For my last battle this year, I am pitting two fairy tale characters of the same name and origins, from two famous series that combined fairy tales and folklore into one universe. Both are tough, both are cunning, and both are sociopathic bastards:
Jack Horner (Fables), the Jack of the Tales who climbed beanstalks and tricked devils... Versus... "Big" Jack Horner (Puss in Boots: The Last Wish), the nursery rhyme crime lord who wanted to get all magical powers to himself!
Who... is... DEADLIEST?!
Jack Horner (Fables)[]
Jack Horner, also known as the Jack of the Tales or popularly as the legendary Jack of Fables, is a major character in the Fables comic book series and a minor character in The Wolf Among Us video game adaptation. In the world of Fables, characters from various fairy tales, nursery rhymes, and folklore stories (known as Fables) have migrated to the real world (aka the "Mundane" world) in order to escape a conqueror known only as the Adversary. As one of these Fable refugees, Horner is based around various nursery rhymes, fairy tale, and foklore characters named Jack, such as Little Jack Horner, Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack and Jill, Jack Be Nimble, Jack Frost, Jack O'Lantern, and Jack the Giant Killer and others
As a con artist, he is always looking for quick ways to make a buck. However, Jack also displays a complete disregard for human life or the feelings of those around him, traits most often seen in those with sociopathy. Despite his scheming and reckless personality, he is a devoted foe of the Adversary and a capable combatant in his own right, due to his years of experience fighting giants. He can also have true feelings for others (he asks Beast about Snow White and her cubs, he mourns his wife's death and he considered putting his own safety at risk to protect Gary when the Librarians had captured them and were having a car accident). The common thread is how Jack honestly believes he is the most important person around and only his needs and desires matter.
Weapons[]
- Various Firearms : Jack Horner has used a variety of firearms over the years, both normal and fable/magical of origin. The gun he commonly uses are revolvers, from nickel-plated single actions to modern day double actions. He has also used semi-automatic pistols, as well as pump-action shotguns and tommy guns. He is a terrific marksman and gunslinger, and can gun down an opponent in a quick draw.
- Various Swords : Jack Horner has also used a variety of blades. During his giant-killer days, he has used a double-edged longsword from the Homelands. During his time in the American Civil War and during the Battle of Fabletown, he carried with him a single-edged cavalry saber.
- Improvised Weapons : As a testament to his intellect, Jack can use any mundane and normal item as a weapon. He once defeated an armed knight using only a rag, bucket, and a mop. He took on a group of wooden soldiers with only a plank of wood, and knocked down several policeman by flinging a poker table at them. He even knocked out the headless horseman using only a hot coal.
- Magical Weapons : Although not that many, Jack has a variety of magical items in his disposal, from a bottomless briefcase that allows him to store and carry anything, even living objects like Humpty Dumpty, to a magical sack that he won from the Devil.
- Magical Sack : This magical sack that he won from the Devil can suck and trap anything, even the omnipresent Grim Reaper, inside with a command: “Clickty-clack, get in my sack!” Although thought to have been lost, it is said that Jack can resummon it using his reality-bending power.
Powers and Abilities[]
- Fable Physiology : As one of the most popular fable, Jack Horner is stronger, faster, and more durable than an average human. His fable powers is even amplified further when he made a film trilogy about himself which boosted his popularity, turning himself into a “bastion of strength and invulnerability”. He can easily lift a person above his head and can draw his gun fast enough to hit Bigby Wolf.
- Nigh-Invulnerability : By making deals with various devils like Old Scratch, Pan, Lucifer, Chernabog, and Nick Slick to extend his lifespan, Jack has made himself essentially unkillable. He can still feel pain, get wounded, or even knocked out, but he can and will recover through a healing factor. Even magical attacks, like being frozen by his son, Jack Frost II, can’t kill him.
- Magical Abilities : As one of the most popular fables around (to the point that he made himself into the “center of the universe”), random magical things happen around Jack which affects him and the people around him, including both friends and foes. He can weaken the powers of others, including the godlike literal, Mr. Revise. He can also create magical items out of nowhere like his magical bottomless briefcase, and even turn into a dragon when he becomes greedy (or if the writers and artists decide to mess with him).
- Dragon Form : Jack’s dragon form is essentially a winged, firebreathing, four-legged reptile with claws, jaws, tough durable skin, and a horn in its nose. It also has premonition powers that warns Jack of enemies. Although powerful, Jack becomes vulnerable to being killed by a “hero” in this form.
- Reality-Bending Powers : As a half-literal, Jack also has the ability to conjure anything he can think of. He once managed to summon and resurrect the godlike Pathetic Fallacy, and even restore his powers. Beig half-literal also allows Jack to break the fourth wall and talk to the readers.
- Pathetic Fallacy : Also known simply as Gary, the Pathetic Fallacy is a powerful being and ally that Jack can use in combat. As his name implied, Gary can give life to living objects as small as utensils to as large as a building. He can even create a whole army of them. Although his powers is supposed to only work on mundane objects, if angered, he can even turn the magical weapons of fables against them. That being said, while powerful, Gary is a human-like glass canon that can still be harmed and killed.
"Big" Jack Horner (Puss in Boots: The Last Wish)[]
"Big" Jack Horner, once a nursery rhyme character known as Little Jack Horner from the Shrek universe, is the owner of the Jack Horner Pie Company that he uses as a front for his business as a Crime Lord. He is an extremely wealthy individual that wants nothing more than to obtain as much magic as he possibly can. This leads him to seek the Wishing Star so that he can gain control of all the magic in the world, because people were more interested in a magic dancing puppet than they were in him. But really, Jack has no tragic backstory and is just an irredeemable monster.
He planned to reach the Wishing Star in order to enact his wish to harness all magic on the planet, racing with Puss in Boots, Kitty Softpaws, and Goldilocks for the wish. He cared nothing for the lives of others, even those of his own subordinates, whom he views as disposable cannon fodder in his quest for power. Even more vile is that he has no appreciation for the good things in his life. He claimed to have not much as a boy other than "loving parents, stability, a mansion, and a thriving baked goods enterprise for him to inherit", even calling them "useless crap".
Weapons[]
- Magical Weapons: As a powerful crime lord with an obsession of collecting as much magical item or artifact that he can get, Big Jack has many magical weapons he can use in combat. All his weapons and items are inside a bottomless nanny bag that can store an infinite amount of objects. These include:
- Repeating Crossbow: Big Jack's main weapon is a pump-action crossbow that shoots bolts made up of baby unicorn horns. Although light, these horns can penetrate stone and can turn organic matter into confetti, one-shotting and killing enemies.
- Phoenix Flamethrower: A flamethrower made up of an actual living phoenix that can spew flames hot enough to burn down a forest made up of giant flowers.
- Apple Grenades: Big Jack is also armed with throwable apples that explodes with enough force to send people flying. He has several grenades all packed in a bandolier.
- Midas Touch: Another one of Big Jack's lethal weapons, the Hand is a literal golden hand that can turn anyone who touched it into gold.
- Crystal Ball: A powerful item that allows Big Jack to spy and track down people, including his enemies.
- Magical Staff: A long stereotypical magical staff that can blast powerful purple concussive energy that, while not lethal, can send even large bears flying several meters away.
- Magical Umbrella: A small parasol that can float away and carry whoever was holding it. Do note that Big Jack has never used it personally for transportation, at least in the film.
- Magical Wand: A small wand that can rearrange matter and turn any household item into a vehicle, weapon, or both. Big Jack once turned a pumpkin into a large armed horse-drawn tank using it.
- Eat Me Snacks: A meal consisting of cookies and a drink that allows Big Jack to grow into a giant, further increasing his strength and durability. The item was inspired by the same items from Alice in Wonderland.
- Melee Equipment: Big Jack is also armed with various melee items he can use in direct combat. These items are magical in nature and name but Big Jack uses them mostly in close quarters.
- Excalibur: Big Jack owns the legendary Excalibur of King Arthur but his version is still stuck in the rock. As such, Big Jack uses it as a bludgeoning weapon.
- Trident: Big Jack also uses a long trident that has three pikes with triangular pointy heads that would have made them hard to pull out. Theoretically, it is a melee weapon, but Big Jack is strong enough to use it as a range weapon by throwing it at his enemies.
- Baker's Dozen: A group of soldatos and sicarios in the employ of Jack Horner's baking company. Each of them is highly loyal to Jack even with his sociopathic personality. They are armed with an assortment of cartoony melee, ranged, and explosive weapons designed with a bakery-like theme, like croquet millet hammers, spiked rolling pins, harpoons, bows and arrows, kitchen knives, spits, and other utensils. Their name was a pun of the film The Deadly Dozen, but in actuality, there are thirteen or fourteen of them.
Powers and Abilities[]
- Superhuman Physicality: Big Jack's enormous size gives him tremendous strength and durability. He can throw people around like they are ragdolls, lift heavy objects, and smash through thick materials like glass. He is durable enough to take hits from Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and even stabs from Puss-in-Boots and Kitty Softpaws. He can even tank an exploding apple. He is fast enough to also tango with a large bear.
X-Factors[]
- Training
Both warriors are mostly self-trained and have little to no military or professional training. However, Jack Horner is a former cavalry officer during the American Civil War so he may have some slight training advantage.
- Experience
Big Jack is one of the most powerful and feared crime lords in the Shrek universe and in his profession and obsession, he has battled various fairy tale and folklore foes. He has fought Puss-In-Boots and Kitty Softpaws, the Serpentine Sisters, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears. There's a possibility that he may even have fought more powerful enemies -- the novilization of the film suggested he may have defeted the God of Thunder, Thor, judging from the fact that Mjolnir is in his posession.
However, Jack Horner from Fables is no pushover. He has fought everyone from Mundies, Fables, and godlike beings. He had defeated the Wooden Soldiers, Goldilocks, Lady Luck, and literary gods like Mr. Revise and Bookburner. His crowning achievements are the times he tricked various versions of the Devil, like Nick Slick, Pan, Lucifer, Mr. Scratch and Chernabog; and the time he trapped Death inside a bag.
- Intelligence
As a crime lord, Big Jack knows how to wage war and lead men. While he can be careless and ignorant, he's managed to keep up with Puss and nearly succeded in becoming the most powerful being in his universe, beaten only by the superior skills and sheer tenacity of his enemies. Jack Horner is an expert con man and trickster. While he is not perfect and tends to be beaten by more cunning characters like Bigby Wolf, Jack is still a guy who tricked devils and gods.
- Brutality
Both are well-known for their anti-social personality, brutality, and calousness. However, while Jack Horner is a selish arrogant and narcisstic bastard, he did have times where he cared for people. He saved his friends from danger, mourned them, and tended to be friendly to others. Big Jack isn't like that. As stated by the Ethical Bug, he is an irreedemable monster who backstabbed, betrayed, beat, and tortured people. He is a gangster after all. He cares nothing except himself and will do everything or sacrifice anyone to achieve his dream.
Note[]
- Battle takes place in an urban city.
- Battle ends either in death, incapacitation, or surrender.
- For reference, here's a respect thread for Jack Horner (Fables) and a respect thread for "Big" Jack Horner (Puss in Boots: The Last Wish).
Battle[]
It was a glorious night in New York City. The Horner Baking Company was preparing to open a branch in this whole new world. They were pretty excited too -- who knew what many amazing magic and discoveries were up for grabs here. It was a city ripe for conquest. It was a city right for the Horner Baking Company.
But this was New York, of course. The people here wouldn't take too kindly to some foreign gangster wanting to take a bite of the Big Apple. Not the mundies, and certainly not the magical beings who had made a life here. Most especially one bastard of the same name.
A member of Big Jack's Dozen was flung out of a window of the new bakery. Another one tried to attack the attacker with a rolling pin, but he too took a sock at the jaw, throwing him against a wall. This little army of bakers were the thugs of the Horner Baking Company, and they were tasked to protect this local branch. Now, their mettle was tested. The rest of the Dozen stood their ground with their cartoony firearms and weapons against this intruder. He was Jack Horner, the fable.
"Where's that fat load of ass who's using my name?!" he screamed at the bakers. But the latter replied only with a barrage from their weapons, followed by an all out charge. Jack's durability tanked whatever funny cake-like projectile they launched at him. Before they could get close, however, Jack took out two tommy guns and began pumping lead. Many of the Dozen fell from those large magical .45 slugs that penetrated their bodies. The rest retreated into a door.
As Jack reloaded his machine guns, the wall of the door suddenly blasted open, and out came a big tank. Surprised, a terrified Jack Horner ran to the opposite direction as the tank gave chase and fired its weapon. As explosions rocked Jack all around, Jack yelled, "Gary! Buddy! Where are you?!"
"Jack!" Gary, Jack's little middle-aged but godlike best friend, replied. "I'm right here!"
"There's a tank! Do something!"
"But I'm scared!"
"Just do it!"
Gary then unleashed his power, and the tank rose into life. It then made a roar, before flinging away the bakers riding it, and detonating itself. Debris fell as Jack and Gary landed on their butts. The bakery was destroyed, but the two had survived.
Not for long, however, as Gary took a unicorn horn on his butt, making him explode into confetti before he could even utter a scream. "Gary!!!!" Jack yelled.
Big Jack finally appeared, gliding onto the ground using an umbrella. He had rage flowing all over his face. "My bakery! What have you done with it, you miscreant!" he shouted.
"I renovated it," bantered Jack. "Thought of making it look as ugly as your face."
Big Jack then began firing his crossbow while screaming. Jack managed to roll out of the way and pull out his colt revolver. Unicorn horns flew everywhere, turning everything they touched into colorful confetti. But Jack, with a couple of shots, managed to disarm Big Jack's crossbow. Undeterred, Big Jack grabbed an exploding apple and threw it at Jack. The fable managed to kick out of the way while yelling, "Goal!!", before charging again at Big Jack. Suddenly, Big Jack took out a large sword on a stone, and hit Jack with it, sending him flying and making Big Jack yell, "Fore!!!"
As Jack stood up and shook the pain away, he saw Big Jack with a large red bird on his hands. The bird then spewed flames onto the fable. With quick thinking, Jack summoned his burlap sack, sucking away the flames, the bird, and Big Jack too. Big Jack managed to take out his trident and stabbed it to the ground as he began to be sucked. All sorts of items began to be sucked away from Big Jack, including his weapons, items, and of course, riches. Jack saw gold literally fly away from Big Jack's pockets and that got his attention.
"Wait! Wait!" Big Jack yelled. "Let's talk about this! You want gold! I have gold!"
Jack then closed his sack, and with a smile, said, "What do you have for me, fatso?"
Big Jack dusted himself off and took out a hand made out of gold, incased in a glass bowl. "This..." Big Jack said as he threw it at Fables Jack. The fable then saw the hand, but knowing better, dodged it before it touched him. The hand landed on the ground, which began turning it into gold. A whole landscape began turning into solid gold, which the fable really liked. "Oh hell, yeah!" he said as his eyes glittered.
Unbeknownst to him, Big Jack ate a cake, which began making him really really big. With an evil laugh, the now gigantic Big Jack raised his foot and stomped it at the fable. The giant celebrated with a laugh as he walked away. All around him, the world was beginning to turn into gold. But Big Jack didn't care. This accursed city could go to hell.
But suddenly, flames roasted his back. As he turned around, he saw a giant dragon in the sky. It was the fable. "That wasn't nice!" Jack screamed.
Panicking, Big Jack grabbed a huge gold bus and threw it at the sky, but Jack easily dodged it. The dragon then swooped in with its jaws open. It then took a bite at Big Jack's head, ripping it off. He then spat it out and flew away.
Expert's Opinion[]
Fables Jack won because he had better superpowers, experience, and intellect. Big Jack may have the tools to take down Fables Jack, but he simply lacks the counters against the fable's overwhelming advantage in combat.