User blog comment:WanderingSkull/Hell School: The Joke Tourney/@comment-27043000-20181025035821

Name:Mecha-Hippoman! (It's really just Justin but the memes say otherwise.)

Background:After getting killed by an English mercenary in 1744 who took his pet's head to his most hated archenemy, King Frogeater XV, Justin the Leopard Hippo was just left to be buried by the snow as the Polar Tribe fell apart due to civil war and French invasion. Several centuries passed until some unexpected guests arrived in the nuclear wastes that used to be the Arctic. The Derp Guard were scouting for new territory but also were getting desperate to maintain their hold over New Zealand.

With the rise of the Troll Party, they had resorted to increasingly ridiculous methods including listening to some Chinese ghost with a last name that literally meant soldier who apparently died by either blowing himself and his enemies up with a super mine or taking an Ottoman axe to the face. An Bambang's spirit led them to what used to be Canada to find who he called one of the mightiest warriors of all time. The Guard managed to unearth Justin's body and what remained of Daisy's before returning home.

In New Zealand, the Empire's advanced technology easily brought back the Leopard Hippo but the real problem was getting him to help them defeat the Troll Party. It turned out that all they needed was to stich a leopard seal's head on the Arctic "Bunyip" Hippo they found and having Bambang resdurect it. After that the Troll Party was slaughtered within hours and the Emperor had a new super weapon to oppress his colonies with, an ironic perversion of Justin's original goals in life.

Appearance:Basically the same as usual, a big man wearing hippo padding and a leopard helm except this entire appearance is actually a mechanical exoskeleton. The skeleton underneath is supported by an endoskeleton made to resemble a Derp Guard power suit.

Badass Level:Number 9 Large

Age:Technically 45 but 48 if counting years after ressurection

Sex:Male

Favorite Song:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE

Favorite Food:Cheeseburger

Close:Nata-Iron Pole Combo

Justin wields this horrific merger of his iconic weapons from life with the same weapons he used against the Englishman...and yes, he took the end with a point despite it being the shorter half, courtesy of the world's worst knight.

Mid:Great Ice Axe

Basically the Great Knife but instead of being a huge knife, it's a 9 foot long ice axe that he can cleave a Troll Party tank in half with.

Long:Nest of 3-Barrels

You didn't think Bambang just contributed to finding and ressurecting the Leopard Hippo, did you? He gave him this blackpowder monstrosity, based on the fictional Nest of Bees and his San Yan Chong that fires a barrage of poisoned explosive arrows to make sure whoever gets hit is really, really dead.

Special:Inferno Cannon

A more portable version of the Inferno Musket that resembles a hand cannon, this fires a specific kind of napalm that burns as hot as a volcano. Unfortunately it is literally impossible to reload but at least it has a cool little dagger blade to stab enemies with afterwards.

Iconic:Skele-Daisy

Unfortunately for the Arctic Bunyip, she didn't get the same treatment as her owner and is just a skeleton encased in molten steel now. She does have her original soul however and an additional leopard seal soul. She also has a new head that enables her to crush a Derp Guard helmet and keeps her original arsenal as well but with one improvement, shr can finally unleash the bloodcurdling howl.

Armor:Mecha Hippoman Suit

Made out of the same titanium as the mighty Oceanic Warships, this suit provides almost unlimited protection being able to theoretically tank even standing on the surface of the sun. Unfortunately it's heavy and makes Justin move at the speed of an undead goalie along with requiring to be charged every 6 hours.

Abilities-

Knowledge of all Earth languages:Despite being able to read The Art of War and The Book of Five Rings in life due to the Polar Tribe's teachings, Justin now has the ability to understand and speak all human and animal languages if they come from Earth thanks to the Derp Guard's enhancements.

Advanced Targeting Systems:What kind of cybernetic secret weapon wouldn't have targeting systems to almost never miss and hit vitals? A bad one abd the Leopard Hippo is not that.

An Bambang's Ghost:Technically he's outside help but he's not really able to do much except give Justin advice in combat and put Skele-Daisy back together when she inevitably gets blown apart fir the twelth time. He can also turn corporeal and frighten dumber opponents with his epic martial arts moves but that comes with certain risks, mainly taking a weapon to the face.