User blog comment:LB&SCR/April Fool's Presidential Duels: Beatdown/@comment-27043000-20190404104540

Pygmy Hippo's "Where's Mr. Hope and The Wall?" Edges

8:I'm actually going against the tide and going with Unconditional Surrender as while he appears to be healthier than Bathtub Boi, the guy's weight actually wasn't as much of a hindrance as it seems. Frequent migraines and a lack of any impressive documented physical feats brings him down first.

7:I have to place Leslie Lynch King, Jr. next as the navy isn't known for infantry combat and I find his weakness of faulty knees more damning than Dubyah's weaknesses. Basically he's going to be easier to take down and he doesn't have another nifty skill that his competition has.

6:Dubyah's next for reasons that shouldn't surprise anyone, he can run well and his hearing isn't going to be too damaging in this fight but farsightedness will hurt him somewhat. Expert with small arms is useless and the true thing that makes him interesting is psychological distractions but that's only going to work once, if at all, before he gets knocked out.

5:I can't believe I'm saying this but holy shit, Bathtub Boi's outlasting Old Hickory. He's actually affected more by his health problems and while he did beat up an assassin with a cane along with enough luck to make both his pistols misfire, he's better with a weapon than his fists and he's probably the only President who could actually die from getting hit hard enough.

4:I'm getting even worse with this as Big George is out next for one thing, out of everyone else at this point, George is the one dude who hasn't fought anyone in hand-to-hand combat. Lots of people saying that he's strong in my search but nothing to prove it except quotes and he's the oldest one left.

3:Bathtub Boi's finally going down and this is mainly due to the lack of constant experience that The Bull Moose has or the utterly ridiculous physicality of Honest Abe. He can still walk for miles and only be tired, can box and wrestle effectively, but still the guy's got the weight problem of yours truly. He's getting less credit than he deserves from others but I still don't think he compares to the top two.

Final Verdict:It's time for the closest fight of all between a man who fought a lot in his youth and had ridiculous strength but was possibly dying of heart disease which made him fatigued and gave him headaches, even if he didn't the symptoms still happened during his presidency, against a man who fought people in hand-to-hand combat during his presidency and endured a bullet wound but has asthma which could cause him to be unable to breath. Honestly, I'm going to give it to the Bull Moose as while Honest Abe can throw him around, in a battle royale, endurance counts just as much and Abe'll likely be out of steam at this point. Considering Moose didn't have an asthma attack in wrestling and boxing matches while in office, I'd go with him being less affected by his physical ailments and more capable of taking hits along with being able to keep up decently. Really comes down to Honest Abe being a harder hitter at the beginning but six guys go down and I have a feeling it's the Bull Moose who's going to be more capable of beating one final foe due to his better stamina and the second-best punches in the group.

Winner:The Bull Moose (Or the guy who got killed by Geronimo and roasted by Trotsky)