Deadliest Fiction Wiki

Too much to drink, Dr. Jones?
— Chen, after watching Indiana Jones drink a poisoned wine

Lao Che's gang is a Chinese criminal organization operating in Shanghai. They own several nightclubs, including Club Obi-Wan, and likely other illegal rackets through the city.

In 1935, Indiana Jones comes to exchange a rare diamond for the stolen ashes of an ancient Chinese Emperor. The gangster poison Jones, though, and demand the diamond in exchange for his antidote, hoping to make away with both treasures. Indiana Jones grabs a flaming shish kabob and throws it into the chest of one of Lao Che's sons, killing him, and a gunfight erupts.

Indiana Jones secures the antidote and rushes to the streets of the city where his driver, Short Round awaits, and they speed off, with the Lao Che's gang hot in pursuit. Although Jones escapes their clutches, the plane he boards to escape is piloted by Lao Che's men and they bail out over the mountains, leaving Jones and his friends in a falling plane to a certain death. Thinking quickly on his feet, Jones takes an inflatable raft and escaped safely with along with his allies.

Battle vs. Joker's Thugs (by El Alamein)[]

Lao Che's Gang: WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite

The Joker Gang: TealTealTealTealTeal

A big yellow school bus pulls up outside of Club Obi-Wan. Dopey and Happy sneak around the side of the nightclub while Chuckles and Grumpy burst in through the front door. The club is bright and lively and most of the partygoers don't notice the intrustion of the clowns... until Chuckles raises his MAC-10 and fires off an entire clip into the air. "Everybody get DOWN!" he shouted. The club erupted into a scene of pandemonium, Grumpy firing his Glock handgun randomly into the air.

Behind the counter, several members of Lao Che's mafia duck in surprise. Their weapons are stashed in the counter, and they pop up with revolvers and a Thompson, spraying back at the Joker gang. The goons are caught by surprise but the Chinese gangsters hip-firing are doing themselves no favor in accuracy. Two more Lao Che gangsters are hiding in the crowd, and one of them picks up a flaming shish kabob and hurls it point-blank at Grumpy. The flaming stick flies through the air at the criminal but it doesn't cause him physical damage. Grumpy turns his Glock over at the mafioso and plugs several shots into his forehead. White Towards the back of the bar, Happy and Dopey burst in with revolvers but, unfortunately for them, the Lao Che mafiosos turn with the Thompson and spray them down at point blank range. TealTeal

Chuckles swears and sprays the MAC-10 into the crowd as he and Grumpy try to make their escape. Outside, the bus driver holds a S&W Model 15 revolver and nervously looks over his shoulder as Grumpy and Chuckles clamber in, ducking behind the seats. "Drive! Drive"! spits Grumpy.

As the bus driver starts to drive away, a 1931 Reo Flying Cloud spins around the corner and Lao Che's mafiosos lean out of the window, popping off shots from their revolvers and spraying with the Thompson. The rounds clink and clang against the side of the bus. Grumpy puts a new magazine into his Glock, whacks the side of the handgun against the back of the bus window, breaking it, and leans out, shooting back. One of the bullets hits one of the Lao Che gangsters in the neck, and he drops his revolver and grabs his throat as it bleeds out. White The body is pushed out the window and sprawls out into the busy Shanghai traffic. The smaller Flying Cloud car manages to catch up to the larger bus. Grumpy grins under his mask as he points his Glock at the driver of the car, but his magazine is empty. He ducks back behind the seats as more bullets thump against the side of the bus. The bus driver spins the wheel and rams the Flying Cloud, just as one of the Chinese gangsters fires his revolver into the bus driver's head. Teal The bus slams into the smaller car and both vehicles spin out of control, crashing on the side of the road. The Flying Cloud flips over and plows into the side of a brick building. As the dust clears, the car driver's forehead is smashed open and he's limp over the steering wheel. White

Grumpy and Chuckles stagger out of the bus' emergency exit on the roof, their revolvers in hand. The two remaining Lao Che gangsters clamber out of the car wreck with their revolvers. Chuckles fires off two shots, injuring one of the gangsters, before the two Joker goons take off down the marketplace. Lao Che's men give chase, the injured one falling behind. The Joker's men run bast market stalls and through sweatshops before they come to a dead end down an alley. A fire escape sits six feet above them. "Give me a boost," says Grumpy. Chuckles pushes him up to the fire escape and reaches up for help when two shots ring out. Chuckles jerks and blood flies through the air before he crumples to the ground. Grumpy ducks into the shadows, painfully aware of how visible he is up on the fire escape. The Lao Che gangsters turn around, satisfied, and start to walk away. Grumpy looks down at Chuckles, who struggles to his feet. They nod and shoot at the Chinese gangsters, dropping both of Lao Che's men with multiple shots to the back and neck. WhiteWhite

Grumpy hops down from the fire escape and lands a little painfully, but walks over to the injured Chuckles. "Man, some hit, huh?"

"The boss isn't gonna be pleased," says Chuckles, leaning against the side of the wall.

People are still screaming and police sirens sound in the distance. "No, he won't be pleased at all." Grumpy agrees.

"It's just as well - a lot easier to divide by three, eh?" Chuckles laughs. He holds up the money bag he's been carrying this whole time. "The boss told me that."

"Chuckles - know what the boss told me?" Grumpy whacks Chuckles on the back of the head with his revolver, breaking open his skull and sending him to the floor. Teal "He told me it's a lot easier to divide by two." Grumpy picks up the bag, takes off his mask, and leaves the three dead bodies in the alleyway, smiling to himself.

Expert's Opinion[]

While the Joker's gang were a fickle and cowardly bunch, their superior weapons and strong advantage with the school bus kept them in a solid lead that the disciplined Lao Che's gang couldn't beat with inferior technology.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Falcone Crime Family (by Greenberet69)[]

The Lao Che gang has begun to expand their gang activities from Shanghai to all over the world. Lao Che and his gang have arrived in the city of Empire Bay as they prepare to expand their operations there. However unknown to them is that there are three Mafia Families in Empire Bay and they accidentally enter the territory of the Falcone Family. Mr. Falcone hears about the arrival of the Lao Che gang from a undercover man working as a dock worker and knows that the Lao Che gang will try to take over their operations and so decides to send his best men Vito Scaletta, Vito's friend Joe Barbaro, and 3 other Falcone men to take care of Lao Che and his gang before they can cause trouble.

Lao Che and his men enter a building under contruction seeing how good of a hideout the place could make when they begin their operations and while inside the building Vito, Joe, and the other 3 Falcone Members drive up to the building and grab their weapons and head into the building. Two of Lao Che's men are standing guard at the entrance talking to each other when Vito hears their conversation and gets the others into position. Joe loads up his Thompson M1928 and nods at Vito, and steps out into the open and opens up at the Lao Che gang members managing to kill one of them while the other scrambles to coverYellow. Lao Che and the other gang members hear the shots being fired and quickly grab their weapons and head down the stairs. At the bottom floor the Lao Che member quickly grabs his Mauser Gewehr 1898 and takes aim at one of the Falcone Members and fires hitting him in the headGreen. Vito loads up his M1 Garand and is about to fire when he hears the snap of a bullet hit the wall near him and sees Lao Che and the other Lao Che gang members running down the stairs firing their S&W Model 10's and Webley Mk III Revolver. Vito retakes aim and fires his M1 Garand hitting the Lao Che member in the back making him fall and roll down the stairsYellow. Lao Che finds his S&W out of ammo and so grabs a nearby Thompson M1928 he had stashed earlier and starts firing from left to right trying to mow down the Falcone gang but only managing to waste one of the Falcone membersGreen. Lao Che orders the rest of his men to retreat up the steps while he continues to fire at Vito, Joe, and the other Falcone member who are still in cover. Joe tosses his Thompson and takes out his M1911 and fires at the retreating Lao Che and his gang manging to hit one of them in the back making him roll back down the stairs, Vito and the others get out of cover and head after Lao Che and what's left his men along the way Joe putting a bullet in the head of the Lao Che men he had shot in the backYellow. Heading up the staircase the last of Lao Che's gang with his Webley fires down the stairs and hits the Falcone member in the head but Vito quickly retaliates with his M1 and scores a headshot on the Lao Che gang and he falls all the way to the bottom floorGreenYellow. Vito tosses his M1 and takes out his S&W Model 27 and he and Joe continue up the stairs. At the top of the building Vito and Joe have entered the section of the building with no walls and so stay away from the edges of the building, Lao Che is behind a stack of planks and pops out and fires his S&W Model 10 at Vito and Joe and manages to hit Joe in the arm making him drop his M1911 and Vito and Joe quickly get to cover. Vito tells Joe to stay in cover and fires at Lao Che who begins to retreat to the stairs but Vito manages to hit Lao Che in the leg. Lao Che begins to limp to the stairs but Vito quickly runs after him and tackles him to the ground, but Lao Che punches Vito in the face and as both get up Vito points his S&W 27 at Lao Che who looks behind him but is at the edge and Vito fires hitting him in the head and Lao Che falls off the building to the streets belowYellow. Vito goes back and helps Joe up and the two head back to the car to report to Falcone.

Winner: The Falcone Family

Expert's Opinion[]

The Falcone Family Won because they had the more better weapons, and had the homefield advantage.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here