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Battle vs. Anonymous (by El Alamein)[]

October 7, 2011 Jimenez was flushed with his success. If it weren't for that whiny newcomer, Escuelo, shaking with fear next to him, he'd be happier than he'd been in years. The Cartel had pulled off one of their most devastating hits yet - and the Mexican government was putty in thier hands.

"Jefe, this isn't a good idea," sniveled Escuelo. Jimenez tuned him out. The new member would learn respect soon enough - a broken nose, shattered knees perhaps, no more. They would mold him into a fine hitman yet. But no punishment now, not for the simpering fool, Jimenez thought. No, tonight they would simply relax. Business could be put on hold, for one night.

October 9, 2011

"I told you, Jefe..." Escuelo said. He sniffed blood back up his broken nose, and rubbed his bruised face. The "talk" they had had with him the previous night must not have been effective, Jimenez thought. He looked down at the computer screen and watched as the video played to its end. His sunken, blank eyes showed no emotion across his stretched, expressionless face. The video was targeted at his men, at him. Some Internet hackers claimed he had taken one of their own, and threatened consequences.... but he knew they were children playing with computeres. Real men, he thought, fight with weapons. And just as simply, he closed the Internet window.

October 17, 2011

El Gordo and Cabeza de Lengua walked down the city streets, wearing long overcoats. They had smartly tucked submachine guns into their coat pockets and approached the city hall. Jimenez sent them to conduct business as usual - the police had already shut down several border trades. The people had to be reminded who was in charge. The two guards outside carried superior firepower in their assault rifles, but the two Cartel hitmen showed phony I.D.'s and were allowed to enter. El Gordo pulled out his submachine gun and began to run for the halls where the offices were. Cabeza de Lengua pointed his gun at the people in the main room, a clear demand for silence.

Just as quickly, two shots rang out. El Gordo sprawled forward onto his stomach, his Uzi sliding across the sleek floor and crashing against the wall. Cabeza de Lengua's neck snapped rigid and his head flopped back, lifeless, as the bullet passed through. He staggered, already dead, to one knee and collapsed on his side. Blood pooled out from under the bodies. The two security guards stood just in the doorway, a thin trail of smoke exiting from the barrels of their rifles.

That evening, Jimenez watched another video in fury, as the hackers claimed responsibility for supplying the government with information about the hit. They demanded the relase of their hostage or further consequences would result.

"They think they can fight on our terms?" Jimenez fumed.

"P-P.... Perhaps we should listen to them..." Escuelo wondered.

That night, Jimenez personally cut open the throat of the prisoner that had been demanded the release of by the hackers.

October 20, 2011

A car bomb meant to go off in a supermarket parking lot was detained by police. The bomb was found and the driver's detonator was confiscated. This operation was planned by Jimenez's Cartel. It was foiled by the hackers, posting this information to Mexican government web pages.

October 29, 2011

A failed assassination attempt on several Mexican police officers is botched horribly when the Cartel members receive faulty information. They open fire in the middle of a civilian neighborhood on different police officers - but before anything can escalate further the hitmen are killed. Jimenez grows angry and paranoid, confiding only with Escuelo, whom he has grown to trust. Now that Jimenez has rashly killed his prisoner, he has nothing else to bargain with against the hackers.

November 27, 2011

After almost a month of no incidents from the Cartel, Jimenez tries to operate another kidnapping attack. He sends out Escuelo and ten other Cartel members into the government offices late at night. The corrupt officers have been bribed away and it is dark and quiet. Civilians stay in their houses to escape the violence that always rages in the late hours.

The lock slips easily with a stolen key and they sneak in. Blue light from monitors light up the room where late-night secretaries are typing. They look up in fear as the armed men walk in, and they easily capture the thirty-or-so civilians. They round them into the hallway where Escuelo and several other men guard them. The rest search the room for papers to hold over the government's head.

Gunshots break out in the halls. Blood quickly pools into the computer room. The Cartel men keep searching through desks, knowing that the prisoners have been killed. They never look up as the prisoners walk in, armed with submachine guns, and spray the place down with lead. The Cartel men go flying left and right, and bullets tear through their leather jackets and white T-shirts, soaking the walls red. They knock over desks and shelves as they tumble down in surprise. These people were no prisoners, but undercover agents from the U.S. military. The hacking group has struck again.


Jimenez doesn't know anything of the attack's failure yet. He simply looks up, blank face, as Escuelo comes in. His hands are bloody.

"What happened?" Jimenez demands.

Escuelo says nothing. The door opens and two men wearing Guy Fawkes masks walk in. They have knives. Jimenez stands up and backs into the corner.

"What the hell, Escuelo?" he demands. His face begins to show the pale signs of fear.

"You should have released the prisoner."

The men in masks grab Jimenez by his armpits and haul him back to the chair. They embed the Cartel boss's arms into the back of the chair with their knives. He screams in pain, but the masked men cup his mouth quickly. Jimenez's eyes bug in fear and he shakes violently in the seat but stays restrained.

Escuelo holds a pistol. "You coward," he says simply. "Punishment is final."

Jimenez, the man who has watched so many die slow, tortured deaths, doesn't have time to know he has been shot through the forehead. He simply gives one final jerk and his lifeless head hangs over on his chest. The masked men throw him to the ground and let him lay in his own blood. "We have a ride coming," one of them says. "Let's go." They leave his sprawled body in the faint moonlight.

Jimenez never knew he was dealing with Anonymous


Expert's Opinion[]

While the Los Zetas were well-trained soldiers, the anonymous were far more numerous, and possessed unparalleled hacking skills that were able to expose all doings of the Los Zetas and brought them to justice.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was disqualified because Anonymous has been disqualified as a warrior.

Battle vs. United States Army Rangers (by Sport Shouting)[]

The votes are in. Who would win if the US attacks Mexico to save it from drug cartels. The US Army Rangers or Los Zetas Cartel. Here's the fight.

5 US Army Rangers are walking through the streets of Mexico at night. They notice some unusual activity about 35 meters away. The people turn around and fire guns at the rangers. It is Los Zetas Cartel firing. A bullet from a Mini Uzi kills a Ranger.

US Army Rangers- 4

The Cartel members split up. 2 go into a house. 2 go to another house and 1 fires an AK-47 at the Rangers. He is killed seconds later by a SR-25 shot.

Los Zetas Cartel- 4

The Rangers split up in pairs of 2 to find the Cartel members. 1 ends up in between both houses and is shot to death by Cartel members.

US Army Rangers- 3

The dead Rangers partner storms into the house. A Cartel members laughs and he and the Ranger explode. Dynamite was placed by the door. 1 Cartel member and 1 Ranger die.

US Army Rangers- 2 Los Zetas Cartel- 3

A Ranger throws a flashbang through a window. Screams are heard and the Ranger jumps in and kills 1 Cartel Member with his pistol.

Los Zetas Cartel-2

The Ranger looks around but feels a garrote around his neck. He backfists the Cartel member and they draw their pistols. The Ranger dodges 3 Glock shots then tackles the Cartel member. He slaps the gun away and shoots the member in the head 2 times.

Los Zetas Cartel-1

The last Cartel member sees a claymore and runs around it. He shoots a Ranger with an AK-47 and it's now 1 on 1.

US Army Rangers- 1

The Ranger sees the Cartel member with the Glock walking slowly about 10 feet in front of him, facing another direction. The Ranger pulls his M4 out but it's out of ammo. He sneaks up on the cartel member and kicks him in the back. 2 punches to the face and 1 disarm later, the Cartel member is dead. The last Ranger yells "Rangers lead the way!" and takes the dead Cartel leader's body for the government.

Los Zetas Cartel- 0

Winner- US Army Rangers

Expert's Opinion[]

The US Army Rangers are one of the most elite special forces units in the world. The Los Zetas may have trained with the Mexican Special Forces, but the Mexican Special Forces weren't exactly notorious for their combat skills. The Rangers outclassed the Mexicans in almost every way.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared unfair due to the US Army Ranger's superior training and experience.

Battle vs. Russian Mafia (by Samurai234)[]

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red Red Red Red

{C}The battle opens as 5 Russian Mafia members exit from a car and approach an alley that is their hideout. They find out however, the los zetas cartel have set up a drug store next to thier headquaters. Not pleased to have thier territory taken over, The mafia boss tells one of his henchmen a plan. he hands him some money, and the mafia member enters the building. Inside, He meets up with a cartel member acting as a cashier. He hands him the money and buys a bag of Coccaine. As the cartel member puts the money in the resgister, the mafia member pulls out his M1911 and shoots the cartel member, killing him.

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red Red Red Red

He spits on the cartel member's corpse and steals the resgister's money, but another cartel member hears the commotion and quickly kills the mafia member with his MP5.

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red Red Red

The other Mafia Members quickly enter the building and get behind the cashier desk and enter a door but end up getting ambushed by 2 cartel members. During the fire fight, one of the cartel members is killed by 2 mafia members with a PPSh-41 and AK-74.

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red Red Red

The other Cartel members makes a run for it. One of the Mafia members finds a door and enters it, Unaware of the Cartel member hiding in the room. The Cartel member wraps a Garrote wire around the Mafia member's neck and pulls harder, until the mafia member's head falls off.

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red Red

The Cartel member quickly runs out of the room, exits the building, and approachs the mafia's car. He pulls out 30 pounds of dynamite, puts it beneath the driver seat of the car, and retreats to a safer distance. Meanwhile, inside the building, the 2 of the remaining mafia members chase a cartel member. The cartel member hides and shoots one the mafia members with his AR-15.

Cartel: Blue Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red

The other mafia member slowly pulls the pin on a RGD-5. He hurls the grenade in the room, killing the cartel member.

Cartel: Blue Blue

Mafia: Red Red

The Mafia Member exits the building and enters the car, unaware of the bomb. The cartel who planted the bomb waits for his chance, then pushes the dentinator, blowing up the car.

Cartel: Blue Blue

Mafia: Red

The mafia boss hears the explosion and approachs the Cartel member who dentonated the car, M1911 in hand. The cartel member panics and tries to pulls out his glock, but the Mafia boss shoots first and kills him.

Cartel: Blue

Mafia: Red

As he reloads his pistol, bullets fly at the wall. He turns and sees the Cartel holding a glock pistol. The mafia Boss fires back, forcing the Cartel Boss to retreat. As the mafia boss enters the room, the Cartel boss wraps a garrote wire around the Mafia boss's neck. the Mafia boss elbows him, though, before the wire could any serious damage. The Cartel Boss angrily charges the Mafia boss, but doesn't see the knife the Mafia boss is pulling out. The mafia stabs the cartel boss in the stomach, then disembowls him.


Mafia: Red

The Mafia Boss pulls out a cigar and smokes it, pleased with his victory. he then stares at the dead Cartel boss's corspe and says "Вы были хороши, но не достаточно хороши." ("you were good, but not good enough.")


Expert's Opinion[]

In the end it boils down to three factors: Organization, equipment and training. The Russian mafia had these factors, which gave them the upper hand in the conflict. Unlike the Cartel they had automatic weapons of medium caliber, also grenades, they were very organized from their past as KGB, and because of said past they knew how to properly handle a weapon.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared invalid since the Russian mafia had been given a Glock and an AR-15, two weapons they likely never used.