Deadliest Fiction Wiki

Edit Section

Let me die with the Philistines!
— Samson

Samson was a judge, people chosen by God to rule over Israel before kings took their place, and a member Nazarite, or a member of a sect of Judaism with strict requirements for its members, including abstaining from alcohol and never cutting their hair. In return for his loyalty to the oaths of a Nazarite, God granted Samson superhuman strength.

When Israel was threatened by the Philistines, Samson served as the nation's first line of defense. In one battle, Samson was reputed to have slain a thousand Philistine soldiers armed only with a donkey's jawbone. In another, he tied lit torches to the tails of three-hundred foxes, inciting them to burn the Philistine's crops.

For all his strength, Samson fell prey to one of the oldest tricks in the book: lust. An agent of the Philistines, Delilah, was tasked with seducing Samson and learning of the source of his power. When Samson eventually revealed his Nazarite vows to her, Delilah and her superiors shaved Samson while he slept, rendering him powerless.

Samson was taken as a slave by the Philistines, and chained up in the Temple of Dagon as an object of mockery. However, when the temple was filled with his hated enemies, Samson prayed to God, and his strength returned. With all his might, Samson tore down the temple's pillars, Samson bringing the entire building down the Philistines and himself. Samson killed more with this dying act than he had in his entire life.

Edit Section

Battles here were deemed to be unfair or otherwise not in accordance with wiki standards, and have been removed from the statuses of the warriors and displayed below.

Battle vs. Gilgamesh (by CuchulainSetanta)[]

On a desert plain, Samson is riding in his chariot when he spots something coming towards him. As he gets nearer, he sees it is Gilgamesh riding in his war wagon. The two circle each other, sizing each other up as they reach for their weapons. Finally, Samson readies his sling and hurls a stone at Gilgamesh. It misses the warrior king, but the force of the stone shatters the front wheel of the wagon. Gilgamesh, in turn, hurls his javelin, which Samson ducks under.

As Gilgamesh jumps out of his battered wagon, Samson grabs his kopesh and rides toward the king. Gilgamesh evades the strongman's slash, but Samson begins to come around for another pass. Gilgamesh hurries back to his wagon, and readies his war net. As Samson passes, Gilgamesh hurls the net and pulls Samson off his ride. He readies his spear to strike Samson dead, but before the blow comes, Samson rips the net apart and jumps to his feet.

Gilgamesh goes in for another thrust, but Samson breaks the spear in half with a mighty slam. Gilgamesh readies his bronze mace as Samson picks up a donkey's jawbone laying nearby. Both warriors close in, swinging their weapons at each other. They get in several ferocious hits before both strike at the same time, the weapons colliding in midair. Gilgamesh's mace smashes the donkey's jawbone into dust, leaving Samson unarmed. Undeterred, Samson tackles Gilgamesh to the ground, punching him in the head until Gilgamesh's face is a bloody pulp. Seeing his enemy is dead, Samson rises and gives a mighty shout.

Winner: Samson

Expert's Opinion[]


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Samson was given a khopesh and a sling. Gilgamesh was given a bronze mace, a Sumerian spear, a Sumerian javelin, and a war net. All of these weapons were never used by their respective warriors.

Battle vs. Cerberus (by GSFB)[]

At the gate to the underworld, past errie pale green mists and the mouth of the river styx, sleeps Cerberus the three headed. The hound, the size of grizzly bear, with mastiff heads and tiny writhing gray snakes for hair, dreams about a nice, fat juicy soul, licking its three lips, when it woke with a bark. The animal sensed something near, something...alive.

It was a mortal man, he could tell by the scent, a big man carrying the jaw of a donkey, an animal whose taste he didn't care much for, either the flesh or the spirit. The man made heavy footsteps, which echoed across the cavern. The dog had heard similar footsteps before; the other time he hard heard such noises, such powerful footfalls, was when Hercules entered the underworld, to capture, him. But this was not Hercules; He had been dead for centuries now, and the man did not smell the same. The hound also noted that there was not lion skin smell, or that of any armor of the above; this man's flesh was exposed, vulnerable. Cerberus licked his lips again.

After two minutes, the man emerged from a tunnel. Cerberus squinted, rearing up at times to get a better glimpse. The man was poorly dressed, like a man of the deserts, but he was heavily built, with dark skin and seven great locks of hair that reached down to his legs. The man was stern of face, and Cerberus sensed anger, a rage that he had also sensed with Hercules.

When the man took three steps fowards, Cerberus barked. The man, not seeing the hound yet, jumped back, raising a bronze Canaanite Sickle-sword. The hound continued barking, yet the warrior started to approach again. As he took his fifth step, the huge man spotted the hound, and freaked. The animal howled, trying to warn the man off. Yet the hulk walked closer again. He pulld out a rock, put it into a ragged sling, and twirled it. Cerberus growled. He was about to leap when the rock was thrown, smashing into one of his eyes. The beast shook its heads, not hurt but startled by the rock and the debris that followed it. Sneeing, the hound ran towards the man.

"Yes, come to Samson!" The warrior said. The hound barked in response.

Samson drew his sword and threw it at the hound, but it bent when it struck one of its noses, failing to break the skin. Then he drew his jawbone. As the dog collided with the strongman, he brought the jawbone down on one of the dog's heads. Once again, no wound, and the bone shattered into countless pieces.

The combatants rolled over and over on the ground. Cerberus got on top of him ad raised its snake tail, preparing to strike. Samson caught the tail with one hand and bashed it with his other, knocking it unconscious. As the dog's heads bite down repeatedly, the snakes on its body bit as well, but the strongman managed to keep the dogs heads from biting him, and he threw the hound off.

Landing thirty feet away, Cerberus stood, shaking its three canine heads. Turning to face his opponent, he suddenly finds himself tackled, once again on the cave floor. The strongman swats the hounds paws away, delivering several cracking blows to the beast's head. Cerberus clawed at his gut with his hind legs, his snake hairs biting constantly. Samson grabbed the beast, whirled him around, and threw him two hundred feet away. The hound smashed right through several cave walls before falling down near the river styx.

Samson looked at his hands, seeing numerous tiny snake bites. He felt almost dizzy, shaking his head. He realized that he couln't keep getting close to the monster to kill it; he had to hit it from a distance. As he looked for a good boulder, he heard the dog snarl and head towards him.

Cerberus was frothing at the mouth now. Aconite plants formed wherever his spittle landed. But as he drew to thirty feet from the hero, he suddenly found his faces full of broken rock, courtesy of an incoming boulder. Cerberus was knocked off his feet, crashing into another thick cave wall. As he shook his heads and tried to rise, another boulder crashed down on him. Desperately, the hound looked around, wide eyed, trying to find a means of escape, but Samson kept ripping huge chunks of stone from the underworld ground and throwing them at him. Looking at his opponent, seeing how he roared with battle fury as he continued to rip rock from the earth and throw them, Cerberus decided to charge at the enemy, feeling that he would rather die in a final lunge than being curled up on the cave floor. The beast busted through three huge boulder, larger than the others and traveling four times as fast, before the hero brought down both hands clasped together onto the dog's center head. The beast made a huge crater of rubble and pebbles as he struck the ground, so terrible was the blow. Cerberus was almost unconscious as the strongman examined him. Turning, he saw a huge column of rock, reaching from the roof to the floor of the cavern, and decided to use it as the finishing weapon. Grabbing the column with both arms, Samson broke the column from the cave, yelling with joy. He ran over to the dog and was about to club him when he felt the ground vibrate. Looking up, he saw and then heard the roof begin to crack. The walls were breaking apart. He had guessed wrong about the cave's integrity. It was going to collapse!

Samson was about to turn and flee when a huge boulder fell down onto his head. Others followed. The whole ave was about to fall under its own weight. Adrenaline flowing through his veins, due to a sudden panic, Cerberus got up and ran towards the gate. As the cave collapsed, falling down on Samson, the guardog of the underworld leaped onto the gate, knocking it down with a heavy underground thunder.


Half an hour later, Cerberus sniffs at the rubble, trying to find the body of the superstrong warrior. He wanted to bore his way through the rubble, but he didn't want to get caught in another cave in.Yet just when he wa going to give up, he smelt the strongman again, and his scent was not coming from the rubble.

Turning, he saw a blue and black ghost, a shade, a phantom of the formerly living, walking a nearby tunnel. The ghost looked around, confused. When it saw the hound, he shook.

"You are dead", Cerberus thought.

"Your strength is gone, for you are now spirit, and I devour the souls of the foolish...!"

Cerberus charged. The hero, still not realizing he was dead, ran towards the approaching hound, his hand sready to recieve him. In a few seconds they collided. Samson's hands grabbed onto two of the brute's three heads, but quickly lost his grip as Cerberus bit down on his soul, rendering the spirit into three ghostly mouthfulls. Swallowing the spirit in three parts, with three canine heads, Cerberus barked with joy, his snake tail wagging happily.

Suddenly, every mouth of the dog, from his dog heads and snake tail to the numerous snakes that made up his own hairs, opened their mouths, letting loose a noxious, grotesque burp. Then, to the chagrin of the tail snake, a fart was unleashed.


Expert's Opinion[]


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Samson was given a khopesh and a sling, weapons he did not use.