Deadliest Fiction Wiki

I've always been a fan of the Fantasy RTS genre ever since playing Warcraft III and have gone through other greats like Age of Mythology, unique ideas like Brütal Legend, and that weird game where Vlad the Impaler leads demons but the point is, I'm about to do a Tourney based around the premise of several armies clashing in a battle royale based off that genre so what better way to prepare than do a fantasy army battle? These two factions are both left mostly in the shadows which they prefer to be in and are generally the most maligned of the factions in their universe although they are formidable foes that probably don't have everyone else's best interests in mind. Needless to say, one poor town will be the site of a battlefield where swords clash with flails, bombs and arrows fly though the air, and giant spiders shall clash with the walking dead to see who is...

The Deadliest Army!

The Goblin Horde, the "little brother" of the Evil factions in Middle Earth who can unleash swarms of minions and devastating power from war beasts led by Gorkil the Goblin King!

The Cult of Laughter, the insane and undead ponies who bring forth eldritch abominations and necromantic power to bring "fun" back to Equestria in the name of the Laughing Mare!

The Goblin Horde

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"Bow before me, vermin!"-Gorkil

Bio:The Orcs are the basis of all the Forces of Evil's armies in Middle Earth and the Goblins are a breed that frequently fights each other, the Dwarves, and anyone who stumbles across their territory. The good thing about them is that they didn't have a truly formidable army for a while and were prone to infighting as often as they attacked outsiders until Gorkil the Goblin King created the Goblin Horde on behalf of Sauron's will to crush the Dwarves for good. They emerged from their underground tunnels with scavenged equipment to wage war against their mortal enemies and the Elves who got involved as well. While not as infamous as Isengard or Mordor, the Horde was still a challenging force to battle with Goblin and spider swarms, a variety of war beasts, and even a Dragon Lord who allied with them that took a mighty effort to defeat.

Goblin Warriors

Orcs who although smaller and weaker than their brethren are still extremely dangerous foes in a swarm and can climb over obstacles like defensive walls in combat. They use swords that can be dipped in poison for slashing enemies and a set of armor that includes a metal helmet, chestplate, and shoulder guards along with some metal on their arms and legs made with Dwarven materials.


Goblin Archers

Orcs who rely on ranged equipment to make up for their physical weaknesses along with numbers to close the distance quickly and unleash overwhelming hails of projectiles. Said projectiles are arrows which can be poisoned and fired from a bow along with wearing metal chestplates and metal on their arms and legs but aren't known for their accuracy.



Vicious spiders descended from Shelob who can crawl over obstacles like defensive walls and are smart enough to battle well-armed opponents in formations. They have poisonous bites to weaken prey and are large enough to kill humanoid beings along with being faster than any Middle Earth cavalry but aren't very hard to kill with physical attacks.


Spider Riders

The strongest Goblins ride the biggest Spiderlings for a cavalry unit that is remarkably fast but can't get over walls thanks to their equipment. However they have a spear dipped in the mount's poison, a bow and arrows, and the mount's teeth for combat but they lack armor.


Half-Troll Marauders

The hybrids of Trolls and Orcs who are large and powerful along with being cunning which enabled them to survive in the desolate north while Rangers hunted them. They are armed with giant gnarled pikes to use against cavalry and other large targets along with wearing a full-set of metal Goblin armor that makes them even harder to kill.


Cave Trolls

Humanoid beasts that were captured by the Goblins from the hills and badlands near their lands to be used in battle against their enemies. They can throw round rocks with enough force to send victims flying and be used as siege units or rip trees out of the ground to use as giant clubs. They can even knock cavalry backwards with blows in melee combat and are surprisingly fast along with being covered in a thick hide that protects them from most things but are still vulnerable to spears and arrows and are pretty dumb.


Cult of Laughter

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"The dead shall have the last laugh."

Bio:After the alicorn sisters dissapeared in Equestria, things went downhill fast for the once peaceful pony land and most of it was due to their supposed heroes. One notable incident that would lead to horrific consequences was Twilight Sparkle's attempted alicorn transformation that burnt half of Rainbow Dash's body and outright killed Pinkie Pie which would be just another sad tragedy if her sarcophagus wasn't taken from Canterlot on the anniversary of her death. This would lead to the Laughing Mare becoming a major player in the conflict, possibly Pinkie's ghost who was rightfully furious with her former friends for ruining Equestria so she got together her prophets and started forming the Cult of Laughter. While not as formidable as their adversaries, the Cult has managed to get a foothold in almost every part of the country and easily sways the living to their cause with a promise to return to the old ways of life of laughter and happiness while bringing back the dead and beings from the astral plane to fight alongside them which means that grinning death is coming for the Houses.


Pony cultists who are mostly comprised of former militia and bandits who are extremely unpredictable with the ability to switch between sanity and the madness in the middle of combat. They use flails for blunt objects that can get around shields and spears for a wall of sharp sticks to deter enemy infantry mobs along with appearing to wear a hood and leather coats that cover their front legs and torso.


Jesters of Baltimare

Assassin jesters who come from an order within the Cult and that have a sixth sense that they rely on in combat which presumably detects danger like incoming projectiles or attackers. They use a variety of stage props as throwing weapons that they can juggle with bombs being the most notable although anything will work and wear grinning bronze face masks.


Laughing Dead

Undead ponies awakened by necromancers that are known for maniacal laughter that will definitely horrify most living adversaries that dare challenge the Cult. They are highly resistant to physical damage like stakes through the head and are likely stronger than average ponies although they can only shamble and are weak to magical attacks.


Smiling Dolls

Betrayers of the Cult who were turned into disturbing automatons that can quickly close the distance and hug their adversaries repeatedly. This wouldn't be bad except they're covered in spikes that can impale, cut, and rip ponies to shreds and are a pain to kill like other undead.



Pegasi acrobats who are not only all-female but completely insane and reckless as well for fast strike teams that can keep up with the most skilled enemy fliers. They use wingblades that were designed by House Stormwing for stabbing and slashing along with using mind and body altering drugs that likely make them highly resistant to pain.


Grinning Worms

Monstrous entities that were summoned by the Cult's high priests from the astral plane to do the Laughing Mare's bidding in the world of the living. They have a mouth full of sharp teeth and sharp limbs all the way down their bodies with tentacles hanging out of the box that they live in which they can drag caught victims to the astral plane to see the horrors there. While not much is known about their full capabilities, two have the strength to carry a massive Cult troop transport/siege weapon and they are likely incredibly hard to kill.



Experience:The Goblin Horde has primarily fought against the forces of good like the Dwarves and Elves but they were ultimately defeated in the end after several battles although they have fought other Goblin forces and presumably Cave Trolls while hunting them with much more luck. The Cult of Laughter can face off against the other Houses like Moon and Star, Earthborn, and Whitegold along with facing off against the Everfree Tribes but they are easily the most recent faction and lack much experience as a result.

Tactics:The Goblin Horde loves brute force and relies upon overwhelming enemies with sheer numbers and the impressive speed most of their units have along with poison to increase their lethality and a couple heavier units to help finish the job. The Cult of Laughter has a very indirect fighting style as they rely on booby traps, spying one enemies, and converting areas to their cause which makes them a very hard force to fight in their own territories along with the psychological factor of their unnatural units.

Morale:The Goblin Horde is a nasty subspecies of Orcs that will retreat and use war beasts if a situation appears unwinnable along with being a pretty fragmented species which could result in them fleeing if the battle goes too south for them. The Cult of Laughter is completely devoted to their cause either through faith in the Laughing Mare or fear of what happens to deserters so they won't back down from a conflict and will keep fighting to the last pony.


Voting ends on April 5th. Votes need edges or two paragraphs and decent grammar to count. The fight takes place in an isolated town which The Goblin Horde is pillaging for resources and the Cult of Laughter has just moved in to find new recruits, neither force's leaders will be present. For the purposes of this battle, undead will be killable by decapitation or destroying enough of the head and I gave the Revelers their spears from TWED.

I would like to give a quick shout-out to Lord of the Rings:Battle For Middle Earth II as being the best fantasy RTS I've played along with Warcraft III and Equestria Divided by PoorYorickDA for being one of the most interesting fictional alternate universes that I've been a fan of since I was a kid. For more info and images of The Goblin Horde and Cult of Laughter units, here's two links that do that although the Cult one has gore in it.

The Battle

The Bretonnian town had been quite lively lately as strange horse-like beings came in to talk about the merits of their master, the Laughing Mare, and had generally been amusing to the populace. While humans making the same talks of ressurection and eternal happiness would be regarded as the words of some Necromancer sent from the Vampire Counts, the peasants believed that the ponies were a new breed of steeds sent by the Lady to help their knights achieve higher status. That amusing situation would soon be ruined and not by the Cult of Laughter getting tired of being laughed at but by an invading army that overrun the local garrison.

This segment of the Goblin Horde had been sent by Gorkil the Goblin King to raid the surrounding areas for resources and not come back unless they found half an army's worth of equipment. While his subjects spent most of the time fighting wild beasts and farmers while cursing their leader's namex they eventually stumbled upon a force clad in blue and red that appeared to resemble some form of army. Granted the brief excitement didn't last long as poisoned wounds quickly killed the peasants and the Spiders sent them fleeing before the Trolls could arrive but they soon realized a town was nearby.

The Goblin Warriors were sent on their own to begin pillaging while the rest of the Horde searched for any more enemies to crush, they didn't really care either way as running down civilians required little effort until a spear stabbed one through the neck. The battalion looked over to where their fellow's death gurgle came from and saw an opposing force of ponies dressed in what appeared to be standard peasant attire before charging at their new foes. The Revelers kept up the spear wall but the Goblins managed to either hack off the points with their blades, deflected them with their armor, or just squeezed past them with only about twenty more dying in the assault and their swords slashed into that same number to even the score.

What the Warriors weren't expecting was for the ponies to completely break down in laughter and pull out flails while using their mouths to hold the chain before bludgeoning several foes multiple times until they were on the ground. Luckily they weren't intelligent about their slaughter so the Goblins' armor saved most of them once more and the ones still upright poisoned their blades before swinging at the berserkers who took several gashes with no real hindrance unless limbs were taken off. The poison did its work however and eventually brought down most of the Revelers to a manageable size that the Warriors could finish off within a minute albeit they were shaken by the sheer madness that had just taken place.

The Goblin Archers began to move into the city looking for target practice and to see what the commotion was with their allies before a bomb reduced one to a detached forearm and then more flew through the air at them, causing similar results. The Jesters of Baltimare juggled their explosives while dodging most of the arrows that came at them or just closing the windows of the buildings they were hiding in, only losing a few to two arrows sinking into their flesh. The Archers were beginning to retreat before a Jester got his head split in two as Warriors started crawling up the buildings and broke through the windows to reach their adversaries, most got only a single bomb off before being overrun.

Out of the Baltimare assassins, one individual particularly held his own just by swinging a heavy box around at the advancing Goblins' heads while humming a tune before one Warrior got fed up and rushed him with his blade raised. A giant toothy maw burst out of the box and around that Warrior's entire upper body, biting him in two, and his fellows started fleeing in sheer terror of the Grinning Worm which grabbed another Goblin by the back and jabbed it's spiked legs into his neck. The Jester had a bad feeling despite his situation improving and barely backflipped away as a boulder smashed the Worm right in it's body and sent it crashing through the wall.

The Cave Troll roared as it charged in and punched at the ground where the Worm was only for it to retract inside the box again and roll ot over to pop back out to chomp down on it's larger foe's gut. The Troll let out yells of pain and fury as it tried to tear the Grinning entity off before focusing all of it's might onto crushing the abomination's body and it let go as it squealed in pain with the sound of snapping filling the air. The Cave beast moved onto it's head next and the Baltimare assassin slinked away from the carnage but lit one last bomb and tossed it into the middle of the Archer formation, scattering them again.

On the outskirts of the Bretonnian town and near the graveyard, Spiderlings were feasting on whatever poor peasants passed by before the ground started shaking slightly and laughter filled the air as the Laughing Dead shambled out of the catacombs. The vicious spiders skittered towards the undead ponies and bit down deep into their flesh, only their poison went into the body but something felt wrong. That was soon revealed to be the Dead being completely unaffected as every Spiderling that attacked them was squished under their hooves and the survivors seemed wary to continue the attack but a pack-leader got the assault to continue.

More of them crawled onto the Laughing undead this time and started biting and yanking all over the corpses but they kept on squishing them with hooves and even teeth now, even the ones who fell wound up crushing some foes under their bodies. The Spiderlings finally fled after a Dead pegasus pony ripped off the pack-leader's legs and then anhilated it's body with repeated stomps before joining the others in slowly pursuing their adversaries. The Goblins saw their allies fleeing before hearing the Laughing sound coming from what looked like living corpses and fired arrows into the horde which didn't even slow their relentless march.

The Warriors ran into the melee after their Archers failed to do anything and swung their swords with enough force to easily carve through the flesh and bone, the only problem being that decapitations or head splits were rare. Most of them found their blades stuck in a corpse that didn't even flinch and were ripped limb from limb by their unnatural foes which led to some of them starting to retreat before several spears tore rotting heads off. The Spider Riders turned the tide by crushing other Dead ponies underneath their mounts and their allies were rejoicing as they starting following their lead by going for the head as the Troll smashed into the last remnants of the monstrosities and personally squished the pegasus' head like a grape.

But the Cult wasn't entirely wiped out as their fastest units swooped down from the skies and ran at the Goblins, Euphories' wing blades tore open throats and stomachs as they dive bombed and the Smiling Dolls relentlessly hugged foes to death, painfully impaling them to death. Even worse was two boxes popping up behind the Archers and dragging several in unnoticed before they got close enough to the Cave beast to pop out, the Worms wrapped around it's body while biting into it's hide. The Jester chuckled as he had the perfect opportunity to finish off the foe's best chance at winning but as he was lighting the fuse, he felt the urge to dash to the right and barely avoided a massive pike point before realizing he was face-to-face with a Half-Troll Marauder in scorched armor.

The Baltimare assassins had done damage to their formation before and this one was a particular menace with a hacksaw that he pulled out and slashed a throat of one with before jumping up on their heads as another explosion killed more of the Marauders. While the Jester had some success going for the points he could hit, his luck in leaping from foe to foe ended as he landed chest-first onto a pike mid-jump but not before burying his improvised weapon into his killer's throat. The Smiling betrayers were quickly wiped out with their ineffective fighting strategies and their previous knowledge of the undead but the Euphories were a problem as their speedy wings meant that the Goblins couldn't hit them with ease.

In the middle of this chaos, the Troll had gotten the Grinning beings to let go by bear hugging their bodies and had thrown them off of it's body before ripping a tree out of the ground and smashing one of them to paste before it could get away. The other Worm lunged at the Cave beast but it closed it's mouth with a free hand before dropping for a moment and focused all of it's might into pulling the upper and lower jaw of the last abomination apart, ripping it in half before it could retreat into the box which shattered from the force. The Riders switched to their bows and started taking out the Euphories with shots to the heart and other vital organs as the Troll's tree whacked some out of the air and into buildings.

The Half-Trolls got into the conflict next and started skewering the flying menaces but some of them wound up victims to the wing blades and another Rider got decapitated in a swoop but soon only a handful were left. The last Euphorie crashed to the ground with an arrow stuck in one of her wings and made one last mad swing at a Warrior who's armor protected him before he slammed his sword between her eyes. The Goblin Horde erupted into victory cries as the Cult of Laughter force was wiped out and started scavenging weapons from the fallen while looting nearby buildings to get the supplies they needed.

Winner:The Goblin Horde

Expert's Opinion

The Goblin Horde had the majority of advantages here with better front line troops, cavalry, elite units, and a formidable war beast along with years of experience and the ability to counter any stealthy tactics through sheer numbers. The Cult of Laughter did have an equally dangerous ranged infantry and had more dangerous auxiliaries along with an unbreakable morale but wound up losing ground throughout the fight until their more numerous and well-rounded foes before being finished off.