Māori Warrior/Bio & Battles

"The Māori people ate, slept, and drank killing and fighting."

- Seamus Fitzgerald

The Māori are the native or indigenous Polynesian people of New Zealand (Aotearoa – The Long White Cloud). They arrived in New Zealand from eastern Polynesia in several waves at some time before 1300 CE. Over several centuries in isolation, the Māori developed a unique culture with their own language, a rich mythology, distinctive crafts and performing arts. They formed a tribal society based on East Polynesian social customs and organisation. Horticulture flourished using plants they introduced, and after about 1450 a prominent warrior culture emerged.

The arrival of Europeans to New Zealand starting from the 17th century brought enormous change to the Māori way of life. Māori people gradually adopted many aspects of Western society and culture. Initial relations between Māori and Europeans were largely amicable, and with the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840 the two cultures coexisted as part of a new British colony. However, rising tensions over disputed land sales led to conflict in the 1860s. Social upheaval, decades of conflict and epidemics of disease took a devastating toll on the Māori population. But by the start of the 20th century the Māori population had begun to recover, and efforts were made to increase their standing in wider New Zealand society. A marked Māori cultural revival gathered pace in the 1960s and is continuing.

In 2010, there were an estimated 660,000 Māori in New Zealand, making up roughly 15% of the national population. They are the second-largest ethnic group in New Zealand, after European New Zealanders ("Pākehā"). In addition there are over 100,000 Māori living in Australia. The Māori language is spoken to some extent by about a quarter of all Māori, and 4% of the total population, although many New Zealanders regularly use Māori words and expressions in normal speech such as "Kia ora". Māori are active in all spheres of New Zealand culture and society, with independent representation in areas such as media, politics and sport.

The Māori face significant economic and social obstacles, with lower life expectancies and incomes compared with other New Zealand ethnic groups, in addition to higher levels of crime, health problems and educational under-achievement. Socioeconomic initiatives have been implemented aimed at closing the gap between Māori and other New Zealanders. Political redress for historical grievances is also ongoing.

The most current reliable evidence strongly indicates that initial settlement of New Zealand occurred around 1280 CE at the end of the medieval warm period. Previous dating of some Kiore (Polynesian rat) bones at 50–150 CE has now been shown to have been unreliable; new samples of bone (and now also of unequivocally rat-gnawed woody seed cases) match the 1280 date of the earliest archaeological sites and the beginning of sustained deforestation by men. Māori oral history describes the arrival of ancestors from Hawaiki, (the mythical homeland in tropical Polynesia), in large ocean-going waka. Migration accounts vary among tribes (iwi), whose members may identify with several waka in their genealogies or whakapapa.There is limited evidence of return, or attempted return voyages, from archeological evidence in the Kermadec Islands.

No credible evidence exists of human settlement in New Zealand prior to the Polynesian voyagers. Compelling evidence from archaeology, linguistics, and physical anthropology indicates that the first settlers came from east Polynesia and became the Māori. Language evolution studies and mitochondrial DNA evidence suggest that most Pacific populations originated from Taiwanese aborigines around 5,200 years ago (before Chinese colonisation), moving down through Southeast Asia and Indonesia.

Source: Wikipedia

Battle vs. Aboriginal Australian Warrior (by Lachlan Blake)
Five Maori warriors have been banished from their area in New Zealand for fraternising with another tribe, and have decided to search for new land, over time they are awept away from their homeland by a storm, and have washed up on an East Australian beach.

Five Aborigine tribesmen are sitting next to a cliff on the beach, four are cooking a fish on a campfire while one other is on lookout duty with his woomera and boomerang. The watchman spots the ship and calls for his friends, who stand in the bushes and watch as the Maori disembark from the boat and start looking around.

The maori group follows it's leader to an aboriginal burial ground at the bottom of the cliff, where a tribal elder had recently been buried. The four aborigines decend from the cliff, screaming to the maori to get away from their sacred site, but the maori do not understand, and take the aborigines as a threat.

One of the maori throws his spear at the aborigine leader, who screams in pain and falls. The other aborigine people pull out their spears and clubs, and the watchman at the top of the cliff hurls a spear with his woomera, inmpaling a maori. The maori now launch into combat, one stabs an aborigine with his taiaha and disembowels him, but is then hit over the head with a nulla nulla club. The aborigines were realising that their Kangaroo spears were not as effective in combat as the taiaha, and discarded them for sheilds and clubs, pushing the maori back down the beach. A maori smashes a sheild and kills it's owner, and is then pushed over by an aborigine, but the last remaining aborigine on the beach was clubbed by a maori.

The maoris began to climb the cliff in search of the watchman, but one of the sudenly fell, he had been hit by a killer boomerang. The last maori got to the top of the cliff and saw the aborigine, who had no weapons left. They launched into a fist fight, with the maori smashing the aborigine in the fce with his fists. The watchman tackled the maori onto the ground, and rolled him to the edge of the cliff, but the maori kicked the watchman, knocking him over the side, as the maori came to look over the side, his foot was grabbed by the tribesman, who pulled him over the edge.

WINNER: ABORIGINE.

Expert's Opinion
The Aborigine won because of their skill with long range weaponry as well as a more disciplined fighting style which allowed them to easily defeat the more disorganised and close range orientated Maori.

To see the original battles, weapons and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Comanche Warrior (by MilenHD)
On a lone island with forest and plains nearby,a lone Comanche was walking until he had a strange feeling that he is not alone and is been watched by somebody.As he turned and prepeared his bow,he began sneaking until he saw a big tattooed man performing the war dance "Ka Mate" and that was non other than the Maori.The Comanche taught he is not doing it against him and showed himself to the Maori,but the Maori grabbed his hoeroa and threw it and the Comanche and the hoeroa didn't even landed close to him.

Seeing he is violent at him the Comanche fired an arrow at the Maori,but the Polynesian ducked it and charged at the Comanche with his taiaha,but the Comanche fired few arrows in succession,most of them were dodged,but the last one pierced his shoulder and forced the Maori to retreat in the woods and the Native American followed him.As they have gone deeper in the woods,the Comanche looked around for the Polynesian,but he attacked him from behind,slamming his taiaha at the Comanche's back and knocked him at the ground,but the Comanche grabbed his lance and started attempting to pierce the Maori,but the Maori managed to block it with his taiaha.They dueled for about 3 minutes with the Comanche piercing the Maori's leg,but the cannibal managed to break the lance in half,and slammed his taiaha at the Comanche's head brutally wounding him.But the Comanche still had a fighting spirit and defended himself with his war hawk.

As wounded he was the Comanche managed to pull away the taiaha with his war hawk and slammed his war hawk and brutally pierced the shoulder of the Maori,but the Maori punched the Comanche near the ribcage and forced him to back away,as the Maori pulled both of his clubs(mere & leiomano) he started swinging them at the Comanche,only scratching the cloth of the Comanche and as he continued to swing his clubs.

As the Comanche taught that he would die,he grabbed his scalping knife in his left hand and pierced the Maori's stomach.As the big Polynesian grabbed his wound he left his mere on the ground.As opportunity,the Comanche smacked his war hawk at the Maori's neck killing him.As his opponent was dead the Comanche scalped the Maori,raised his bloody trophy and made his iconic war cry.

Expert's Opinion
While the Maori had the better weapons and physicality,the Comanche's superior training and the fact that the bow was the twin hooks of this fight gave him the victory over the Polynesian brute.

To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Inuit Warrior (by Kazanshin)
On the surface of the shallow seas of the Arctic Tundra of Canada, a man watches the water with vigilance on his kayak. It’s an Inuit Raider, now on fishing duty to carry food back to his village. The fisherman has his harpoon ready, and, with a lightning quick throw, impales a salmon. He laughs and raises his rope in joy, then starts pulling, but the rope is blocked. He looks at the surface of the sea and sees another canoe, with an unknown man on it, but more importantly, the man is stabbing HIS salmon with his spear. The stranger pulls the harpoon out of the fish, which he throws into his canoe, laughing and throwing a taunting look at the Inuit. The raider is surprised and angered by this sudden turn of events. He yells angrily at the man in Inuktitut that the salmon is his. The thief, a Maori Warrior, points his spear challengingly at the fisherman. That crosses the line. The Inuit pulls his harpoon back to him and rows the kayak at high speeds towards the Maori. The Polynesian is caught off guard by the rower’s speed, and gets his canoe rammed by the Canadian’s boat. The raider then grabs his harpoon and thrusts it at the Maori, who counters with a thrust of his hoeroa, but is locked in a disadvantageous position because of the ram, having to turn to his side to fight the Inuit, who faces towards his front. The Inuit thrusts again, and the Maori blocks once more, before throwing a thrust of his own with his hoeroa. The Canadian blocks the strike and entangles the club-spear with his harpoon’s rope. He pulls with his full force, knocking the warrior off balance. The canoe tips, then reversing it upside-down. The Polynesian escapes his boat, diving underwater and swimming up to the coast as the Inuit chases him with his kayak, throwing the hoeroa away. As the Maori reaches the beach, he quickly runs inland and picks up his taiaha. The Inuit also reaches the coasts and yells at his opponent. The Maori, however, takes an unexpected action.

Maori: Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora! (It is death! It is death! It is life! It is life!)

Ka mate! ka mate! ka ora! ka ora! (It is death! It is death! It is life! It is life!)

The warrior starts dancing and chanting menacingly, slapping his body parts and showing off his tattoos. It’s the haka war dance. The Inuit is stunned by the sudden dance, but chooses not to be intimidated. He takes out a traditional drum out of his kayak and starts his own dance, chanting and beating his instrument. After dancing a chanting a while, the Maori sticks his tongue out as a sign of cannibalism. The Inuit doesn’t get the message, but drops his drum and points his harpoon. The two roar at each-other and charge, spears drawn. The Maori thrusts violently, and the Inuit sidesteps. The raider then entangles the Polynesian’s legs with his rope and pulls, tripping the warrior and knocking him on his back. The Canadian attempts to stab his downed opponent, but the latter rolls aside in time. He then swings his taiaha with the slashing club facing towards the Native Indian, who moves his face back just in time to avoid the strike. The Maori keeps spinning his spear-club above his head, advancing towards the Inuit who keeps backing away, until he attempts to block the taiaha with his harpoon, only for it to break in half.

Maori: HAAH!

The Maori yells at the Inuit and thrusts a few time with the Taiaha as the Inuit keeps stepping aside, getting his armor grazed a few time. He punches the Maori in the face with his ivory gauntlet, knocking him down, and runs back to his kayak, getting his cable backed bow. The Maori gets back up and sees the Inuit drawing his bow, followed by an arrow flying towards him. The warrior quickly duck, narrowly dodging the projectile, but is hit in the shoulder by a second arrow. The raider draws his bow a third time, but the Polynesian throws his taiaha at him, hitting him in the chest but failing to punch through the thick layers of bones, ivory and leather. The two pull the projectiles out of themselves and grab a new weapon. The Maori arms himself with the Shark Toothed Club as the Inuit brandishes his War Club. The two close in and lock clubs. The raider kicks his opponent away, then swings from the right at the warrior’s head, but the latter ducks and stabs into the raider with his swordfish bill. He pulls back his bloodied hilt as the Arctic native yelps in pain. The Maori laughs at the Canadian and swings with his club. The raider blocks with his bone arm plate then strikes at the warrior's side with his club. The Maori is knocked to the ground, holding his wound, and the Inuit attempts to strike at his downed enemy, but the Polynesian rolls aside and gets back up, then swings his bladed club at the Canadian Indian, who blocks with his own weapon. The Maori, however, uses this opportunity to kick the Arctic Native in the guts, knocking him to the ground and making him drop his club. The Inuit gets back up in a hurry and draws his snow knife. The Maori grabs his mere with his other hand, dual-wielding his weapons. The two charge at each other, and the Polynesian swings his club. The Inuit ducks and tackles his foe into the ground before stabbing his ivory blade into the cannibal’s arm. The latter yells in pain and rips the weapon out of his arm as the Canadian runs back to grab his club. As the Maori gets back up, the Inuit stabs an arrow into his thigh, making him yelp in pain. However, the pain isn’t over, as the Inuit starts landing the biggest beating any Native North American of Polynesian ever witnessed. The war club is first smashed across the Maori’s face in a sideways swing, drawing blood and cracking some teeth. The Inuit then swings the club in the opposite direction with another swing, breaking the cannibal’s lower jaw. The Canadian follows the strike by grabbing his club with both hands for a downwards swing to the Maori’s head, causing a depressed skull fracture. The hit is followed by an upwards swing, which knocks the Maori on the ground. The Polynesian will eventually die, and is unconscious, but the Inuit is restless. He runs up to the Polynesian and lifts his club towards the skies.

Inuit: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The raider brings his club down onto his foe’s face, smashing it in and covering his already bloody club blood with even more gore. The Inuit brandishes his club, yelling in victory. He later retreats towards his village with his salmon, where he tells his battle’s tale to every villager, who all listen to him with attention as if it is a divine legend of a hero and a demon.

Experts' Opinion
Both were stone-age warriors who didn’t use metal weapons in their arsenal, instead relying on natural and organic materials with creativity, but the Inuit ended snatching that edge. Both had good weapons, but the fact that the Inuit had a bow and armor while the Maori only had melee to mid range weaponry meant death to the Polynesian. Added to the raiding tactics and durability of the Inuit, it became clear who was the winner.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Bushranger (by Elgb333)
Van Diemen’s Land, 1850

The sun was already setting in the forested countryside as two large carriages moved along the dusty road. They were no ordinary coaches for an escort of well-armed mounted troopers guarded them heavily. They did not carry gold, richness or even resources, but they carried men. Living, breathing organic people were inside those coaches. These troopers were tasked to take 13 of the vilest villains that troubled their beloved Empire to the hellhole prison where they belong. The devils consisted of five bloodthirsty savages from New Zealand known as the Maori on one coach, and five more motherless criminal bastards from Australia known as bushrangers in the other. The two groups were seated and shackled inside, with each coach having one guard stationed in front of them with a scattergun.

As they rolled along the bumpy rocky road, one of the bushranger winked at his fellow bushrangers. The bushranger, who was a charismatic young lad, managed to slip his cuffs due to his small tiny hands. The wink was a signal, and one of the bushrangers pretended to have suddenly been attacked by a stroke. The rest of the Australians panicked and pleaded to the guards for help. The coaches were stopped, the trooper inside leaned to take a look, and another one who was a medic came in to check on the bushranger.

But as they were going to rejuvenate the man, the young un suddenly kicked the trooper with the shotgun, making him tumble and fall on the coach’s floor. He quickly grabbed the scattergun and opened fire on the downed trooper, and letting out another one on the medic’s head. The shots not only killed the soldiers, but it also spooked the horses outside, making it difficult for the other troopers to respond.

The bushranger quickly grabbed the keys and allowed everyone inside to unlock their shackles. Some of the bushrangers grabbed hold of the pistol and a rifle that belonged to the dead troopers, and as they step outside, they took easy shots at the poor redcoats still strapped on their panicking horses.

Panick has also beset the other coach containing the Maori. As the trooper inside tried to get out to assist his comrades, the Maori grabbed hold of him and a strangled him with their chains. They grabbed the keys and unshackled their limbs. They too grabbed hold of some weapons inside, and opened fire as they stepped out.

The rest of the troopers were surrounded by the two groups, and they couldn’t do anything but ride out of there.

The bushrangers gathered themselves together and congratulated the young lad. The Maori however, quickly ran towards the troopers’ cargo to find their confiscated weapons.

The young lad approached the Maori with his hands up. He tried to speak to them in a cordial way, hoping that they would want to work together for a while against the Brits. A Maori looked at him, and without a second though shot him with a Tupara musket. They knew not to interact, be friendly or even be near a white man. The other Maori also started shooting which prompted the Aussies to take cover behind the trees. Then the Maori retreated.

The bushrangers went to the young boy’s dead body, his small skinny chest caved in with that rifle round. They swore that they would find those savages and make them pay. They grabbed every weapon they can find and marched on for their fallen mate.

---

Another half an hour had passed as the bushrangers trekked through the undergrowth in search of the Maori. They soon spotted some of them who had taken positions on the trees and wooden logs. The Maori saw them too and they opened fire immediately.

The bushrangers got down and tried to be under whatever cover they can find. Bushes, rotting wood and small rocks can mean life or death for them at the moment. The bushrangers took aim with their Baker rifles and opened fire. But the undergrowth and the trees were blocking the sights of both parties and their shots kept missing, but the Maori’s weapons had the faster rate of fire that added more pressure on their enemies. The bushrangers decided to try and flank the Maori, using the trees for cover. The latter opted to take the defensive and stayed on their spot.

The bushrangers tried moving along the trees to avoid gunfire. One bushranger had a brilliant idea of climbing up on one of the trees and sniping the Maori. But as he was doing so one of the Maori saw him and shot him in the side, and he fell screaming face first on the leafy ground below.

A bushranger saw this, and with rage coming from a common criminal rather than a professional soldier, went out to avenge his mate. With a loud cry he managed to get close to the Maori and shot one of them in the face with his Baker rifle. He soon regretted his decision when all the Maori simultaneously opened fire on him.

The rest of the bushrangers could not get nearer to the Maori’s position, and they were pinned down on the trees and rocks they were hiding in. One bushranger had another brilliant idea of throwing a boomerang at the Maori. There were a lot of trees that made aiming a gun difficult and a boomerang was no exception. The wooden plank flew and bounced off a tree like a chump. A moment of silence filled both parties at seeing what the hell was that supposed to be. But the Maori just scoffed and shot the “brilliant” bushranger in the gut.

Things were not going well for the Aussies. The sheer pressure that the Maori were packing with their double-barrelled muskets was shredding their covers to bits. And in typical criminal fashion, the Aussies started to flee in terror. The New Zealanders saw this and, bolstered by seeing their enemies turn their backs, gave a loud yell and chased the retreating bushrangers.

One of the Maori managed to spear one Aussie in the back. With adrenaline, the Maori lifted his spear with the bushranger still pierced on it off the ground. And as the latter howled in pain, the New Zealander chucked the poor sod on a large rock, making one fine looking mess of flesh and blood.

But unfortunately for the Maori, they seemed to have lost the chase. The bushrangers were nowhere to be seen anymore. The Maori’s adrenaline was gone and their body were stricken with fatigue. They all decided to get back to their post, thinking the battle was won.

Unfortunately it wasn’t, and as they were getting back, the Aussies on forest ledges and trees opened fire on them. They poured everything on the unsuspecting Maori. Two of the Maori instantly fell with shots to their throat and abdomen, and one got hit by a boomerang on the face, lopping a jaw clean off. When the rifles and boomerangs were spent, the remaining bushrangers charged at the Maori with their steely knives.

A melee ensued, as the Maori unsheathe their battle axes. A Maori managed to embed his hatchet on the neck of one of the Aussie. The remaining one retaliated with a stab to the heart of the Maori.

Only two of them remained, and they circled each other for a dance of death. The bushranger made a thrust at the Maori, but the New Zealander easily stepped back, dodging it. The Maori then swiped at the bushranger, hitting him slightly on the forearm, which made the latter back off nervously. Seeing this, the Maori then clapped his hands, made a terrifying stance, and showed the Aussie his battle cry. He then pulled out his tongue. The tired bushranger, though scared, tried to send another slash with his dirk. But the Maori caught his wrist and wrestled him to the ground. He then chopped the bushranger’s hand off with his hatchet. And as the Aussie screamed in pain, the Maori bashed his head multiple times with axe.

The Maori then stood up and cried in victory.

Winner: Maori Warrior

Epilogue
They felt pain in their bodies, before darkness set in, and then there was a bright white light.

Those were the last thing the bushrangers felt when they were defeated, but now they were scratching their heads. They were not in Tasmania anymore, but have been transported to a weird place they have never seen before.

It was a terminal akin to a modern airport. Besides the bushrangers were other warriors of different eras and universes. There were modern day soldiers with modern rifles and uniforms. There were some ancient warriors with swords, spears and shields. There were also a large number of WWII warriors. There were some superheroes, characters from mythology and Japanese school girls for some reason. But there was a huge abundance of JoJo Characters too. Like many many many many JoJo characters.

All its walls were filled with graffiti such as “1st Rule of DF: Never Fuck With Leo!”, “English Stronk Wuz Here”, “Beware of the Inquision”, "Trostsky's Ice Axe", etc.

“Welcome my sons. Fortune tells me, you have suffered a defeat,” a warrior in Ancient Chinese clothing said to the bushrangers.

The bushrangers can only look at him confused and dumfounded. “Do not fear or fret, my sons. We are all brothers here. Warriors on our own paths. Fate may be harsh and cruel with us at times. But we win some and we lose some.” The Chinese man said with Eastern esoteric words.

Tears flowed through one of the bushrangers eyes and sobbed, “What happened to us? Why did it happened to us?”

The Chinese man approached him, patted him in the shoulder and said more esoteric BS, “Defeat must not be seen as the end of the world. For we must always rise like the waves of the ocean. Stood firm like the mountain resisting a typhoon. You may have lost today, but you have gained wisdom! And tomorrow hopefully you’ll be a champion here in valhalla.”

The Chinese man continued, “Let me introduce myself. My name is Sun Tzu. Pray, tell me, who or what warrior defeated you?”

One of the bushrangers raised his hand and replied, “I recognize them. I saw those savages in my time in New Zealand. I believe they called themselves… Maori.”

“…. Come again?” Sun Tzu asked.

“Maori warriors,” the bushranger again replied.

“Wait? What! What in the flying FUCK?!” Sun Tzu said breaking character.

A medieval knight approached the Chinese warrior and laughed hysterically, “Yo Sun Tzu HAHAHAHA! Guess what? The Maori finally got a win!”

Sun Tzu eyes widen in disbelief.

“Yeah man,” Son Goku said while eating a Cinnabon. “Dudes finally got a win! And I heard that a Japanese guy is also planning on rematching their battles. Who knows how many more battles they are going to win?”

“Shut up Son Goku!” Sun Tzu yelled. “Fuck off! Nobody even uses you in a battle anymore!”

“Hahaha someone’s salty!!!” Alexander the Great said. “You know… you almost won against Hongi Hika right? You almost won. But daaaaaaamn SON! Dissenting opinionz came out and blasted you off the water! Sorry Sun! Close but no cigars!!!”

“‘Fuck all of you! Y’all go to hell!” Sun Tzu said in a tantrum. The rest of the warriors just laughed at him. “I am Sun Tzu! I am a legendary OG Chinese commander! I wrote the fucking Art of War!”

“I doubt you wrote it,” A Rajput said.

“I don’t even believe you existed for realz,” Agent 47 added.

“Fuck you! I slept with your wife last night dipshit!” Sun Tzu tried to banter back.

“Yeah whatever SHIT TZU!” Genghis Khan laughed.

The rest just continued laughing and left the poor bastard wallowing in shame. Sun Tzu put his hands on his face and gritted his teeth in anger. The Maori? Of all people, they are the ones who finally got a win in this place?

But then he had a gust of hope. If these Maori warriors finally got a win this year, maybe he too will finally get one! He got a funny idea. Maybe it’s time for him to be more proactive and do something to finally score a victory. He’s Sun friggin Tzu for Christ’s sake.

With a sudden overflow of confidence, he rose up and went to the Bushrangers. “Aye yo! Aussie bros! Can you tell me who wrote your battle?”

“I don’t know. W-what battle?” one Bushranger said.

“It was one of those Asian guys,” Geronimo yelled at Sun Tzu. “The guy who wrote their battle? It was one of those Asian guys. You know? The idiot with shitty research, a penchant for exaggerated weapons and blockbuster action? The guy who always get roasted for his shitty ass votes? But still freakishly handsome anyways.”

“Oooooh THAT guy! MWAHAHAHAHA!” Sun Tzu laughed maniacally. Now he has a writer that he can force to write a new battle. He quickly went to his locker and grabbed his weapon. He grabbed his jian, and his glaive, but threw away the zhua and repeating crossbow. “Seriously I didn’t even used these retarded garbage in my lifetime…”

Sun Tzu also took with him a whole box of steroids, a gallon of protein shake, as well as an M4 Carbine and a lightsaber… just in case.

Now he scanned the terminal, looking for a warrior worthy of an ass-kicking from the great Sun Tzu. He spotted one stuck in the airport office. He approached him, and took a close look at the guy.

The other guy noticed Sun Tzu creepily staring at him and asked, “What do you want?” The warrior looked Middle Eastern, maybe Palestinian. He had no steel or gunpowder weapons, just bronze and iron like Sun Tzu had in his time. Like Master Sun, the guy is also heavily debated upon whether he existed or not.

“Perfect….” Sun Tzu mouth wateringly replied.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!

Updated Epilogue!!!
The Canaanite warrior breathed heavily, his body bloodied and laying on the ground, and his army decimated by this monster. Sun Tzu stood in front of him, smiling like a champ with his M4 carbine aimed at his enemy's head. They were both in a rocky desert, now drenched with their armies blood.

"You..." The Canaanite warrior said. "You cheated!!!"

"There is no such thing, as honor in combat," Sun Tzu said more Eastern esoteric bullshit. "But if you really wanted it, a warrior would do anything, and I mean anything to WIIIIIN!"

Sun Tzu gripped his M4 carbine's handle tightly, ready to squeeze the trigger and put his enemy to a cold permanent sleep. He closed his eyes and savored this moment. He can feel it now. Almost a decade of torment and a long list of embarassing defeats, he's finally done it! He's going to win this battle, and he'll probably win that other battle with that crazy Batman villain. He is going to win and will be a meme no more!

He had a vision of what would happen after this fight. He can see the whole DF Fanon celebrating his win. He would ride a thousand-horse chariots around the terminal in a Triumphus. He would bask in glory as all the other warriors cheered him on!

"SUN TZU! SUN TZU! SUN TZU!" They cheered as Queen's "We Are the Champions" played in the background.

"We knew you can do it Sun!" Batman said.

"Damn mate! I wish I can finally win something too!" Faildemort said.

"Oh you will someday. Me? I think I might actually won something this year," a Khmer Rouge said. "Pssst you there! Reading this crap. Click this link and vote for me! "

As Sun Tzu circled around the terminal like a true God Emperor, something caught his eye. He saw a very beautiful blond girl, who appeared like royalty, looking at him with seductive eyes and showing off some of her legs.

"Hey Sun... I heard you finally won something today," Saber said.

"Oh... hehehe. Hey there," Sun Tzu pretending to be a shy type cutey.

The girl approached him, puts her hands on his neck and whisphered to his ear, "You did it champ. You are the real deal now. Not only did you win a battle, but you also won a better prize..."

"Damn Arturia. I've been trying to woo you for years now but you always pushed me away. You know, I won this battle just for you!" Sun Tzu said like a creep in front of other warriors.

"I know, and I love a man who does his best," Saber said seductively. She then drew Sun Tzu closer to her body and said, "Kiss me ike you miss me Master Sun!"

Back in the current battle, the Canaanite looked in utter disgust as Sun Tzy daydreamed while wrapping his hands around him and licking his lips like a perv. "Ooooh Sabah!" Sun Tzu said.

But suddenly out of nowhere, a huge portal boomtubed into the scene. Sun Tzu watched in dismay as a team of badasses came out of nowhere. They faces were covered in black awesome shadows, but they all can hear the avengers theme playing in the background.

TAAAN! TAN TAN... TANAN!! TAN TAN TAAAAN! TAN TAN TANAAAN NAN NAAAAAN!

Just as quickly Sun Tzu was summoed back at the terminal. "No wait! I still have to kill him!" Sun Tzu pleaded.

But the rest just ignored him. This badass team of super people consisted of a jacked up Englishman with the handsome looks of Idris Elba and dressed up like Jojo character (and just as ripped as one). There was also a godlike being with blue skin wearing a golden Gilgamesh-like armor. There's also a ghostly apparition that was "wandering" in the air (pun-intended). Oh... and yeah there's also a fruit monkey speaking in Dutch dressed up like that awesome Sans character and some dude in mythological attire who has a hard-as-fuck name to spell.

"You..." Sun Tzu cried. "You took away my only victory!!!!"

"Sun Tzu," The Englishman said. "We have discussed about your status as a warrior. And we have found out that you, might not qualify as one!"

"Wait what?" Sun Tzu said. "I am tots def LEGIT!!!"

"No you are not!" the godlike being said. "We have found none of your name in records concerning the Spring and Autumn period. And you're story is at most... A MYTH!!!"

"New policy beeyotch," The Englishman said. And he then pointed at a huge metal door labelled "Disqualified". Sun Tzu panicked and tucked himself in a fetal position. But the Englishman just dragged his ass as he cried and begged. All the other warriors looked at him and laughed. "Ahahahah weeeeew! SUN!!! You rock man!!! Hahahaha"

He is then thrown into his new jail, and inside was a fellow disqualified warrior wearing Victorian clothes and laying in his bed. He smirked at him, "So... I heard you like killing women too. I bet where gonna be good buddies."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Sun Tzu yelled.

The rest of the team high-fived and congratulated each other. "I've never had a good discussion like this for a very long time," the godlike being said.

"Indeed. We just had two policy discussions this week. It has been a great day!" The Skull said.

The Dutch then went to one user who was a frigging Hippo and patted it in the head saying, "You did great boy. You did good. We gonna give you a treat later."

The Hippo squealed in excitement. "Woof woof!" It said. "Wait... I though he was a hippo..." The Englishman said confused.

"Anyways, there's one more person we need to go to," the godlike being said. And with a Thanos snap they are transported to the DF's locker room. They opened one locker labeled Sun Tzu and inside they found a skinny famished boy who looked like he got his ass kicked badly. "Please sirs. I need water..."

"Elgb!" Wassbo- I mean eh the Englishman said. "You tried to write a battle and gave Sun Tzu futuristic weapons and steroids. Are you nuts!'

"Please sir. He tortured me. And threatened my family. I need wate..."

"What should we do to him?"

The godlike being looked intensely at the offender and said in an authoritarian voice, "This fool has done many gravedoings! Not making any research. Writing shitty votes. But most inhumanely... shaming another man's waifu! And starting a waifu war! UNEXEPTABLE!"

"But alas. I am not the feared banman I was once was. I live in peace now but defanged to spew more venom if needed. Just give him a punishment. Let him clean our toilets and prepare coffee for us for a month!"

The outta nowhere two others dressed in WW2 attire came in. It was El Ala-meh the resident WW2 commando and that Communist Man of Steel themselves. "Did we miss something?" They asked.

"Only one of the best discussions ever!" Laquer(I ain't even gonna try) said.

Expert’s Opinion
While the bushrangers had the advantage of a longer range firearm and two ranged weapons, the experts believed that the Maori’s two barrelled gun was more suited for a typical forest fight in the frontiers of Oceania, from which these two warriors originated from. Compared to the bushrangers who were criminals, the Maori were better trained and better disciplined warriors. Both warriors’ battlefield tactics proved little in this typical fight, but the Maori’s better weapon prevailed.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Aztec Soldier (by Deathblade 100)
Jungle

An Aztec Eagle moves stealthily through a forest. Stopping, he hears a strange chanting. Approaching the Aztec notices the Maori performing a Hakar. As the Aztec raises his Maquahuitl, the Maori sticks his tongue out before rushing towards the Aztec, Taiaha in hand.

The Eagle Warrior dodges the initial swing from the Maori and strikes back with his Tepoztopilli. The Maori parries the obsidian spear and thrusts with the Taiaha. The Aztec runs out of range and takes off deeper into the jungle pursued by the Maori. The Maori sheathes his Taiaha and draws a Stingray Spear. The Aztec turns and swings the Tepoztopilli at the Maori, grazing his arm. The Maori thrusts forward with Stingray Spear, the points snapping off on the Aztec's cotton armour. Throwing the useless handle aside, the Maori draws both his Leiamono and Mere, swinging the two clubs at the Aztec. The Aztec drops his Tepoztopilli, and draws his Macuahuitl, parrying the Polynesian's attack.

The Aztec swings the club at the Maori's leg, slashing through the flesh. As the Maori roars in pain, the Aztec slams the side of the Macuahuitl into the Maori's right hand, forcing the Maori to drop the Leiamono. The Polynesian swings his Mere into the Mesoamerican's left hand; the sound of cracking bones filling the air. The Aztec yell in pain and anger before swinging the Macuahuitl into the Maori's right arm; a great, jagged tear being rended in the Polynesian's flesh. Weakened by the loss of blood the Maori collapses and futilely swings his Mere. The Aztec steps out of range, dropping his Macuahuitl and drawing his Axe. The axe is brought down onto the Maori's left hand; severing it nearly completely. The Maori blearily looks as the Aztec slams the back of the weapon into the Polynesian's head.

The Maori recovers on a flat stone slab overlooking a great city. Noticing the four, painted men in feathered robes holding him down, the Maori struggles as he sees his opponent walk towards him, Tecpatl in hand. Raising the ceremonial dagger in the air, the Eagle Warrior cuts the Maori's chest open and swiftly removes the Polynesian's heart. Raising the pulsating organ to the sky, the Aztec lets loose a cry of triumph. Throwing the heart into the brazier, he unceremoniously kicks the body down the temple steps, as more Maori prisoners were forced up to the altar.

Expert's Opinion
While, the Maori was an effective fighter, the Aztec Eagle Warrior was a more experienced opponent; with the requirement for an Eagle Warrior being the capture of at least four prisoners in battle. The Maori's best weapon by far was his Taiaha yet, his lack of armour and less fluid fighting style lost him the win.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.