For the Month of April in the year 2014.
News APRIL FOOL'S! (C'mon, guys step it up)
- Congratulations to our newest Admins- The Illustrious Cfp3157, who is replacing Drayco because he is "a tremendous shitbag", and Most Refined Tomahawk23.
- We wish MrPacheco101 and Leolab a fine retirement. Their last message, left for us all to record in these blogs, is "You are all morons, we can't take your shit anymore, and you are going to burn this place down before the end of the month." With a need for new Bureaucrats, we have reached out to a well loved old member- Mexican Spider is here to bring in a new reign of Communist Deadliest Fiction.
- All battles deemed unfair are now to be deleted from the wiki to preserve space. Also, every battle you have written is now unfair. Unless you wrote That One That Logs You Out When You Click It, asshole.
- American scientists have discovered irrefutable proof that Communism is actually a disease, found in poor parts of the world where God doesn't pay attention. Cure to come.
- China announces that its plans in order to make itself a new "green" nation, has announced a new line of energy drinks, Soylent Green. Soylent Green factories are said to be opening up in crowded, metropolitan areas in order to bring new jobs and industry to the people.
- Nester totally confirmed for Smash Bros. Ridley deconfirmed- too big for the Wii U's weak CPU, says Sakurai. Expect Naruto for E3.
- Valve has announced Half-Life 3, after over a decade of waiting. As a good show to everyone who has spent so much time caring and waiting, Gabe Newell has promised everyone who has a Steam Account will receive the game for free.
(I'm not sorry)
- In order to ensure timely and efficient posting of the news blogs, Our good friend WanderingSkull has taken up the mantle of being the Deadliest Fiction News' human safety net. If I find myself too distracted or too assholish to remember to entertain you with my smooth dulcet toned typography, Skull will do the job in my stead. Thanks a million, Skull.
- Scientists and officials meeting in Japan have published the most comprehensive assessment to date of the impacts of climate change on the world- if you're interested in the results, BBC has an interesting write up here
- Russian military forces have begun to build on the border of Ukraine, although the ever-likely excuse of "training exercise" has been dropped by the Russians. While tensions rise, Putin called Obama, with an official statement from the White House reading "Obama "underscored to President Putin that the United States continues to support a diplomatic path in close consultation with the government of Ukraine ... with the aim of de-escalation of the crisis,"
- Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 went missing after being in air for a few hours and attempts to contact the airliner have proven futile. The search kicked off and after weeks of searching, nothing solid has managed to come up. The exact fate of the airline is unknown, leading to rampant speculation. Multiple nations have pitched in the effort to recover the airline's debris, the exact location of which is unknown. It is generally believed that the jet exploded in mid-flight leading to the lack of results from the searches as the wreckage is scattered all over the ocean. Our hearts go out to the grieving families as they seek closure in the wake of this tragedy.
- Fred Phelps, famed batshit lunatic and founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, best known for their hate of others and condemnations of their hellish futures, and the picketing of funerals for casualties of military operations overseas, passed away this month at the age of 84. Early attempts to organize a protest of his own funeral were crushed when his daughter revealed there wouldn't be one- they didn't believe in the ritual.
- Hamid Karzai accused Pakistan of being behind a recent series of attacks and of blocking his government from striking a peace deal with the Taliban, the Afghan president’s office said Sunday. While Karzai regularly makes these accusations, his tone has been described as particularly "pointed and direct" recently. They come after three attacks in five days in the capital Kabul, the latest coming on Saturday when assailants fired machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades at the country’s electoral commission ahead of next week’s general election. Karzai told Secretary of State Kerry on Saturday he did not accept U.S. arguments that it had no influence “over countries that support terrorism,” and said the U.S.’ refusal to go after the Pakistani intelligence agency could further hurt its relations with Afghanistan, while US Officials themselves refuse to comment on the contents of the conversation, only that one took place.
- Veteran reporter Javier Espinosa, the Middle East bureau chief of El Mundo newspaper, and Ricardo Garcia Vilanova, a freelance photographer, have been released after six months of captivity by a rogue Al Qaeda group in Syria, proving that not all the news that happens in the world has to have a sad ending.
- California State Senator Leland Yee has been arrested on charges of bribery, political corruption, and brokering an arms deal. For anyone who has forgotten, Senator Yee was a champion of the anti-video game law from 2005 that was later shot down by the supreme court. He argued that games sold to minors by a retailer should result in the retailer being penalized by the government. That political position comes from a guy who in 2011 traded political favors for campaign donations, worked closely with the Chinese Mafia while running for Secretary of State, and even tried to traffic guns from the Philippines to a Jersey gangster. It just so happens that the gangster and campaign donors were also undercover FBI agents. If Mr. Lee is found guilty of all charges he faces a maximum sentence of 125 years in prison, while being fined 1.7 million dollars. Let's hope that he doesn't continue to preach that video games are bad influences while on trial.
- Venezuela continues to suffer riots as anti-Venezuelan government protests continue to spread about the nation who in recent years has suffered from lack of basic necessities and economic situation continues to deteriorate. Pro-Venezuelan government militias have clashed with their fellow countrymen during these protests as a clear sign of divided ideals within the nation. We wish the Venezuelan people the best of luck as the situation continues.
- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced this month that the social media company had acquired the promising tech start up, the Oculus Rift, for $2 Billion. Oculus Rift was slated to be the first tangible step in consumer purchasable VR simulation, and was focused on gaming. While Zuckerberg claims he only wants to give the company money to make the vision a reality, the announcement also mentions a shift in focus from games to interactive experiences and social communication.
- The trailer for Micheal Bay's new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is now out, featuring all the Megan Fox, awful CGI turtle nightmares and needless explosions that you could possibly handle- bonus points for already setting up ways to wank to the military.
- This Friday, Microsoft announced that it will no longer read the personal email accounts of users suspected of theft or illegal activities that use their services, prompting a united reaction of "Hey wait, you were doing what now?"
- The Wu-Tang Clan has announced that it's planning to release only one single copy of their previously secret album, "The Wu - Once Upon A Time In Shaolin", believing that, according to an interview with RZA in Forbes, the Wu hope it will cause the music industry to self-destruct so that art can be reborn. "The idea that music is art has been something we advocated for years," said RZA. "And yet it doesn't receive the same treatment as art in the sense of the value of what it is, especially nowadays when it's been devalued and diminished to almost the point that it has to be given away for free."
Born in April? Let us know in the comments below and we'll make sure the Wiki remembers. Like a creepy always watching machine that wishes to give you virtual cakes.
Battle of the Month(s)
- It's been a while since the last time we had one of these, so chose a few battles published from December 2013 up to the end of March 2014 to nominate for your Battle of the Month. Once we have around eight candidates or it's clear that there's only going to be less than that, we'll open up voting.
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Sorry for the extended break- radio silence should be over now, and your newsman-on-the-job Drayco "The Edit-Ma-er, Wizard" 90 is here to keep you updated. Stay classy, Deadliest Fiction!