| “ | Fuck tutorials! You want to hold my hand through a video game!? I’m the fuckin’ nerd!
— AVGN
|
” |
The Angry Video Game Nerd (or AVGN or The Nerd for short) is a character played by James Rolf in a web show that pioneered independent online video reviews and the one who popularized profanity-laden reviews. In the Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures video game series, the Nerd starred as himself trapped in surrealistic scenarios reminiscent to old-school bad video games.
The first game followed the story of the Nerd being sucked inside a bad video game (known as Game Land) and forced to fight 9 levels (+1 tutorial level) inspired by all the shitty games he had played over the years. He later learned that all of this was orchestrated by Fred Fucks, who wanted revenge on the Nerd for insulting him. The second game had a more different scenario. It was the world this time which was transformed into a bad video game, with only the Nerd seemingly being unaffected. There, he would go on a globe-trotting expedition to fight off video game characters and save the world.
Battle vs. PewDiePie (Legend of the Brofist) (by Killermoves)[]
The 21st century, specifically the late 2010s.
On the opposite sides of the world, two legendary gamers sat inside their homes, their eyes stuck unto the screen. One was a handsome bro from Sweden who laughed as he played the new Resident Evil game. The other was a different, more foul-tempered nerd from the United States of America. Both were busy creating content for their Youtube channels. Both focused on making their fans happy and proud. Both were no strangers to controversy and spite. Yet today, they would experience something unlike they had ever seen before.
Mysterious holes erupted in front of their screens, similar to the warp zone from the classic Captain N cartoon.
“The fuck is this?” the Swedish gamer, Pewdiepie, asked to his camera. “Know anything about this, bros?”
Suddenly, the pull of the holes grew stronger. And before they knew it, the gravity took them off their seats and sucked them in.
“What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuu…” the American gamer, the Angry Video Game Nerd himself, yelled.
When both gamers opened their eyes, they were inside a big white room, inspired by the one from The Matrix. They laid facing each other awkwardly, their hands held together, which prompted them to quickly get back up on their feet.
“Oh man! No h*mo!” remarked Pewdiepie. “Ah shit. Maybe I shouldn’t said that. Now I’m getting banned from Youtube for good (or am I?)”
“Oh great, it’s you,” the Nerd said as he laid eyes on the gaming commentator.
“Holy shit, are you the Angry Video Game Nerd?!” Pewdiepie said excitedly. “Bro, I’m a big fan of yours since I was- ”
“Fuck this place, fuck my life, and fuck this store-brought middle-age Justin Beiber in the ass!” interrupted the Nerd.
“Woah, take it easy man. Fuck you too, Mr. Angry Lame Lazy Plagiarist!”
“Fuck you first, you fucking Nazi!”
Their little bitch fight was put into a halt the moment a lady appeared in the room, wearing an expensive suit that was crimson red in color. She walked towards the two with eyes serious and sinister.
“Oh man,” Pewdiepie grumbled. “Of course it’s you, Susan!
“Zip it, Swedish meatballs,” the CEO of Youtube said. “Both of you have been a pain in our asses for far too long. Although you both bring the dough, your toxicity, volatility, and complaints against this site, have proven too much for us. I think it’s time that you both be retired from our system... permanently!”
“Oh yeah? Well fuck you and your child-friendly site. Bring back the REAL Youtube!”
“Shut the hell up, Nerd! Brace your assholes, cause a new Adpocalypse has begun!”
And before Pewdiepie and the Nerd could respond, they were transported yet again to God knows where.
Round 1
Pewdiepie and the Nerd landed on opposite sides of a strange colorful land that had green hills, tunnels, blue skies and bright yellow sunlight. A voice then whispered inside their heads: “If you want to leave this place, kill each other!”
“Damn!” Pewdiepie said. “Gotta get me some coins to level up! Gotta get those power-ups.”
The Nerd, on the other hand, put on his power glove before drawing his zapper. “It’s time to chew ass and kick bubble gum… and I’m all out of AAAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!”
For several minutes, both went around the place looking for each other. The Nerd carefully stalked every hill and bush, while Pewdiepie hanged about inside the tunnels together with his little pugs, collecting coins. “Let’s go you two!” Pewdiepie said to them. “Let’s show this loser why we are #1 in Youtube.”
“Only number #3 now, Pubes-du-pie!” The Nerd yelled out of nowhere.
“Oh yeah?! Well get ready to get smashed, BITCH LASAGNA!” screamed Pewdiepie.
“Bring it on, triceratops doo doo!” The Need replied before firing his zapper.
Pewdiepie jumped all around the battlefield, trying his best to dodge the Nerd’s attacks. Although he tried his best, the Nerd’s gun was too unrelenting. He just couldn’t get close. Soon Pewdiepie's two pugs got axed, and his hearts, which served as his health bar, began dwindling.
“Gotta think fast, bros! What should I do?” Pewdiepie panicked.
“Take the leap of faith and come forward!” The Nerd yelled.
“Good idea!” Pewdiepie said as he prepared his knees and jumped high into the air. As he fell back to earth, he aimed his boots at the Nerd, intending to squish him. But the Nerd rolled out of the way, grabbed a super scope consumable, and blasted Pewdiepie with even more poweful energy projectiles, vaporizing him.
“Hehe, idiot,” The Nerd remarked. “No… Cowa-fucking-piece-of-dog-shit!”
Winner: AVGN
Round 2
The next round opened as soon as the last round ended. Before jumping into the round, Pewdiepie decided to get some power-ups using the coins he had collected to even the odds against that gun-totting Nerd. That fucko wouldn’t be seeing what Pewdiepie had in store.
Both gamers were then inserted into the new battlefield. This time, they were in an underground cistern that was eerie and scary, totally giving survival horror vibes. Pewdiepie and the Nerd wasted no time getting consumables and power-ups they could use.
Both eventually met and faced each other in the middle of the cistern. Pewdiepie was on top of a railing while The Nerd was below him after having come out of a tunnel. “You ready to get your ass handed to you, again?!” The Nerd yelled.
“You wish, bitch!” bantered Pewdiepie back. “Many had already tasted the good ol’ Swedish ham, but you ain’t gonna get a slice.”
The Nerd went for his gun and aimed. But before he could pull the trigger, Pewdiepie unleashed his new power-up. He clenched his fist and seemingly punched the air. A sudden surge of energy rippled throughout the cistern, making water hazy, concrete cracked, and the Nerd flying into their air and landing on his butt. A huge amount of his health bar was taken away.
“What the fuck was that?!” remarked the Nerd as he tried to steady his dizzy mind.
“It’s my brofist, bruh,” Pewdiepie said. “But I ain’t killing you with it. Vermin like you deserve to die by my boot!”
The gamer then jumped into the air and aimed his landing at the Nerd. As the groggy Nerd tried to get up, Pewdiepie landed on top of him, creating a splash of blood.
“Nothing personal, kid. But I had to go all out… just this once…”
Winner: Pewdiepie
Round 3
For the next round, Pewdiepie decided to buy more power-ups and increase his health with more coins he collected. The Nerd, on the other hand, was fuming that discount Dan Stevens managed to kill him. He underestimated this handsome little cringe lord, and so decided to be more cautious this time.
When the round began, the Nerd kept his distance as possible, while collecting power-ups and consumables. The place they were at was a modern city filled with cars, pedestrians, and nutjob gangsters shooting each other with guns. Pedestrians rolled by, giving the Nerd the bird, pissing him off.
The moment the two once again faced, Pewdiepie prepared his brofist to take this Nerd back to 2004. “Suck on this!” Pewdiepie yelled.
But before Pewdiepie could punch, the Nerd unleashed the power-up he found, the glitch gremlin, which flew into the battlefield bearing middle fingers of torture. Time stopped and Pewdiepie became immobile as the world glitched and lagged.
The Nerd hastily let out energy projectiles from his zapper. Both of Pewdiepie’s pugs were brutally killed before Pewdiepie’s health began to crumble.
“Holy shit!” Pewdiepie yelled the moment he got back to his senses. He jumped unto the back of a speeding sportscar as the Nerd continued to fire. The Nerd then gave chase.
Pewdiepie kept jumping on top of speeding cars. After gaining some distance, he used a new power-up, Dr. Crab, to heal himself. The crab managed to get him a few more hearts. Pewdiepie then jumped off the car, rolled unto the pedestrian lane, and took cover behind a parked SUV. He looked around anxiously to see where that Nerd was at while keeping his brofist ready like a loaded gun.
“That motherfucker going all Dio Brando against me,” Pewdiepie whispered. He then looked at the camera and smiled, saying, “Heh. I give that shameless use of a Jojo reference a (clap)(clap) 5!”
Unfortunately, the world again glitched, immobilizing Pewdiepie once again. There came the Nerd walking like he was frigging Arnold Schwarzenegger, holding a super scope in his arms. He fired at the car where Pewdiepie took cover, blowing it up, and sending Pewdiepie kissing the building wall in front of him.
The Nerd did not let out as he kept on firing his gun at the splattered Pewdiepie. “Uuuggghhh!!! Die asshole! Die!” The Nerd yelled.
Soon, Pewdiepie’s body disappeared, signalling another win for the Nerd.
Winner: AVGN
Round 4
The final mission was where it’s at. It was now or never. The new battlefield took place in an alien planet, greenish dark in color with the occasional red. It had underground mazes and overhead platforms. It had jellysquid-like AIs floating about.
Pewdiepie made sure to stock up on all his needed power-ups for this fight. This victory was for his beloved Youtube friends, his beautiful wife, and for all his bros worldwide. “Let’s do this!”
The moment Pewdiepie was finished, he jumped straight into the slimy maze. “Man,” Pewdiepie commented. “This place looks like someone broccoli barfed into an oversized box...”
“You’re mom has an OVERSIZED BOX!” The Nerd yelled out of nowhere as he began firing. Again, Pewdiepie’s pugs took hits for him, giving him that split second to unleash his brofist.
The Nerd fell down to the ground as a third of his health was eaten by that attack. Thankfully, he had a keg of rolling rock to fully heal from that attack. The Nerd then fired his zapper again, this time hitting Pewdiepie in the shoulder. Grunting in pain, Pewdiepie jumped up unto a ledge to grab a heart to replenish his health. He then used another power-up that transformed him into a... duck.
Although confused, the Nerd continued firing. However, he soon found out that his weapon was doing nothing.
“Booga booga booga! Hahaha” yelled Pewdiepie.
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk!!!!” The Nerd screamed in retreat from the invincible duck.
“Don’t you dare run away from me, Nerd! I’m here to make you eat your own guts!”
Several stomps from Pewdiepie slowly diminished The Nerd’s health bar. The Nerd tried to crawl into a tunnel, but a duck stomp would greet him the moment he got out from the opposite end. He tried to jump towards a ledge, but a duck stomp made him crash back to the ground. The Nerd tried to fight the duck, but his attacks proved nothing, and he was only greeted with a duck stomp to the face.
“Dammit someone help!” The Nerd yelled as Pewdiepie came at him quacking.
“Oh Lord! Jesus! Help me!” The Nerd yelled. Suddenly, he came across a power-up, the mega death christ itself. “Thank God!” he said while picking it up. And if it couldn’t be much worse, Pewdiepie ran out of time and reverted back to his human form.
“Eat this motherfucker!” shouted the Nerd as he used the power-up to summon the unholy Mega Death Christ.
“FUCKERS!!!!” it yelled as it struck Pewdiepie with bullets, explosives, and lasers. But after spending all its arsenal, the power-up was not yet done. It decided to ram Pewdiepie’s corpse from below its deck and deface the whole ground with Pewdiepie’s face.
“Ooooh!” The Nerd, remarked, wincingly. He then looked at the camera with his signature drooping frown, before saying “That guy sucks!”
Last Round
“So yeah, this isn’t finished,” Susan proclaimed. Both Pewdiepie and the Nerd looked at her in shock, their teeth gritting.
“Don’t you know how much views you guys made?” she said. “The first round alone got 24 million views in just half a day! So we here at Youtube decided to prolong your suffering! You guys are gonna fight one last brutal round.”
“If I win,” Pewdiepie said. “Do I get to be #1 channel again?”
“Maybe...” she replied.
“If I win, are you guys finally going to learn about fair use?”
“Yeah… no.”
Susan allowed the two to fight inside the Youtube headquarters itself, after all the budget went empty from that recent round. They wer ejust too cheap to actually use their money for the final fight. Besdies, this was more entertaining. This time, the two were going to fight in a modern building — the place most familiar to them.
And guess what? All the Youtube family was there to witness the final bloodbath.
“Hello, it’s me killer KEEMSTAR, live streaming this fight, to YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!”
“Mattpat here and we’re going to try and predict who’s going to win using SCIENCE!”
“Welcome to the AngryJoeShow and I’m giving this battle a BADASS SEAL OF APPROVAL!”
“Hi! I’m Mr.Beast! And today, we are going to give out 6 million laptops to 4.5 million orphanages and plant 85 million trees for every fanboy tears that will be shed today.”
“GIMME DE GIMME DE GIMME DE PUSI BOSS! FEED MY CHILDREN! FEED MY CHILDREN!”
The two were given time to prepare and roam around the halls. This was it. The last round. So they have to make it count... for their fans.
Finally, the epic finale began.
While Pewdiepie was walking in the main hall, filled with benches, chairs, on a wide tiled floor, the Nerd appeared from above, firing his zapper.
Pewdiepie anticipated this and used his power-up stephano’s scimitars to summon floating swords that surrounded him, blocking the zapper’s energy projectiles. The Swedish Gaming King followed up by using his time warp power-up to slow down time around him.
The moment the Nerd’s movement slowed, Pewdiepie quickly capitalized by jumping numerous times on the Nerd’s head.
“F-f-f-fuuuuuuuckkkkk!” yelled the Nerd. Pewdiepie then jumped away as time went back to normal, complete with a smug on his face.
The Nerd retaliated by using a power-up he picked up earlier. He began hurling stones at Pewdiepie. While the latter easily dodged them while laughing his ass off, the stones somehow bounced off the walls and hit Pewdiepie. The enclosed space of the Youtube headquarters increased the lethality of those stones. Wherever Pewdiepie went, he would be hit randomly by the one of those stones.
“Stooooop!” Pewdiepie screamed.
“What?!” replied the Nerd.
“Why are we fighting?” Pewdiepie explained as tears flowed from his eyes and sad dramatic music played. “Why can’t we all just be friends? Go and sing Wonderwall together? Be fabulous together? You know? Be bros!”
The Nerd pondered a bit on Pewdiepie’s suggestion. Such a philosphical, humanistic statement, got the Nerd’s head wrapped up in an existential debate. What a deep question! What an amazing thought! What an amazing—
“Nah!” The Nerd said with a chuckle. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“If you wanna fight?” Pewdiepie bantered back. “Let’s fight and finish this like real Youtube stars! Let’s finish this with an epic rap battle!”
“Hell yeah!” answered the Nerd.
Pewdiepie… VERSUS… THHHHHEEEEE ANGRRRRYYYY VIDEOOOOGAAAAMMMEEE NEEEEEEERRRRRRRD! BEGIN!
Pewdiepie: Look bros! Mr. Irrelevant is here. I thought you started a rock band, oh wait, what a treat! Rex Viper is a failure, and so is your career. You call yourself the Bullshit Man? Ha! More like Mr. Has-Been! The only drama you won was with that loser, Nostalgia Critic. I fucking fought Disney, T-Series, and even goddamn Wall Street! You can’t touch me Nerd, I got that Youtube shine. You look like someone who recorded a cringy clip from 2009!
AVGN: Is that what you got? Fucking lame! Go and hear some tunes. You’re a Nazi, a dumbass n-word spitting buffoon! Don’t call me irrelevant, asshole, cause I’m a pioneer! Youtube made you famous, but in Rewind? Bye bye, you were freed! Don’t fuck with me because I’m a veteran, you fool! You got beaten by a corporate whom you thought was from Bangladesh… Oops! You got some dudes harassed cause you said something about Hitler? What a trainwreck of a gamer like shitty Lionmaker!
Pewdiepie: Fuck off, man! Don’t you even fucking compare! You’re nothing! Even your words are probably stolen to be “fair”! You burned and crashed like your former boss, Screwattack. Went down in flames like your silly Ghostbusters rant! I play Minecraft, Amnesia, and all the modern games. You fucking play old crap that 40-year-olds reminsce! I’m the king of Youtube, the greatest motherfucker there is! Be like RayWilliamJohnson and go retire, ya stupid twit!
AVGN: AAAAASSSSS! That is my only opinion of you! You stink, making me gag, like a hot manure. You’re a dipshit! Fuckwit! Assfaced fuck! I’d rather eat Boogie’s butt, than look at your ugly mug! Look at you! No talent! Can’t even record a decent video. I fucking made short movies while you were playing with Legos! You guest-starring in Conan was a dumpster fire! No quips, mute as fuck, looking like he’s about to cry! This battle is over, you lost, don’t you deny! My criticisms of you were hot, you just got crispy fried!!!!!
The sudden humiliation that coursed through Pewdiepie’s veins after the Nerd made him remember that Conan guest appearance, gut punched Pewdiepie so bad that the oil in his fat made him combust into a blazing infero.
Pewdiepie looked at himself which was now engulfed in flames. He was... in a lack of a better term... roasted. "This is it bros..." Pewdiepie said to the camera, before placing his fist in front of it. "One final brofist to all my fans!"
The battle was over and the Nerd yelled in victory, “FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCKK!!!”
Winner: The Angry Video Game Nerd
Expert's Opinion[]
The experts believe that AVGN won this battle due to having a ranged weapon and powers that are more practical. While PewDiePie's power-ups are powerful, they prove problematic since he has to use coins to unlock them, and he can only use two at a time. The Nerd can pick up and use any power-up he can find.