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... the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me [where a Jew would hide]. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.
— Hans Landa

Hans Landa is an Austrian SS officer stationed in occupied France. Nicknamed "The Jew Hunter", he posses a ruthlessly uncanny ability to find fugitives hiding in the most unlikely of places. Ambitious and opportunistic, he does not share the Nazi ideologies of the Aryan race, and only performs his duties because it is what he is ordered to do in hopes of earning a comfortable position for himself. Nonetheless, Landa's executions are performed with terrifying efficiency and he is one of the most favoured officers in German-occupied France.

When Landa discovered the Basterds when they attempted to infiltrate the primier of Stolz der Nation (Nation's Pride) as part of their mission to assassinate Adolf Hitler he decided to assist them, seeing no way that Germany could win the war. Securing safety and a full pardon for his war crimes, Landa expected to be transported to the United States and be excused of his crimes against humanity. Once Landa arrived at the location where the Basterds' leader Aldo Raine was supposed to escort him out of France, Raine killed his chauffeur and carved a swastika into his forehead, a common practice among the Bastards to make sure that the few nazis they leave alive would never be to leave their nazi past behind them.

Battle vs. Amon Goeth (by El Alamein and Lasifer)[]

Landa: Brown Brown Brown Brown Green

Goeth: Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Darkred

April 1945

Hans Landa smiled pleasantly as he looked out the window of the truck at the passing forest. His driver watched the narrow road as they approached the checkpoint gate.

“Now, remember, just get us past this checkpoint and we can meet up with Raine and his men,” Landa whispers to the driver.

The truck slows and makes a stop at the checkpoint. A Nazi guard stands at attention, salutes Landa and walks around to Landa’s side of the truck. After a brief and awkward pause, Landa steps out of the truck and removes his hat.

“How can I help, staff sergeant?” Landa asks, putting emphasis on the soldier’s lower rank.

“I’m sorry Colonel, but all passers-by must have their paperwork approved prior to approaching checkpoint.” The guard shifts uncomfortable from one leg to the other and rubs his neck with the back of his hand. “I’m sure you understand.”

Landa stiffens and looks down at the shorter staff sergeant. “Look here, staff sergeant, I have no time to be delayed. The Furher has been killed and I’ve been summoned to Berlin to help sort out the issue.”

The staff sergeant sniffs and looks up at Landa. “Why are you in France, then? In the middle of these woods? Shouldn’t you have gone to the airport?”

Landa’s anger flares, along with his panic as his story falls apart. “Move aside, STAFF SERGEANT, before I have you filed for insubordination!”

The sergeant shouts back, “You will return to your truck and go back the way you came!”

The shouting brings attention to the commander of the guard post, who walks around the small checkpoint and approaches the two arguing men. Amon Goeth has been reassigned in an effort to protect and shelter high-ranking SS officers after Hitler’s assassination. He stands face to face with Landa. “What seems to be the problem?” he asks, a dangerous silky tone to his voice.

Landa licks his lips nervously. “Staff Sergeant here is holding back a superior officer because of paperwork. I must get past this checkpoint.”

Goeth seems bored, suppresses a yawn, but steps forward, and holds out a hand. “Let me see your passport then.” Landa complies, reaching a hand into his coat pocket and showing his papers that include his picture, rank, and current country of station. “He checks out, Wilhelm,” Goeth says to the guard. “Let him pass.”

Landa casts one last angry glance at the guard before he arrogantly strides back to his truck, opens the door, and steps in. “Hermann,” he says to his driver, “we can pass.”

Goeth and the guard have been talking, and Goeth changes his mind, signaling the driver of Landa’s truck to stop.

“One more thing,” Goeth calls out as he approaches the truck. “Why is it exactly that you’re passing through here? What business does a Colonel have this deep and this remote in the woods?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Colonel.” Landa replies coldly.

“This has gone far enough, Colonel.” Goeth spits back. “Come back to the guard station with me and we’ll talk this out.”

Landa looks over at his driver and nods. Three disloyal Nazis creep out of the back of Landa’s truck as the traitorous Colonel steps down and they aim MP-40’s at Goeth, who has his back turned.

DUCK COLONEL!” the guard shouts.

Goeth scrambles to the side of the road and takes cover behind a tree as the bullets kick up dirt behind him. The guard is shot through the torso and drops dead. Yellow

Goeth pulls out his CZ 27 pistol and crouches down the back of the tree while loading a magazine into his gun. Goeth looks over to see two of his guards engaging in a firefight withthe three disloyal Nazis. A Guard throws a Model 24 handgrenade into the crowd of Landa's Nazis, they quickly attempt to scatter but the explosion kills one and injures the other two. Brown Their bodies hit the forest floor hard and they roll over in pain.

The two guards move in closer to the disloyal Nazis to finish the remnants off, but an injured traitor unloads his Walther P38's magazine into one of the guards, blood spatters everywhere and the other guard quickly reacts and unloads his MP-28's entire magazine into the injured traitor. Yellow Brown The body flails as it is shot up and falls back, bleeding.

"What the hell is going on?" yells Goeth, viewing the deceased bodies of two of his guards. He turns his head, noticing moans coming from the middle of the bloodied street and slowly creeps over to it, he sneers at the bloody body of a disloyal Nazi with his legs blown off, begging to be killed. Goeth crouches down and points the barrel of his gun to the injured Nazi's forehead. "Please, kill m-" The disloyal Nazi is killed with a shot to the head before he can finish his plea. Brown Goeth chuckles, lowers his pistol, and looks over his shoulder at the continuing firefight.

"Traitor! High command will have your heads!" yells one of the guards, being beaten with the end of an MP40 submachine gun, before being riddled with bullets in the stomach and being kicked to the ground by one of Landa's nazis. The Guard coughs up blood and stares at his dark red hands before succuming to his wounds. Yellow

Goeth pauses and takes a sniff of the air, hearing footsteps, coming his way, getting louder and louder. He looks up to see the barrel of MP40 aimed at his face. Goeth chuckles and opens his mouth: "If you are going to kill me, please do so now." replies the disloyal Nazi, who suddenly has a large, bloody hole through his heart. A drip of blood slides from his mouth and he falls flat, dead. Goeth's remianing squad member lowers the barrel of his Steyr and helps Goeth up off the ground. Brown

Goeth and his Guard move closer to Landa's truck with no sign of the traitor. Goeth's eyes open wide as he heards footsteps close behind him - those of Hans Landa. "Bang!" Goeth's last guard drops dead right next to him, and Goeth spins around and spots the infamous traitor. Yellow

Landa chuckles, smiling with his Kar98k rifle in his hands. He tosses the rifle in the back of the truck and greets Amon Goeth, once again. 

"There is no reward for cowardice. There is no reward for betrayal." Goeth says.

"I am no coward - I'm an opportunist, Goeth. My escape is all the reward I need." Landa replies. He smiles insincerely at Goeth.

"You will never escape these woods!" Goeth mocks Landa as he points the CZ pistol to Landa's forehead, but drops the gun as he looks down to his stomach. An SS dagger. Clean inside. Landa pulls out the dagger and brings it up to Goeth's eye level, slowly resting it across his face. He raises Goeth's hat and spots a swastika carved across his forehead.

"They got you too, Goeth?" Landa chuckles unsympathetically. He lowers the dagger to Goeth's throat and drags it across his neck, slicing it open. Amon Goeth, who has taken the pleasure of killing so many innocents lined up at his mercy, finally knows fear and pain as his life source is cut away. His eyes, burning with hate, fade away and become glassy in death. The Nazi chokes on his own blood and dies. Darkred Landa lowers his foe to the dirt road and stands up, brushing himself off.

"All right, Aldo, this had better be worth it!" Landa says, viewing Goeth's corpse. Walking over to his truck, he opens the door and steps up to the driver's seat. The engine starts up and the truck drives away leisurely, leaving behind a scene of carnage and confusion that will soon envelop all of Germany.

Expert's Opinion[]

While Goeth was certainly fearsome and ruthless, Landa had greater experience tracking out his enemies in France, while Goeth simply brutalized them as they stood helpless in his camp. Combine that with the superiority of the MP-40 over the MP-28, and Landa's cunning over Goeth's single-minded brutality, and the Jew Hunter secured a hard-won victory in this Hellstorm.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. General Minura (by Battlefan237)[]

No battle will be written.

Winner: Miura

Expert's Opinion[]


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.