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Pep talk: Boys, we went up against impossible odds. We killed an Italian, several Italians, survived a supernatural spider attack.
— Felix Cumtree

Brought together largely out of distaste for the rest of society, the Capone's Speakeasy Hosts are the hosts of one of America's most popular radio shows, Capone's Speakeasy, where the trio and a variety of guests advocate for race science, ending women's suffrage, and that Robert "Fightin' Bob" La Follette would have won the 1924 Presidential Election, while also investigating strange conspiracies and supernatural sightings on the side. One night, the boys receive a message from their political enemy (and NeverCoolidge Conservative) the Baseball Rube, who warns of an Italian Catholic plot to capture the US presidency, with the conspiracy's base of operations apparently a local eatery called "Comet Pizzeria", located on property owned by Jewish writer David Brook, the mysterious Haitian Foundation, and landowner Fredrick Drumpf. Horrified at the concept of an Italian takeover, the hosts take the first train to Washington DC.

Upon their arrival, the trio split up to investigate the pizzeria, and eventually earn an invitation from the owner to return for a feast later that night. Taking advantage of the host's fascination with Felix, Will and Matt investigate the kitchen after the feast, where they see the chefs inserting a mysterious substance into a "meat lovers" pizza. Demanding to know if it's laduanum, the two burst in, leading to a vicious fight in which they, with Felix's help, manage to win.

With the staff neutralized, the trio head into the basement, which supposedly didn't exist, to find a variety of strange substances and a painting of the Pope which contains a white-robed man chanting to a statue of Benito Mussolini. While Will realizes the cult is worshiping Azazoth, Felix and Matt kill the man and discover chemist Albert Hoffman, who explains his role in a shadowy plot to control the populace. The trio reluctantly lets Hoffman go, concluding his future discoveries could be important.

Retreating to the Watergate hotel, the detectives patch up their wounds and prepare for an upcoming art show at the Federal Reserve, where the woman who created Comet Pizzeria's art will be in attendance. On the night of the show, Will and Matt ambush an old couple to steal their invitations, while Felix blackmails Col. Kurt Schlinter, a potentially treasonous officer in the army, to get in.

Upon arriving at the party, the group investigates, with Will inspecting the paintings scattered throughout the building while Matt and Felix find a service elevator in the kitchen. Heading downstairs, the group reconvenes to find a bizarre ritual involving the milking of several important figures in government, and is nearly driven mad in the process, before stumbling onto the real ritual, where Podesta, wearing the same robes from Comet Pizzeria, uses the various fluids collected from the show to summon a horrific, three-legged entity with tentacles for hair. Matt and Will are driven mad at the sight of it, and rendered incapable of helping, while Felix is able to shoot Podesta twice before the crowd turns on the group and throws them out. As they're led away, they witness the creature shapeshift into a young, charismatic Irish-American man who vows to turn the country over to the Vatican.

Defeated, the trio return to Will's estate to read a piece by journalist Kristoph Cilliza, who talks about the newfound successes of the Kennedy family, and resolves to keep working in hopes of bringing down the cult, with later adventures including preventing a Russian plot to indoctrinate war hero turned maverick Senator John McClane and stopping saboteurs from ruining the work of genius Enoch Musk.

Battle vs. Black Skulls (by BeastMan14)[]


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