| “ | Good. Now disintegrate self.
— Bert
|
” |
Bert is the titular character of The Dark Lord Bert series; the story of a one-hit goblin who accidentally gained the powers of a dark lord. Bert lived in a magical world that was designed and inspired by Dungeons & Dragons. In this world, he was nothing more than a insignificant NPC, considered to be a critter in the eyes of the gamers who visited said world. However, Bert aspired to be someone respected, which he could accomplish by earning money, buying a warg, and levelling up. He tailed a group of adventurers in the hopes of looting/stealing valuables after their every fight.
One day, the gamers fought and defeated a very powerful lord guarding a certain area. The group, however, failed to notice a treasure inside the area - the trope of a dark lord which would give tremendous powers to whoever got a hold of it. Bert took the trope and became a dark lord. Although now possessing very powerful dark magic, Bert was reluctant to use it for evil, using his powers instead for himself and his community. Unbeknownst to him, the group eventually discovered their mistake, and their leader, a powerful wizard named Master White, ordered to hunt Bert down. The wizard then laid waste to Bert's hometown in his search for the goblin. One of the members of the group, a lesser mage named Kit, decided to help and protect Bert.
Eventually, Bert would learn more about his powers, before staging an attack on White with his own army with Kit. Bert eventually defeated Master White but must now face the fact that he had to accept his status as a dark lord. After White's defeat, Bert seek out other Dark Lords to train under them, learning new skills and getting entangled in more adventures.
Battle vs. Charlie Anderson (by LokoDito)[]
There was a stone castle sitting atop of a hill, made up of pure limestone, the toughest material there was. It had four towers pointed towards heaven, besieged by a moat with only a bridge connecting it to the rest of the world. Luxurious it may be, the castle was nonetheless abandoned. No light or life could be spotted, besides the faint illumination from moonlight. There were no one in this stone abode besides the wailing ghosts and other creatures of the dark.
Still, that was what Charlie Anderson was hoping for. He wore his mighty Superman t-shirt and legendary Jedi robes. He had his blonde hair hastily tucked and a bit messy. Nothing like a creepy castle for his next adventure. He had heard that such an area was filled with all sorts of treasures that may help him and his friends in their quest. That being said, the place was also said to house some powerful AIs and NPCs that were sure to give quite the Hell. "God..." Charlie said to himself. 'Let's hope things are going to be easy this time."
Inside, however, was someone whom Charlie would not be expecting. There was dog -- well a hellhound with two heads -- running along holding a stick to its mouth. "Come now, Boberton! Give stick to Bert!" a tiny armored goblin said to the mutt. The young dog responded to the voice with glee and saliva. It waddled towards a tiny chicken-size green goblin, carrying its stick. The goblin was none other than the dark lord himself, Bert the all-powerful. He patted his dog on his head, but the dog suddenly looked behind and gave a loud bark.
"What is it, Boberton?" Bert asked anxiously. But the dog said nothing. It just stared at the hallways, growling and mad.
"So it must be an intruder," Bert said. "Bert deal with intruder."
Charlie navigated through the dark corridor, listening carefully to any sound of hints of dangers. He had played his fair share of roguelikes and Dungeons of Dragons, but never knew it to be this tedious and creepy. As he reached an empty oval floor, he was greeted by a colossal monster made up of rocks and trash. “Oh crap,” Charlie remarked as the monster roared mightily at him. He managed to dodge a punch from the monster, followed by a stomp. Before he could attack, his back was then slashed by claws from the dark. The ones who attacked him were two purple vampires, with sharp tongues, yellow eyes, and wearing a Dracula get-up.
“Great...” Charlie muttered. He then flipped backwards before using his telekinesis to lift the vampires and use them as projectiles at the monster. But the latter just swatted them away like flies, creating a bloody burst of entrails. As the monster rushed at him, Charlie unleashed his heat vision, cutting away the monsters legs. He then flew towards it at high speed, punching it into a million pieces.
More vampires, together with hairy white and black werewolves, came rushing at him. Having had enough, Charlie summoned Mjolnir and smashed it to the ground, creating a shockwave that roasted the monsters.
Suddenly, Charlie’s hand was bitten by a large two-headed dog that came out of nowhere. He screamed in pain as he flew towards the air with the dog still holding onto his arm, yelping in fear. At a closer glance, Charlie could see a tiny little goblin on the dog’s back. The goblin was looking at him... strangely.
“Hmmm...” Charlie responded.
Bert knew he was compromised, and he had to do something lest his days as a dark lord would be over. He then tried to open the kid’s stat sheets to see if he could affect his powers. Charlie felt a hot surge running all over him as someone, probably the goblin, tried to warp his existence. With a scream, he threw the dog away and it crashed painfully on the ground. Bert miraculously survived the fall, landing on Boberton’s soft flesh. However, his mutt was not so lucky.
“Boberton! No!” Bert screamed and mourned for his now dying dog. He then decided to avenge his companion’s death the only way he knew how. Bert had begun to chant his killing curse. But Charlie saw what he was doing. With quick-thinking, Charlie unleashed his heat vision, incinerating Bert before he could finish his curse.
The geeky boy then landed back to the ground, tired but victorious. "Sorry little guy... Maybe I should have just played GTA instead..."
Expert’s Opinion[]
Expert’s believe that while Bert was formidable enough with his killing curse and stat control, his other attacks fell flat. Charlie’s own powers were perfect counters to Bert's, not to mention the speed and range advantage that he has. Bert was also a glass canon so Charlie only needed one attack to finish him off.