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| “ | The only good goblins are the ones that never crawl out of their filthy holes.
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The Goblins are the primary antagonist of the light novel series Goblin Slayer and its various adaptations. They are a race of green skinned humanoids that typically live in tribes. Their height ranges from about one meter tall in the case of most individuals, to up to about three meters in the case of some exceptional specimens.
Goblins with low intellect become riders and Hobgoblins, those who have been shown to be fast learners. Most specimens that live long enough become shamans, prisets, lords, champions, or paladins and end up leading a nest or tribe.
Goblins live primarily underground, in caves, and abandoned castles, mostly in frontier areas where military presence is light. The most notable peculiarity of the goblin race is that they are an all-male species, however, they are capable of reproducing with females of any humanoid race, which they will often kidnap and rape for reproductive purposes.
This habit of raiding and kidnapping has lead goblins to become hated by other races, but are rarely viewed as a significant threat because of their low intellect and weak physique. Because of this and because the villages they harras can rarely offer a significant bounty for their extermination, goblins tend to be ignored by high-rank adventurers, who prefer to pursue higher-paying and more prestigious quests. Low ranked adventurers often make the mistake of underestimating the goblins, leading many young adventurers' careers to end in tragedy.
Battle vs. Queerats (by SPARTAN 119)[]
Monster Rats: 100 infantry, 10 blowdogs, 3 heavies, 1 leader
Goblins: 100 infantry, 10 wolf riders, 3 heavies, 1 leader
It was late at night. Squealer stood on the interior of a farmhouse, the forward command post of the Monster Rat army. His soldiers had ambushed the human occupants before they could turn their psychic powers, or "Cantus" as they called it, against his forces, killing them all.
As he reviewed a map on the table, planning his attack over the mountains to the human villages on the other side, suddenly, he heard a window shatter. Inside the room landed an arrow. Squealer was momentarily confused- he was sure that all of the Monster Rat colonies had been wiped out.
Grabbing his matchlock carbine and looking out the window, Squealer saw torches on the line of forest to the north. Some of the sentries had been hit by volley of arrows, but most of his forces were uninjured. Immediately the air was filled with shouting the Monster Rat language, and the surviving sentries formed up into a spear wall with the archers and gunners behind them.
"Rouse the everyone", Squealer ordered his adjutants in the room, "Make ready to defend. Set up a spear wall behind the north earthworks, place the mutants to protect the flanks".
As the Monster Rats set up their formation the unexpected happened, a swarm of about ten fireballs flew towards the farm, three of them hitting the barn and igniting it, but only killing about ten more rats. None of them impacted the house Squealer used as his command post.
For a moment, Squealer wondered if the enemy had more Cantus-using humans, but dismissed it- the pyrokinetic powers of humans did not project balls of flame, but rather were capable of making the target instantaneously combust with no option to dodge it.
Under the cover of the fireball swarm, the swarm of what Squealer thought were enemy Monster Rats charged forward, spears and blades in hand. Little did they know at that point, that they were actually a different creature entirely, horde of goblins that had somehow ended up here from a very different world.
As the enemy reached 100 meters distant, the Monster Rat commanders gave the order for their archers and gunners to fire. A volley of bullets and arrow impacted the running goblins, killing about a dozen with the first volley. The musketeers opened the breech of their guns and reloaded as the archers nocked another arrow. Two volleys later, the first wave of goblins was cut down before they got within 50 meters of the Monster Rat spear wall.
That was not it for the goblin attack, however. As a second volley of fireballs and arrows flew in, this time killing about 20 Monster Rats, including a lucky shot that took down a mutant, more goblins attacked, a larger horde of about 60, spearheaded by three massive champions. Seeing the incoming threat, Squealer ran down the stair and out the door of the farmhouse.
The Monster Rat commander ran up to his field commander and gave the order, "Release the dogs!"
Within 30 seconds, a group of four monster rats each holding the leashes of two or three blowdogs. The exploding mutant dogs did not have the firepower of the aquatic "bomb-beasts" that Squealer had bred for his attack on the humans, but for these purposes, they would be enough.
As the goblins reached about 200 meters from the Monster Rat lines, they heard a barking sound. Assuming they were facing a rival goblin horde, the Goblin Lord leading the attack ordered the gigantic goblin champions to the front. They would sweep away the wolf-riders with their massive weapons.
As the blowdogs neared, however, it became clear that they were not wolves- they were all black except for patches of their bodies that glowed mysteriously, an furthermore, they had no riders. As they reached about five meters distant, they lunged. A goblin champion with an oversized flail made from a boat anchor swung his weapons, As it struck a "blowdog", the creature exploded in a flash of flame.
Up and down the goblin horde, the exploding creatures detonated with a force that an observer from modern-day Earth might liken to a fragmentation grenade. Two of the three champions were killed by the blast as over 25 goblins were torn apart by the blasts or riddled with bony shrapnel.
At the blowdogs exploded, the Monster Rat archers and musketeers opened fire, causing at least 20 more goblin casualties, including the last champion, which was riddled with bullets and arrows.
The goblin main assault was routed before their cavalry could even arrive. The sound of howling for the flanks threatened to bring panic to the Monster Rat ranks. They still thought they were fighting their own kind, and to them, howling meant one thing: blowdogs.
Squealer, however, simply shouted order to his soldiers, "Send the mutants forward 20 paces, Flanking units, make ready to fire!"
The massive mutant monster rats advanced forward. While they were massive terror weapons, he would rather lose them than his more valuable and highly trained archer or gunners. Meanwhile, the gunners and archers of the flanking forces turned 90 degree, and fired careful not the hit the mutants. The incoming goblin cavalry were caught by 20 arrows and ten bullets, shooting men off their wolf mounts. As they reached the less than five wolves and three riders reached the mutants, they were cut down by wide swings of the Monster Rat's giant clubs. At this point, some of the Monster Rat infantry got their first looks at the enemy, and saw that they were no Monster Rats, but green-skinned bipedal creatures of about the same height.
The identity of the enemy was further reinforced when the attacking wolves were simply cut down by bullets and arrows or crushed beneath the mutant monster rat's clubs, rather than exploding- they were not blowdogs. With this discovery, the spear wall behind the mutant rats readied their weapons, running through the last surviving wolves and their goblin riders.
With the cavalry routed, Squealer gave the order for his army to advance towards the woods, where the remaining goblins lay in wait. The monster rat army advanced in rows, archers and gunners behind the spears. A few goblin mages and archers attempted to fire at the advancing monster rats, but their attacks did minimal damage.
At about 100 meters from the crumbling goblin lines, the gunners and archers fired a final volley, cutting down at least a dozen goblins, before the remaining monster rats charged forth with spears and swords in hand.
The monster rats caught up with the stragglers of the retreating goblin hordes and ran them through with spears or cut them down with blades. By this point all of them had seen that they were not their own species, not that it mattered. They stood in the way of Squealer's uprising, and so they would die.
As the remainder of his army was hunted down and slaughtered, the Goblin Lord attempted to escape. Unfortunately, a Monster Rat gunner spotted him and, taking aim between his comrades, fired his carbine, scoring a hit in the center of the Goblin Lord's back.
The Goblin Lord fell forward, seeming to be defeated, but as the Monster Rat force got within five meters of him, he got up and grabbed his axe. It was too late to retreat, but at least he could take as many of his foe with him as he could. The Goblin Lord used the last of his strength to charge forward and swing his axe. The blade knocked the spears of three monster rats aside, before a second swing completely severed the head of one and cut the throat of the second, sending both of them to the ground, dead.
The third monster rat that had spear knocked away by the goblin lord drew his sword, and managed to block to strike from Goblin Lord, though he was knocked back about a foot by the impact. As the Goblin Lord prepared for a second swing, his gut was pierced by three different spears. The Goblin Lord fell to his knees, barely alive. As he fell, Squealer himself stepped forward, drew his sword, and cleaved off the Goblin Lord's head, finishing him off.
WINNER: Monster Rats
Expert's Opinion[]
The Monster Rats won this battle in large parts thanks to their greater leadership and training, allowing them to make use of much more advanced tactics and training. While the Monster Rats lacked magic, the magic in the Goblin Slayer universe was weak enough that it was outmatched by the Monster Rat's technology, specifically their matchlock guns. The Monster Rats were more of an actual army, while the goblins were basically raiders.
To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.
Battle vs. Shadow Army (by Palyer 1)[]
TBW
Expert's Opinion[]
TBW