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Guess again, freakshow. Duke's coming back to town, and the last thing that's gonna go through your mind before you die... is my size-13 boot!
— Duke Nukem

Duke Nukem is a womanizing United States Army veteran for his multiple triumphs against worldwide threats, both human and alien.

Most of Duke's early life is unknown, but it is known that he was a soldier in the US Army at some point before being recruited by the CIA to put a stop to the machinations of Doctor Proton. Victorious, Duke was hailed as a hero. But while on a talk show, Duke was kidnapped by the Rigelatins, an alien species who planned to conquer the Earth and viewed him as a threat to their invasion. Crushing the Ringelatins, Duke managed to escape back to Earth only to find it under siege from another alien species called the Cycloid.

Three times a hero, Duke used his fame to become a multimillionaire, taking up residence in Las Vegas and starting a chain of restaurants called Duke Burger while also manging the Lady Killer casino. Though he enjoyed the civilian life, he was occasionally forced to come back into action whenever another alien race invaded Earth, during one of which the American President was killed.

As Duke began to run for office he was kidnapped by a resurrected Dr. Proton who planned to make clones of him to stop an oncoming alien invasion and destroy his reputation. Once again, Duke escaped and killed Proton for good before crushing the invasion before it could reach Earth.

Battle vs. Nathan Drake (by Drayco90)[]

Drake had heard the stories of course- everyone had. You don’t get to grow up in America without conspiracy theories about Aliens and Area 51 shoved down your throat constantly- but Drake had always been sceptical. No, not of the alien thing, the fact that they had supposedly crashed in Roswell and the government managed to sneak it off before a single photo could come out but had a description just like in the movies. But then- he had fought crazy Nazi zombies, discovered El Dorado and had stepped foot in the lost city of Shangri-La, so maybe he wasn’t in the best position to judge. {C Still he had to maintain his skepticism. When Sully told him there was a supposed Alien artifact located in the Himalayas, he knew he had to take the chance. And now here he was- laying in the ripped up remains of a crashed plane, fading in and out of unconsciousness. He felt light headed as he thought of all the repetitive climbing he would have to do when he started on his way- but he pushed on. Nathan Drake did not lose out on a possible jackpot.

If there was one thing Duke Nukem loved it was enjoying the pleasure of the company of a fine woman, if you catch my horridly poorly disguised phrase of words, but kicking alien ass was a very close second. Word had gotten back to Duke about that Alien Mothership he damaged during the second invasion of Earth. He had met with the Cloaked Man- and he revealed that he and his government spooks were going to pay big bucks for an object located in the ship’s warp-bay. And he wanted Duke to get it for him. {C Naturally Duke agreed. He wanted to make sure the job was done- he never liked to just let a death happen off-screen because he knew the villain would always return in the next season. So after a visit to all the local brothels in a 50 mile radius, and you’d be surprised how many brothels Duke Nukem can find in a 50 mile radius, Duke booked the first boat out- to Nepal…

Drake groaned in effort as he pulled himself up the rock side. Bitter cold tore into his lightly bleeding hands as the wind blew across the snow that caked them, sending shivers across his whole body. He had been scaling this mountain for what seemed like an eternity, but finally he could see it. As he grunted one last time, pushing up to the peak a massive saucer construct laid bare before him. Across the side he could make out the word “Zeta”, and the side was torn open, as if it had been hit with some heavy weaponry. {C “Aliens.” He chuckled to himself. “I really can’t find anything normal, can I?”

And with newly found vigor, he entered the crashed Mothership, with only a small inkling of what it was he was searching for. The interior of the ship was filled with gray, lanky humanoids and anthromorphic pigs in police uniforms laying dead, blood smeared across the floors and walls- beams and wires hung below, drooping to the ground like a garden of overripe fruit. Drake squeezed through the crevices, careful not to knock anything to lose- fearing the ship might careen over at the slightest change in weight. If only he knew about the other passenger who was…less than concerned with such matters. {C “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair” Duke grinned to himself, kicking in the brittle walls with his mighty boot and taking in the damage he had done. He entered a large hallway, darkened by the lack of working lights. He was close, but he wasn’t the only one. On the other side of the hall, stood another man Duke recognized- the explorer and two-bit criminal Nathan Drake. Duke cracked his knuckles, knowing that Drake could only be here for one thing. {C Drake spotted Duke first, and was already drawing his beloved Beretta handgun in preparation. When the large, sunglass wearing brute snapped his knuckles, Nathan knew what was going to come next. Drake fired first, the bullets pounding into the huge chest of his foe. One. Two. Five times he fired, before Duke managed to close the gap between the two of them. With a roar, Duke punched at the ground, aiming for Drake’s head. The explorer barely rolled out of the way, and the Duke’s fist dented the floor beneath them. {C Duke grinned. Maybe this would be more fun than he thought. He drew his own gold-platted M1911 and fired six times in succession, but without aiming. Nukem wanted to draw this out, and besides- aiming was for pansies. The first five shots missed, but the sixth skinned Nate’s leg, tearing away part of the blue jeans and drawing blood across his lower leg. {C Drake grunted and rolled forward down the hallway- he knew he couldn’t take Duke in a close quarters battle. He needed distance. Duke turned and continued to fire at him as he ducked and weaved to the end and entered the Engineering Bay. Duke gave immediate chase, giving no regard for any kind of tactic or strategy. {C Engineering was a death trap. Waves of heat rolled across the fighters as they entered the room, lit in a dark red. Bursts of steam shot up from the various pieces of machinery. Duke looked across the new battlefield, cluttered as it was, and couldn’t find a sight of his foe. He could still hear the sound of Drake’s Dragon Sniper being fired, and as he turned his head towards the sound, the bullet impacted on the left eye of his sunglasses, shattering it. Drake fired a second round from the Sniper, this one scoring Duke in the shoulder. {C Duke pulled out his Devastators, and began to fire rockets in every direction, blowing up machinery and knocking down walls with wanton abandon. One of the rockets nearly hit it’s mark, shattering a tank on the far side of the room that Drake was hiding atop, sending him sprawling across the ground. He slammed into a roll and began to crawl as Duke fired more Devastator rockets in his direction. He managed to scramble to cover, narrowly avoiding the blast, and grabbed his AK-47. He waited for Duke to break his fire for a few seconds, and popped out firing on the left Devastator. The Devastator sparked and pieces began to shred off as concentrated fire tore it apart, causing Duke to curse and throw the whole set aside. He charged Drake’s cover with his laser blaster, one of the blasts striking Drake in the chest. Nate roared in pain, but leapt from cover, sliding underneath Duke firing his AK. Nukem grunted as Drake slid clear to the other side, hitting one of his most prized areas in the attack. {C “So much for balls of steel, huh asshole?” Drake quipped as he began to fall back again, tossing a grenade behind him to ensure he would have plenty of time before Duke could make a come-back. He ducked into the Warp Bay where he saw a huge glass tube. Inside was the most magnificent crystal he had ever seen. Suspended in mid-air, it glimmered with a deep purple, except when light hit it, casting a pink glimmer over it’s craggy surface. He had no idea what it was he was staring at, but he couldn’t pull himself away. Not on his own at least. He felt bitter cold, and looked down to see his feet frozen in place. Looking over his shoulder, he received a Freezethrower butt to the face, striking with enough force to tear the ice he was frozen in, shredding his lower legs as he fell. {C “Guess who’s all out of gum.” Duke spat, stomping on Drake’s chest. Drake struggled to draw his SAS-12 Shotgun, blasting Duke three times before the brute was staggered backwards. Drake struggled to stand, the pain in his legs was so immense, but he manage to get up and fire the shotgun again. Duke was finally pushed all the way back to the wall, yet he was hardly bleeding from the direct blasts. Nate wasn’t sure what kind of mutant Duke was but knew he wasn’t going to have a chance like this again, so he swapped over to his M32-Hammer, launching a grenade at the Duke. {C Nukem grabbed the grenade from midair- and had full intention of punching it down Drake’s throat, but it exploded the second he touched it, sending him flying through the wall. Drake continued firing grenades into the hole, shaking all of Mothership Zeta. After he was certain, Duke wasn’t getting up, he began to stumble back towards the crystal. He shattered the glass, causing the purple-pink majesty before him to flutter to the bottom. Drake bent over to scoop it up, but a burst of pain rolled over him. A flurry of bullets poured from a four-barreled machine gun in Duke Nukem’s hand. Drake’s foe looked like hell, his iconic red wife-beater was in tatters. Duke fired the Ripper again, severing Drake’s arm, and piercing his stomach multiple times, causing the adventurer to drop to his knees. He cried out in anguish, and Duke responded by firing the Freezethrower, incasing him in a complete block. {C Nathan Drake was now a cheap wedding decoration.

Duke smirked to himself “Hail to the king, baby.” And with a mighty kick, the statue rolled across the floor smashing into the wall. The ship lurched a final time, and began to slide across the snow. Duke quickly grabbed the crystal and dove out through a hole punctured in the battle, while Mothership Zeta slid down the mountain side, sealing itself in an icy tomb at the Himalayan base. {C


-One Week Later-

The Cloaked Man allowed a brief emotion to cross his face as the far side of his lips curled into a slight smile. He brushed his hand across the purple crystal before him. He was certainly glad he had chosen Duke for the job- he actually considered attempting to hire Drake before he settled on the self-titled “king”. At least Duke could be manipulated, he had reasoned. And oh had he been right. {C The M’Kraan Crystal fragment hovered slightly in the Cloaked Man’s special case. Finally, years of planning could come to fruition. He picked up his phone and began to dial his special number. “Yes, I have the power source. I understand that Dr. Schabbs could not come through, but you have made powerful allies my friend. I understand how long you’ve envied the land of Latveria and I will give you the power to take it. Of course, quid pro quo…mein fuhrer. {C Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, a woman in a long flowing white coat trekked through the snow, coming to the peak overlooking the ruins of Mothership Zeta. Half-buried in the snow, was a frozen arm. She began to dig out the frozen man, and called for the forward base to ready her Bacta Tank…

Expert's Opinion[]

While Duke was no where near as smart or skilled as Nathan Drake, Duke had a heavier hittting arsenal, better equipment and had more memetic "badassery" that won him the day.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Judge Dredd (by Lasifer)[]

Duke is in a strip club watching the babes do their thing while sipping an ice cold beer. He grabs another beer from a sleeping drunk. The drunk wakes up and says "Where you going with my beer you piece of $h!t?!" Duke replies "Im sorry, m0th3rf#ck3r. I take what i what i want, and i kill who i want." The drunk man gets out a Double Barreled Shotgun and points it at duke and says "You scared now you son of a bitch!" and Duke replies "Im gonna put smack dab on your ass!" and he pulls out his M1911. They then both pull the triggers of their guns, and in a cloud of dust, Duke stands and says "Piece of cake!" Judge Dredd then bursts threw the door of the strip club and yells "Whats going on here!?" Duke says "Who are you, ugly?" Dredd replies "I am..... THE LAW!" Duke says "Oh yeah, the good, the bad, im the guy with the gun." Dredd says "You have murdered a civilian, prepare to pay the price." Duke replies "You want to fight mofo? Bring it." Dredd pulls out his Lawgiver and fires at Duke. Duke pulls out his M1911 and Dredd says "Lock-onnnn." the Lawgiver locks on to Dukes M1911 and blows it out of his hand. Duke says "Nice gun pal, i think i'll take it after i kill you." and takes out his Shotgun. "Im here to kick ass and chew gum, and im all outta gum." and shoots the Lawgiver out of Dredds hand, also taking out his wrist armor. Dredd jumps for cover and throws out a gas grenade, blinding Duke. "Where are you pu$$y!" Dredd then grabs Dukes shottie and throws it out of the club and takes out his Law Rifle and says "Give up and come with me, or die." Duke replies "Hmmmm, i think ill just kick your a$$." and kicks Dredd flat on the floor with his Mighty Boot and pulls out his Railgun and says "Any last words before i rip of your head and $h1t down your neck?" Dredd then hits Duke in the face with his Daystick and Duke says "I dont like you, and i kill who i dont like." Duke then Freezes Dredd with his Freezethrower and beats him with his bare fists. The manager of the club then says "Lets turn up the heat!" and turns up the heat of the club, causing the ice on Dredd to melt off but Duke quickley kicks Dredd on the floor. He then grabs a chair and pays a stripper. But Dredd gets up and picks up his Lawgiver and points it to Dukes head and says "Any last words" and Duke replies "Oh $h1t." and shoots Duke in the head. Duke then is sent back to the present at the EDF (Earth Defense Force) Headquarters and some troopers ask "Whats the future like, Mr. Nukem" Duke replies "Just get me a beer and Shut the f#c* up."


Expert's Opinion[]

The experts believed that Judge Dredd's armor and newer technology would enable him to come out on top. Another deciding factor was Judge Dredd's intelligence being pitted against Duke's stupidity.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Isaac Clarke (by Lasifer)[]

No battle was written.


Expert's Opinion[]

The experts believed that Isaac's newer weapons and armor enabled him to come out on top, whereas Duke Nukem detests to any type of armor, and therefore went without it. This allowed Clarke to easily do away with Nukem.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Captain Rex (Legends) (by Wassboss)[]

Captain rex is walking through the ruins of Manhatten. He has been sent to earth to stop another alien race from destroying the planet. Unfortunatly the aliens have utterly destroyed the city with thier constant bombing. He spots a survivor kneeled down in the rubble and goes over to see what the problem is. As he gets closer it becomes obvious that the man is dead, the back of his head is completly missing. Captain rex stops and shakes his head. He is about to leave when suddenly he feels a stining in his shoulder. He looks at it and sees that he has been shot in the shoulder. He turns quickly and spots a man standing a few feet behind him, holding a large gun.

"Hey i'm on your side" rex shouts at the man but he ignores him. "Thats what they all f**king say" the man says and opens fire on the stormtrooper. Rex leaps behind cover and takes out his blaster rifle and fires back. They carry on this fire-fight for a while until duke runs out of ammo. "F**k" he says and takes out an alien blaster and fires, disintergrating rex's rifle. Rex sheilds his eyes from the flamming debrie and looks at duke in shock. "Where the hell did you get that" he says, jumping to the side too avoid another blast from the blaster. "I stole it from one of you alien friends" duke says smiling. "Well your not the only one with a cool blaster" rex shouts back and takes two blaster pistols and fires at duke, who barely get behind cover in time. Duke waits for the shooting to stop before jumping up and firing a laser from the blaster, which narrolwy misses Rex's head. Rex opens fire again but Duke dissapers back behind his cover.

Rex takes out a thermal detonator and throws it at duke's cover. It sails over the peice of debrie and rex hears a scream as the grenade goes off. He walks over too check that duke is dead and peers over the debrie. He finds nobody but sees a small device beeping. Realising its a bomb he jumps out of the way just as it goes off, showering him with small shards of debrie. He picks himself up and dusts himself down just to be sent flying back by a boot to the face. He lands on his feet and tries to fire his pistol but is struck in the hand by a throwing knife. He drops the pistol and grabs his injured hand. He pulls the knife out and tosses it aside. He looks up and is immediatly thrown to the ground. He blinks and stares up to see duke sitting on top of him, holding a knife. Lowing himself down and looking rex in the face he says "Any last words before i rip of your head and s**t down your neck?".

Rex looks at him and says quickly and fluently "Yes actually its a bit of advice for you". Duke smiles at him and says "Ha, what is it, don't lose to a badass like me". Duke laughes and rex pulls him down closer. "Never trust a guy with a knife" he whispers into his ear and quick as a flash plunges his vibroblade into the beer loving womanisers neck. Duke clutches his neck and rolls off the stormtrooper, slowing choking on his own blood. Rex wrenches his knife out of duke's neck and cleams the blood off before putting it away. Rex is about to make his way back to the ship when suddenly a voice sounds behind him.

"You think you so tough, try fighting me then"


Expert's Opinion[]

Rex won because of his training and superior weapons.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Ronald Noland (by Tomahawk23)[]

No battle was written.


Expert's Opinion[]

While Duke had a highly superior arsenal, Noland was able to get the win due to his stealth and superior fighting style. Once Noland could get up close to Nukem, it was all over, as Duke's training falls short compared to that of Ronald.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Bitterman, Doomguy, and Ranger (Quake) (by BattleGames1)[]

Duke (Red) - 100 health

Ranger (Brown) - 100 health, 100 armour

Bitterman (Blue) - 100 health, 100 armour

Doomguy (Green) - 100 health, 100 armour

As Doomguy exited the portal, he immediately knew something was up. He was expecting to receive a hero's welcome with people cheering and chanting his name. The destruction of the Hellish dimension has saved the Earth from Sin's wrath, according to him. The view that lay before him however told him otherwise. The streets of Los Angeles lay in a wreck. Cars were scattered around the cracked asphalt road in wrecked heaps. The burning smell of natural gas was intense as was that of rotting flesh. Apparently the demons from Hell were at it again. Cuddling the shotgun close to his chest, Flynn slowly and quietly ambled the path before him... or at least what path he can cross anyway.


"Aw heck no!" Duke whined as he pulled his Chevrolet to a stop. Seeing one of his favourite places in the whole of his country torn down and left in ruin must have ruined his sense of being. Now there were no women left for him to tip. No bars left to waste his newfound money on. Wait... that thought of no beer left in the city was too horrid to be true. "Those damn aliens!" Duke cursed to himself "They've left me a parting gift I would never forget..." Suddenly his hopes had become suddenly overturned. Composing himself and cocking his shotgun, Duke arrogantly proclaimed "Well, how about I return the favour and find these alien scumbags". Duke ran across the road, hoping to find whatever he can inside.


The sky above a billboard began to hum lowly as a portal was opened. Falling only a few feet, the Ranger stood firm and inspected his surroundings. How could this be possible? he thought. He went back all the way through time and space to stop some horrific creature from making humanity bow to it's will, and now he has come back to... pretty much something that caused him to go back in the first place. The Ranger slowly paced around the rooftop before he came to a familiar sign Welcome to... Los Angeles. Whatever the place was, it was not back at Command HQ. Another sight befell him, a huge gaping hole in front of him baring the interiors of the complex. Not much was left to be seen except for some tattered furniture and clothing. With no other choice, the Ranger holstered the shotgun and gripped firmly onto the edges of the crumbling ceiling. Hanging on firmly, he tried angling his body so that the momentum of his swing can allow him to jump into the room. Soon, he jumped. However, the rumbling of something shook the room to the point the Ranger could not stand. Getting back up with a grunt, the Ranger looked out from the hole to witness a space vessel float past.


The roar of the shuttle died down as Bitterman, back from his long and arduous mission, landed the VTOL craft in an open area. He too could not believe that one of Earth's cities just took a major beating. Didn't look like the work of the Strogg but whoever caused all the carnage will certainly pay. Bitterman made his way out of the soft and comfortable pilot chair and onto the hard crusty ground. Clutching the shotgun in his hand - once Strogg made, now the property of humankind - Bitterman walked down the road. Everywhere he could see, places once filled with joy and vitality were now extinguished for unknown malicious purposes. Small fires everywhere seared him with small doses of heat and the smell of sulfur choked his lungs. Whatever he was going to find here, it was sure to be what caused the destruction of the land from the beginning.






(Everyone has cocked their shotguns; the Ranger has just jumped onto the apartment room he landed under.)



The game began as soon as the 4 men started bolting around, jumping over debris and climbing up and down ladders and stairwells. Grunting as they make their way across hallways and alleyways, the 4 come across something glowing and hovering in mid-air. Bitterman stared in awe as he stooped to collect the Chaingun, replete with 100 full rounds of bullets. Doomguy collects his chainsaw and revs it up - time for him to party, he thinks. The Ranger picks up his Thunderbolt packed fully with 100 cells, something he has not since his adventures in the Quake dimension. And lastly, Duke picks up the Ripper Chaingun holding a full load of 200 bullets, muttering "Come get some, baby!". Holstering those weapons behind them, the journey into the heart of the city continues. Electricity cracks as sparks fly into puddles of acid dripping from above. Death. Nothing but death and danger lingered in the air, as if something was out to get the men.


The Ranger made it out onto the street. Looking up at the sky, he noticed it becoming more scarlet in tinge. With the wind getting slightly stronger, he seeked shelter in a nearby wrecked shop. Underneath the counter lay some blackish-grey armour. Even though the Ranger found it just recently, he immediately could tell that the vest was not for him. Someone else was about to arrive. Hearing footsteps approaching the window, the Ranger took out his shotgun and lay in wait.


Panting after his jog, Duke came to rest at one of his grocery stores. His mama always took him there to get the goods, whether they be hers or his. Stepping over the broken glass shards, he took out his Winchester shotgun. His instinct led him here too, though for what purpose he went inside it was a mystery. "Better get some food while I can." Duke lowered his shotgun and proceeded to walk down the aisle of the boxed cereals and bread. Eyeing what was left, Duke suddenly heard a little scuffling in the counter. "Who's there?" he asked. Silence. Aiming his Winchester at the board, Duke exclaimed "Don't make me go behind there and kick yer ass!"

Suddenly the Ranger popped out of hiding. "Freeze, stranger!" he yelled as he fired his gun. Reacting well, Duke leapt down to the floor with only a minor pellet grazing his leg (Red - 96 health). Looking up at the Ranger's head, Duke fired his shotgun in retaliation, but the Ranger was too quick and he ducked back under the counter. Scrambling for something distracting, Duke stood up and tried to bolt behind a shelf. Unfortunately, his slow limp cost him another opportunity for him to fire at the Ranger who just popped back up and fired another round, this time hitting full force ('Red' - 72 health). Struggling to get back onto his feet, Duke witnessed the Ranger leaving his cover and approaching him, as if he was a policeman doing an interrogation.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" the Ranger grunted as he grabbed Duke by the chest. Nothing escaped Duke's breath - except a disgruntled grunt. "Oh, not a talker, eh?" Ranger pulled his shotgun out and pressed it against his cheek. Unmoved, Duke engaged his mighty boot and kicked Ranger down to the floor (Brown - 93 health, 97 armour) with a hard thud. Tactically, Duke shot at The Rangers body with his Winchester, but The Ranger rolled away just in time, only for a pellet to scrape him in the back (Brown - 86 health, 94 armour). Struggling to get up, The Ranger just managed to stop an oncoming punch from Duke. Returning the favour, The Ranger set Duke flying back a couple of feet onto a the top of a freezer before bolting for the broken window. Rolling onto his stomach, Duke fired his Winchester at the fleeing Ranger - just missing him. In return, Ranger forced Duke to duck behind the cover of the counter with a Thunderbolt flash that barely missed him. "What in the name of Jesus was that?" Duke said to himself before noticing the kevlar vest. Without hesitation, Duke stood up and put it on now feeling that he will be protected (Red - 72 health, 100 armour). He stared in disgust at the mess that thunderstrike created - every can was spilling its contents and the shelf in front of him was giving way. However, one thing got his attention - a shining case of white. Coming up to it, he noted the red cross on it. Curious, Duke nudged the case. With a flash, the case disappeared... and so too did the scars on his body, arms and legs (Red - 97 health, 100 armour). Smiling in satisfaction, Duke looked out across the street. It was growing dark, and that unknown man he encountered was still lurking around - who knows what is happening next?

Shrugging his shoulders at the thought, Duke made his way out. From the sidewalk, Duke could still not see the Ranger but he didn't care. He jogged down the path in front of him, hoping to see if any supplies of his were still left intact.


Well, this certainly does not look like the work of demons Flynn thought as he peered out a window. The cityscape was just torn to pieces with buildings looking like they've been ripped in half. Even though it was beginning to get dark, he could also make out some fumes of smoke and CO2 from burning vehicles. Turning back, he became astounded when he found the door wide open - but then again it may have been the strong wind coming in. Being careful, Flynn hugged the shotgun close to his security armour as he approached the stairwell. A shadow ran past downstairs. Someone else might be here... better investigate to be sure he thought before slowly walking down the steps onto the ground floor. Nothing. Not a sound except the wind howling through the empty street. There was something suspicious going on. Carefully he peeked out into the streets.

From behind a small reception desk back in the room, Bitterman carefully squat and held his chaingun up from the floor. His eyes peeked above the desk. Doomguy was just about to head back up the stairs. Now's my chance to have some fun... Bitterman grinned before he jumped out and yelled "Eat lead!"

The chaingun began to rev up. Luckily however, Flynn ducked behind a pile of rubble as Bitterman began to spray bullets. The shards began raining down upon him like hail. Even so, some bullets were able to penetrate deep into the rubble and graze his armour (Green - 90 health, 94 armour) in a few places. Another bullet then sped past his arm and grazed it heavily (Green - 85 health, 91 armour). Flynn cried out in pain as he clutched the armpiece. Noticing this cry, Bitterman let the gun in his hands cool down before switching to his shotgun. His feet crunched along the metal and wood debris at his feet as he walked up to the pile Flynn was cowering behind. To an equally surprising effect, a mechanical whirr was heard before Flynn jumped out with the chainsaw in his hand. A sinister look in his eyes, Flynn teased the chainsaw at the startled Bitterman before slashing it down into the chestplate whereupon Bitterman was sent to the floor (Blue - 96 health, 94 armour).

"I bet you're one of those demons in human form, huh?" Flynn huffed through his helmet. Bitterman was confused by this question but one he does now was the man in front of him was trouble. Rolling out of the way of another chainsaw swing, Bitterman got up and fired his shotgun. Surprisingly, Flynn managed to deflect the shot with the chainsaw. Going full force, Flynn charged at Bitterman, only for Bitterman to vault over the windowsill and bolt down the walkway in front of it. Leaping outside, Flynn rolled onto the road and unsheathed his shotgun. KA-BLAM! a shot rang out. Bitterman was lucky enough to have a pellet only go through his leg but it was very painful (Blue - 90 health, 85 armour). Not wanting to collapse like his body would have, Bitterman just kept on running and forcing Flynn to run in pursuit. After a while though, Bitterman disappeared at an intersection. Looking all around him, Flynn was only met by the whispers of the wind and the rustling of paper. Forced to continue his search for answers, Flynn was about to move on when something caught his eye.

It was a white case with a red cross on it. Instantly making the connection, Flynn dived for the case. Immediately it dissolved in his hand, and with that, the graze wounds on his arm and sides (Green - 100 health, 91 armour) disappeared too. Looking at his shotgun with a grin, Flynn decided it was best for him to follow his gut on where that blasted space marine went. With that, Flynn jogged northward.


"Now where did that stinkin' coward run off to?" Duke exclaimed as he walked down an dark alleyway. The sky began to turn dark violet, and no sign of life anywhere. Laying his back against a wall, Duke sighed. All he wanted was more rest - especially having stolen a car and driven it back from Sacramento airport once the planes from Havana were grounded. Despite closing his eyes, Duke began to feel more tense as a certain kind of fear approached him. The sound of feet tapping and someone huffing came closer. Suddenly, a dark shadown ran past him. The outline was hard to make out but it looked like a Space Marine... maybe it's that same one from earlier! Thinking quickly, Duke stepped out and looked at the figure. It was hard to make out but it looked like him. Pressing one more foot on the sidewalk, something clicked. Before Duke's eyes, a piece of the road in front of him slid away and up rose a platform containing something that made Duke both shocked and amused. "It can't be..." Duke gazed as he grasped the handle of the RPG. Its heavy weight told him there was a full set of rockets in it. It was time for him to party. Still grasping it with all his might, Duke made a strained sprint down the sidewalk where the mysterious figure was jogging.


Bitterman caught his breath as he stopped to notice that he lost his opponent. Sighing with relief, Bitterman continued down the road at walking pace. Looking around, he noticed he was in a notorious area of town where the black market once reigned supreme. Even the criminals at this joint have deserted their goods. Peering in the windows, Bitterman began looking for items of use. Eventually stumbling on a munitions shop, Bitterman peered through the glass. To his delight, he found a set of brown cartridges labelled 'bullets' - just what he needed as his chaingun was almost out. Even more surprising was what was on the bottom shelf - grenades; but not just any old grenade... it was the green and red ones that he used back on Stroggos. Before Bitterman could fire his shotgun, he was cut off by a raspy threat and a big lumbering macho shadow coming from behind.

"Say hello to my little friend!" Duke yelled as he fired his RPG.

Ducking out of the way just in time, the RPG rocket hit the sidewalk. There was a massive explosion and shockwave but nothing too serious that damaged any part of Bitterman's body. Trying again, Duke aimed moreover at the munitions factory. Firing the rocket again, he didn't take into account Bitterman grabbing all the grenades and bullets on the shelf and rolling onto the curb with the ammo intact and dissolving into his hand. Priming one of the grenades, Bitterman chucked it a far distance but landing just close to Duke's feet. With a quick glance, Duke jumped out of the way to only be touched by a licking flame (Red - 92 health, 95 armour). Bitterman tried to prime another grenade but an explosion behind him coming from the armoury threw him in the air, making him drop all the unprimed grenades almost near a sewer drain.


The explosion from the armoury generated so much noise that it told Flynn he was heading in the wrong direction. After viewing the small fireball erupt, he started to run towards the scene, hoping to catch his target there. Suddenly, 2 things stopped his path - one was a white chaingun hovering a few feet in front of him; the other was an unknown figure who stopped immediately as he came into view. The Ranger looked ahead of him. The flash of light that blinded him a second ago made him look at his oncoming target as a Shambler waiting to approach him. Trying to rub the image off his eyes, Ranger rushed forward with his Thunderbolt out. Thinking quickly, Flynn grabbed the gun in front of him and started spraying. Running as fast as he could, Ranger tried to avoid getting shot at but it was no used and a couple of bullets landed in his arm (Brown - 72 health, 86 armour). Panting heavy Ranger aimed his Thundergun at Flynn and fired a bolt - hitting Flynn square in the chest and sending him back a few feet (Green - 80 health, 81 armour). Like the exploding rockets, the Thundergun generated so much noise and heat that it was very noticeable to Bitterman and Duke. Coming up to Flynn, Ranger aimed his shotgun at Flynn's helmet. "Any creature that attacks me is gonna get it!" Ranger proclaimed. Before he could fire the shotgun, a flying kick was delivered to his chest (Brown - 65 health, 83 armour). Duke then pounced on the Ranger ready to land a solid hit to the jaw but the Ranger grabs his hand before the hit.

Flynn, slowly getting back up, witnessed the fight but left the scene since to him it would seemingly been the right thing to do.


Getting up after that explosive incident, Bitterman ran as fast as he could towards the nearest hospital, hoping to find a medikit. Looking behind him down the dark alleyway, he can see a fire in the distance but nothing else. Coming out on the other side, Bitterman sighed with relief and the thought he was safe. Unfortunately, Flynn was not too far behind him, having picked up his own rocket launcher from that earlier alleyway. Intuitively, Bitterman turned around to fire his shotgun but a rocket explodes square in his chest (Blue- 80 health, 75 health) sending him flying headfirst into the hospital hallway tiles. Amazingly, as Flynn later found out in approaching Bitterman, the latter was able to scramble away on his own two feet. Impressive... Flynn thought as he slowly walked as if to tease Bitterman into a chase. Upon seeing the fire emergency escape door open, Flynn picked up the pace. Looking up and finding Bitterman nearly reaching the top floor, Flynn fires off another shot but misses. With no other choice, Flynn rushed up the flight of stairs, hoping to avoid any oncoming debris.


Back on the ground, the light of the intense was all that illuminated the chase between Duke and the Ranger. An exchange of pellets and bullets and rockets have been flying around all over place and now the two are running dry (Red - 25 health, 5 armour; Brown - 25 health, 5 armour). During their run past fallen churches and inside shops, Duke gained an edge with the Devastator in his hands and the Ranger managed to pick up his own rocket launcher. A series of melees and feats of agility were accomplished by the two of them - especially at moments when it looked like Duke was getting the upper hand. Firing the last of his rockets in the Devastator, Duke found himself defenseless. All this carnage and debris in the city and he hasn't killed his foe. That same anger was also felt by the Ranger. Sweat was dripping all over their bodies like they have been pushed to the limit but they did not want to collapse. Duke charged headlong into the Ranger again just as soon as he loaded another rocket into the launcher, and tackled him down senselessly (Brown - 18 health, 2 armour). Blood poured from Duke's nose as he throttled the Ranger's head against the concrete. Out of the corner of his eye however, the Ranger found his saving grace - an axe. It might have been a sign from the heavens, it might not; either way, the Ranger needed it and fast.

"I hope you like it in hell, punk!" Duke exclaimed, oblivious to his peripheral vision.

Grunting with all his might, the Ranger slammed the axe into Duke's back (Red - 15 health, 0 armour). Stumbling back in pain, Duke fell into a puddle mix of water and acid making him scream in agony. Feeling for Duke, the Ranger took out his Thunderbolt and zapped the puddle. Emotionless, the Ranger left, leaving the mangled body of Duke Nukem to rest in a hole in the ground (Red - 0 health, 0 armour). His troubles though weren't over, as he faintly heard some shouting over at the hospital. Using the burning cityscape and the light of the moon, the Ranger resiliently ran despite the searing pain surging in his veins.


"You brought this upon my land, didn't you!" Flynn shouted as he cornered Bitterman on the rooftop.

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, man. For all I know, maybe you did this!" Bitterman retorted.

"Well surely as a space marine, you're meant to be truthful and honest..." Flynn argued back as he walked closer.

"Maybe you're right... I'm not telling you all the truth..." Bitterman slyly stated as he reached for something behind him. "Simple fact of the matter right here, right now... is that you're dead meat!" with that, Bitterman unleashed the fury of his BFG10k. The ball of green energy moved slowly across the roof, giving Doomguy a chance to duck behind the cover of a vent shaft. Shattering into a spectacular bright light, the plasma ejected all its energy to a side of the building that crumbled away like sand in an hourglass. The entire northeastern section of the roof was therefore falling from the sky... and unfortunately, landing smack bang on the Ranger below (Brown - 0 health, 0 armour), leaving him buried and twisted in a horrendous state.

Flynn felt like a sitting duck where he was. His chaingun was too bulky to take out and his shotgun and chainsaw wouldn't do him any well either. Looking straight at the inoperative fan in front of him, Flynn noted something odd - there was something behind the blades, something... big.

"I thought as a marine you would die for your country. Not hide like a coward would." Bitterman exclaimed as he slowly approached the tall vent Flynn was hiding behind.

"I might just do that..." Flynn snarked "Right after you!" and with that, Flynn unleashed his own BFG.

"That thing is just pus-" Bitterman laughed before being struck by a ball of plasma, completely and utterly disintegrating him fully (Blue - 0 health, 0 armour). Aware of what danger was about to come next, Flynn leapt over his side of the building and quickly clung onto the railing of the adjacent apartment. Swinging with great momentum moments before a piece of roof debris flied past him, Flynn crash-landed into the abandoned living room and hid under cover.

When all shaking and rumbling is over and done with, Flynn walked out onto the steel-lined balcony. The moon was fully out and to Flynn, that signified that it was a hard night's work done.

Winner: Doomguy

Expert's Opinion[]

MG: I am surprised that Doomguy made it on top here, winning 2000 battles of 5000 against Bitterman's 1800, the Ranger's 900 and Duke's 300. It's no surprise that Duke lost out so easily first and that can be explained by his obsolete weaponry in comparison with the others, his gung-ho attitude causing him to make tactical mis-steps and his ineffective armour.

AD: What made the Ranger come out on top of Duke was just his greater experience and training. I was surprised that his weapons did not fare as well as Doomguy's and Bitterman's despite having a gun that fired bolts of electricity which I personally considered potentially fatal. Other than that, it was also the Ranger's broken mind that like Duke caused him to make some calculable mistakes costing him ammo and his life.

GD: And how did Doomguy get up on top despite Bitterman having the more powerful super weapon and the grenades? Well again, it comes down to experience and training and Doomguy certainly had the edge there. Combine that with his combat-efficient weapons and substantially strong armour and you have yourself a clear victor.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. The Courier (by JWarrior89)[]

No battle was written.

Winner: Courier Six

Expert's Opinion[]


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. B.J. Blazkowicz (Activision) (by Mexican spider)[]

No battle written.

Expert's Opinion[]

No opinion written.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Edit Section

Battles here were deemed to be unfair or otherwise not in accordance with wiki standards, and have been removed from the statuses of the warriors and displayed below.

Battle vs. Predator (by Lasifer)[]

No battle was written.


Expert's Opinion[]

While Duke had quite a heavy hitting arsenal, Predator was able to withstand most of Duke's attacks, and had much more advanced weaponry of his own. That, along with his incredible stealth and sharp wrist blades, won him the day.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle has been declared invalid for giving the Predators a mask laser, a weapon they never used.

Battle vs. John Rambo (by Lasifer)[]

No battle was written.


Expert's Opinion[]

This was a very close battle. While Duke had greater strength and a highly superior arsenal, Rambo had far better training, and was able to put his stealth and tactics to good use in overcoming his opponent.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


Battle was declared invalid due to Rambo being given a weapon he did not use.

Rematch vs. John Rambo (by HaydenStudios)[]

Duke Nukem is walking down a narrow street, searching for remaining alien invaders after hearing rumors that a few remained within the surrounding area. After nearly an hour, he mutters to himself, “I thought those rumors might be bull****”. Suddenly, an explosion erupts from a gas station a few blocks down. Intrigued, Duke heads in the dilapidated gas station's direction saying, “Heh, maybe I'll get to see some action after all.” A few minutes later, a voice speaks through the town speakers, “Attention all civilians. For your own safety, please evacuate the streets immediately. Remain indoors until you receive further instructions. I repeat, this is a police emergency, please evacuate the streets immediately.”

Sheriff William Teasle sets down the microphone, and walks over to a cabinet in the police department to retrieve a rifle. As he examines his choices, Kernel Sam Trautman comes up behind him. “They found Rambo's body.” says Teasle, removing one of the rifles from the cabinet and turning to face the Kernel. “As a matter of fact, it stole an army truck. Blew up a gas station on the other side of town.” The Kernel looks down for a very brief moment, eliminating what little doubt existed that John Rambo is still alive. Trautman looks back up. “That kid is resilient.” says the Kernel. “Why don't you forget what you're thinking and clear out while you can?” he continues. The sheriff clenches his teeth and says, “Get the f*** out of here Trautman, and take you advice with you! When I talked to you earlier this afternoon, you knew he was still alive, didn't you?” After a pause, the Kernel replies, “I suspected.” Teasle cracks a smile. “Yeah, sure. Sure, that's why you stuck around. You trained him. You taught him how to get out of places like that cave.” William Teasle starts to walk out of his office, battle ready, briefly followed by Trautman. “But he's not going to get out of this place.” he continues. “Teasle! You and all your men couldn't handle him before, now what makes you think you can handle him now?” retorts Trautman. “Because God knows what damage he's prepared to do.” the Kernel continues, sighing.

Duke is nearing the source of the commotion when a police officer behind him says, “Sir, I need you to get off the streets, and take cover indoors.” “I don't have time for your evacuation bull****.” Retorts Duke, continuing onward. The officer becomes flustered “Sir, I'm sorry, but this is a police emergency. Take cover now, or I will have to apprehend you.” Duke turns around to face the police officer. “It's my way or-” Says Duke, pausing for a moment. “Hell! It's my way!” The officer is startled. “Oh! Duke Nukem! Uh, sorry, never mind, carry on.” The police officer then flees from the scene. “What a pussy.” Duke murmurs. Duke suddenly hears some gun fire, followed by the power going out in several buildings.

Rambo stealthily enters an idle ammunition store. He then begins gathering a wide assortment of bullets, gasoline containers and cylinders of gun powder, concentrating them into one pile. After generating a sizable pile of explosives, Rambo opens one of the cylinders of gunpowder and pours a trail of it on the floor leading from the pile out to the back door. Before Rambo ignites the gunpowder, however, a voice calls to Rambo. “Hey pal, I like big explosions too, but maybe that's not what you had in mind.” Rambo is startled at Duke's sudden appearance. Before heading out the back door, Rambo fires his Skorpion vz. 61 at the trail of gunpowder which ignites, and begins heading toward the pile. Duke quickly rushes over to the spark traveling along the trail of gun powder over to the pile of explosives, and stomps on it, temporarily preventing an explosion.

Duke examines the back door which Rambo presumably fled through. Suspecting an ambush, Duke tosses a pipe bomb right outside the door and detonates it. Duke Nukem then rushes out through the door to find Rambo to the left, staggering up and sprinting off into the parking lot outside of the building. Nukem pulls out his ripper chain-gun as Rambo flees. The rounds from Duke's chain-gun impact on the road behind Rambo, chasing him until he makes it to cover behind a car. Duke throws a pipe bomb at the car Rambo's hiding behind which detonates just after he flees to another car for cover. Duke detonates that car with a pipe bomb as well, but not before Rambo makes it to another car. This process repeats until Duke only has on pipe bomb left. Not wanting to waste his last pipe bomb, Duke pulls out his devastator and rains chaos with it out in the parking lot. A tumult of explosions erupt from cars that are stuck by it, followed by a clamor of car alarms. Rambo runs out of options until he throws a frag grenade out to Duke's position.

Duke spots a doughnut shop across the street with a giant doughnut on top of the roof. Duke kicks the grenade causing it to soar through the air and detonate in midair right in the center of the doughnut. Duke Nukem smiles, saying to himself “Damn, I'm good.” Rambo suddenly comes out of nowhere right next to Duke who barely maneuvers around Rambo's jab with his knife. John darts back into the ammunition store and takes out an RPG.

Duke hits the dirt just as the RPG launches, causing it to soar over him and impact and explode a car several yards behind him. Nukem gets up to see Rambo loading an arrow onto a composite bow. Duke throws his last pipe bomb into the store which is headed for Rambo's head, but he dodges by merely moving his head the the side. John realizes, however, that Duke wasn't aiming for his head, but rather the pile of ammunition and explosives just behind him on top of which the pipe bomb lands. Rambo redirects the aim of his arrow at Duke's hand holding the remote detonator for the last pipe bomb and fires.

The arrow hits the detonator held by Duke just before he presses the button, sending it flying out of his hand, and sliding underneath the most recently inflamed car several yards behind Duke. “Son of a b****!” says Duke, caught off guard. Rambo then quickly draws his blade and throws it right at the head of the surprised Duke who barely jumps to the side and see the blade fly right in front of him. “Now you're really pissing me off!” shouts Duke.

Duke walks into the ammunition store once again, and John pops out from behind him and winds some rope, most likely sitting around somewhere in the store, around Duke's neck and pulls. Duke is startled, and is getting choked. The two remain still for several seconds, and Rambo winds the rope around Duke's neck even further, and pulls even tighter. Duke is now suffocating even harder, and falls to his knees, most likely about to suffocate. Duke exerts what strength he can, and thrusts himself downward, flipping Rambo over and onto the floor in front of him. Duke gasps at his breath of fresh air, gets up, and removes from his neck and tosses aside the rope Rambo tried to use to strangle him. Rambo as well has gotten up.

“There's only two ways this can end. And in both of them, you die!” says Duke. Rambo clenches his teeth. Both warriors rush up to each other and grip their hands on each other's necks. Rambo knee's Duke a couple of times, until Duke does a significantly stronger knee of his own which causes Rambo to relinquish his grip on Duke and take a few steps back. Finally, Duke takes a few steps forward and kicks Rambo in the stomach with his mighty boot, breaking five of his ribs, and making him cry in pain falling backwards onto the pile of ammunition and gasoline topped with Duke's last pipe bomb. Rambo tries to get up, but is far too weak from the blow. Duke pulls out a cigar and lights it with a nearby hand-held lighter. “Hail to the king, baby.” says Duke, before putting the cigar in his mouth. Duke walks out of the back door of the ammunition store for the last time, but keeps the lid of the hand lighter open, throwing it onto the floor behind himself as he leaves. The lighter lands on the trail of gun powder which sparks back up, and leads to the pile of explosives. The fuse of gun powder reaches the pile of ammunition, gasoline, gunpowder, ammunition and Duke's last pipe bomb, detonating it all with John Rambo right on top. Duke silently and casually walks away from the exploding ammunition store away from which he's now at a safe distance. An immense mushroom of fire erupts above the store, followed by smoke, and fire emitting from all the store's windows. The entire state police is attracted to the scene, later recovering the shattered remains of Rambo's body. Duke successfully leaves the scene undisturbed by any police.

Sheriff William Teasle arrives on the scene, ready to take on Rambo. He stops, and drops both his jaw and his rifle at the sight of the explosion. “What the HELL is going on?!” he shouts. One of his deputies comes up behind him and says “Looks like someone took Rambo out for us.”


Expert's Opinion[]

While Rambo was more stealthy and much better trained, Duke possessed a a harder hitting arsenal by far, as well as greater strength that made this his fight to win. Rambo put up quite a fight, but Duke Nukem was simply too powerful for him.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Rematch Information[]

The author's original motive for this rematch was by no means to get a different outcome, but merely to write a simulation, as he thought the match-up was an interesting one, but was bummed at the lack of a simulation. The original author himself supported Rambo in the original battle, as did the author if this rematch. As he started writing the blog post, he started feeling unsure about whether Rambo really was the deadlier warrior, and after the first two Duke votes came in, he even began rooting for him inside. Little did he know for quite some time that the reason the original author gave consent for this rematch was mostly because he changed his mind to thinking that Duke was the deadlier warrior. In the end, the outcome changed to Duke being unanimously decided on as the deadlier warrior the second time around.


Battle was declared invalid due to Rambo being given a weapon he did not use.

Battle vs. Subject Sigma (by Lasifer)[]

The battle starts out with Sigma and Dr. Tenenbaum getting to dry land, carrying out examples of the technology with them. Duke spots Tenenbaum and Sigma walking up from the beach and mistakes Sigma for an alien taking Tenenbaum to an alien ship. Duke shoots Sigma with his Alien Blaster and he falls down Tenenbaum runs away to a safe place. Duke pulls out his M1911 out on Sigma and says "Hail to the king, baby!" and shoots Sigmas helmet, the bullet deflects and hits Duke in the shoulder. Sigma gets up and swings his Drill at Duke, knocking him on the ground. Sigma then runs away to find Tenenbaum. Duke gets up and says "No you dont you c0%k sucker!." Duke shoots two missiles at Sigma with his devastator. Sigma hears the missiles coming and turns around and catches them with telekinesis. Duke says "What the unholy f$$k!" and Sigma hurls them towards Duke but he ducks and they miss. Duke says "Take the bitch motherfucker, i dont care anymore." Sigma, angry atwhat Duke said, Throws a Gravity Well in between them. Duke then gets sucked into a mini sand storm and then gets hurled towards Sigma. Duke says "You want some more, huh!" Duke kicks Sigma on the ground and thinks he could kill Sigma with a punch and punches Sigma's armor, only leaving a dent. Sigma shoots Duke with his rivet gun. He then pulls out his Ion Laser and swtches to Burst Cells and Swings Duke up in the air with his Drill and then shoots Duke into pieces with his Ion Laser. It then starts raining and Sigma walks away.


Expert's Opinion[]

Due to Subject Sigma's superior arsenal, larger size, and tougher armor, he triumphed over Duke Nukem.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared invalid for nerfing Subject Sigma's plasmids.

Battle vs. The Postal Dude (by Geekboy27)[]

The Postal Dude is out in Paradie City. He is looking at the list his wife gave him for the day.

"Let's see, pick up some milk, pickup the mail..." The Postal Dude read the list with a sound of anoyance in his voice.

He gets to the area where the Lucky Ganesh is and he sees a musclear man flexing next to the club. Postal Dude walks next to him and the Duke spits at his shoe.

The Duke grins. "Oh sorry man, thought that you were one of the monkey cleaners."

The Due, clearly annoyed retorts "If I am the monkey cleaner, does that make you one of those fucking nasty gimps?"

"Oh you will regret you said that!" The Duke yells. He then pulls out to Heckler MP5s. The Dude runs and takes cover.

"Show me your face!" The Duke yells.

Postal Dude pulls out an M16 and returns fire. He manages to hit Duke a few times in his legs.

"Ah Fuck!" Duke yells in pain. Duke realises he lost all of his ammo. He then pulls out his MossBerg. Postal Dude also ditches his M16 and pulls out his Spas-12. Duke fires and blows a chunk out of the Postal Dudes cover. Postal Dude runs into the store and takes cover.

"Move!" Postal Dude says as he shoves people aside. Duke hits Postal Dude, but it was not close enough to be lethal, but still the Postal Dude howls in pain. He falls over and sees a cat walk next to him. He picks the cat yp and shoves the cat on the barrel of his shotgun.

Duke looks at the gun, obviously confused. "What the hell?"

Postal Dude fires the cat at him which hits Duke in the face. The cat begins to claw in an enraged matter. Ammo from the shotgun also hit Duke in his gut. Duke grabs the cat and tosses him away. They both drop their shotguns and pulls out their pistols. At this point, every civilan taking cover, has began to retreat. This makes shooting eachtohter harder.

Duke fires rapidly, and manages to his Postal Dude three times. Postal Dude fires back, but hits a civilian in the process.

Duke drops his pistol and uses his fists. "Time to get up and personal!"

Duke punches Postal Dude in the face multiple times. Blood flies off Postal Dudes face. But he pulls out a police Baton and whacks duke with it. Duke is thown off guard and postal dude pulls out his shovel. And whacks duke very hard which makes duke hit the floor hard.

"Way to be a dick buddy." Says Postal Dude as he limps to the milk and goes to check it out. But Duke stands up and pulls out his grenade launcher. Postal Dude retreats and tosses a molatov. It only gives Duke a slight burn. Duke fires the grenade sends the Postal Dude flying over several shelves. Duke walks over to an injured Postal Dude who was hit close by the grenade and got shrapnel lodged into him.

Duke flips The Dude onto his back, who grinds his teeth in pain. Duke crouches next to him.

"You know, for a monkey cleaner, you do fight well." Duke grins. "And just because I'm nice, I'll take you to the hospital."

Duke takes Postal Dudes arm and helps him to the hospital.

"So what made you think of using fucking molotovs?" Duke asked in confuson.

"Their effective. And can be used for a trap." The Dude responds.


"And also, Spas-12s are for pussies"

Winner: Duke Nukem

Expert's Opinion[]

Duke has faced far worse than PD, and his weapons were far more reliable and battle trustowrther.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared invalid because Duke Nukem was given a Mossberg shotgun and Heckler & Koch MP5 despite having never used either.

Battle vs. Grayson Hunt (by Undead RVD)[]

No battle was written.

Winner: Grayson Hunt!

Expert's Opinion[]

Gray won by a vast margin. While he had the superior experience with his conflicts with alien invaders, Grayson had the more powerful and more versatile arsenal, was vastly better trained and was able to think more tactically than Duke. Overall, Gray's superior weapons, training and brains proved too much for the Duke-Man.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.


The battle was declared invalid because Duke Nukem was given a Mossberg shotgun despite never using one.