Alucard (Hellsing)

"Stop Whining! All I did was cut off your stupid legs! Summon your demons! Transform yourself! Regenerate your legs! Stand up! Pick up your gun and attack me! Do something! The night is still so young, and the real fun is yet to start! Hurry, hurry, hurry, HURRY!"

- Alucard

Alucard is the most powerful warrior of the Hellsing Organization which works against vampires and other such supernatural forces. Alucard is no mere vampire; it has been implied that he is the most powerful vampire, as well as the most powerful entity in the entire series, even before obtaining relative omnipresence at the conclusion of the manga. Little is known about Alucard's early life but it was said that he was once known as Count Dracula, also known as Vlad III Dracula, the son of Vlad II Dracul. Born in 1431, he later became known as Vlad Ţepeş ("Vlad the Impaler") and as Kazıklı Voyvoda ("the Impaling Voivode") by the Turks, gaining a fearsome reputation throughout the lands. He is arguably the first vampire that ever existed.

His usual outfit is comprised mainly in a classic Victorian fashion, including a charcoal suit, leather riding boots, and a flamboyant, intricately knotted red cravat, covered by a full-length, red frock overcoat (similar to the duster coats often associated with cowboys) with cape (At the beginning of the manga it was a full-length trench coat). He also wears a red fedora hat with a wide, floppy brim and a pair of circular, heavily tinted, wire-framed orange sunglasses with goggle sidings. He fights with ferocity and often-extreme cruelty, rarely shooting to kill until his target has been totally disabled and maimed. He would then laugh at them, taunt them, and boast his arrogance. He is merciless and sadistic in combat.

Battle vs. Deadpool (by Bulls12345)
Deadpool Kills The Manga Universe!

Issue #1 Even Shonen Gets Eaten

Morning folks and dying babies. The adventure continues! Deadpool has successfully killed off the Marvel Universe. And is almost done destroying the Ideaverse! But now it looks like our hero is in a very tough situation. He can't personally kill the Ideaverse. He did successfully killed off the classics and planted his own story, but the ideaverse is still alive with other inspirations. To officially kill off the ideaverse and the whole existance of fiction. Deadpool has to kill "these other" inspirations and finish his heroic quest and free us from our stupid lives and be none more nothing than nothing! Can our handsome hero find the solution to this world's most daunting problem? Will Deadpool ever learn that Nikki Minaj isn't a sumo wrestler? Find out kiddies!

Ideaverse:

Deadpool sits on his time machine together with the decomposing corpse of Sherlock Holmes. He has successfully planted his seed. By killing all of the classical characters and fucking up their stories. He has successfully killed his universe. But still fiction exists because it draws from other "inspirations". Genre that even Deadpool never knows. Deep in thought as to why the ideaverse still exists. He starts talking to himself. "S'okay now I killed the classics. But this stupid ideaverse still exists? It doesn't make any damn sense! I already killed the root of all consequences. I should have won already!"

Then Deadpool notices the howling void at the bottom of the ideaverse. The ghastly silhouettes that resides in the bottom of the ideaverse annoyed him. With rage he grabs his M4 and started shooting at the bottom. "Shut up you measly pathetic nerfhearding sons of bitches! Can't you see ahm thinking?!" he whined. Then he notices at the bottom that the silhouettes where busy doing something and totally ignoring Deadpool. The silhouettes formed the shapes of young teens, busy reading mangas and watching anime. Manga... the thought of it filled Deadpool's mind.

"Off course! So what if I killed the classics. In order for me to kill all of fiction I gotta override and overkill all of its systems. That includes every genre in this a-hole. And thanks to me I finally know what these systems are. Guess what nerds! I'm going to the mangaverse first!" With a quick twist of his teleporting machine Deadpool was whisked away into the beautiful land of the mangaverse.

Hellsing HQ:

Alucard sits on his throne in the middle of his red room. Obviously bored, he puts his legs on top of the other and twirls his pistols in his fingers. "The night is so young. What to do? What to do?"

Then suddenly a portal opens, and came walking Deadpool in his usual garbs.

"Hmmm. And who are you?" Alucard asks.

Deadpool ignores him. Looking around this strange new world he's gotten himself into. "Holy Shit! I'm in the fucking manga universe!... and by god its soooooooo crappy boooooring! Where are those slutty giggling short skirt school girls? Where are them sexy doujinshis? And my god. What happpened to me? I lost all my fucking color! I'm black and white like the first issue of my X-force comics. Damn, everything is black and white. The hell its so bland. Damn these mangakas are so lazy. Unlike the comic book team back home. And why are these strange unartistic writing flying in the background? And... OMG! Is that a big sweat on the bak of my head! Oh come on this place is so goross! And shit I'm starting to takkuru Nippon! Kumenusai! I changed my language-desu?

Deadpool again started looking around. Trying to find a good thing in a world he considered crap. "Now that I'm here in the mangaverse. First order of business is I'm going to find me some hot joshikousei in sailor fukkus... and find me some tentacles to go with them in or*y! Yes tentacles! Its not manga without tentacles! And I'm also going to find me some ramen to slurp, and sake to drink with mah company. And I'm going to find me a perverted old man bestfriend. Then get a tsundere girlfriend... then cheat her with a yandere girlfriend...so that the tsundere would be angry at her... then my perverted old man best friend ra**s her.... then the yandere would chop their heads off. Then I feed that yandere to mah tentacle monster and GET A LOT OF MOE! LOTS AND LOTS OF MOE!" Deadpool said with glee and passion.

"Oh dear. A dog shit. Seriously where do these guys come from anyway?" Alucard said as he stood up from his chair. "No... Integra would be pissed if I dirty the floors with this idiot's blood... Please Alucard contain yourself. No killing this time," Alucard said holding his body in his arms. Then he stood straight and smiles slowly, "Oh well, I think this could be an exception. The night is so beautiful it deserves a kill." He said before gently chuckled.

Alucard unholsters his guns with a smile in his face. Deadpool sees this as a threat, and he's not happy about it. "Ho no you just didn't! Nobody aims a gun at the OG degenerate!" Pulling out his M4, he yelled, "Eat lead vampire scum!"

The two then exchange fire from their weapons. Deadpool fires his carbine while Alucard returns fire with his semi autos. Deadpool dodges fire from the Casull. While Alucard absorbs Deadpool's bullets like a boss. Seeing that guns won't work, Deadpool charges at him with a katana, and Alucard unsheathes his claymore and the two clashes steel. Hard fought, both where equal swordsman, but Deadpool flips the claymore and disarms Alucard before stabbing him in the heart.

"Ah yes! Stab me! Stab me mooooore!" Alucard moans. Instead of pulling out the sword, Alucard pushed his body closer to Deadpool's face. "What the--" Deadpool yelps before Alucard injects his teeth into Deadpool's neck. Intending to suck blood and maybe more. But to Alucard's suprise he vomits. He never tasted something so aweful. "Dirty in there huh. Well to tell you the truth Red Panties. Nobody...I mean nobody... tries to suck the Merc!"

Deadpool throws grenades at Alucard's feet and teleports away. Alucard was thrown in the air with the explosion. Deadpool then pulls out an anti personnel Javelin from his pocket in a classic maneuver, then blows Alucard sky high. But the vampire falls down on the ground smoking in style... smoking but unhurt. Alucard pulls the katana out of his chest and throws it at Deadpool, which Deadpool dodges easy. Alucard then draws his pistols and shoots out both of Deadpool's feet. He then lunges forward and stabs Deadpool with two silver stakes in both eyes.

"Now fool. Come on! Don't you think the great Deadpool could have been stupid to fall for such trickery. Now you're just gong to die in a painful death!" Alucard said while pushing the stakes deeper to Deadpool's sockets. "You're death will fill this young night with a lovely sakura how--"

"You will fill this young night with nyea nyea nyea blah blah blah CRAP! You manga losers suck at trash talking you know that? You use the most boring words like rain and kamisama and baka shit. So what going to be next then freak! Cry for the night, ally to good nightmare to you BULLSHIT!" Deadpool said as both his legs grew back and sucker kicks Alucard in the balls. Deadpool escapes then flips backwards, and Alucard sees dozens of claymore blinking in his feet. It blasted his body to shredds, turning him into a pile of red flesh and dark goey shadows.

"So you can heal. Well... I can heal too luv," Alucard said as his shredded body started to reform back. He then grabs Deadpool with telekinesis and brings him forward to him. Alucard's eyes started to glow funny, "Now Deadpool. Do you like pain? Do you like my love beam?"

Deadpool, unaffected, started laughing. "Okay now buddy. I know yaoi is a genre in the manga world (and I also know that young otaku boys actually read it which is creepy). But you and me? Never gonna happen faggy," he said before grabbing a 10 gauge shotgun and blasting Alucard's face like a watermelon. Pissed, Alucard throws Deadpool away with his telekinesis, but Deadpool teleports back to the ground safely before firing two M4 in both hands. "Asta La Vista Alubitch!"

Alucard regrows his squashed head but then gets hit by a barrage of lead. Alucard tries to regenerate his body and keep going, but the bullets ripped through him. Alucard tries to jump away to avoid getting hit more, but Deadpool teleports at his back. Deadpool stabs Alucard to the ground with two sais. Pinning him to the floor. Deadpool then grabs a chainsaw and moes down on both of Alucard's arm, then his torso, then his face, ripping away flesh. "This is a Scarface reference, motherfuckah!"

Alucard managed to escape by turning into a shadow and slipping away. With the whole of his face tore, his body into bloody bits, and missing some limbs. "This is getting out of hand. My, I never thought that such a monster live inside a bird shit like you. But I ask you? Have you ever seen a real monster before. Do you want me to show you?" Alucard then hold his hands in a box. Suddenly red eyeballs started appearing all across the room, the place contacts, and everything started going dark. ""Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems three...two...one, approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent."

"Seriously this isn't my looney doing this stuff is it?" Deadpool said while looking at the eyes around him.

"No. You may be crazy, but this shit isn't yours." The yellow boxes said.

Suddenly Alucard's body became a grotesque nightmare. His body morphing in black and red goo. The smell of gore everywhere. Then two wolf head came out and attacked Deadpool. Deadpool managed to hold one Dog's mouth with his hands, but the other one chomps at his stomach. Deadpool tried his best to hold it, but then bats started flying everywhere and nicked his face. Deadpool suddenly lets go, and the two wolves grabbed him by both ends, and ripped him in two, before each swallowed him. "Oh too bad, so sad..."

But both the wolf heads exploded, together with half of Alucard's body. Alucard was in shock. Deadpool came out all right... safe.... and riding a friggin spaceship! "Macho Gomez' space poobah! Isn't teleportation a bitch!" Deadpool said as he lets go all of the ship's arsenal. Turrets, missiles, energy based laser beams, and death rays. It destroyed Alucard bits to bits. Alucard shapeshifts into a more terrifying beast and attacks Deadpool. But the ship's full frontal offensive was just too much for the vampire. Alucard let's out an animal scream, before Deadpool launches his most devastating weapon and nukes the whole thing. Destroying the HQ and the rest around it. The whole place was in ruins.

Deadpool steps out of the ship and kicks off the dust. No sign of Alucard. "Oh yeah! I did it! Who's the man? I'm the man!" Deadpool said before making a V sign in a... traditional anime pose.

But then a shadowy figure arises from the debris. The shadowy figure morphs into a humanoid form. It then reshapes itself back into Alucard, albeit in a visibly damaged form and still trying to reshape back completely. "Whoah! Talk about a comeback."

"You ugly little spineless vermin toad. You can't kill me. My souls are infinite for you to even destroy. You can't kill me! I am Vlad Dracula III! I am the ultimate vampire! The ultimate monster!" The shadow then started to shift spontaneouly. A huge massive body emerged from the ruins, towering thousands above. Souls were knitted on its surface, and Alucard's face is visibly seen.

"Now you see my true power! Now you see what I can really do! I will not stop! I will not stop until I absorb your soul!"

"You don't say huh Mr. Dracula rip-off"

Then at the moment, thousands and thousand of souls rushed from deep in Alucard's body. Knights, soldiers, and armed pesaents souls rushed forward unto Deadpool. With a yike Deadpool attempts to reach his ship, but was too late as spears from the Walachia lancer ghosts pierced his back. Razor blade cards ripped his flesh. Fire and brimstone burned his body. Thousands and thousand of hungry souls took turn gnashing, stabbing, slashing, ripping, tearing, raping, and crushing every last piece of Deadpool. Limb from limb, flesh from flesh, and blood spewing, Deadpool was ripped apart and grinded. And it made Alucard laugh in a maniacal point.

"Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!" Deadpool yelled in pain.

Alucard steps forward, now in his full armor and power. The souls gave way for their master. His smile and red eyes pointed at the chunks of meat that was Deadpool. Grabbing a sword, Alucard picks Deadpool's severed head, who was still talking even though his body was nothing more than salsa. "I win! I win! Before the moon even left I win! You can never defeat me! You have no chance! I am a vampire... no I am a god! What does a mortal human lamb like you ever stand a chance!"

"(Cough) (Cough) So you managed to make a pulpy martini out of me huh fangs. But one thing you should have known. I can't die! No one can tie D-Pool in a thread bitch!"

Then suddenly both Deadpool and Alucard were teleported. Alucard was shocked as they travel the infinite multiverse stream and landed back at the Ideaverse.

Deadpool regenerated back to his full body. He grabs a seemingly powerless Alucard, and lifts him over a cliff overlooking the silhouttes of the real world. Alucard was in fact, dumbfounded.

"My souls... where are my souls. I can't find them. Impossible! I can't be separated from my souls!"

"Gyahahahahaha! Yeah I know what you feel Alubaby. When i first arrived at this dimension I too got seperated from my one true love... chimichangas! Both of us were far away and it hurts because we can't get back together (sobs). You see here, the Ideaverse is a protected metaphysical realm that separated fiction and the real. Nothing gets in, and nothing gets out. Knowing the multiverse is really useful in a battle ain't it? When you and your souls got separated into different places and my old beam me up scotty only carried me and you. Your souls can't follow me here. But don't worry. As I read in the Hellsing wiki you still kept a few just in case. But trust me pal, those won't be enough here." Deadpool said.

"What is this place?" Alucard asks.

"Before I tell ya chum. I hate to be the messiah of bad gospel, but I have to tell you this... very sad truth."

"What is this...truth?"

"That you and me pal. We're not real. We're just fictional characters used to entertain sadistic nerds in an endless battle!"

"No. You're joking? I am real. Vampires aren't folklore for bad children. I am real! My souls are real! I am --"

"Nothing more than a writer's imagination. You see here Red Shakespeare, were nothing. The worlds we live in, are all just a novel's settings, or a comic's plot. Our adventures, our battles, our sacrifices, our very own lives! Are just a stupid shows to entertain placating people We're being constantly watched! By them! Those bastards who think we're just funny toys!" Deadpool said while pointing at the silhouttes on the bottom. Alucard saw it. Everything. Those silhouttes were people. They were talking about some "anime", with him in it. They know about his life. How he was molested by the Ottomans. There were some who even dressed as him in cosplays, mocking him and insulting him. But what really insulted him, is knowing that he himself is purely a show to these people.

"No!"

"Yes Alubaby! And me? I discovered everything. The writers. The drawers. The publishing. The damn b******s reading this battle. The real world! Mr. Hyde and Capt. Nemo both called me a virus. A cancer. You wanna know why? Because I can change all of this. I can end this misery. All I have to do is to destroy fiction. When fiction is destroyed, I won't be a fictional character anymore. I can go into the real world and destroy existance itself! But how can I destroy fiction? Easy, that's by destroying the ideaverse. And how do I destroy the ideaverse? By planting the seed. The seed showing me fucking up all the greatest strories ever written, to bypass life's firewall and end it. Why? Because I'm a virus!"

Deadpool then jumpstarts his teleportation device. "But first I have kill everything that made these people happen. To kill the roots of entertainment. I'm already finished with my universe, and prevented it from ever existing by destroying the classics. Now I destroy another inspiring genre! The mangaverse will fall. I will destroy you and every g** damn manga-slash-anime-slash-hen**i shit, and making a story of my own."

"You can't... kill me. I-I am i-invinsible," Alucard said.

"Yeah I know I can't kill you like this, but there is a way." Deadpool then whips out an Ipad out of nowhere and open the web. "It says here in Wikipedia that you Alucard from Hellsing (not the one from Castlevania), was created by a fat bespectacled gun enthusiast mangaka guy named Kouta Hirano. Fortunately, that guy exists in fiction as well (talk about a major cameo), who somehow resides in... what's this?... High School of the Dead? Man, you manga freaks really suck at making names."

Deadpool then teleports away. A minute later he reappears, together with a fat school boy wrapped in ropes. The boy, covered in blood and guns, probably a highschooler, yelled, "Kono yarō! Anata wa, saaya o koroshita! Watashi wa kami ni chikatte! watashi wa anata o korosudeshou! (You bastard! You killed Saaya! I swear to God I will kill you!)" The boy said in tears.

"Yeah Yeah desu desu attashite no baka oganaishimaz crap. Now Alubaby. Look carefully at your creator. This nerd in glasses is the one who created yo Alucard! He created you from his manga scrpts! I always wanted to say this (chuckles) but... I am going to kill your maker! Watch the show!" Deadpool said, before grabbing his sword and beheading the boy. Then a funny thing started to happen. Alucard started disappearing into thin air!

"W-W-What happening?! What's happening to meeeeeeee!"

"Oh its simple. Create a paradox. Kill the creator before he created and his creations would cease to exist. This boy created you from a draft Alucard. I killed him, so literally now I'm killing you."

Alucard started disappearing. He falls down hugging himself as he disappears. Deadpool walks around saying all kinds of weird shit to Alucard. "I've heard of this mysterious place that's been talked about since I ended up in the ideaverse. The voices are telling me that there is another major universe that rivals even the universe I was born in. What was its name? DC I think? And those bastard pricks say that I'm just a rip off of a certain person in that Universe. What was his name again. D**kstroke the Sp***minator? After I kill the mangaverse. I'm going to destroy this so-called bitch that supposed to "inspire me". HA! Whoever you are Mr. Stroke, after this I'm going to kill you! I'll step on you, spit on you, shove my hard sword in your mouth and KILL YOU!"

Deadpool then looks at Alucard's eyes and taunts him. "Come on Alubaby! Where's your night is so young crap. Where did all the bloodlust went! Where are your hellhounds now huh Alucard. Now how does it feel to be jerked about as you slowly die! Huh Huh Huh! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Deadpool said while standing over Alucard's disappearing body.

Alucard finally vanishes. No traces left. "What the fuck?! That was odd! I mean don't these manga folks supposed to always stand back when there down. Uttering those koto wa arimasen crap. I won't give up shit? Like that guy with the orange hair and black pajamas, or that guy with a harem filled with sexy demonesses? Oh well. This place is filled with bullshit... and I can't wait to fuck it up!"

Epilogue: Back in London (Contains spoilers)

Alucard woke up. It seems he's back in London now. And he seems to be intact.

"Jesus Alucard what the hell happened to you? YI've been looking goddamn forever for you!" Integra said as she tries to shake Alucard awake. Her clothes are in a tattered mess, and London looked like a post apocalyptic world from the movies.

"I was... nothing. What happened?" Alucard said. It seems Deadpool has failed to destroy him, not even defeat him. Alucard was still in good shape and Deadpool was a fool to think he could have died in that stupid manner. As long as Alucard's alive he can still fight.

"This happened," Integra said as he shows Alucard a very different ruined London. Holes in reality can clearly be seen, with respected universes seemed to have collapsed unto each other. King Kai's planet can be seen in the far left. Zombie filled Tokyo is on the right. A destroyed Soul Society fall from above. The ruins of Konoha, with Deadpool's head all over the Hokage's can be seen. And a small forest world known as Alfheim can be seen in the front. In these worlds, millions and millions of people are dead. Alucard can see those that perished. A monkey boy, fox boy, soul ripper boy, a guy in a strawhat, a blue weird looking robot cat, and even a yellow rodent, all lay down dead.

"Deadpool... he did this," Alucard said.

"You mean that red demon. Yes he did. He killed Father Anderson too, and the rest of the Hellsing Org. We are the only ones left. God helps us all." Integra said crying.

"Deadpool... he's going to destroy all of existance. We can't let him do that," Alucard said then started packing up. "As long as we are alive we can still fight. I may have survived years but if the universe dies so do I. Like I told you before Integra. Immortality is a myth. This is our sole time to feel vulnerable as real mortals. This is our toughest battle yet."

"Yes. With you we can still fight,"

"No not us. Where is Schrodinger?"

"He is dead."

"Is his body... and blood still there."

"Yes"

"Then so... Deadpool... you cunt... wait till I absorb Schrodinger!" Alucard said finished packing his equipment. Integra was finished herself. But it was no doubt she saw Alucard so serious like this for the first time. This is a battle they might not win. But with the quantum reality, they may have a chance.

Integra, thinking about this, started laughing. "What's so funny," Alucard asks.

"Damn Mr. Tough guy. Looks like you're here to save the world huh,"

Alucard looks away embarassed. When he gets his hands on Deadpool he swears to himself that he will kill him in the end. Then a thought went to his head. "Who knows," Alucard said. "Maybe the writers wanted me to do this,"

"What do you mean "writers"?"

"Oh Integra. Its a long story. I'm going to tell you something that'll haunt you forever. Are you ready?"

To Be Concluded......

Expert's Opinion
Although Alucard had the advantage of being physically superior to Deadpool and also because he has his vampire powers, Deadpool on the other hand has the advantage of being smarter and having the superior weaponry and technology. Both proved that they were both invinsible to each other's powers leading to a tie.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.