Black Dynamite is the smoothest, baddest cat on the street. He’s a ladies’ man and the man with a plan. He’s also a former C.I.A. agent out to avenge his brother’s death. Whether he’s taking down drug dealers or sweet-talking foxy mommas, he’s the man on the streets out to stop The Man. Take a wild ride from the mean streets of the ghetto to the pool halls of the inner city, all the way to the “Honky House” with this bad-ass, tough-as-nails action hero. In addition to being a former C.I.A. agent, Black Dynamite was also a veteran fo the Vietnam War, as well as taking care of a Whorephanage, which consists of Whores and Orphans living under one roof. Though Black Dynamite is on a crusade to clean up the streets, bring down the man, and stop pimps from selling drugs to the community, he is not alone in his quest as he is joined by Bullhorn, Cream Corn, and Honey Bee. This is all in an effort to bring justice to the Black Community and to restore it back to its peaceful ways.
Battle vs. Austin Powers (by ShaolinTiger86)
In an abandoned warehouse, Austin Powers is in search of Dr. Evil. On the other end of the warehouse, Black Dynamite gets out of his car and heads in there, hoping to find one of his nemesis, Fiendish Dr. Wu.
"Just where is Dr. Evil?" Austin asked himself.
"Why don't you try asking me where's Fiendish Dr. Wu." said Black Dynamite.
"Who are you?" Austin asked.
"The name's Black Dynamite!" Black Dynamite introduced himself as the lyrics "DY-NO-MITE, DY-NO-MITE!" blared throughout the warehouse.
"Did Dr. Evil sent you here to do his bidding?" Austin asked as he got in his fighting stance. "No, but I see you looking to get your ass kicked, can you dig it?" Black Dynamite responded as he brandished his nunchuks.
"SUEY" yelled Black Dynamite as he charged at Austin Powers.
Black Dynamite's nunchuks connected with Austin's chin, sending him reeling.
"That really hurt, baby." said Austin.
"Not as bad as it's gonna hurt." Black Dynamite responded.
Black Dynamite continued twirling his nunchuks around before catching Austin off guard with a spinning heel kick to the temple.
"That's it, no more Mr. Nice Guy." said Austin.
As Black Dynamite was about to hit Powers with the nunchuks, Powers evaded the attack and caught him with a Judo Flip.
"Judo Flip!" said Austin.
"You got some moves but not enough to beat Black Dynamite." said Black Dynamite.
"We'll see about that, baby." said Austin.
Black Dynamite charged at Powers with each strike but Powers managed to maneuver his way around Dynamite's attacks before catching him with a Judo Chop.
"Judo Chop!" yelled Austin.
Powers went for another Judo Chop but it was blocked by Black Dynamite, who delivered a chop of his own followed by a front kick.
"Had enough, Honky?" Black Dynamite inquired.
"Honky? What's that?" Powers responded before Dynamite punched him in the face.
Infuriated, Powers pulled out a Walther PPK/S and starting shooting at Dynamite, who was now running from the bullets, and looking for cover.
"Looks like the tides has turned, baby." smiled Powers.
"Oh yeah, will try this on for size." Dynamite responded as he pulled out his Smith and Wesson Model 629. As the bullets from Dynamite's Smith and Wesson aimed for Powers, two of the bullets hit the British Secret Agent's gun out of his hand, and grazing him in the shoulder. Seeking shelter himself, Powers hid behind some cover also but found a Beretta M12.
"You given up already?" Black Dynamite inquired.
"If so, Scram, I say, Scram!" Black Dynamite added.
Powers caught Dynamite by surprise by shooting rapidly at him with the Beretta M12.
"You're the one that should be scraming baby, yeah." laughed Powers as Dynamite avoided the bullets.
"Two can play it that game, sucka!" yelled Dynamite who pulled out a Cobray 37mm, firing away at Powers.
Austin managed to hit Dynamite in the shoulder as the black vigilante started to back peddle while still shooting at Powers. Another bullet hit Dynamite in the shin, causing him to fall. Powers dropped the Beretta M12, grabbed his Micro Uzi, and walked towards where Dynamite was laying.
"Any last words, baby?" Austin asked with a smile.
"Yeah, I got one..." Black Dynamite answered.
"Look, up in the sky!" Black Dynamite added.
Powers looked up and saw a boom mic dangling in front of him.
"What the?" Powers inquired.
As Powers was distracted by the boom mic, Black Dynamite pulled out a Colt MK IV, shooting Powers in the chest.
"Ha ha, I placed that boom mic before the fight began!" Black Dynamite declared over the fallen Powers.
"You...sneaky bastar-" Powers said before getting shot in the chest again.
Black Dynamite then posed in a victorious manner with his nunchuks in hand, and Colt MK IV pointed outward. "DY-NO-MITE, DY-NO-MITE!"
Winner: Black Dynamite
What gave Black Dynamite the victory was that despite Powers being equipped in the same manner as Dynamite, he had better training, usage of weapons, good smarts and a killer instinct.
Battle vs. The Joker (DCAU) (by BeastMan14)
The Joker and four of his best men arrive in town, ready to take it over. "This seems like my kind of place boys!" the Joker laughs as he fires his pistol. Suddenly, a voice cries,"Yo cracker! Get the f*ck out of my hood!" The Joker turns around to see Black Dynamite, backed up by Bull Horn, Cream Corn, and two militants. The Joker, having no patience for this, opens fire along with his goons, killing a militant. (4-5)
Black Dynamite and his team open fire with their M16's in return, killing two Joker goons. (4-3)
The Joker and his team retreat laying down fire, pinning down Black Dyanmite's team. "Let's move!" Cries Black Dynamite as he gives chase with his shotgun. The rest of the team give chase on a different path, running straight into the Joker goons. The joker blows the last militants head off with his revolver while Cream Corn reveals the flamethrower on his back, utterly torching a goon. (3-2)
Just then, Black Dyanmite comes in from behind and kills the last Joker goon with his revolver. However, the Joker in the chaos escapes and throws in a tank of Joker Gas. Trapped, the team prepares for the end when Bullhorn kicks open the window, says,"It looks like my story ends here but Black Dynamite best have no fear!" And tosses the two out as the gas kills him and forces a smile on his face. (2-1)
The two land safely just feet away from the Joker, who looks mildly surprised. "This is for Bullhorn!" cries Cream Corn as he pulls out his shotgun and charges just in time to see the Joker turn around with a RPG and fire. "AW SH*T!" cries Cream Corn as he is blown to bits. (1-1)
The Joker is about to laugh when a fist brutally collides with his face. Knocking him down, Black Dynamite shouts,"This is for the hood, f*cker!" and then fires his Colt Python into the Joker, killing him. (0-1)
Black Dynamite heroically strikes a pose as his song plays. DYNOMITE! DYNOMITE!
Winner: Black Dyanmite
Despite The Joker's brutality and intelligence, he was outclassed to Black Dynamite in almost everyway. The vigilante trumped the clown prince of crime with his more practical and modern weaponry, and excellent hand-to-hand combat skills.
Battle vs Isaac Washington (by Wassboss)
It’s a quiet day in the hood; the coolest cats are chillin’ in their pads with their hottest baby mamas and the kids are playing in the street, enjoying the hot summer days. This serenity is quickly broken as a pair of cars drifts into the neighbourhood and the children watch with interest as a small group of people exit from the cars. However they soon scatter as they spot the cop badges worn around necks or attached to clothing and the men start taking weapons out of the boot of one of the cars. Supervising this mission is Detective Isaac Washington and his usual potty mouth is silent as he watches with scrutiny as weapons are loaded and handed out. He is already armed with his pistols holstered under his armpits and a shotgun slung over his shoulder but he waits patiently until every police officer is armed. “Is everybody fucking ready?” he asks and gets curt nods all-round. “Okay then. Today gentlemen we’re here to take down some motherfucker who calls himself Black Dynamite. Now I don’t need to tell you that this is some serious shit and you can see by the firepower that we’re rocking. I also don’t need to tell you that this ain’t no fucking tickle party and we have the authority to use lethal force to take down this son of a bitch and anyone who stands with him. This is some fucking CIA authorised shit we’re getting ourselves into and we ain’t playing by no motherfucking rules. Does everybody understand?” Once again he gets agreements all-round. He pumps his shotgun and strides over to Black Dynamite’s house, the other officers in tow.
“This is some tight malt liquor you’ve got here Bullhorn” Black Dynamite says taking a sip. He is relaxing in his pad with Bullhorn, Cream Corn and a couple of black militants on the roasting Sunday afternoon.
“Only the best for my comrades in arms, don’t be afraid to drink up it won’t do you no harm,” Bullhorn responds and the other men take a long sip in agreement.
“It’s nice to take a little time away from all the crazy shenanigans in the hood and just get together with some of my closest homies and drink some of this fine ass malt liquor,” Black Dynamite continues. As he’s about to take another sip he spots movement outside his window and shouts a warning just as the door is kicked in a men with guns come bursting in and open fire on the small group. Black Dynamite, Bullhorn and Cream Corn dive behind cover while the two militants draw their revolvers and begin to fire back as the intruders take cover themselves. Black Dynamite catches a glimmer of police badges before checking around and sees the door to the kitchen is just a few feet away. He taps Bullhorn on the shoulder and points and the two dash over as the bullets fly over their heads. There’s a short lull as they reload and this gives Cream Corn the chance to follow them, leaving the two Militants to face the police officers by themselves and it’s not long before they are gunned down in a hail of bullets.
“Who the hell are those cats Black Dynamite” Cream Corn asks as the trio head towards Black Dynamite’s armoury in the garden.
“I don’t know Cream Corn, but they were all wearing police badges,”
“Police Badges? What sort of pigs carry automatic weaponry,”
“I don’t know brother but something tells me they ain’t here with an arrest warrant.” They reach a shed in at the far end of the garden and Black Dynamite busts down the door with a kick. Bullhorn and Cream Corn grab the first weapons they can find; Bullhorn grabbing AR-15 and Cream Corn selecting a sub machine gun. Black Dynamite scours further into the armour to find his trusty Smith and Wesson and grabs a Colt of his own. Slinging the gun strap over his shoulder he picks up the Grenade Launcher off of the wall and attaches it to his AR-15. The three men step out of the armoury just as Washington as his men finish searching the house. Black Dynamite looks down the sights and fires off a grenade. The policemen dive out of the way but one is caught in the blast and torn apart by the shrapnel .
“Motherfucker” Washington shouts and the intensity of the fire increases. Black Dynamite and his crew are pinned down, with little cover on their end they are forced to hide behind trees and the bullets whistle dangerously close to their position and the cops are safely hidden inside of Black Dynamite’s house, with Washington outside and crouched behind a fence. Black Dynamite peeks out from behind his cover and spots one of the policemen reloading, his head just peeking out from underneath the windowsill. He waits for the man to finish and rise before leaping out and firing off several rounds from his AR-15 which drops the man neatly with several shots to the torso . Black Dynamite drops and rolls behind the same tree that Cream Corn is behind and the two men exchange worried glances.
“We’re not going to last much longer if we stay here,” Cream Corn says spraying his gun blindly.
“Damn straight. We need to get somewhere with a bit more cover or else we’re going to end up like some of that fancy ass Swiss cheese,” Black Dynamite says. “Where the hell is Bullhorn?”
“I’m hidden behind this flowery bush,” a voice from behind says “I’ve got barely any cover so we’d better rush.”
Black Dynamite turns his head and sees Bullhorn peering through the bush. “Alright. We’re going to wait until those pigs have finished shooting and then we’re going to make a dash for that fence over there.” Black Dynamite points to a fence a couple of metres away. “We gonna jump over that fence and head over to the alleyway right around the back. That should give us the chance to set up an ambush or at the least get to a place where we have some decent cover.” Cream Corn and Bullhorn nod in agreement and the trio wait patiently until Washington and the other cops guns go silent. “Now you crazy cats” he shouts and the three of them burst out from their respective covers. Bullhorn is the closest and vaults over the fence first, followed quickly by Black Dynamite. Cream Corn puts his hands on the fence and pulls himself up but before he can slip over to the other side he is struck by a shotgun pellet. He drops over the other side of the fence and Washington lowers his Shotgun, cursing. Black Dynamite and Bullhorn rush to Cream Corn’s side as he clutches his chest in agony.
“CREAM CORN” he shouts in anguish and Black Dynamite also dips his head in respect for his fallen comrade.
“This is a sad day for all the righteous brothers out there Bullhorn, but we have to respect his sacrifice and kill these jive ass turkeys.” Bullhorn nods his head in approval and the two leave Cream Corn’s body and head towards the alleyway.
A few minutes later, Isaac Washington and the two remaining cops jump over the fence, having checked vigorously to make sure nobody is waiting on the other side. One of them goes over to Cream Corn’s body and checks for a pulse, nodding to Washington as he doesn’t feel anything. They continue on and find themselves in an alleyway in between two short buildings with a dead end. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this place” Washington says and as he does he catches something out of the corner of his eye. He swivels round and empties his shotgun at the movement but sees that it is only a loose tile. “Fucking Tile” he shouts in anger and reaches for more ammo but finds his pocket empty. “Motherfuck” he shouts again and throws the shotgun on the ground in anger.
“I know you pigs killed Cream Corn” a voice calls out and the men all raise their weapons, but they can’t pinpoint the direction of it. “But now it’s time to face the wrath of Bullhorn!” Bullhorn jumps out from a doorway and sprays bullets from the M3-A1 at the cops. One of them pushes Washington out of the way and takes the full spray, his body juddering as more and more bullets are pumped into him. Washington responds by drawing his Desert Eagles from their shoulder holsters and returns the favour by pumping Bullhorn full of cold hard lead.
Black Dynamite watches from the roof as his closest friend is gunned down, having to physically hold himself back from letting out a cry of anger. He watches as the cop lower his pistols and gesture to the body and another cop checks the body for a pulse. “Where the fuck did that black son of a bitch go” says the shooter and the other cop walks towards him and shrugs. Sensing an opportunity, Black Dynamite sneaks to the edge of the roof and judges the distance before leaping from the roof. He waits until he is just above the two men before kicking his legs out either side of him in a splits motion with a cry of SUEY! The right leg knocks the handguns out of Washington’s hands and sends them skidding away under a nearby dumpster and the left hits the other cop square in the jaw and sends him stumbling. He lands gracefully and his eyes flicker between both opponents before deciding to go for the one who is armed. He leaves Washington to reach around under the dumpster for his guns and storms over to the cop who has recovered from the blow. “SUEY” he shouts again as he punches him across the jaw and takes out his nunchuck with the spare hand. He twirls it around threateningly and whacks the cop on the temple with it then swings it around and wraps it on his knuckles to make him drop his rifle. He then draws his Smith and Wesson and shoots the guy four times in the chest.
He turns back to Washington just as several bullets fly past him and he steadies himself as the misses almost knock him off balance. Washington aiming is way off in his frustration and Black Dynamite has time to properly aim his own gun and shoots Washington’s hand. “Fuck” he shouts and drops his guns, using his spare hand to grasp onto his injured one. Black Dynamite strolls over to him and drops him with a kick to the stomach. He then stamps his foot down on his chest and points the Smith and Wesson right at his head.
“Now normally I don’t like to kill a brother, we have enough to worry about fighting against The Man without having to fight amongst each other. But I cannot forgive you for killing my main men Bullhorn and Cream Corn, no matter what. Now do you have any last words you jive motherfucker” Washington looks up at him with anger and says
“Fuck you, Motherfucker.” Black Dynamite shrugs and shoots him between the eyes with his last bullet . Black Dynamite show his respect to Bullhorn before strutting out of the alleyway as “DY-NO-MITE, DY-NO-MITE!” plays behind him.
Winner: Black Dynamite
While Washington has the superior arsenal and better trained troops the voters agreed that Black Dynamite was the superior all around warrior due to his army and CIA training. While his teammates were pretty easy picking for Washington's police officers, Black Dynamite himself was a whole different picture and was a literal one man army that Isaac Washington just couldn't handle.