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Battle vs. Predator (by Mr Snuglepuff)[]

It was a common day at the Hobbit’s Armpit. Patrons were joking and drinking as the waitresses took trays filled with drinks. At the bar sat Thrud the Barbarian, his massive form on the stool. His Ax resting next to him, as his hand held a goblet of beer.

Suddenly, there was a strange sound outside, like if a tornado was actually falling from the sky. “What is going on?” asked one of the bar’s patrons, his sword at his scabbard, he approached the door and opened. Outside he saw a scene that filled him with awe, a massive metal ship of some sort had landed right on the street in front of the Hobbit’s Armpit Tavern, a door opened at the side of it as a ramp was extended towards the ground.

“What is that?” asked another patron, this one with a bow and a quiver full of arrows on his back, as he stood behind the other. Suddenly something came out flying from the opened door of the metal flying ship, as an extended Combi stick pierced trough both patrons, and they fell down dead on the floor. The Combi Stick still impaled in them.

Then, on the Hobbit’s Armpit’s opened door, stood the Predator. The heat vision function of his bio mask helmet scanning the place, noticing how everyone there had a sword, or an ax, or some weapon of some sort; except for the Barman and the three waitresses. The intergalactic hunter knew well who its targets were. He took out his whip, his wrist blades extending from the wristlet on his other arm.

Every Patron of the bar saw the massive figure of the Predator, blocking the only way out. They took out their weapons, helmets and shields, “Get him!” yelled one with a massive broadsword and a jeweled helmet. He was the first to die as the Predator slashed him in half with the dented whip. More patrons ran towards the Predator, only to meet their doom as the predator pierced trough their armor with the wrist blades, or wrapped his whip around their necks, only to pull it a second later, cutting their heads straight off. Seeing the carnage, some of the patrons decided to just hide under the tables, hoping to survive this somehow. One of them even went over at the bar, talking to Thrud in panic. “Thrud! Look at that! Do something!”

Thrud punched the man on the face, sending him flying several feet away with his teeth out of his mouth and his nose caved in his face. “Shhh. I’m drinking.” said Thrud, as he downed another beer.

As the Predator slashed at the last patron that faced him, cutting him in half with the whip, he saw the massive figure sitting at the bar. He saw the massive Ax next to it. He knew he had found a worthy prey.

The Predator reached down at the Combi Stick, still impaled on the two patrons, and shortened it, causing the bodies of the Patrons to fall down on the floor, and fastening it on his belt. He then gripped the whip more firmly and slashed at Thrud’s back, but the massive figure was unharmed.

Thrud felt something touch him lightly on the back, so he stood up and turned around. “Who interrupts me while I have my beer?” he said.

The Predator looked at Thrud, he knew he was in front of a mighty prey. He must be if he was unharmed from his whip. He slashed at Thrud again with his whip, wrapping it around Thrud’s wrist.

Thrud just looked at his writs and pulled, causing the Predator to loose his footing and stumble towards the big Barbarian. Thrud then punched the Predator on his face, denting the Predator’s helmet, causing him to loose his grip on the whip, as it fell on the floor.

The Predator was suddenly blinded as the helmet made short circuit, he took it off as it was useless now. His face terrified everyone that was still alive at the tavern as the Predator gave out a great roar. The Predator ran towards Thurd, his Wrist Blades ready to strike.

“By the sacred jockstrap of Robert E. Howard you'll pay for this, Hellspawn!" Thurd then grabbed his ax and swung it at the Predator, cutting off the arm that had the Wrist Blade, it rolled out and under a table where the last surviving patron was hiding.

The Predator’s bright green blood splattered over the floor. Thurd swung his ax again, but the Predator now regarded him with more respect and started dodging him, waiting for an opening.

The patron hiding under the table looked at the Predator’s severed hand, and decided to peek his head out of the table. “Is it over?” he said. They were the last words he uttered as Thurd’s axe slashed his head cleanly trough, as he missed the Predator yet again.

Finally, as he had managed to put some distance between him and Thrud, the Predator reached for his Combi Stick with his remaining arm, extended it to full length yet again, and hurled it at Thrud like a javelin.

Thurd just swung his axe, deflecting the Combi stick to a side.

The door to the kitchen opened, and out came the new busboy hired by the owner of the tavern. “I just finished cleaning the dishes and…” was the last thing he said as the Predator’s deflected Combi Stick impaled itself on his chest.

Then Thrud flung his axe downwards, cutting the Predator in half from top to bottom. The two halves of the dead Predator fell on the ground, as Thrud’s axe was stained with its greenish blood. “That’ll teach you.” said Thrud, as he walked back towards the bar, sat down, and finished his beer.

Winner: Thrud the Barbarian.

Expert's Opinion[]


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was disregarded because the author used a sock account to vote on it.