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Bane v Hale 1


Being one of the strongest men in the world is a pretty difficult thing to accomplish. You have to stick to a rigorous training routine, watch what you eat, and make sure that you don't crack under all the strain you're putting on yourself. And while giving yourself performance enhancing drugs isn't necessary...well, it sure does help. These two fighters have both artificially enhances intelligence, and the brains to back up their brawn.

Saxton Hale, owner of Mann Co., living a life of action and adventure, and being completely doped up on Australium

vs.

Bane, common enemy of the Batman, who runs the streets of Gotham while subsiding off doses of his signature drug, Venom.

Doped up, strong, and smart. There's only one question left to answer between these two titans of tough. Who is deadliest?

Saxton Hale[]

The only good photo of Hale
You better start talking, because in five seconds I'm going to put my foot up your ass! Then we'll both have to go to a special hospital! Feet up the ass are like arrows, son. You can't just pull them out! They'll have to push my whole body out through your mouth! Trust me, speak up! Neither of us want this!
— Saxton Hale

Saxton Hale, an Australian entrepreneur, and the fourth richest man in America. He was originally the sixth, but he passed the fifth by wealth and he killed the fourth in a harpoon battle! He's the only living male in the Hale household, and he inherited the Mann Co. company from his family, as Zephaniah Mann, the original found of the company, left it to his loyal aide Barnabus Hale, instead of either of his two (well, really three), sons. Because of this successful company he inherited, Saxton has never had a worry in his life. He spends the wealth he inherited to go on adventures, beat up exotic animals, and just in general live his very best life. Don't like his products? Well, you can take it up with him!

Due to exposure to a strange, naturally occurring element known as Australium, Saxton Hale possesses several superhuman abilities. In fact, the Australium is perhaps one of the main reasons that Saxton Hale is so damn muscled. It enhances the physiology of those continuously exposed to it, and because of that, Saxton Hale is as strong as the come.

With his superhuman strength, Saxton has been shown to manhandle people such as the Scout, who can kill a bear with a single hit of Amelia Earhart's femur (long story). He's capable of wrestling and choking out some of the strongest animals out there. From giant tortoises to panthers. He break apart robots with a single punch, and uppercut robots into the ceiling. He can knock over trees, and a casual punch from him generates a force of 2700 PSI. That is not only far stronger than the PSI of a normal punch, but it's greater than the bite force of a hippopotamus, which only measures at around 1800, and is comparable to an American crocodile's bite force.

That being said, this is nothing compared to the yetis he has hunted. That's right, he has hunted yetis. What's that? Yetis don't exist? Yeah, that's right, because he hunted them to extinction. You're welcome. That being said, with a single punch he turns a yeti into blood and gore, and he was able to kill the Super Yeti, when it was stated that nothing on earth would be able to stop it. Even the normal yeti is incredibly strong, being able to steamroll not only the Pyro and Sniper, but it can one-shot Soldier, who isn't a slouch himself.

Saxton is not only strong, but he is a fairly speedy hunk of muscle as well. Saxton Hale is not only capable of the very impressive feat of catching up to a turtle with a thirty minute head start. He's also capable of navigating through dense jungles, jumping from log to log, leaping over crocodiles and swinging on vines, but he can grab someone such as Grey Mann before he can react, and also beat up a whole group of hippies without them even knowing what happened! On top of that, well, he's just got hops.

What is superhuman strength without superhuman durability and stamina to back it up? Saxton is just about as durable as he is strong. He can withstand him literally smashing through concrete walls, which leaves an Australia shaped hole in the wall, and he jumps out of planes on the regular. He can take punches from the yeti, which, again, can one-shot someone such as the Soldier, who, you know, blasts himself with rockets on a regular basis. He could also brush off the bite force of the yeti, who should reasonably have a bite force comparable to that of the strongest animals, crocodiles.

On top of that Hale's got some serious stamina to him. Remember, he spends most of his day just beating up wild animals. Like, that's the majority of his day. He's even boasted that he could fight the Super-Yeti for nine whole hours. that's like, the majority of a day spent beating the absolute shit out of an animal. Also, other people have tried doing what he did with his ex, which was, of course, beat the shit out of animals such as tigers. They couldn't even last a week. Just a testament to Hale's ability and stamina.

Hale doesn't have anything particularly superhuman with his intelligence. That being said, he's still a smart fella. An entrepreneur at heart, he was able to become the richest man in the northern hemisphere, just by his own marketing and his company policies. He's also capable of finding what he needs, such as when he found the location of the Super-Yeti, and disguised himself as a hippie so he could get close to the creature and...well, kill it.

Last but not least, we should probably talk about what gives Hale his superhuman abilities in the first place. This is the mineral known as Australium. That's right, it's a mineral. And it's all located in the continent of Australia. It's very similar to gold, except for the symbol etched on it of a man boxing a kangaroo. Its led to some amazing technological discoveries, such as cloaking devices and rejuvenation machines, but that's not all it does. Prolonged exposure to Australium increases muscle mass, makes you stronger, gain a love of fighting and heavy drinking, as well as increased facial hair growth, including in females. Australium also gives virality, allowing someone to artificially extend their lifespan by injecting it directly into their veins.

Due to prolonged exposure to Australium, Australians have just began to naturally look like Saxton Hale. At least, the general muscle mass and facial hair. So, technically, while Saxton Hale isn't doped up on the substance, its having on him and his being. Others who have been exposed to Australium have made them stronger than they were previously capable of, prolonged lifespans, and, in the case of the TFC Heavy, was able to heal wounds in a rather short amount of times. While it's unknown if Saxton Hale possesses a similar healing factor, as TFC Heavy injected it into his blood, i think it's fair to say that it helps Hale shrug off the pain.

Bane[]

Baness
I am Bane, and I could kill You... but death would only end your agony, and silence your shame. Instead, I will simply... BREAK YOU!
— Bane

Bane's father, Edmund Dorrance, was a revolutionary who had escaped the prison system in his own country. Due to general corruption in the legislative system, the judges ruled that Edmund's young son would serve his sentence in his place. Only a young boy at the time, bane was sentenced to Peña Duro prison. However, Bane would not let this deter him. His natural abilities allowed him to thrive in the prison. He read books, he lifted weights, he meditated, and fought his way through every other inmate, until he was the top dog in the prison. He not only obtained an education, but a thirst for violence. His first murder was at the age of eight, and it just kept going from there.

Shortly after becoming the top dog of Peña Duro, the ones who ran the prison took notice of him. They forced him to undergo an experimentation with a drug known as Venom. Though everyone else had died, and Bane nearly died in the process, he not only survives, but realized that Venom greatly enhanced his physical prowess. Now, hooked on Venom, and eventually getting out of prison, he turns to Gotham city. Like Peña Duro, the city runs on fear. Fear of the Batman. Bane, in full belief that Batman represents his nightmares of bat-like demons, sought out to break the bat, and make Gotham fear him.

Even without Venom, Bane has insane strength. He can rip toilets out of the count, and smash holes into walls made out of concrete. However, where he really shines is when the Venom courses through his veins. Venom is essentially steroids on steroids, and it shows. While under the effects of the drug, Bane can not only lift large rocks and rubble above his head with ease, but he can rip metal doors out of walls, slam Batman through walls, and tear fire extinguishers out of the ground to use as weapons. Hell, the man's strong enough to pull a man's head off!

It is stated that Bane is able to lift fifteen tons, and considering he can carry entire shipping containers on his back, it seems fairly backed up. Bane has regularly faced off against foes such as Killer Croc, and the Batman, being able to contend with the former and physically overpower the latter on multiple occasions. He can even knock out Man-Bat with a single punch, and can force the powerful Clayface to his knees with a single punch.

Bane is not only strong, but he's also fast. He can avoid batarangs after they've been thrown, and generally keep up with agile fighters such as Talon soldiers. He can keep up with and tag fighters such as Batman, and even Catwoman, who is particularly quick on her feet. In a slightly more impressive comparison, he can take down three armed guards before they could even react to him charging at them. He's even got mad hops, being able to jump to the very top of a lighthouse from the ground floor. While not necessarily the fastest man around, odds are, you won't be able to outrun him if he wants to hurt you.

Bane is not only strong, but durable. First of all, knives are just about no issue to him. Average prison shivs break on contact with his skin, not even stabbing through him, and he does not feel pain when stabbed with several different knives. Outside of piercing durability, he's just...in general really damn tough.

In general, Bane has survived incredibly long falls, falling off of Wayne Tower, and nearby cliffs. With his durability, he can survive a truck exploding with him inside of it, and he's capable of taking hits from people such as Batman, and the Killer Croc. He can also crash right through walls and either shake it off or be mostly unharmed from it. Even if he gets hurt, he can take a lot of punishment before going down. Again, even being stabbed several times will not slow this human freight train down. He even spent an entire day not only hunting down Batman's rogue gallery, but also beating the ever loving crap out of them, easily fighting for more than twelve hours.

Though some would look at Bane and think that he was just some big beefcake, he is also incredibly intelligent. He spent a good chunk of his time in prison reading books and obtaining an education, and it shows. During his time in prison, Bane has learned several languages. English, Spanish, Portuguese, Persian, Urdu and Latin are all languages that he can not only speak, but speak fluently enough to have a conversation with Batman, constantly changing languages so no one could listen in. He is considered one of Batman's most intelligent villains, being able to find out his identity and billionaire Bruce Wayne. He can beat Ra'as Al Ghul at chess, and was the first person to ever do so, and, when told that Arkham would not fear him because he was not Batman, he simply forged his own Batman armor.

Bane is also a very smart tactician and strategist. Instead of fighting Batman head on and risking a fight with him, he instead opted to release all of his villains, wearing the Batman out for him to swoop in and break him completely. With his schemes he can not only take out the Bat, but also escape from high security prisons, and run an efficient crime empire in Gotham City, a place where crime is already a pretty cutthroat business.

The drug that gives Bane a good chunk of his physicals, Venom is a dangerous material, killing most people who have been exposed to it. Drugs such as Venom are extremely potent, and extremely affected, however. A watered down version of the drug made a complete weakling such as The Riddler take down an (albeit exhausted), Batman.

The main issue with Venom is that it needs to constantly be injected. However, Bane has already come up with a solution to that. He developed an apparatus on his body, that will constantly inject Venom into his veins. He even has a button on it that will give him a stronger dose when desired. This is necessary as, when the Venom runs out, those who had taken it will go under intense symptoms of withdrawal, including hallucinations. While Bane has shown to power through the symptoms of withdraw at times, if he's deprived of Venom, or if the hose that injects it into his body is ripped out of him, he will become weaker and eventually fall.

X-Factors[]

Experience

Saxton Hale has spent most of his adult life going on adventures. Going from one place to another, and exploring places no man should ever go, leads to a lot of practical experience. When it comes to combat experience, however, Saxton also has that in spades. Just about every day he's out beating the crap out of exotic animals. From giant turtles, to tigers, to panthers, to Super-Yetis. He's seen his fair share of carnage and destruction Add onto that that he fought the robots alongside the mercs, and it means he has more than just experience against animals, but hordes of combat capable robots as well.

Bane, meanwhile, has plenty of experience going around. Not only in gunfights, but also in hand to hand confrontations as well. He's not only beaten the entire of Batman's rogue gallery with his bare hands, but he's been fighting for most of his life, Whether it be in prison, where he killed a man at the age of eight, or in Gotham City itself, Bane is always fighting. Villain, police, superhero, he's fought them all and he's done it rather efficiently as well, if him fighting the Bat Family on multiple occasions is any showing of that.

Tactics

Unfortunately, not much to say here about Mr. Hale. He's never really had super amazing tactics when it comes to fighting. And to be fair, why would he? Most of his fighting experience involves wild animals, and he's just about the strongest man in the world, so more often than not just punching things will work out in the long run. If there's a problem he doesn't want to deal with, he just hires mercenaries to do it more him. So...that's his tactic. Run in and punch.

Bane, on the other hand, is much more methodic with his approach to combat. While he can also be a man who just runs in and punches, he also can take a step back and observe his opponents movements. He can wait for an opening, and strike when the time is right, causing as much damage as he can. He's used similar techniques to beat Red Hood, Damien Wayne and Nightwing all at once. Ultimately, not only does he have big fists, but a big brain to back it up.

Combat Mindset

Throughout his life, Hale has only really seen combat as something that is fun. He's always had fun when fighting things because, most of the time, he actively seeks it out. Whether he's fighting an army of killer robots, or the incredibly dangerous Super-Yeti, odds are he's having a good time. Whether or not he takes it seriously is up for debate, but he is certianly having fun, and is putting his all into the fight. Good for him.

Bane has never actually seen combat as a fun time. He sees it as something that is simply necessary to further his goals. A means to an end above all else. Because of this, he takes combat as seriously as a man could take it. When fighting random goons on the streets of Gotham to fighting Batman himself, the man is as stoic and serious as they come in a combat situation. He will do whatever it takes to win a fight.

Voting[]

Voting will probably end in around two weeks. More than enough time to vote.

Prologue[]

The New Inkvaders[]

Kino was the first one awake in the house, as they always were. The child of androgynous nature was currently staring out the window in the kitchen, staring at their faint reflection. They were practicing the quick draw on their persuader. They pulled it out of their holster and pointed at the window. This was a thing they did every morning, and every night. A sort of ritual. Do it until you get too tired to draw, and in the morning, do it until the sleep leaves your eyes, or someone wakes up and tells you to stop. As Kino continued to draw their weapon, they heard footsteps behind them.

"Threatening the birds again?" Kino glanced behind them, eyes falling on the blonde girl that they had taken residence with. Their dull grey eyes looked her over, taking in the details of her pink pajamas and her messy bedhead.

Kino was silent, putting their persuader into their holster. They turned around, hands on their hips. "Good morning, Mindy. Did you sleep well?"

While the girl had often operated under the alias Hit-Girl, they had all decided that in the house, they would go by real names. ...which was awkward, as Kino, technically, wasn't giving their real name. They had forgotten that information a while ago, so they opted for the most simple solution to the problem.

"As well as can be expected," she said with a shrug as she walked to the fridge. She pulled out a small carton of orange juice. She shook it, and raised an eyebrow. Almost empty. She hesitated for a moment, before unscrewing it and drinking from the carton. She placed it on the counter and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "You hear that Ika got a new job?"

"Oh, did she?" Kino ran a hand through their hair. They took a seat at the breakfast table and sighed, arms crossed over their chest. They glanced to a bowl of apples on the counter, and then at Mindy. She got the idea, and tossed an apple to Kino, who caught it easily. "What is it?"

"She's some assistant." Mindy began to prepare a bowl of cereal. Some knock off, DFederal brand of Lucky Charms, where instead of some stupid and hard to catch Leprechaun, Steven Universe was on the box. Shining gems was the name of it. Complete with colorful marshmallows the shape of different kinds of gems. She poured herself a bowl.

"She's someone's assistant?" A soft chuckle escaped Kino's lips. "Who would hire her as their assistant?"

"I'm not sure. She didn't tell me. I don't know if its because she doesn't know herself or just doesn't want to admit it." Mindy poured milk into the bowl, and joined Kino at the table. "Better than her working at that maid café. I got weird vibes from that place."

"It's not in the best part of town." Kino nodded, taking a bite of the apple. A satisfying crunch that filled the dining room. As the two silently ate, the third member of their household had joined them in the dining room. A certain magical princess, who was walking into the room and wishing that she wasn't awake right now.

"Ugh, why does today have to be Monday," she muttered under her breath as she walked to the counter. She grabbed a banana and slowly began to unpeel it. She glanced to the others, eyes glazed over with tiredness. "Good morning, you two."

"Good morning, Elodie," the two copied, both in their own dull, just waking up tone. Well, Kino's was just dull for the sake of being dull. Kino hummed softly as they stood up from the table. "Did you see if Ika was waking up?"

"No, I don't think she is. I don't know. I don't really check on her." Elodie shrugged as she took a bite of the banana. They made a face and looked down at the peel, only to realize a majority of it was green. She winced a little. Too ripe.

"Well, she should get up soon. She has a job to do." Kino grabbed two pieces of bread and put them into the nearby toaster. As the bread began to toast, they walked towards Ika's room.

Ultimately, it was unusual, four children sharing a house together and supporting one another. Frankly, it was an idea that none of the three would have come up with, but Ika had been the one to suggest it. She had apparently gotten bored with living alone, and wanted some people to be living with her. The advertisement said something about "inkvading", but it seemed like Ika forgot about that part. Kino, Mindy and Elodie were the only people to answer her advertisement, and they immediately got a home in this strange, meshed together home.

Kino opened the door to Ika's room and peaked their head inside. Ika was, of course, sleeping. She was out cold, half of her body sliding off the bed while the other half tried desperately to keep her from falling. Kino approached the sleeping girl. They cleared their throat, but that didn't seem to get Ika's attention. They sighed, and crouched down next to her bed.

"Ika," chimed the oldest of the household. They gently nudged the squid girl, and she groaned in her sleep, squirming around a little. Kino sighed, and shook them a little more violently. "Ika. Come on, wake up."

That seemed to do it. Ika's eyes shot open. "Bah!" She fell off of her bed and onto the floor, causing Kino to take a step back. She propped herself up with her arms and looked up at them. "What time is it?!"

"Uh," Kino glanced down at their watch. "About eight o'clock."

"Oh, okay. That's fine. I'm only supposed to be there at..." her voice trailed off. Her tentacles reached under the bed and pulled out a sheet of paper. They looked down at it and gasped. "8:30?! Oh, I'm gonna be late!"

Ika hopped up onto her feet and quickly rushed out of the room. She ran into the dining room and waved to the other two girls. Two of her tentacles moved to the toaster and took the partially toasted pieces of bread out. "Good morning, hi, got a new job, leaving!" Just like that, she was out the door.

"Think she'll last long?" Elodie asked, finishing off her too ripe banana.

"Not a chance." Mindy chuckled.

---

Meeting the boss[]

Finding her way to her new workplace was easy enough. She scarfed down the two pieces of toast while on her way, running past warriors of all shapes and sizes. Including that new tiger that had just recently came around. She made a wide arc to avoid that tiger, before continuing down the road.

Well, while it was easy to get to, it sure did take a long time. It felt like it was on the side of town opposite of Ika's house. The building itself was...well, it looked a tad bit rundown, like the person who lived there wasn't making an effort to take care of it. Ika raised an eyebrow and approached the building. This was the right place, right? She wasn't reading the address wrong? She did that once and accidentally ended up in Link's house (well, one of the Links) in her maid uniform, and that was really awkward.

Approaching the door, she gently grabbed the handle, and pulled the door open. Inside the building was, well, poorly lit. What she could see with the barely existent lighting was that most of the furniture in the room (which appeared to be some kind of lobby) was covered in layers of dust. It really did look like this place was abandoned. She slowly stepped into the establishment, glancing around. "Uh, hello? Anyone ink here?"

Walking further into the establishment, she passed by three empty office rooms, the doors on either side of a hallway she found herself traversing down. At the very end of the hallway was, well, another office room. This one in particular was a mess. The other offices were spick and span, as if no one was even using them. This office, however, had papers scattered all over the place, haphazardly put into piles or leaking out of drawers. The most notable object in the room was what seemed to be a figure sitting in a chair, completely covered by a blanket so Ika couldn't see them. She tilted her head and approached.

"Uh, excuse me?" She asked, hesitant to approach. This whole thing was giving her the creeps! The figure's only movement was the slight rising and falling of its form. It was breathing. Ika tilted her head, as one of her tentacles moved forward. It nudged at the figure, until the nudging turned into slightly harsh poking. "Hey! Hey, wake up! What's goink on here?"

"Wha? What's going...ah!" the figure let out a scream of surprise as they tried to stand up, only to fall onto the floor. Ika winced at the sound of impact. She leaned over the desk, watching the form underneath the blanket shift. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Did you see anything?"

"Uh, besides a messy office? No."

"Okay, good." The blanket moved away and revealed a little, green, alien looking person. For a moment, Ika thought it was Zim, and she was about to get mad. She's been having skirmishes (glorified prank wars) all over the city with that little alien. If he had cost her her job she was going to be mad. Though, at closer inspection, she noticed that this wasn't Zim. Just a different, little green alien.

"Okay, now that I'm awake." The little creature climbed into the seat and faced Ika. "Sorry about being asleep when you came by. I forgot that I hired an assistant. I'm kind of new to uh, being a boss and stuff."

"Uh...who are you?"

"Jacky. You know, user? I make some of the battles? I'm also your boss. Did I not mention this?"

"Your advertisement didn't really inklude a lot of inkformation, de-geso." The squid girl put a hand on your hip. "But...you're a user? I don't think I heard of you."

"Yeah, I haven't been here a lot. Busy with...other things..." The alien sighed. "Look really I've just been kind of lazy and not up for anything. But, you're going to change that!"

"I am?"

"Yeah! With an assistant by my side, I have someone who can actually make sure that I keep on topic and pump out some quality battles." Jacky smiled, and gestured around, letting out an awkward chuckle. "Plus maybe I can have someone who can help me clean my office. It's a little bit of a mess."

"You're telling me, de-geso. When was the last time anyone else came here."

"Uh...never?" The alien ran a hand through their long hair. "Anyways, Ika, I got a job for you. Right now."

"Does it inkvolve cleaning?"

"Nope!" They reached a hand towards a nearby filing cabinet. The alien's arm literally stretched towards the filing cabinet, opening it and pulling out a piece of paper. The arm retracted and she handed the paper to Ika. Despite her confusion, the squid girl took it. "I am currently working on a lot of other things right now. You know, writing, formulating, scheming. That kind of thing. It's hard to constantly pump out battles, or find valid opponents for those I'm looking to bring into the city. That's where you come in! Find an opponent for that guy on the paper, and set up a fight. This'll be your first assignment. No pressure or anything but my reputation kinda rides on this."

"You want me to find a fight for...?" She looked down at the paper, and her eyes widened. "Woah! He's huge!"

Jacky laughed. "I know, right? He's so cool. Anyways, good luck finding someone for him. Ciao!"

"Wait, how do I know who should-"

"Eh, worst case scenario just ask around if anyone has any ideas. I believe in you. Good luck, Ika!"

"But I-" The alien flashed her a slightly annoyed look, present in their eyes. Ika paused halfway through their complaint and let out a huff, followed by a exasperated "de-geso" before turning around and leaving the office. Well, maybe someone was out there who could give this Saxton Hale fella a real fight.

---

Finding the guy[]

Ika closed the door to the office building, as gently as she opened it. With a small sigh, she looked down at the paper, sauntering down the road. She was skimming through this Hale guy's backstory and his abilities. He didn't seem to be much. Just someone really strong, like Chizuru back home. She hummed softly, and thought about it for a moment...

And then let out a loud whine. "I have no idea, de-gesoooo!" She whined out as one of her tentacles took the piece of paper and began to simply wave it around. "Ah, I'm goink to fail on my first day on the job, and then I'm going to get fired, and then I have to wear some stupid maid outfit again!"

"You okay, squid head?"

Ika let out a scream and turned around, to the source of the voice. Mindy, donning her Hit-Girl persona, was right behind her. She narrowed her eyes slightly and put her hands over her hips. "Mindy! You're not supposed to sneak up on me like that! I could have shot ink all over you."

"You didn't really answer the question," Mindy said with a shake of her head. She took her hand and made a grabbing gesture for the paper Ika held in her tentacles. "You seem like you're about to have a panic attack. Let me see."

Ika sighed and handed Mindy the paper. She looked it over for a moment and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, explain it to me."

"I have to find a battle for that guy! It's my first assignment on the job, and I don't know what to do!" She brought her hands to her head, a bit stressed out.

"Woah, I didn't know a user hired you." She chuckled, before turning around and walking away from Ika, towards her motorcycle, which she parked not very far away. "Anyways, I can help you out. Us girls gotta stick together." She hopped onto the motorcycle and patted the seat behind her. Ika got on shortly after.

"How did you know where I was?" Ika asked. Hit-Girl first started the motorcycle. The engine roared and the bike reared up for a moment before shooting down the road. To make sure she didn't fall, Ika wrapped two of her tentacles around Mindy's torso.

"That paper you left at home. Had all the job info I needed to hunt you down. ...mainly the address." Mindy chuckled as they shot down the street like a bullet. Ika was starting to feel a little nauseous.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to be driving around looking for some of the homeless. I've done enough driving around that I know where most of them hang out. There should be one of them that wants to take you up on your offer. I mean, they don't got homes. What are they going to do, complain?"

One hour later

Detective Stabler shook his head, handing the piece of paper back to Ika. "Sorry, kid, but I don't think I'm going to take you up on that offer. I'm not desperate enough to fight someone like that."

"Huh, turns out the homeless can complain," Hit-Girl commented as she watched the detective leave. "Who knew?"

"That's the tenth person who refused to fight him." Ika let out a whine as she fell back against the wall, pouting. "Out of ten people, you think someone would have taken up my offer!"

"To be fair, Ika, think about who you were asking. Mussolini, Cluny, Tintin, you even asked zombies and they don't even talk. I just don't think you have an eye for this kind of stuff."

"Well maybe the homeless need to get stronger!" She said, in an effort to defend herself. She threw her arms in the air in an exasperated fashion. "I just want to do well on my first job! I don't know what I'm going to do, Hit!"

"Hey, Ika, come on," she gently placed a hand on Ika's shoulder, and smiled at her. It seemed to calm the squid girl down a bit. Ika was slowly coming back from the brink of panic. "We're just looking in the wrong spot. Come on, I know of a gym that just opened up a couple weeks ago. I'm sure they'll have a beefcake that we can convince to fight Hale."

It didn't take long for them to get to the gym in question. Just ten minutes of Hit-Girl probably going eighty miles and hour, weaving between traffic. They eventually stopped at a gym parking lot. As Hit-Girl brought the motorcycle into park, Ika looked over the gym's exterior. There was a giant window that allowed her to look into the exercise room. There...weren't many people in there. She could identify maybe two Mutons (which was surprising to see, given their housing status) and a Wookie. Above the doors of the gym were the words "Santa Lifta", in a rather extreme font.

"I didn't even know there was a gym that opened recently." Ika commented as she got off the bike. Her legs felt like jelly and she stumbled for a moment. Hit-Girl caught her.

"Yeah, the dude who runs this place isn't very....good at advertising. Kind of makes sense, though. He's not used to honest business. He really needs to hire some sort of PR guy."

The two walked into the gym lobby and looked around, trying to find anyone who looked even the slightest bit buff to challenge their fighter-in-need.

"Is there really, like, no on here?" Ika asked, already losing hope in the location. She became gloomier in demeanor, and glanced at Hit-Girl. "Oh, this is goink to be hopeless, de-geso!"

"Hey, calm down. I know that he's going to be here." Mindy stepped to the reception desk and rung the service bell. Leaning against the counter, she waited for someone to arrive. Within about a minute, someone did. It had to be one of the biggest men Ika had ever seen in person, with tubes filled with green liquid running through his body, and a luchadore-like mask covering his face.

He was perfect.

The Battle[]

It was another dull, dark, and gloomy day in Gotham City. Grey storm clouds rolled over the sky, and it looked like it was threatening to rain at any moment. Compared to some of the rundown and impoverished streets of Gotham, Wayne Manor stood out like a sore thumb. Something so rich and prestigious in a city riddled with crime wasn't very common, but all the same, the Manor stood.

Inside the manor, Alfred Pennyworth was currently preparing food for his master, Bruce Wayne. Though Bruce often neglected his basic needs, what with being caught up in his vigilante nonsense, Alfred always made sure the master did not go hungry. Even if it was the most basic of food, to get Bruce to eat anything at all made Alfred feel a little better for the billionaire.

Just as he had put the food in the oven, there was a knock at the door. Normally, he wouldn't had heard the knock; the kitchen was all the way in the back of the manor, but this was a different knock. It was loud, and booming. It seemed to shake the whole manor with how powerful it was. Alfred hated to admit it, but he momentarily jumped. He glanced to the kitchen doorway, and let out a tired sigh. He should be used to this by now.

With little hesitation, he moved to the door. He pulled it open, only to be met with the biggest man he had ever seen. By all accounts, the man was larger than life. Almost twice the size of Bruce, and had about twice the muscles to back it up. His arms were like barrels, and his chest as wide as a truck. Alfred only brought attention to his chest, mind you, because it was so out there. The man wasn't wearing a shirt. In fact, he was barely wearing anything! Shoes, shorts and a hat were all that kept the man from being practically naked.

A look of confusion flashed on the butler's face, as the man tipped his outback hat. "G'day!"

"Uh...yes, hello. May I help you? Is there something you need?"

"Aw, man, did Bruce not tell you? We're here to have a little business meetin'. This is Wayne Manor, right? I didn't jump out at the wrong spot, did I?"

"Well, yes, it is, but-...wait, did you just say jump out?"

"Sure did!" He pointed up at the sky, towards a plane that was flying away from the premises. "Only real way for a man to get anywhere. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but can I come in? A bit nippy out here, you know?"

Alfred narrowed his eyes, for a moment not trusting the man, but he eventually relented. You know, this looked exactly like one of the men that Master Bruce would be associating with nowadays, anyways. He sighed and opened the door further. "Come in. Master Bruce is currently taking care of other business. I will send him out as soon as possible."

"Ah, take your time, no worries." The man waved an arm, holding likely the same force as a battering ram, as he stepped into the mansion, looking around. "Wow, Bruce's sure got a nice place. A bit too fancy and rich for my taste, but it looks just fine!"

Alfred ignored the man's comments and moved on, further into the mansion. After a bit of looking behind him to make sure Hale did not follow, he had arrived in the Batcave, where Master Bruce was assuming his Batman persona, currently typing away at his supercomputer.

"Master Bruce."

"What is it, Alfred?" Batman didn't look away from the computer, typing at inhuman speeds in order to study who knows what about who knows who. "And does it have something to do with that shaking? I was just looking at the seismic signatures but-"

"That would be your new guest, sir." Alfred interrupted. He was the only man who could consistently interrupt the Batman without him getting upset about it. It happened far too often for Batman to be affected by it. "There is a shirtless Australian man in the foyer; says that he is here for a business meeting with Bruce Wayne."

"What? I...dammit." Batman stepped away from his computer, for the first time in what may have been several hours. He walked deeper into the Batcave, to change out of his batsuit. "Hale wasn't supposed to be here, yet. He's a day early."

"Hale, sir? You wouldn't happen to mean Barnabus Hale?"

"No, it's his son, Saxton Hale." Batman stepped behind a cover, and began to undress himself. "He's the CEO of Mann Co., the fastest growing arms manufacturer in the world. The weapons he provides are said to have special qualities: rocket launchers that propel their users while leaving them unharmed, weapons that can turn men into ice statues, even weapons that can disintegrate people."

"And...you want these weapons for yourself, sir?"

"No. What I want is to keep a close eye on Hale. I need to make sure that Mann Co. doesn't sell these weapons to the wrong people. Otherwise, things could get messy."

"And the best way to do that is to make him a business partner. Of course." Alfred sighed. More convoluted plans. "Well, you shouldn't keep your new business partner waiting."

"Of course not." While Batman had walked behind the cover, Bruce Wayne had walked out. Adjusting a button on one of his suits, he walked to the exit of the Batcave. "Tell him I'll meet him shortly. I just need to put some finishing touches on my look."

"As you wish, sir."

---

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Hale." Bruce said as he stepped into the foyer. Walking down the large set of stairs, his eyes quickly found the mountain of a man that was in his house. Alfred wasn't lying; he really wasn't wearing a shirt. He looked more prepared for a night out clubbing than holding any sort of business meetings. "I would have been more prepared, but you showed up a day early."

"Ah, yeah. I had something that came up suddenly. Needed to move the meetin' to today." Hale shrugged, and crossed his arms over his chest. He was staring at one of the paintings in the foyer. An wonderful painting of an ideal, upper class family of three. A mother, a father, and the little boy standing between them. Hale's expression saddened for a moment. He pointed one of his fingers, as big as a bloated sausage, at the boy in the middle. He turned to Bruce. "This is you, ain't it?"

Bruce's eyes fell upon the painting, and he held back a sigh. Keeping his cool demeanor, he approached the man. "That's right. That painting was commissioned by my father. It was only a few months before..." his voice trailed off, and he let it hang there.

"I'm sorry that it happened, Bruce." He said, in a moment that actually felt very sincere. His dynamic, outback wrestling attitude melted away for a moment, to show genuine care for the billionaire. "A boy should never have to watch his parents die. That ain't right."

"Thank you, Hale." Bruce adjusted his suit before clearing his throat. "Well, let's move on from the topic, eh? Not much can be done about it. Best that we continue with our negotiations."

As if a switch was flipped, Hale went from upset and mourning to smiling and jovial. "Haha! That's the spirit. Never let the emotions get in the way of a good deal. I like the cut o' your jib, Bruce." He gave him a pat on the back. Any harder and he might have cracked a bone. Bruce held back a wince.

"I was thinking we could discuss this over drinks. I already asked Alfred to prepare us some."

"I'm liking you more and more." He laughed, putting a hand to his toned abdomen. "What do you got prepared? Whiskey, scotch? I prefer the real hard stuff. They're the only drinks that make me feel anything nowadays."

"I was actually preparing a wine, one of my better brands, but I can tell Alfred to get you a bottle when he comes back."

"A bottle? How about you try a barrel!" Another laugh, but this one was cut short. Suddenly, the giant doors to Wayne Manor burst open. It was a frankly a miracle they stayed in one piece. They both turned to the entrance, and saw one of the biggest men alive today: Bane.

"Ah, Mr. Wayne. We meet again." There was a hint of amusement behind his voice as he stepped into the manor, the doors swinging to a close behind him as he passed them. His eyes turned to Hale, and he raised an eyebrow. "And I see you have a guest. I was hoping we'd be meeting alone."

"Now, Bruce, I don't want to be a nosy Nelly or anything, but who's the man who could give my workout routine a run for its money?"

“That’s Bane, one of the most notorious criminals in Gotham.” His tone became hostile, uncharacteristic of the charismatic businessman that Hale had expected.

“I’m the one who broke Gotham over his knee,” Bane continued, taking a step forward as he pointed a finger towards Bruce. “And I will be doing the same to you, Bruce, once I get my hands on you.”

Bane moved to step forward, but before his foot even hit the ground, Hale lunged at him. He was on Bane in less than a second. Hale threw a powerful punch, slamming the fist into Bane’s jaw. Bane stumbled back and almost tripped over his own feet.

Regaining his footing, Bane was silent. That thick silence hung over the entire mansion, as all three stared each other down. Hands balling into fists, he glared at Hale. “That was your first and last mistake.”

“Oh, I’m gonna enjoy this.” Hale stretched, grinning from ear to ear. “Bruce, I suggest you step back. This is going to get messy.”

“Hale, you don’t have to-”

“Don’t worry, Bruce. I’ll make sure I don’t bust up your mansion too much. Now…” He pounced forward, punching at Bane. Bane avoided the punch by stepping to the side. He punched Hale in the gut, which barely made the man wince. He let out a laugh. “Let’s get to the fun part!”

Bane grabbed at Hale, who did the same to him. The two mountains grappled against each other in an attempt to push the other one away. It was becoming clear that neither were going to budge, and Bane was the first one to react accordingly. He slammed his knee up into Hale’s stomach. Hale’s resulting wince allowed Bane to push him away.

Stumbling back, the Australian was open to an attack. Bane charged forward with an outstretched arm, slamming it into Hale’s chest. He was sent back, landing on the ground with enough force to shake the whole mansion.

Bane lunged forward once more, bringing his fist down onto Hale. Saxton moved out of the way at the last moment, and Bane ended up punching a fist-sized hole into the ground. Wooden splinters shot out of the ground, and Bane tugged at his arm to free it.

Saxton didn’t waste time. Crouching down momentarily, he grabbed Bane’s legs, before lifting him up off the ground. He then flung the man into the air. With Bane’s arm still embedded into the floor, it was more like Bane was flipped than thrown. He fell on the ground back first, leaving a body-shaped indent in the floor.

Hale got down on his knees and slammed both fists into Bane’s chest, causing the criminal to cry out in pain. He brought his hands up, and slammed them down once more, but this time Bane was prepared. He ripped his hand out of the floor and used both hands to catch Hale’s fists. He gritted his teeth as he pushed against Hale’s mighty muscles. With a bit of effort, he pushed him away.

Hale was knocked onto his back. He used the rest of his momentum to roll backwards and get back up on his feet; a surprisingly agile move given his physique. It didn’t help him much. Bane was already up, and Saxton only got to his feet in time to get another punch in the gut. Hale winced, but pushed through the pain.

Another punch was sent his way, but he was prepared. He caught Bane’s fist before it could hit, and squeezed his hand with enough pressure to crack bones. Bane cried out in pain as he attempted to pull his hand back. Saxton bashed his forward, slamming it into Bane’s. The luchadore was sent stumbling back, grabbing his head with both hands.

“This is one of the best tussles I’ve had in years!” Hale let out a laugh of pure joy as he got back into his fighting stance. Bane let out a low huff of irritation. “But I gotta say, son, I think my ex has more bite than you do! Haha! That’s son in a metaphorical sense, by the way, but I’d be proud to have a son like-”

“Shut up already!” Bane charged, ready to tackle Hale to the ground. Hale maneuvered out of the way at the last minute. He brought his leg out and managed to trip Bane. The behemoth of a man stumbled and fell to the ground front first. Hale grinned and picked Bane up, causing him to struggle fruitlessly against the man’s hold.

“I think it’s ‘bout time for you…” he walked to the doors of the mansion, and chucked Bane as hard as he could. The doors splintered from the massive projectile, and Bane went tumbling out onto the Gotham streets. “To go back where you came from!”

It had started raining outside now, and a torrent of rain was pouring down on Bane as he stumbled to his feet. He had never in his life met a man who could match him in strength, and now, it was pissing him off. “I’ve had enough of this.”

“Aw, come on. Things were just starting to get fun!”

“I meant I had enough of you. I only came here for The Bat, but you’ve made yourself my new target.” With the threat given, Bane slammed a hand down on a button, which jutted out of the harness on his chest.

As the button was pressed, the tubes that were feeding into Bane’s body started growing with a green liquid. Bane’s green took on a greenish hue, and his veins bulged out of his muscles. He seemed to get more jacked as the seconds passed.

Saxton saw this, and he was...absolutely ecstatic. “Oh, rippa! I was hoping you weren’t done just yet!”

The two beefcakes charged at each other, and they clashed on the garden of Wayne Manor. This time, there was no grappling, or fight for dominance; there was just Bane slamming into Hale with enough force to send him flying.

Hale tumbled on the ground, using his momentum to get back to his feet. He stumbled, which left him open to an onslaught from Bane. Bane began to really unload on Hale, swinging on him with punch after punch. Hale could just barely bring his arms up to block the man’s attacks. He was getting overwhelmed, and quickly.

“You’re no match to me. No one is.” Bane slammed both fists into Hale’s gut, causing him to double over. “Not the so-called crime lords of Gotham, not The Bat, and certainly not you.”

Bane grabbed Hale’s head and slammed it down into his knee. Hale grunted in pain and reeled back, blood dripping from his face, which would be slowly washed away by the rain. Bane kicked Hale in the shin, causing him to drop down to one knee.

“I am Bane: the one that Gotham fears, the one who brought Peña Duro to its knees.” He grabbed Hale and lifted him up to the sky. Hale struggled, but Bane kept a tight grip on his body. “And I. Will. Break you!”

Bane slammed Hale down on his knee, causing his back to bend unnaturally. The CEO cried out in pain, accompanied by the unnatural sound of his spine snapping. Like an empty can, Bane tossed Hale to the side. Hale tumbled on the ground, and landed on his back. He let out a pained groan, staring up at the sky.

Bane turned his back on Hale, seeming to relax just slightly. He walked towards the entrance of Wayne Manor. “And now, The Bat.”

There were footsteps behind him. He didn’t pick up on them before it was too late. His eyes widened and he turned around. A fist was flying right towards his face. He was hit with enough power to shatter concrete, and he was sent flying further into the front yard. He landed with a loud thud, and let out a groan as he got onto his knees. “What? How…”

“Did I say I was done?” Hale said with a grin. It was like his back had never been broken in the first place. Thank the Australium in his blood for that. “I could do this all day, you jobber!”

“You are tough, I must admit...but not tough enough.” He rushed forward at the same moment as Hale. Once more the two clashed, but each of them were expecting the sheer power the other brought. Under the stormy and rainy weather of Gotham, two behemoths clashed.

The two engaged in a fight, so quick that those with an untrained eye would barely be able to see it. Both combatants were unleashing tens of punches in a matter of seconds. They either missed completely, or hit their targets dead on. There was no in between for these two; it was all or nothing.

Unfortunately, in an exchange of all or nothing, Hale’s all was not enough. More punches were hitting Hale than Bane, and they were starting to take their toll. As the fight went on, for what must have been full minutes, Hale began to get slow and sluggish. He was practically a sitting duck at this point.

Putting all of his strength into one final attack, Bane slammed his fist into Hale’s chest. He was sent flying back, and slammed to the ground back first. Bane took his time, walking over to Hale. He slammed that button on his chest once more, giving him another powerful dose of Venom. The drug coursed through his veins, filling him with strength fivefold.

“You put up a good fight.” He hovered over Hale’s body, bringing his foot up over the CEO’s chest. “But now...you die.”

Just as he was about to slam his hand down onto Hale, a batarang flew at him from his blind spot. It hit him dead on, and exploded once it made contact. Bane cried out in pain and stumbled back. He let out an irritated growl, as Batman leaped down from the roof of Wayne Manor.

“Leave him, Bane.” The Dark Knight took a commanding tone, holding three more batarangs in his hand. “He’s not the one you’re after.”

Bane regarded The Bat with hostility. If looks could kill, Batman would be dead ten times over. Though, similar could be said about Bane. “I...cannot fight you now. Not in my condition.” He let out a tired sigh. “You were lucky this time, Batman. You will not be so lucky the next time we meet.”

And Bane turned around and ran off into the Gotham streets. Batman thought about following him, but the moment he noticed Hale writhing on the ground, he moved to assist him. “Are you alright?”

“Ah, well, I’ve been better.” Hale chuckled a little, looking the vigilante up and down. “Crikey, and to think I’d get saved by Batman. I was thinking about huntin’ you down and fightin’ ya. Guess I can’t do that now, huh?”

Batman decided to let that slide for the time being. At least Hale didn’t seem to be lethally injured. “I’ve already contacted the paramedics. They should be here shortly. Afterwards, I suggest you get out of town. Making an enemy of Bane leaves a large target on your head.”

“Are you kidding me?” Hale slowly got up, wincing as his back still cried out in pain. “That’s one of the reasons I should stay! I’ve read about the city, I know Bane ain’t the only tough nut ‘round ‘ere! Best get used to my mug, Batman. I think I’m going to be hanging out here for a while!”

Well, Bruce did want to keep an eye on Hale.

...but this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.

Epilogue[]

"That...was...amazing!" Hit-Girl threw her hands up in the air and let out an excited laugh, before turning to Ika and smiling. The squid girl in question gave a far less energetic laugh, but still smiled at her friend all the same. "I knew he was going to be a good pick! The moment I laid eyes on him, I just knew!"

Due to being a newly dubbed assistant, Ika had access to the "Viewing Room", a room where she could basically view battle simulations a little while before they were shown to the public. The room was surprisingly comfy, and she was able to sneak Mindy into it as well, so the two of them munched on snacks as they had watched the two muscle men beat each other down.

"I guess we really made a good choice, huh, de-geso?" Ika ran a hand through her hair, a smile beaming on her face. "I hope my boss is going to be proud of me!"

"Oh, I'm sure they will be!" Hit-Girl smile before hopping off of the couch they were both sitting on. She stretched, bringing her arms into the air. Letting out a pleasant sigh, she gestured for Ika to get up. "Come on, let's go report the news to your boss."

Ika nodded, and stood up. The two girls walked out of the room and into the lobby of the simulation building, only to see the two combatants currently conversing near the entrance. Despite the fact that they had just been beating the crap out of each other earlier, they seemed to be having a reserved conversation. As they approached, Hale busted out into laughter and gave Bane a firm pat on the back.

"What's going on over here?" Hit-Girl asked as she looked between the two. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Not already planning a rematch, are you?"

"Ah, nah. I know when I'm beat...for now, at least." He chuckled a little as he adjusted his hat. "Bane and I were actually just starting to talk business! I'm still a CEO, you know! Gotta find a way to bring the Mann Co. brand over!"

"I've done a bit of research into his company. While his methods are...unorthodox, he was clearly doing something right." While Hale was bombastic and loud, Bane was more even spoken and held together. He continued. "And he has discovered that I run a gym here..."

"I heard that, and got about as hopped up as a kangaroo on hot coals." Hale held back a chuckle, bringing a hand to his chest. "So, I came up with a proposal; we both share ownership of the gym, and I'll spruce it up and bring all the gym rats in! I happen to have top tier advertising ideas!"

"You're both going to be running the gym?" Ika asked with a tilt of her head. "Saxton, couldn't you just make your own gym?"

"Bah, apparently I gotta go through paperwork to do that. All that legislative nonsense ain't for me, little missy. Besides, have you seen this man's muscles?" He placed a hand on Bane's arm, feeling his muscles in a totally heterosexual way. "If that's due to any sort of workout routine, I wanna be a part of the gym that endorses it!"

Hit-Girl let out a small laugh. "Well, good luck you two. I'm sure you'll do great."

"And I know we will." Hale gave a thumbs up, and Bane simply nodded.

"Thank you for your best wishes. Now, if you excuse us, we have more discussion to do. Specifically, about the name of the gym..."

"Look, I'm telling you, Mannta Lifta is a great name!"

"Alright, time to get out of here." Hit-Girl grabbed Ika's hand and led her out of the Battle Dome. Once they were outside, she guided Ika to her motorcycle. "I'm guessing you don't remember the way to your workplace?"

Ika blinked, bringing a finger to her chin in thought. "Uh...I don't th-ink I do..."

"Well, lucky for you I have a good memory. Now hop on. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get back home."

---

"Hello?" Ika called out as she stepped into the office building. Apparently, some major work was done. What was old and dusty was suddenly clean, and looking new. A very modern vibe was given to, what was only a few hours ago, the rundown offices. Ika's eyes widened slightly as she stepped in, admiring the work that was done here. How on earth could someone clean up that fast...?

"Helloooo!" She called out again, heading into her boss's office. The little green creature was once more sitting in their chair, currently scribbling something down on a notepad. They didn't seem to notice Ika yet. "Uh...excuse me?"

"Huh?" Jacky looked up, and their eyes met Ika's. They stared for a moment, before smiling. They hopped out of their chair, barely poking out above their desk. "Oh, Ika! I was wondering when you'd make it back!"

"Sorry for tak-ink so long. Finding the right person was...a lot harder than I thought, de-geso."

"That's fine, that's fine. I've just received some calls, anyways; the fight's a big hit. You did a really good job out there." They approached Ika, and offered a hand to shake. "I think you're going to fit in just fine around here, Ika."

The squid girl blinked, staring down at the girl with a curious glance. Eventually, she shook their hand. After a few seconds of handshaking, she pulled back. "You know, it's kind of weird knowing you're my boss when you're...a lot shorter than me."

"Hmm?" They raised an eyebrow, before suddenly, their formed shift. What was a little green alien-like creature had suddenly turned into a mirror image of Ika Musume. The copy put their hands on their hips. "Is this more like it, de-geso?"

"Eeeeeh!?" Ika took a step back, looking at the shapeshifter in shock. She rapidly shook her head. "Okay okay okay! I liked it better when you were shorter than me!"

Jacky laughed, before their form shifted again. This time, a young woman wearing a business suit. They looked completely average, with no defining features to determine that they were, in fact, anyone special. They smiled. "Thank you for helping me today, Ika. I think you've earned the rest of the day off. Feel free to go home."

"...huh? Really? That's it?" Ika asked with a tilt of her head. She had expected so much more! When she worked at the cafe, they had worked her half to death! "Uh...when do I come into work again?"

"Whenever I call you." Jacky shrugged, before sitting back at their desk. "Now, get going. I got some things to do, and I believe you got some friends to hang out with."

"Um, sure thing, de-geso!" She could already tell that working here was going to be...bizarre, to say the least. She turned around and was about to walk out the room, when she froze. She tilted her head and looked behind her. "Hey, Jacky?"

"Yes, Ika?"

"What was that thing you were work-ink on? When I was looking around?"

"Oh, you don't need to concern yourself about that." Jacky tapped their fingers against the desk, before smiling. "Now, please leave me alone. I got a lot of things to do, still, now that I'm back in business in all."

"Uh...alright. Goodbye!" With a wave, Ika Musume left the establishment, and hopped onto Hit-Girl's motorcycle. As the engine roared to life, Mindy looked back at Ika.

"So, how was your first day?"

"It was...weird," she said as the motorcycle shot down the street. She grabbed onto Hit-Girl's torso, to make sure she didn't fall. "But...I'm looking forward to the next day!"

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