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| “ | Bow before me, vermin!
— Gorkill the Goblin King
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The Goblins are a playable faction in the video game The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth II based on the race of the same name from J.R.R. Tolkien's legendarium. Although mainly centered around the goblins of Misty Mountain, the faction also includes other evil creatures closely related to them and monsters from the dark depths of Middle-earth.
During the War in the North, the Goblins attempted to take the Elven sanctuary of Rivendell, but were repelled thanks to an early warning from Glorfindel. Following this defeat, the combined force of Elves and Dwarves took the Goblin capital of Ettenmoors, destroying the fortress and slaying Gorkill the Goblin King.
In the meantime, another group of Goblins enlisted the aid of a dragon named Drogoth and laid waste to the Dwarves of Blue Mountain, but were likewise defeated by the forces of good, with Drogoth falling in battle.
The last time the Goblins presented a proper threat in northern Middle-earth was when they joined forces with the Corsairs to assault the shores of Grey Haven, only to have their armada destroyed and be defeated by the combined forces of Elves and Dwarves for a third and final time. After this defeat, the Goblins ceased to be a proper faction in northern Middle-earth and were only seen aiding the other factions alligned to Sauron before they too were pushed out of the north.
Battle vs. Cult of Laughter (by Pygmy Hippo 2)[]
The Bretonnian town had been quite lively lately as strange horse-like beings came in to talk about the merits of their master, the Laughing Mare, and had generally been amusing to the populace. While humans making the same talks of ressurection and eternal happiness would be regarded as the words of some Necromancer sent from the Vampire Counts, the peasants believed that the ponies were a new breed of steeds sent by the Lady to help their knights achieve higher status. That amusing situation would soon be ruined and not by the Cult of Laughter getting tired of being laughed at but by an invading army that overrun the local garrison.
This segment of the Goblin Horde had been sent by Gorkil the Goblin King to raid the surrounding areas for resources and not come back unless they found half an army's worth of equipment. While his subjects spent most of the time fighting wild beasts and farmers while cursing their leader's namex they eventually stumbled upon a force clad in blue and red that appeared to resemble some form of army. Granted the brief excitement didn't last long as poisoned wounds quickly killed the peasants and the Spiders sent them fleeing before the Trolls could arrive but they soon realized a town was nearby.
The Goblin Warriors were sent on their own to begin pillaging while the rest of the Horde searched for any more enemies to crush, they didn't really care either way as running down civilians required little effort until a spear stabbed one through the neck. The battalion looked over to where their fellow's death gurgle came from and saw an opposing force of ponies dressed in what appeared to be standard peasant attire before charging at their new foes. The Revelers kept up the spear wall but the Goblins managed to either hack off the points with their blades, deflected them with their armor, or just squeezed past them with only about twenty more dying in the assault and their swords slashed into that same number to even the score.
What the Warriors weren't expecting was for the ponies to completely break down in laughter and pull out flails while using their mouths to hold the chain before bludgeoning several foes multiple times until they were on the ground. Luckily they weren't intelligent about their slaughter so the Goblins' armor saved most of them once more and the ones still upright poisoned their blades before swinging at the berserkers who took several gashes with no real hindrance unless limbs were taken off. The poison did its work however and eventually brought down most of the Revelers to a manageable size that the Warriors could finish off within a minute albeit they were shaken by the sheer madness that had just taken place.
The Goblin Archers began to move into the city looking for target practice and to see what the commotion was with their allies before a bomb reduced one to a detached forearm and then more flew through the air at them, causing similar results. The Jesters of Baltimare juggled their explosives while dodging most of the arrows that came at them or just closing the windows of the buildings they were hiding in, only losing a few to two arrows sinking into their flesh. The Archers were beginning to retreat before a Jester got his head split in two as Warriors started crawling up the buildings and broke through the windows to reach their adversaries, most got only a single bomb off before being overrun.
Out of the Baltimare assassins, one individual particularly held his own just by swinging a heavy box around at the advancing Goblins' heads while humming a tune before one Warrior got fed up and rushed him with his blade raised. A giant toothy maw burst out of the box and around that Warrior's entire upper body, biting him in two, and his fellows started fleeing in sheer terror of the Grinning Worm which grabbed another Goblin by the back and jabbed it's spiked legs into his neck. The Jester had a bad feeling despite his situation improving and barely backflipped away as a boulder smashed the Worm right in it's body and sent it crashing through the wall. The Cave Troll roared as it charged in and punched at the ground where the Worm was only for it to retract inside the box again and roll ot over to pop back out to chomp down on it's larger foe's gut. The Troll let out yells of pain and fury as it tried to tear the Grinning entity off before focusing all of it's might onto crushing the abomination's body and it let go as it squealed in pain with the sound of snapping filling the air. The Cave beast moved onto it's head next and the Baltimare assassin slinked away from the carnage but lit one last bomb and tossed it into the middle of the Archer formation, scattering them again.
On the outskirts of the Bretonnian town and near the graveyard, Spiderlings were feasting on whatever poor peasants passed by before the ground started shaking slightly and laughter filled the air as the Laughing Dead shambled out of the catacombs. The vicious spiders skittered towards the undead ponies and bit down deep into their flesh, only their poison went into the body but something felt wrong. That was soon revealed to be the Dead being completely unaffected as every Spiderling that attacked them was squished under their hooves and the survivors seemed wary to continue the attack but a pack-leader got the assault to continue.
More of them crawled onto the Laughing undead this time and started biting and yanking all over the corpses but they kept on squishing them with hooves and even teeth now, even the ones who fell wound up crushing some foes under their bodies. The Spiderlings finally fled after a Dead pegasus pony ripped off the pack-leader's legs and then anhilated it's body with repeated stomps before joining the others in slowly pursuing their adversaries. The Goblins saw their allies fleeing before hearing the Laughing sound coming from what looked like living corpses and fired arrows into the horde which didn't even slow their relentless march.
The Warriors ran into the melee after their Archers failed to do anything and swung their swords with enough force to easily carve through the flesh and bone, the only problem being that decapitations or head splits were rare. Most of them found their blades stuck in a corpse that didn't even flinch and were ripped limb from limb by their unnatural foes which led to some of them starting to retreat before several spears tore rotting heads off. The Spider Riders turned the tide by crushing other Dead ponies underneath their mounts and their allies were rejoicing as they starting following their lead by going for the head as the Troll smashed into the last remnants of the monstrosities and personally squished the pegasus' head like a grape.
But the Cult wasn't entirely wiped out as their fastest units swooped down from the skies and ran at the Goblins, Euphories' wing blades tore open throats and stomachs as they dive bombed and the Smiling Dolls relentlessly hugged foes to death, painfully impaling them to death. Even worse was two boxes popping up behind the Archers and dragging several in unnoticed before they got close enough to the Cave beast to pop out, the Worms wrapped around it's body while biting into it's hide. The Jester chuckled as he had the perfect opportunity to finish off the foe's best chance at winning but as he was lighting the fuse, he felt the urge to dash to the right and barely avoided a massive pike point before realizing he was face-to-face with a Half-Troll Marauder in scorched armor.
The Baltimare assassins had done damage to their formation before and this one was a particular menace with a hacksaw that he pulled out and slashed a throat of one with before jumping up on their heads as another explosion killed more of the Marauders. While the Jester had some success going for the points he could hit, his luck in leaping from foe to foe ended as he landed chest-first onto a pike mid-jump but not before burying his improvised weapon into his killer's throat. The Smiling betrayers were quickly wiped out with their ineffective fighting strategies and their previous knowledge of the undead but the Euphories were a problem as their speedy wings meant that the Goblins couldn't hit them with ease.
In the middle of this chaos, the Troll had gotten the Grinning beings to let go by bear hugging their bodies and had thrown them off of it's body before ripping a tree out of the ground and smashing one of them to paste before it could get away. The other Worm lunged at the Cave beast but it closed it's mouth with a free hand before dropping for a moment and focused all of it's might into pulling the upper and lower jaw of the last abomination apart, ripping it in half before it could retreat into the box which shattered from the force. The Riders switched to their bows and started taking out the Euphories with shots to the heart and other vital organs as the Troll's tree whacked some out of the air and into buildings.
The Half-Trolls got into the conflict next and started skewering the flying menaces but some of them wound up victims to the wing blades and another Rider got decapitated in a swoop but soon only a handful were left. The last Euphorie crashed to the ground with an arrow stuck in one of her wings and made one last mad swing at a Warrior who's armor protected him before he slammed his sword between her eyes. The Goblin Horde erupted into victory cries as the Cult of Laughter force was wiped out and started scavenging weapons from the fallen while looting nearby buildings to get the supplies they needed.
Winner:The Goblin Horde
Expert's Opinion[]
The Goblin Horde had the majority of advantages here with better front line troops, cavalry, elite units, and a formidable war beast along with years of experience and the ability to counter any stealthy tactics through sheer numbers. The Cult of Laughter did have an equally dangerous ranged infantry and had more dangerous auxiliaries along with an unbreakable morale but wound up losing ground throughout the fight until their more numerous and well-rounded foes before being finished off.