| This may not be the page you're looking for. Please see Puss in Boots (disambiguation) for other pages about a character or group known as Puss in Boots. |
| “ | I'm either a trickster spirit or I'm nothing at all.
— Puss in Boots
|
” |
A cat from the kingdom of Marienne, Puss in Boots lived to see the end of his story, conning the peasant miller's son Tomas into becoming the king of Marienne and Puss his royal advisor. However, when the Times of Shadows began and different fairy tales merged into a single continent, Puss became an exile after the giants invaded Marienne, fleeing during the attack and abandoning Tomas. Puss found himself in the company of the toy Pinocchio, and the pair join the Red Hen's caravan. Individuals in the Caravan - Pinocchio, the sleeping princess Rosaumund Du Prix, and the Frog Prince Gerard, learn that they are being called to the kingdom of Elegy, the home of princess Cinderella. The group, which also consists of storyteller Mother Timothy Goose and Ylfa Snorgelsson, go to Elegy, where they are all killed in battle by Cinderella's Fairy Godmother.
In the Lands Between, Pib awakens with his fellow trickster spirits, the Fox and the Hare, and tricks them into letting him reincarnate in the next story. Pib attains Twice Upon A Time, becoming aware of his role as a character in a story, and reunites with the rest of his adventuring party, dubbing themselves Destiny's Children. Over the next weeks, Puss and his friends learn about the true nature of Pinocchio's stepmother, who was once Cinderella's stepmother who traded her name and daughters in exchange for the ability to consume stories, and the Authors, omniscient beings who have been writing the stories of the Neverafter. They also forge a temporary alliances with the Princesses, a group of fairy tale princesses who wish to destroy reality to end the cyclical misfortune they suffer, breaking it when Destiny's Children decides to let everyone write their own stories instead. Destiny's Children forges an alliance with Baba Yaga to do this, with Pib sacrificing the entire story of Puss in Boots for her help. The various factions all collide at the Canonade, the source of ink that creates stories, where Destiny's Children ultimately triumph in giving every story character the power to write and change their own story. Before the story ends, Pib pickpockets all the things Baba Yaga had asked Destiny's Children to sacrifice, to both their amusement. Some time later, Pib has returned to Marienne with a resurrected Tomas, where Cinderella and her stepmother seek an audience to help the step-sisters find suitors, with Pib agreeing to do so.
Battle vs. Puss in Boots (Shrek) (by MovieStuff65)[]
Part 1: Meanwhile...[]
As he tiredly flicks through the many, many cameras recording the exhibits of DFederal's zoo, Eddie Gluskin checks his watch for twelfth time in the last hour, eyebrows furrowing in self-imposed frustration as the hand goes from 11:46 to 11:47. The late morning shift was always the most boring - the beasts with jobs had left by now, and the few citizens that did come to the zoos would hardly want to see the unemployed ones that sought food and shelter through a viewing pen. So, in the dingy little office that was half staff building and half guest information center, Glusken wasted away his shift.
His uneventful torture receives a momentary reprieve as he watches a small dog uselessly glare at the bars holding him in, a focused scowl on the canine's face. Before he could relish in the animal's vain attempts to flee again, a ding from the bell alerted him to a guest. Grumbling, he rolls his office chair from the security desk to the window, looking out at nothing.
"Down here, big guy," a voice says, and Gluskin stands and looks below to see a mangy, standing cat, flashing a toothy grin and a pair of beady yellow eyes. "Yes, I'm Pib. I was told you were supposed to show me to my new place?"
"I don't handle that."
"I was told by the Integration Office to see you specifically, Benny." Pib states, taking a small jump up to the window. He pulls himself up, offering a hand to Glusken. "Come on, it'll take five minutes."
Eddie looks down, seeing his name tag, and gives a raised eyebrow. "My name's Eddie." Pib looks incredulously at the employee. "I know, Eddie. That's what I said."
Relenting, Eddie stands up, walking over to the door and unlocking it. As he walks out, Pib steps beside him, subtly kicking a small stone in place to stop the door. "Thank you Eddie, I appreciate it. Being new to the city, I tend to get lost rather easily." Pib hands the man a ticket, and Eddie's eyes glaze over as he mumbles as an annoyed "Follow me" to the feline.
The pair walk, Pib attempting a conversation every now and then, before eventually arriving at a small enclosure. As a man in full plate passes them, Eddie looks down at Pib. "This is where you're-" he starts, before a large explosion sends concrete and dirt flying in his direction. Eddie falls onto his back, wiping what debris he can from his eyes, as he spots a blue wolf and a red squirrel emerge from the newly created hole in the ground in front of him, wearing distinct grey masks. The serial killer reaches towards his walkie talkie, only to feel an empty space on his belt where the device should be and an empty sheath where his knife should be.
"Looking for something, Eddie?" Pib says innocently, drawing Eddie's focus as he tosses both objects into the nearby Grizzly Bear pen. "I think that's the signal, Farkas." Standing up to rush Pib and the Wolves, Eddie ignores the transformed werewolf behind him, who grabs his leg, breaking the ankle immediately in the lycan's grip. Dragging the screaming Eddie backwards, Farkas brutally rips through the serial killer's chest with his claws, scooping out intestines and organs, then tossing the corpse into the pen.
"Alright people, time to focus up!" Pib yells, already unlocking nearby cages. Conker pulls out a cartoonishly large minigun, while Wolf draws his laser pistol, each dispersing to free more beast warriors. Farkas lumbers over to the hole in the ground, going down and then dragging out two large, shaking crates.
As a grateful Diddy Kong exits the gate of his fence, Pib's ears prick up. "He's on his way! Farkas, open the-" he yells, the werewolf already acting as he breaks open the crates. A red blur collides into Farkas, sending the werewolf flying several feet back. The city's game warden stops, a vibrating vision of pure discipline and control, with Pib gulping in concern. "Hey, Flash..." Pib starts, raising his hands in surrender. "You got here just in time! Those two hedgehog menaces have escaped again!"
Wally turns around, spotting a pair of blue blurs dash out of the crates. "I'll find you, cat," Wally threatens, before pursuing his destined quarry.
Satisfied that his plan to distract Flash worked, Pib frees the rest of the sapient beast warriors, gathering his group of escapees with the other Wolves and disappearing into the sewers.
Five weeks later
Jean Allard looks away from the proceedings before him, turning around so he may lift his mask and drink from his canteen. As he looked at the large, imposing wall of New Latveria's border, his gaze and mind wander, back to distant memories of his life before this city; sleepless nights hiding from Nazis and traitorous Vichy soldiers in the French countryside. The first ten years in this city had been peaceful, but with his fellow fighters crammed in a single sewer apartment barely meant for one, the fire of rebellion remained in his gut. When Alpha gave him his mask, he had felt the anger return; and when Artorius gave him a bowl of soup, his solidarity was reforged.
This is why Jean, twice blessed with a quick resurrection from the despotic users' ambivalence to so-called "generics" like himself, found himself once again raising arms against the users. But the humble and magnificent Doctor Doom - not Emperor nor President nor Commander like had been whispered in the sewers before - succeeded where the others had failed. Jean smiled, his dedication to the defeat of the users being rewarded once again, when Doom selected him to continue his work, one of the few dozens selected from hundreds to be given the chance to wear a mask in Doom's name still.
"How dare you defy our laws!"
Jean's ponderings were interrupted by the sound of fists slamming on a table, and he quickly put his mask back on to observe the commotion. He unslings the Sten machine gun from his back, only for his red-haired charge to raise a dismissive hand. "Don't worry, Soldier. Officer Vallen is merely losing her cool. Again." Matthew Murdock remains seated, arms crossed and innocent smirk upon his face as he faces down the fuming former guard-captain, surrounded by fellow DFPD officers. "As I was saying, Officer Vallen, per the Temporary Stu Agreement on Criminal Procedure, New Latveria-DFederal, it is New Latveria's right to decline extradition proceedings in matters like this."
Before Aveline could draw her sword to show the attorney a taste of Kirkwall diplomacy, Murdock's brown-haired counterpart stepped forward, picking up a document thrown to the ground by Aveline's outburst. "And as my co-counsel explained over email and I did a few minutes ago, the Stu Agreement carves out an exception on violent crimes committed in DFederal by warriors who have processed as New Latverians," Matt Murdock replies, emphasizing the last two words and causing his counterpart's smirk to drop into a firm jaw of annoyance. "Murder is a violent crime, and we have a warrant for detainment supported by probable cause and signed both by the presiding DFederal judge and a New Latverian executive, as required by Section 616."
"According to the indictment, only Farkas is accused of murder. The other three named individuals are only accused of instigating an escape," the Wolf Murdock starts - briefly interrupted by a furious "TWENTY THREE ESCAPES!" from Aveline - before continuing. "And per the agreement, since New Latveria has not yet established the relevant field of law of conspiracy, the extradition process remains permissive and not compulsory."
The two Murdocks stood in silence for a moment, at an impasse, before the Wolf Murdock broke the silence by standing up, chair scraping on the concrete. "As a gesture of good faith, we will begin the process of locating Farkas. Doom is honest in his desire to maintain diplomatic channels with DFederal, so we will work as quickly as we can." The other Murdock rolls his eyes, the heartbeat of his adversary skipping with the unconvincing lie, but stands as well. "That works for us, for now."
As Aveline and the DFPD storm off, the two Murdocks shake hands, neither smiling. After releasing his hand, Murdock turns back towards New Latveria's gate. "If you want to hurry this along, you know who needs to talk to who," he states aloud, pointing towards a statue of the benevolent Doctor Doom overlooking the gate, raised hand of victory immortalized in stone.
"Me gusta tomar mis copas,
aguardientes lo mejor,
tambien el tequila blanco con su sal de su sabor..."
Puss in Boots, the Diablo Gato, gave a boisterous laugh as he placed his winning hand on the poker table. Gasps and groans break the relative quiet of the small, dingy pool hall. Grumbling about his bad luck, Knuckles slammed his fists into the table, breaking off the chunk in front of him and lifting the rest of the table, a glass that spilled its contents onto Tai Lung's lap, dozens in cash bills, and a surprised Puss into the air.
"Watch it, fool! Nobody likes a sore...loser..." Puss starts, sitting up from the ground and at the glowering faces of his fellow players. The night's dealer lifts up five aces, a toothy grin barely disguising the rage behind his yellow eyes. "Oh, it's been awhile since I've had cat. I wonder if a talkin' one's got the flavor a person does..." Killer Croc says, lifting the cat up the cape.
Puss laughs nervously, shrugging. "You know, I have no idea how those cards got there." He explains, before hissing and scratching under Croc's wrist. The man recoiled in pain, dropping Puss, who lands on his feet and draws his rapier. "Fear me, if you dare!"
As his three former friends scowl at the outlaw, he smirks and turns around, lightly poking it into the rear of a nearby pool player. The creature turns, and Puss swiftly slinks away as Blaziken breathes a blast of fire into Croc's chest, before kicking a leaping Tai Lung into the jukebox. As chaos erupts, Puss walks out of the cantina, pocketing what winnings he managed to grab while on the ground.
With a whistle, Puss begins a leisurely walk back to the New Latveria border. He gives a tip of the hat to a tall fox in a red dress, who blows him a flirtatious kiss. "Ay ay ay ay, ay ay mi amor, ay mi zorra de mi corazòn..." he croons, stopping his walk to continue the conversation. "Hey, señorita, what's a fine thing like you doing in a place like this?" She merely responds by pulling a badge from her clutch, and before Puss realizes what's happening the slap of metal clicking hits his ears and the cuffs hit his wrists.
"Puss in Boots, you're under arrest for three counts of grand larceny, two counts of assault, and seven counts of possession of an illicit drug," Jack Reacher begins to rattle off charges, grabbing Puss by the scruff of the neck and putting him into the air a second time that evening.
"That's a load of crap, puerco!"
"Is what I would be saying, if I were a cop. Which I'm not." Reacher says. "What I am, is a very convincing friend of Detective Fox here. A friend who, if you help me get who I want, can convince her to drop the charges that are real. Make sure you get to sleep in your litter box instead of a cell."
"I refuse to be blackmailed!"
Reacher turns Puss around in the air, letting him see Knuckles crash through a window, followed by an axe wielding blue lizard. "If you don't wanna play along, I can just give you back to your friends over there. Looks like they could use some help."
Puss makes a show of shrugging, which is difficult while handcuffed, and whispers "On second thought, I could use a job. Who is the mark?"
Part 2: The Calm After The Storm[]
Strolling past the line of tired but happy citizens awaiting their evening soup and bread, Pib gives a wave to the raven-haired young man behind a desk. One of his many students of the way of the world, Robb Stark gives a tired wave. The large direwolf lounging beside the table raises his maw, a low growl aimed at the cat. Pib hisses back, climbing up onto the table and sitting down.
Before the cat could speak, a cough from a stranger stops him. "Can you give me a moment with my patient? It's terminal." Pib says behind his shoulder, the sparsely clad gladiator grumbling as he leads others to a different line.
The former king of the north rolls his eyes, with Pib detecting the glint of relief in the youth's glare as he starts. "As always, I am at your service, young wolf." The cat gives a rare genuine bow of the head, indicating his attention.
"I'm alright, Pib," Robb starts, scratching behind Grey Wind's ear. "I just wasn't prepared for the calm of it, I think."
"You're a studied man, aren't you young wolf?" Robb nods, leaning forward to indicate his rapt attention. "Then you know about your father's rebellion? And the twenty years that came after it?
Robb's eyes widen in shock, asking "How do you know about my past?" Pibb made a so-so gesture with his paw, before licking a bit of mud off of it. He briefly stood up on his two legs, before curling back into a small roll of fur and fine silk.
"You would be surprised what things a cat can learn, Robb. But anyway, I bring it up because there's always a period of...revelry when the right people have won."
The Stark boy laughed. "I don't think the party ever ended for King Robert." Pibb replied with a chuckle of his own, raising his chin up expectantly as he saw Robb's hand stop scratching his dire wolf.
"Your mother raised you better, boy. Be polite." As Robb reluctantly scratched the chin of his mentor, mentally wondering how he'd found himself here, Pibb continued. "Well, parties are important for victory. Bread and circuses, as those Romans say. Your namesake had twenty years of peace because he laughed the loudest and drank the most, while his advisors set up a council to run their kingdom without a king."
"And what does that have to do with this?"
Pib stood once again, this time sitting with his legs crossed and his tail swooshing behind him, occasionally swatting an increasingly frustrated Grey Wind on the nose. "Well, think of this like the reverse. While we celebrate our defeat of the Users, Lord Doom works even now to lead New Latveria into prosperity. So, let the drinks flow and music play, because tomorrow the work begins."
Seemingly satisfied, Robb thanked the cat, picking up a ladle and resuming his soup table duties, with a straighter back and a more relaxed smile. Pibb leaped off the table and made his way back down the alley he came. His two guards flank him, one of them handing him a cell phone. After dialing the only number it could, Pib speaks a bit of Thieves Cant to the recipient, before getting hung up on. "Onto the next could-be dissident, fellas?" he asks, continuing his way through New Latveria's streets.
As she sets her duffel bag down onto the hard wood floor, Karlach lets out a sigh of relief as she flings herself onto a couch. Her stint of relaxation is interrupted as the smell of burning fleece hit the air, and she jolted up, punching the flames out. Her new roommate laughs as she does so, summoning a large yellow figure with a glaive to blast ice over the fire.
"Sorry 'bout that, Chie. Been a minute since my last tune-up."
"Pfft, don't worry about it Karlach," she replies, plopping down beside her. "That couch was gettin' old anyway. Plus, it adds some...character?" the younger girl puts a finger to her chin, just as her friends came scrambling in. "Yo, Yosuke! Calm down! It's just a little singe mark!" Chie yells, quickly snatching the fire hydrant out of Yosuke Hanamura's grip.
As the rest of Yu's housemates poured into the room, Karlach looked sheepishly at her host. "Ain't I s'posed to be the one keepin' an eye on you, soldier?" She said with a chuckle to Yu Narukami. The teenage boy merely shrugged as he set down an air conditioner.
"That's senpai alright! Always taking care of anyone he can!" Rise Kujikawa says, causing all the others in the room to roll their eyes as she grabbed Yu around the neck from behind in a half-hug, half chokehold. While Yu struggled to fling off his girlfriend, gasping for air, Yosuke came over and sat on the other side of the tiefling.
"But seriously, you shouldn't feel bad. It sucks what happened to your place, getting all tossed around and carved up into New Latveria." The boy says, putting a friendly pat on Karlach's shoulder, only to scream in pain as the smell of burnt flesh filled the room. Yu raised his hand, a large yellow dragon forming both to pop Rise off of him and to heal Yosuke's now burnt hand, before nodding in agreement. "This place is too big, anyway. These three already stay here; what's one more person for a couple days?"
Karlach stood to hug Yu, only for the teenager to quickly back away. "Maybe wait until you get your next round of coolants from your doctor." The tiefling smiles in appreciation, instead extending her hand for a fist pump, which Yu gladly returns. Time seems to freeze briefly around the pair, their social bond tightening, before Karlach puts her hand down.
The tender moment is disrupted by a loud rumbling noise, and Yosuke looks down in embarassment. "That's enough of that emotional crap. Can we go get something to eat? I'm starving."
As he strolls through the open air streets of New Latveria, Puss' semi-serious hunt for his quarry stops as the sound of music hits his ears. Following it, Puss lets out an impressed whistle as he turns the street corner and stumbles into a block party. Puss gives a wave to the two Wolf soldiers watching over the event from atop their elephants, who let him pass as they continue their conversation in ancient Greek.
Without the large pachyderms blocking his view, Puss surveyed the scene: several lawnchairs and tables had been hauled out onto the sidewalks and street, where off-the-clock Wolves mingled with their new citizens. One of them, mask dangling for dear life off his belt, threw his 40-liter bottle in the air, before unholstering a pistol and shooting three shots at it. The third hit, shattering the bottle and spraying alcohol all over himself, his companions, and Puss.
"Watch what you're doing, cabrón. You got my fur all sticky and gross, now." The Wolf turns around, domino mask not hiding the mischievous rage in his eyes. "What're you gonna do about it," Comedian asks, removing the stoogie from his mouth. He smirks. "Looks like that booze makes you look better. I seen alley cats with shinier coats."
Puss draws his sword, pointed squarely at Comedian's chest, as the vigilante pulls out dagger. The block party starts to simmer down, each citizen surrounding the boisterous pair to watch. "I'm gonna skin you and make a belt that I'll use to pay for my next round at the Stacked Deck."
"I am Puss in Boots, and face me if you d-"
"What is the meaning of this?" A thunderous voice echoes through the crowd, causing all to gasp. Pib, flanked by his two guards, looks at the crowd of partiers, honing in on the two people about to fight. The feline mastermind tosses aside a borrowed bullhorn and strolls towards the rabble-rousers. "Blake, you know the rules. No bloodsport. Get back to the barracks." The crowd disperses, and Puss notices the tint of fear as they turn away from the other cat. A cat, with its little blue coat and boots not unlike his own, that matches the description of his target.
Comedian holds up his middle finger, yelling "Fuck off," but complying. With that settled, Pib turns to Puss. "I don't think I recognize you. I'm Puss in Boots, but most call me Pib."
"You are no Puss in Boots. I am the real, true Puss in Boots!" Puss in Boots says with a growl, keeping his rapier in hand. Pib sighs. "Let's not be hasty, Puss. You're not exactly on friendly turf."
"I don't care, you are an imposter and I am more than happy to be rid of you."
Pib puts a paw to his chin, muttering "I see, then. Hmm...guards?" Pib asks, before turning around and running away. The two guards go for their weapons, but Puss is faster, leaping up and slashing the slings on their rifles. The guns fall to the ground, firing erratically as the crowd scatters. Puss uses the chaos to run between and then up a guard's legs, using his claws to undo his belt. Puss pantses the guard, who awkwardly bends down to retrieve his clothing. Puss repeats the move on the other guard, leaving them bumbling over each other as he goes on all fours. He runs, chasing Pib into the alleys of New Latveria.
Part 3: Here Comes the Claws[]
Running on all fours through a seedy alley, Pib looks behind him. The other cheap imitation - with his gaudy feathered hat and orange fur - was rapidly approaching, rapier sheathed and also on all fours. Hmm...not quite used to taking advantage of our cat-like grace, I see... Pib notes to himself, the cat barely keeping pace. Still, best get rid of him.
Puss avoids a puddle of water by leaping into the air, with a triumphant and taunting "Aha!" as he draws his sword. With a quick slash, he deflects a curved dagger thrown by his prey to slow him down. A risk the inferior imposter would regret as Puss charged, able to finally make up ground after Pib slowed down to aim his dagger. The sword sings as it glides towards Pib's heart, who hastily draws a pair of curved daggers to block the attack. "Going to have to be quicker than that, copycat!"
A flurry of slashes and stabs puts Pib on the backfoot, one lucky thrust getting past his own daggers and slicing a cut in his cheek. Much as he hated to admit it, he was clearly outfought and needed space. He reluctantly twirls his cape, blinding Puss just long enough for Pib to backflip away, disengaging and running away. He turns the corner, finding himself facing an iron fence blocking off his path. "Help! There's a mad cat after me!" He yells as a passing motorcyclist, who only gave a "Frag off!" in reply. Left to his own devices, Pib starts to climb as a confident Puss finally turns the corner as well.
Easily stepping to the side as Pib tosses another dagger at him, Puss tosses his rapier into the air and leaps, performing three flips in the air as he vaults over the fence. He sticks a three-point landing, raising his hand as his sword falls neatly into his grip. "There's no getting away, faker," Puss taunts, turning around to see Pib climbing back down the other side. "Wait, you can't run away like that. Fight me coward!"
"Oh I can run away very easily. Just watch me."
Pib smirks as he goes back down the alley he came. A thud from the direction he just fled from tells him that he wouldn't be able to outrun his pursuer, so Pib slinks into the shadows instead, hiding behind a nearby trashcan. Hoping to stay hidden, Pib watches Puss stop a few feet ahead of where he had stopped. "Where the devil did you go, faker? You should be right in front of me so that I can cut you down where you stand." Pib felt the urge to shimmy his hips, feline instincts taking over as he prepared to pounce.
A slight tingle of moving metal caught Puss' ear, alerting him to turn just as Pib dashes in. He manages to spin, yelling in pain as the dagger plants itself in his shoulder rather than his heart. Puss swings the butt of his rapier at Pib, the metal hilt smashing into the cat's forehead. His foe took a few stunned steps back, giving Puss the opening to riposte, slickly stabbing into Pib's own chest. He withdraws the blade just as rapidly, knocking a final vain dagger slash from Pib to the side. He whips his blade in a diagonal, easily slashing the cat's throat.
"Oh..." Pib mutters, his breathes going ragged as blood spills from the cut, "Haven't...done this in awhile. Still not a fan...of the experience." He says with a final grin. "See you on the other side, Puss in Boots." The swashbuckling adventurer merely removes his cap as the other cat fades away. "Rest well, estafador." Puss retrieves a cloth rag, dragging it along Pib's throat, and stows it away. Now, he had to get out of here.
WINNER: Puss in Boots
Expert's Opinion[]
While Puss in Boots was a tricky fighter and fast on his feet, he ultimately couldn't compete with the raw swordsmanship of Puss in Boots. Puss in Boots thrived in a team fight where he could take advantage of his allies or provide aid in a pinch, but on his own he was left severely underprepared. Puss in Boots, in contrast, was a very skilled warrior on his own, able to create his own opportunities and strike fast enough to keep Puss in Boots on the backfoot. Unsurprisingly, it was Puss in Boots who won the day.