User blog comment:Lasifer/Apocalyptic Showdown: Max Rockatansky vs Lone Wanderer/@comment-22746699-20120610223032

B̷̸̹̞͙̳͍̪͚̱͍͓͈̠͔ͧͬ̊̍͋ͯͦ̏̉͠Ȇ̢̨ͮͭ̂̏̏̄ͯ͊͌̚̚͞҉̟̙͓̬̖̠͈̼̺N̛̟̮̼̠̺̗͖̻̘̼̘͙̠̠̝͙̉͗̽́͘͜͞ͅ'͒̆ͮ̉̓ͤͦ̄ͤ̚҉̢͍͇̘̥͔̺́͘S̢̻̗̫͈̬̦̭̝̮̙͍̳̣̠͚̬͎̓ͤ̄̈́̔̊͠ͅͅ ̨̩͇͍̗̖̹̤̭̠̫̿̋̇ͥ̀ͤ̌̈̄͛ͦ̀̕͠E̷̛ͫ̀͆̌͛̅̇͏͚̰͇͚͕͈͇͕̩̤̱̦͈̳͇͕̰͈͇Ą̶̺͚̗̺͓̫̯̺̳̲̻̖̘̘͕͔̎͒̅ͪ͒͠R̺̻̘͍̗̙̤̼ͣͬͣͣͩ̀̈͑̒̅͒̇ͮ̾̚͟ ̝͇̜̬̦͖͍̻̺̼͈̯̮̖̟͉̱̬͆ͯ̀̒͗ͬ̂̎̀ͣ̐ͥ́͝͝D̵̊ͤ͛̂̓ͦ͞҉̷̧̣̤̲̗̞̜̹͉͖̠Rͦ̇̈͐҉̶̡̠̞͖͚̥͍͓̮̮̹͍͘U̝̟͈̠̜̇ͩͤ̌̀͐̇ͪ͊̍̚̕M̸̢̮̜̟͇̖̹̯̳̥̟̠̗͓̆̀ͥ͗͆ͣ͒̑̽ͪ͆̉̕͝ ̴̶̨̰̹̤̩̹͑̂̑̊̌ͫ̓̾ͯͦ̏̄͊͘͟S̝̹̯̲̠͓̗̅̈̈́̚͢ͅH̴̛̯̞̩̖̥̗̝̄͊̇̀͗ͭͨ̎ͮͫ͑͌͒͑́͟͞Â̾̄ͭ̑̌҉̢͓̯̗̙̠̲̳͞T̵̴̲͕̻̣̰͔̯̱͎̺̖̯͐̉̍ͭ̓ͮ͐̀T̤̞͍̳͓̞̥̪̗̫͓̺͋͊͒̿ͦͨ́̀̕Ȩ̵ͥͨ̃ͨ͛̑̽̐ͯ͂҉̡̤̩̳̤͕̗̺̲̯͖̰͓̘̗̺͟R̶̶̮͓̞̮̰̤͇ͩ̈́ͧ͋ͨͯͫͬ͒͢Ḭ̶̳̳̩̜͓̠͓͇̞͔͆͛͗ͣ̒̿͘͜͡ͅŇ͂ͦ̓̎̽͋ͭͣͯ̔̚͘҉̢̹̺̗̞G̒ͦͧ͊̂̾͊̆͑ͭ̃͊̔̈́͑͆͢҉̸̡̯̰̺͕͓̺͔̩̜ ̶͓̯̤̘͙͈̙̦̭͉̠̜͍̯̩̳ͨͧ̊̆̿̓̃ͨ̌̒ͫ͑ͫ̈́͞E̛̹̘̺̺̜̻̰̟ͣ͒̾ͪ̄̕͘͠D̸̷̼̥̘̪͚̫̥̺͖̬̜̤̳̟̜͉̆ͥ̅ͦ͋͗͗͒̂ͥ͂̏ͣͬ̉ͦ͌͜͠Ǧ̶̉̽̒̃͊͛ͧͣ͑͛ͤ͂̚҉̮̻͉̘͔̬̮͎̬̝͓̝͎Ĕ͆̒̐͢͏͈̼̦͕̼̬̱͇̘͇͍͍̫̻̼̼͍Sͩ͒̂̃̐̋̃̄̆͆̆͒̕͝͏̨̲͎̗̙̳ ̨̠̻̣̱̝̦͚̙͕̘̩̬̼̼̼̹͇̫̽ͦ̆̇͋͊͑ͬ̿̉̆ͬ͝Ő̧̲̰̬͖̦̤̼̰̤̘͖͚̮͖̰̪̘͑̽̏̌ͥ̆ͮ͜͠ͅF̸̢̢͔̪̯͚̬̬̳͇̼͙͙͎͇̝̣̙̅̎̀̀͌ͩ̏ͥ̋̽ͩͧ̍͌ͥ̀̋̚͟ ̡̽͋̇̓̇́̏ͪͦ̉ͫ͡҉̶͇̖̖̰͎̙͚̭͓̘̦͙̳͔͓͙̫W̸̨̜̳͉̥̔͐͆̽̃͆̈̑̅̿̂́͞͡Ǐ̸̡̱̖͖̩͚̻̜̘̞͓͍̙ͥ͐ͭ̇̊̿͢Ņ͇͉͉̘͓̮͇͂͌́ͨ͝

Melee 1: The knife, as it was made to kill.

Melee 2: The Ripper, as it is a chainsaw.

Close 1: The Mauser, as it can go full auto.

Close 2: Sawn off shotgun, due to it's massive damage.

Long 1: The Mauser, because it was made to kill.

Long 2: R91 rifle, because of it's higher rate of fire.

Special: TNT. Why? It packs a punch a grenade can't deliver.

OVERALL WINNER: Max Rockatansky