House Stark, promising gold and weapons. Shagga agrees to the alliance and escorts Tyrion to the Lannister army camped in the Riverlands. The force is led by Tyrion's father, Lord Tywin Lannister. They are joined by Timett of the Burned Men and Chella of the Black Ears along the way. There are also clansmen from the Moon Brothers and Painted Dogs in their group. Tywin accepts the alliance and Shagga's insistence that they fight alongside Tyrion on the battlefield.
Tyrion reports to his father and his uncle that while at camp, a Moon Brother stabbed a Stone Crow over a sausage, at which the Moon Brother was set upon by three Stone Crows who opened his throat. Bronn managed to restrain Shagga from cutting off the dead man's genitals - "which was fortunate" - but Ulf of the Moon Brothers demanded blood money from the Stone Crows, which Shagga and Gunthor refused to pay. Tywin criticized Tyrion for the lack of discipline in these new allies he had brought to their side.
Shagga demands two axes from the Lannister stores to Kevan Lannister's chagrin. He and his men actually fight well at the Battle of the Green Fork and win a convincing victory over their foes. Tyrion fails to join them after he is accidentally knocked unconscious by his own men in the rush to the fight. Shagga and his troops join in the post-battle looting of the fallen bodies.
Dual Battle Axes[]
Shagga was given a pair of black steel double-bit battle axes from the Lannisters for his support at the Battle of the Green Fork. The weapons are described as very heavy, and would know doubt proved deadly in the hands of a larger, powerful warrior such as Shagga.
Timett[]
| “ | Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats
— Tyrion Lannister
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| “ | ...There are no goats, Halfman
— Timett
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| “ | Well, make do!
— Tyrion
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Timett, son of Timett, is the leader of the Burned Men, one of the hill tribes living in the foothills of the Mountains of the Moon on the western edge of the Vale of Arryn. He is a large and fierce young man with only one eye. Despite his youth, his savagery and success in battle have seen him rise high amongst the hill tribes.
Tyrion Lannister is captured by Shagga and the Stone Crows while traversing the Vale of Arryn. Tyrion offers an alliance to the Hill Tribes; fight the enemies of House Lannister in exchange for weapons, gold and autonomy from The Eyrie. Timett agrees to the alliance and escorts Tyrion to the Lannister encampment in the Riverlands. They are joined by other clans including Chella and the Black Ears, the Moon Brothers and the Painted Dogs. Timett is presented to Lord Tywin Lannister by Tyrion. Tywin accepts the alliance and Shagga's insistence that they fight alongside Tyrion on the battlefield. The Burned Men take part in the Lannister victory in the Battle of the Green Fork. They then engage in post-battle looting.
Timett and his men escort Tyrion to King's Landing where he becomes Acting Hand of the King on behalf of Tywin.
After Tyrion discovers that Grand Maester Pycelle is spying on him for Queen Cersei, Timett and Bronn accompany him to confront Pycelle. Tyrion orders Timett to cut off Pycelle's manhood and feed it to the goats. Timett points out that there are no goats nearby and Tyrion is exasperated. Tyrion settles for shortening his beard and confining him to the Black Cells.
Westerossi Longsword[]
Timetts's favored weapon is a longsword similar in design to a European longsword used in the late Middle Ages and Renaissance. The weapon is characterized by its cruciform shape, long blade- about 3.5-4 feet long, and double edge, making it equally versatile for slashing and thrusting.
Dagger[]
Timett is also known to carry a double-edged dagger similar to a Dirk.
Retainers X-Factors[]
Table 1[]
| Fili | Kili | Dwalin | X-Factor | Bronn | Sandor "Hound" Clegane | Jaime Lannister |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 75 | 80 | 70 | Agility | 75 | 70 | 90 |
| 70 | 65 | 90 | Combat Experience | 90 | 90 | 85 |
| 70 | 70 | 65 | Intelligence | 70 | 70 | 80 |
| 75 | 70 | 85 | Killer Instinct | 90 | 95 | 85 |
| 85 | 85 | 90 | Physical Strength | 80 | 85 | 80 |
| 90 | 70 | 95 | Melee Skill | 90 | 90 | 100 |
| N/A | 85 | N/A | Marksmanship | 70 | N/A | N/A |
| 60 | 60 | 85 | Armor | 85 | 85 | 85 |
Explanations Part I[]
In terms of agility, dwarves in LOTR are known for being strong, but not particularly fast on their feet, as Gimli describes himself, "Very dangerous over short distances". This means Tyrion's human retainers take a slight edge, though only Jaime, known for his skill and agility in combat, really takes a major edge. In terms of experience, Fili and Kili are the youngest, and thus the least experienced in battle. Dwalin, on the other hand is seasoned warrior, roughly on par with Tyrion's experienced soldiers, Sandor Clegane and Bronn, however Jaime falls slightly short, having spent much of his life as a Kingsguard, rather than on a battlefield, and he was defeated at the battle of the Whispering Wood, though that may be more testament to Robb Stark's brilliance on the battlefield. That said, the the fact remains that he spent much time guarding the throne, rather than on the front lines like Sandor or Bronn. In terms of intelligence, all of the parties her are not stupid, but definitely not the most intellectual bunch around. Of both sides, Jaime Lannister gives the impression of being the brightest of the group. In terms of physical strength, Thorin's team excel, see my comment on LOTR dwarves above. That said, the Hound, while not on the level of his brother in terms of strength, is still probably on par, or at least close to it. In terms of killer instinct Tyrion's group score higher, with both Bronn and the Hound being known for their violent personalities. As for Melee skill, all of them are veteran combatants, though Kili a little less so as the group's archer. Jaime, however, takes the lead for his reputation as an expert swordsman. Finally, in terms of marksmanship, the only ones who have ranged weapons are Kili and Bronn. Kili takes the edge, as, while he is no Legolas by any means, he is still a skilled archer with good eyesight, whereas Bronn, while no doubt a competent shot, his only real scene featuring his archery involved firing at a ship filled with Wildfire- a very large target. Dwalin is the only dwarf in the film shown in actual heavy plate armor. The rest only wear chain mail under their fur cloaks, similar to Thorin himself. The GoT cast, on the other hand, all wear heavy plate or brigandine (in the case of the Hound).
Table 2[]
| Balin | Dori | X-Factor | Shagga | Timett |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 50 | 75 | Agility | 70 | 75 |
| 80 | 85 | Combat Experience | 95 | 95 |
| 90 | 78 | Intelligence | 50 | 50 |
| 60 | 75 | Killer Instinct | 100 | 100 |
| 70 | 95 | Physical Strength | 85 | 85 |
| 80 | 90 | Melee Skill | 90 | 90 |
| 70 | 100 | Vision | 100 | 50 |
Explanations[]
Dori is described as one of the strongest dwarves in the party, and presumably a seasoned and experienced warrior, with considerable experience, great physical strength, and skill with a weapon. However, I give Timett and Shagga a slight edge in terms of experience as the Hill Tribes are constantly at war with the Vale of Arryn, and will fight amongst themselves at the slightest provocation, thus their maximum killer instinct scores. The dwarves, on the other hand, will use lethal force to defend themselves, but will not literally kill over the slightest grievance like the Hill Tribes. Balin, on the other hand, is not a full-time fighter, but rather an older dwarf lord, but very wise, easily topping the intelligence category, and probably has considerable combat and command experience, in spite of his short comings in physicality and vision given his age. In terms of vision, Dori and Shagga have both eyes intact, but Timett literally gouged his own eye out with a hot iron as part of a ritual "burning"- usually aimed at another part of the body. This was intended as a display his bravery, but means his vision is sub-standard, a major weakness in a battle.
Notes[]
- The battle will take place on road running through a valley in a mountain range covered in deep forests. Neither side will be familiar with the terrain.
- Note that any member of each side may end up fighting any other. For instance, Thorin might end up fighting Tyrion himself, Bronn, or any other member of Tyrion's entourage and vice versa. Take this into account when writing edges. Even if the leader loses on most of the edges, they may win if they have superior team members.
Battle[]
Thorin Oakenshield: 
Tyrion Lannister: 
Tyrion Lannister and five other men-at-arms walked down a dark, forested road in the evening, the sun was setting. Up ahead, they spotted five people. Assuming to them to be scouts of Robb Stark's Northern army, Tyrion led the men into side of road, hiding among the woods. Tyrion grabbed a jar of a green substance in his hand as Ser Bronn held his bow at the ready.
A few dozen meters away Thorin Oakenshield said, "Be wary, it is said that fell things dwell in these woods". As if to punctuate that, a jar slammed into Fili's side. The dwarvish warrior erupted in green flames. Fili tried to roll on the ground and extinguish the flames for a few seconds, before he stopped moving, dead.
"FIRE!", Balin yelled, as Dori asked, "What sorcery is this!"
Kili, however, simply drew his sword and charged at Tyrion and his five retainers. Thorin drew Orcrist and ran after them, yelling "ATTACK!"
Ser Bronn fired his longbow at Kili, striking him in left shoulder. The infuriated dwarf, however, kept running, sword in hand, ignoring the arrow in his shoulder. Bronn drew his sword, just in time to block a strike from Kili. Bronn brought his sword around for a second strike at the dwarf, however, as he raised his longsword, Kili thrust his sword forward with all his strength, punching through even Bronn's plate armor. Ser Bronn coughed up blood as Kili pulled out his sword, and the sellsword fell to the ground and breathed his last.
Kili turned away from his fallen foe at the sound of pounding footfalls and a battlecry that drowned out all other sounds. A man over six and a half, perhaps seven feet tall, with a helm in the shaped like that head of a dog, armed with a bastard sword ran at him.
Sandor "The Hound" Clegane swung his sword at the much smaller "North man" in front of him, his sword making contact with Kili's and knocking the dwarf on his back. The Hound then stomped on the chest of his down foe.
Kili stared up into the dog's head helm as his attacker thrust his sword straight through his mail and into his chest.
After killing his first victim of the battle, The Hound pulled his sword out of the dwarf's body and ran at the oldest of his enemies. Balin saw the incoming threat and threw a Flashflame at Sandor, which exploded in his face.
Sandor's helmet was knocked off, and a few ceramic fragment had grazed his face, but there was no permanent damage. What had a more immediate impact was a piece of burnt gunpowder from the flashflame, which had ignited some dry leaves at Sandor's foot.
The Hound recoiled back from the fire, seeming to panic. Between this reaction and the burn on his face, Balin realized that, for all of his great size, this giant of a man was afraid of fire.
The Hound tripped on a long on the ground. As the Hound fell, Thorin seized the opportunity and thrust Orcrist in his back, the elvish steel going through both layers of the Hound's armor.
Meanwhile, Dwalin advanced on Shagga of the Stone Crows, both wielding two axes.
"When you meet your gods, tell them Shagga of the Stone Crows sent you", the hill tribesman said to the advancing dwarf.
"You'll be able to tell them yourself...", Dwalin responded as he swung one of his two axes, Grasper, at Shagga, who jumped backwards do dodge the blow and struck back, swinging his black steel axes wildly.
Dwalin blocked of of Shagga's strikes with Keeper, and brought Grasper in, and, true to the axe's name, hooked Shaga's left battle axe and disarmed him. Dwalin then swung Keeper upwards, knocking off Shagga's horned helmet, before sending the spike on the back of Grasper through the side of Shagga's skull.
Dwalin then continued his onslaught, a swing of Keeper knocking the sword from Timett of the Burned Men's hand, before Dwalin swung Grasper into his neck, nearly decapitating the the hill tribesman.
As Dwalin dispatched Timett and Shagga, Tyrion and Jaime Lannister were cornered by Dori and Balin. Tyrion raised his crossbow and fired a single shot. The bolt impacted Balin between the eyes, dropping the old dwarf immediately.
Meanwhile, Dori charged at Jaime, sword in hand, made a downward strike. Jaime immediately brought his sword down, binding the two blades in place. With his other hand, Jaime drew his dagger and thrust it right into Dori's eye, killing the dwarf instantly
Jaime Lannister then turned to a face a charging Dwalin who swung his axes wildly. Jaime Lannister evaded the first strike, and readied his sword to retaliate, however, Dwalin swung Grasper and hacked off Jaime's right hand, sword and all. Dwalin then buried both his axes into Jaime's chest, killing him instantly.
In his victory, however, Dwalin did not see Tyrion come up behind him and bury his axe in his ankle, nearly severing the foot, before avenging his brother by striking Dwalin in the back of his head, killing the warrior of Erebor.
Tyrion then held his axe at the ready as he confronted Thorin himself, who held Orcrist firmly in his hand. Thorin swung the blade down at Tyrion, who held the axe handle in front of him, blocking the blade.
Tyrion then thrust the handle of his axe downward, striking Thorin between the legs, causing him to recoil and drop his guard for split second. Tyrion used this to his advantage, swing the axe a second time and knocking Orcrist from Thorin's hand.
"You fight without honor, halfling", Thorin said.
"I simply consider myself a pragmatist", Tyrion replied, "I prefer halfman, has a much nicer ring to it"
As he spoke, Tyrion swung his axe down on Thorin... only for the blade to be blocked upon the oaken sheild that gave Thorin his name. Thorin then struck Tyrion in the face with the shield, knocking him over.
"This is for my friends, halfman", Thorin replied, drawing his own axe and striking Tyrion the forehead, killing him instantly.
WINNNER: Thorin Oakenshield
Expert's Opinion[]
While Tyrion Lannister had two deadly weapons in the form of the crossbow and, in particular, the Wildfire, not to mention superior intellect and armor, Thorin was far stronger, and his teammates were more experienced in battle, with only Bronn and The Hound really rivaling Thorin's company.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.