I was supposed to make and upload this on Halloween but due to my schedule, had to delay it. No matter since here it is. For a long time, many of us DW fans wanted to rematch those horribly innacurate and biased episodes from across all three seasons. And so far, many users who have done did a great job in reanalyzing their outcomes, even arguably doing a better job than Spike.
Today on Deadliest Fiction, your old pal Elgb333 have returned to take the mantle of rematching probably the most unique yet also the most difficult match-up of them all.
Vampires: The blood-thirsty apex predator who terrorized Alaska for 30 Days!!!
vs
Zombies: The flesh-eating ghouls who shambled their way all throughout America!!!
WHO IS DEADLIEST???
Vampires (30 Days of Night)[]
Vampires are one of the main races in the 30 Days of Night series. They are apex predators who rely on the blood of
humans. The Nosferatu were once ruled by a "Council of Elders" led by Vicente. When the Council decided to make themselves known to the human race, humanity rebelled and persecuted most of their race. After a millennium, only a handful survived, led by Vicente.
In the series, vampirism is portrayed as a virus, one that can be spread through scratches, bites, and contact with vampire blood. The disease turns humans who contract it undead, gives them a mouthful of shark-like fangs and black eyes, as well as superhuman strength and speed, an aversion to sunlight, and superhumanly acute senses of sight, smell, and hearing. However, these senses can be weakened by extreme cold. Also, some vampires possess additional powers, such as teleportation, telepathy and the ability to disguise oneself. Vampires in the series differ in many ways from their mythological counterparts: impaling them with a wooden stake will not, on its own, kill them; neither will exposing them to garlic or even fire. They are extremely resilient, capable of withstanding grenades going off on their bodies or surviving after losing half of their faces to explosions. The only way to kill them is to behead them or expose them to the vitamins generated in direct sunlight, which sets them on fire and burns them to ash rapidly. Also, large amounts of ultraviolet light burn them and probably can kill them. But they can never stay dead for long; if blood hits their ashes they will regenerate.
Razor-Sharp Teeth A vampire's jaws is filled with these razor sharp shark-like teeth they use to pierce through flesh and drink on blood. The bite force they have far exceed that of a normal human being, and mostly are used to pierce or tear off flesh to make their victims bleed.
Claws Aside from their teeth, vampires are also armed with these elongated knife-like fingernails that is strong enough to kebab a person like spears, and rip them easily in half. One slash from these claws are enough to deface their victims, rip through their flesh or pin them in the torso. These claws are flexible enough for a vampire to hold improvised weapons, although not firearms for reasons unknown (either because their claws are too long for them to grasp a gun or because they are just too damn proud to use one).
Vampire Physique
As an apex predator the vampire is honed by nature to be the perfect killing machine:
Super Strength: Vampires are capable of lifting and throwing an adult man like a ragdoll. Just by grabbing a person through their necks or limbs is enough to immobolize them. A strike from a vampire is enough to go through a fleshy human body without a sweat. However, their physique do vary from vampire to vampire. Some vampires who were previously weak when they were alive, can be taken down by a fairly strong human, like that time when a Nazi general once outwrestled a vampire and decapitated him with nothing but a knife. Weak-bodied and children vampires are prone to this weakness.
Super Speed and Agility: Vampire's are able to move beyond that of peak-olympic humans, to the point that they can movie in blurs and strike a person without them knowing it. They are also very agile, able to leap from tall infrastructures. The vampire Vincente was even capable of leaping through the air to strike at a flying helicopter and make it crash down to the ground.
Superhuman Durability: Vampires have proven themselves to be very tough, capable of surviving gunshot wounds and physical injuries that would have killed a normal human 5x over, like when a vampire named Dane once survived being impaled on a pole on top of a skyscraper. It also helps that they have decent healing factor that allows them to heal from injuries, and in the case of Dane even reattaching his own hand. However, headshots from high caliber rounds and fire can kill them.
Intelligence: As apex predator they are smart and cunning creatures. Many vampires ten to work on packs during the hunt, creating strategies on how to take down their prey. They have successfully hidden themselves from humans for centuries, and like humans, can create societies and even organize wars.Vampire Virus In the series, vampirism is portrayed as a virus, one that can be spread through scratches, bites, and contact with vampire blood. The virus seems to be transmitted through the bloodstream and mainly affects living humans in a short amount of time.
Various
- Sunlight and Other Heat-Related Objects: The classic weakness of a vampire is sunlight, and any blood sucker caught in it will burst into flames or turn to dust in mere seconds. Not only that, but their weakness also crosses to that of flames or heat (as vampies can be harmed by fire and fire-related weapons like torches, flamethrower and incendiary rounds).
- Cold: Although not much of a hindrence, a vampire's perfomance in battle can be reduced by low temperaature or snow. But their effects are minimal at best.
- Not Actually Dead: Yeah I feel alot of nerds are going to argue me about this. But vampires in the 30 Days of Night aren't really "undead". They are immortal and they can regenerate from being turned into ash by a drop of blood, vampires' body still consist of working organs and a circulatory system. Hence why they still need to drink blood and spread virus through the bloodstream.
- Pride: Probably a far more deadly weakness for a vampire is their overly proud nature. They would easily udnerestimate their enemies, charge headlong into battle without thinking, and disfavor the use of human weapons even if it would help in their cause.
Zombies (Night of the Living Dead)[]
Zombies, originally called Ghouls, are a race of human beings who, sometime after death or infection, have risen up
and roam the Earth. While they began as Haitian and African myths involving magic bringing back corpses of the recently deceased to use as slaves and hitmen, the Zombie myth has gone through numerous revisions and updates as it became more widespread.
The current accepted pop-culture version of the zombie was the one made famous by the George A. Romero 1968 film, Night of the Living Dead. Slowly moving, but inevitable as the Death they bring with them, these zombies slowly make their way across the Earth in search of living victims to hunt down and devour, and to spread their disease to all they consume.
Bone-Crushing Teeth The main weapon of a zombie is their teeth. Their mouths may be similar to that of living humans, their lack of pain or inhibition allow them to bite harder. Deadliest Warrior compared a zombie bite to a rotweiler but this was just stupid and nonsensical. Zombies in the Night of the Living Dead Universe are capable of crunching and crushing through bone with ease and gnawing through a skull.
Zombie Hands The second most common weapon for them is their hands, which they used to literally rip a human limb from limb. Since the zombie virus granted the zombies strength that exceeds that of human beings, their hands are capable of gripping and crushing, as well as literally ripping off limbs in both the movies and respected media. They can easily crush a human skull like a watermelon or pull of a person's arm like a plastic toy. In both the film and the comics, zombies are capable of using their hands to grab weapons and even bludgeon a person to death with their fists or stomp them with the foot.
Zombie Body
These rotten, stinking corpses have bodies that varies from each other, depending on their decomposition level. Nonetheless, almost all exhibit:
Superhuman Strength: Zombies are basically capable of wrestling a normal human to the ground with ease. They have enough strength to basically break bone, rip through limbs and bash through a barricade. Some zombies are even capable of lifting a person over their heads and throwing them.
Varied Speed and Stealth: Its almost universal that most zombies suffer from rigor mortis, or the rigidity and reduced mobility of the body due to decomposition. They mostly move by shuffling or shambling ala zombie walk. Most zombies rely on stealth to take down their prey, with some using their rigor mortis to walk almost silently to their victims, or lay down and wait in a secluded spot to ambush their prey. These tactics are the main reason why these zombies manages to still pose a threat to humans even with slow speed. Throughout the franchise, there have been some zombies who's been able to run faster than an average ghoul, like the Hinzman ghoul who can run down a human or an automobile. But these types of zombies are few and rare.
Superhuman Durability: Zombies can pretty much survive anything you can throw at them, from bullets, melee attacks and explosions. Shooting them with firearms is useless, and trying to stab them in their body is suicidal. Although they have decomposing bodies, a unique feature of the zombie body is their ability to be invulnerable to the effects of decay, season and time. They can survive even with missing organs, limbs and lack of blood and oxygen (hence why zombies can survive underwater or underground). The only way to kill a zombie is by destroying a specific part of their brain that keeps them alive.
Nigh-Unlimited Stamina: Zombies does not feel hunger, pain or tiredness, their lack of emotion and will allow them to pretty much persist in their hunt. They have unlimited energy and cannot feel fatigue or loss of interest. They will hunt you down as long as their decomposing bodies allow them to.
Zombie Intelligence: While zombie fiction have portrayed them as mindless ghouls who have lost virtually every form of cognitive thinking, the original Romero Zombies of the first film did have some form of intelligence, being able to open doors, use weapons such as rocks and tools, and can throw objects as projectile weapons. As the series progress, some zombies have evolved and shown to be able to use firearms, ride horses, create their own society and even plan wars and strategies (an example of this was Big Daddy Zombie from Land of the Dead). While the majority of the zombies are still mindless ghouls, these "smart zombies" have shown a knack of leading their brethren when a battle arises.Zombie Infection
- Contrary to popular belief, it is still unsure whether the Romero zombie outbreak is caused by virus, radiation, or some supernatural phenomenon. Normally a bite or a scratch from a zombie is enough to turn a person into a zombie, but it is not really needed since anyone who dies in proximity of a zombie apocalypse will turn into the Living Dead. The zombie infection however, only affect living and dead human beings (since there are still no evidence that showed it can affect animals), but it is up to you if it can affect humanoid species or beings that were formerly humans.
Classic Zombie Weakness
Rigor Mortis: The rigidity adn stiffness of a zombie's body greatly reduce their speed and agility. Romero zombies who can run are very rare, and these zombies lack the ability to climb.
Fire: Flames are capable of damaging a zombie and keeping them at bay, although it takes them for it to actually affect them, and even so the reduction in performance is quite slim.
Notes[]
- Battle will recreate the infamous scene that happened in Barrow, Alaska, with a small group of vampire deciding to have a feast in said town. However, little did they know that the town is already being feasted upon by another form of undead... (dun dun dun).
- It wasn't easy thinking of the numbers for this match-up, but I'll try to make it as accurate as realistic to what would happen as possible for fairness. Alaskan settlements tend to have an average population of 4,766, so in this battle there will be 2500 zombies scattered all over the town. The number of the vampires in this matchup will be at most 500 (the comic numerously stated that the attack on Barrow was orchestrated by a small group of vampires, which swelled as more victims got infected). Another 2000 people are in hiding or in flight. Resources such as weapons and horses are available for all parties to use.
- I am a strictly using the standard version of each undead (but mostly the comic version of the vampires). So there won't be any uber-vampires here who can fly or teleport, and no super zombies empowered by mad science.
- I apologize for the lack of pictures. Most that I find are bloody, mature and NSFW.
Reason for Rematch[]
The objective of this rematch is not to change the outcome of the battle, but to fix some of the canon errors that DW made about the specific vampires and zombie versions they used. Not only did they pit the strongest version of the vampire vs the weakest generic zombie, but they excluded many information about 30 Days of Night and Night of the Living Dead that would have made the battle less one-sided.
Battle[]
The Memoirs of Lucy Ikos
A resident of Barrow, Alaska
My name is Lucy Ikos and I am writing the events that happened here in our town of Barrow in case we don’t survive this catastrophe. I apologize for any grammar and wording errors for my writing ain’t that good, as an ol’ country girl like me has just enough schooling to make this journal.
For those of you who are reading this, I am probably dead. As I am writing this journal, less than half of the town had died. The Alaskan snow has been drenched with the blood of its townsfolk, and most of anything still standing is burning at this moment. You maybe wondering what happened for such a bloody thing to happen to the town, and I wish I have the simplest answer to give to you. Truth to be told the rest of the survivors and I currently huddled in the basement of my bar don’t even know what the hell is happening. All we are doing now is hide, pray and weep for everything to just be fucking over.
But still, here in this notebook, I write everything that I have witnessed, and I hope to God that ya’ll believe me.
It all started approximately half a month ago. The snow has started to blow strong early this year, and the people have started to prepare for another 30 days of darkness in Barrow.
I was working at my bar when the dreadful news arrived. A ship have drifted to the port of Barrow. There was no crew inside, and the ship’s engine was on the verge of breaking apart. We called to anyone in the cities and even the Federals about this mysterious ship but no definite answer came forward. Communication has been almost dead ever since some strange outbreak was happening in New York and Los Angeles, and the ship itself is said to be headed towards San Francisco before some shit happened. We shoulda fucking knew that mystery only brings unseen evil.
As the law started its investigation on this ship, one of the deputies stumbled upon the lower deck. He came upon the crew’s bunkers. Information about what happened next was hazy but it was clear that someone or something attacked him. He came out with a bleeding neck. The other sheriffs grabbed the young kid and took him to the hospital. He “died” before the doctors can examine him, but he never really died when he rose up one night and became rabid. He bit some of the nurses and securities sent to apprehend him, and they too turn rabid. Soon, reports said that all the bodies in the hospital resurrected as if Jesus finally came down again from heaven. Yet it wasn’t Jesus but Satan bringing malevolence came upon our town. The “walking” dead spilled into the streets and started killing. And as we brave Alaskans try to fight em off, another evil came attacking us from the rear.
---
Just as the same time we were fighting these corpses, some of the hunters settled in the outskirt of the town came running into our town, many wounded and covered with blood. Panicked and traumatized, they reported of a group of Goth bloodsuckers who attacked them. These monsters were unlike anyone or anything they have come across, for they were faster than any cougar and as powerful as the biggest bear. They slaughtered almost everyone in the settlements and were headed towards our town.
We try to contact anyone for help in the neighboring towns and cities but to no avail. The Winter was making it difficult to communicate, and even for those who have satellite phones, all they receive in their speaker were blank fuzz. The sheriffs, still optimistic of winning the battle, decided to send some deputies and civilians to hold back the bloodsuckers while we handle the walking corpses. When they returned, they were barely human and attacked us, first killing their loved ones, before going after us who were still fighting back.
We manage to capture one of the “dead” deputies (at the cost of five people), and we learned that the bloodsuckers were led by a man named Vicente. They were some sort of ancient secret society of human killers who have decided to visit Barrow during the annual 30 days of darkness, to feast upon us townsfolk for a month straight. They were called "vampires" by the deputy, the same ones my grandfather used to scare me. Our town has now been overrun by both vampires and these "zombies". God I pray ya’ll still reading and believing in what I am writing.
It didn’t take too long before we got overwhelmed from both sides. Being beaten back, we had no choice but decided to hunker down inside our houses, while several volunteered to run through the snow to get help. Me and many more hid inside my bar. It was a scary premise, as many of us watched in fright as our streets became filled with vampires and zombies. Anyone caught outside were easily ripped apart and eaten by these things.
But soon as they came, we soon saw that these two monsters didn’t want to share the town.
---
The first confrontation happened when several young male vampires were chasing this teenage girl through the street (we couldn’t do anything but watch). As the girl went inside this alley with the vampires still in pursuit, she was suddenly grabbed and torn by a lone zombie. The vampires at first looked in curiosity at the living dead. But as the latter suddenly went towards them, the vampires, pissed that it took their victim, ripped the poor bastard to shreds.
Soon a dozen more arrived and a skirmish soon erupted. The three vampires had no problems dispatching the corpses with ease using their claws. And as another dozen came in, the vampires had to retreat back and report to their master. Vicente sent a squad to further scout these dead beings. The slow pace of the zombies and their brainless clumsy mannerism made the vampires scoff. Some of the vampires happily killed many of them for fun. However, one zombie somehow manage to run towards them and got a bite off an unsuspecting vampire’s neck, killing him. In a frenzy, the vampires murdered many of the zombies that night before going back to their master.
But as they do so, one of the zombies, a big hulking one whom several of us named Big Daddy, became enraged at the vampires killing his fellow zombies (a rare trait that we observed among these walking corpses). Other zombies, who were visibly smarter than the others grouped themselves together with Big Daddy as they march towards the vampire in retaliation.
---
At around the same time, more and more of us were dying. Some were killed off in the streets in the most painful and sadistic way possible by these two monsters, while others here have started to die of cold, dehydration and hunger. God seemed to have left Barrow to die. But as one person die, we have to be careful as they can turn into a zombie. At first we thought that it takes a bite or a scratch for a person to become one, but it seems that dying seems to do the trick. In a strange way it bolstered the zombie’s numbers even more, while the vampires, who themselves also infected humans, were doing so at a slower pace.
From time to time we would watch in fear as some of the vampires went out on their usual hunts. I personally watched them attack a manor filled with Alaskans. The people inside put up a great fight, killing several bloodsuckers, but was overwhelmed in the end. They ate the kids, turn the men into vampires, while did some of the most aweful stuffs to the women and girls.
We too would face the zombies occasionally. When one detects a house filled with people, a whole swarm of em would attack and to get inside. Their physical strength does make it difficult to fend them off, but there was no problem ever evacuating if necessary. Sometimes though, one of the townsfolk would recognize one of his/her relative being turned intoa zombie and would unwittingly try to meet them, which would result in a very tragic end. Evacuating also possess other problems, since it makes us vulnerable when the vampires get our scents.
What the zombie lack in speed and smart, they made up for numbers. One of my accountants estimated that at least two thousand of them are zombie while the vampires only have a quarter or even an eight of that number. Worst, is that many of the zombies have started to gather some weapons, at first simple melee tools, but others better armed with guns and even horses. The vampires weren't doing anything, as many were busy and distracted "partying" with their captured prey at the town's plaza (their headquarters). They were unaware of what was going to hit them.
Now the real battle has begun, but whoever wins, we people at Barrow feel that we have already lost.
---
The first major confrontation happened at the hospital. A large number of vampires were busy feasting on the trapped, still-living patients in that area, not knowing that the zombies were slowly shambling towards them. The zombies took them by surprise, ripping several of them easily, but the vampires quickly recovered and counter attacked, killing twice the number. Many of the fast zombies manage to pounce on the unsuspecting vampires, while some who had weapons attacked the downed bloodsuckers. They ripped, smashed and shot the vampires with melee weapons and guns, which proved effective. Most of the vampires were wiped out in that battle, 40 of them dead while the zombies lost 130.
Another battle happened on the kindergarten school, whom the vampires turn into some sick pig pen with kids inside. A number of zombies on horseback, came galloping toward some vampires relaxing on a play ground. They took the vampires by surprise yet again (which at this point was percieving the zombies are purely comical and harmless), as the zombies came swarming in from all direction. The ones on horseback killed some vampires with the hoofs of their horses, while many ripped and tore many vampires. Things was turning for the zombies as 50 vampires died while the they lost a meager 20.
At this time, several of us decided to use the fighting as a distraction to try and slip away. Some fled on foot while others by boat or car. Some were successful while others not so much. Escaping on foot made you vulnerable to some zombies hiding in the forest, while fleeing in a vehicle alerts you to the vampires who would then give chase. Many of those who tried to escape were either butchered or turned by both monsters, but many more thankfully escaped.
I remained at my bar alone, to keep documenting what was happening. I told those with me that whoever reaches help first, to never come back for me. To do anything to destroy this town.
---
Finally, the vampires got wind of what was happening and recomposed themselves. All of the zombies at the town converge and surrounded the plaza, eager and ready for a fight. The vampires quickly and panickly barricaded themselves, and afterwards were just as itching for a battle. The zombies came rushing in but the barricade of the vampires held. Many vamprires slaughtered many more zombies as they helplessly try to climb the barricade the vampires put in. During the initail onslaught over 500 zombies died while the vampires lost none. Some of the zombies started to use their tools to take chunks out the barricade, but some vampires sacrificed themselves to kill off those who were smart enough to do so.
Soon the zombies' numbers were dwindling fast, and those idiots remaining were too dumb to retreat and regroup. Sensing victory, the vampires made a sharp howl, before opening their barricades and attacked, confident to finally wipe out all the zombies. This proved to be another fatal mistake as their underestimated the total number of remaining zombies yet again. At close quarters and in a tight crowd, the vampires were having difficulty fighting the zombies up close. While one can kill several, others would work together to overwhelm and destroy. The vampires slashed and killed, making sure to hit the head to kill them faster, but many zombies also sent themselves forward and grappled any vampire they can reach.
The vampire's leader, Vicente, who was assessing the situation, decided to attack the leader of the zombies, Big Daddy. The zombie tried to stop Vicente with an M16 he picked up, and while he hit him at least four times, the vampire shrugged it off. Vicente encircled Big Daddy, using his superior speed to run circles at the poor clumsy corpse. With a thrust, he plunge his hand on his chest. The zombie howled, but quickly retaliated by biting the face of Vicente. The vampire screamed in pain before finally grabbing and pulling the head of Big Daddy off of his body. The leader of the zombies fell, but the vampire leader was fatally wounded. As Vicente tried to walk away, I took the oppurtunity to shoot him in the head with my .50 cal from my window, I didn't care if my shot would be heard, all I wanted at that time was to take revenge.
With both leaderless, the battle was turning bad for the zombies. All of those who were smart or fast enough to fight the vampires were gone. It didn't take too long for a new leader of the vampire to emerge, and with one final careful push, the vampires finally destroyed all the zombies in town. Only 80 of them remained, but they all stood triumphant.
They then turn their eyes towards my bar, to hunt down the one who have killed their leader earlier. Unlike the zombies, the vampires easily burt through the nailed doors of my home. With all my ammo, bombs and guns I stood my ground, chucking everything I have on them. I killed several of them, but in the end I myself got bit in the wrist.
I didn't want them to take me, so lit up some dynamite, threw it in the middle of my bar and watched as they all tried to run, trapping themselves as they helplessly squeese through the small door. I manage to get out just in time, and the explosion killed dozens of them. With no time to celebrate, I quickly took refuge in the police station where I locked myself in a cell. I grabbed the candle and cauterized my wound (which hurt like a bitch).
---
And here I am now, alone and writing this story to you. The bite feels corrosive and painful, as if it is eating me from the inside. I don't know if I am going to turn or not, and I can hear some of the remaining vampires still searching for me. I had no plans to survive another night, but then I heard a sound booming through the air. I knew from then that my prayers have finally been aswered.
I can hear fighter jets from the USAF base flying above. I doubt even with their superhuman powers the vampires are strong enough to catch one. I breath a sigh of relief for it won't be long for my pain and suffering to be finished. I knew that these jets are here to bomb the living hell out of this freaks. To send all ugly monsters and undead back to the deepest macabre stinking cestpool in Hell where they belong! My nightmare was now done.
Expert's Opinion[]
The vampire won because they simply outclassed the zombies in almost all categories, from weapons, physicality and x-factors. Most importantly they have more speed and intelligence in their ranks, things that are rare and a minority for the zombies. The zombies only takes the edge in the infection category but even that isn't enough.
While the outcome is the same to the episode finale of Deadliest Warrior, the purpose of this rematch is to create a more accurate list of each monsters' stats, and make them more faithful to their source materials. It wasn't easy since I have to dig through a lot of wikis, comics and other expanded universes to make this battle.