User blog:LB&SCR/Laugh or Cry; You Still Salute: Captain Miller's Squad vs. The Rifle Brigade



War isn't funny... or is it? It is portrayed differently dependent upon what the director/writer is trying to get across. Miller's Squad from Saving Private Ryan are there to teach you that war has a cost, a cost that good men will die, though for a good cause doesn't discriminate. The Rifle Brigade from the comic series Adventures in the Rifle Brigade show the funny side of war that is probably fictional, as a group of British spec ops soldiers go on a series of misadventures fighting the Nazi War machine, and searching for the missing piece of Hitler's anatomy. When the last shell is expended... will you end up laughing.... or will you be crying?

Miller's Squad
Miller's Squad is a hand-picked group of soldiers chosen by Captain Miller to go on a mission to retrieve Private Ryan as all of his brothers have been killed in action. Rangers Horvath, Jackson, Mellish, Wade, and Reiben, alongside normal infantryman Upham go on a trek to save Private Ryan. With multiple skirmishes along the way, and then a full fledged battle at the end, the group eventually saves Ryan, but at the cost of Miller, Horvath, Jackson, Mellish, and Wade, leaving only Reiben and Upham alive.

Captain Miller


Captain John H. Miller was a schoolteacher in Pennsylvania before the outbreak of the Second World War. Once the war started, he saw service in Tunisia, Italy, and finally France, as he participated in the D-Day invasion. When the orders to find Private Ryan were issued, he hand-picked members of his battalion to make up a small squad that would search out their high-value target. Fighting through Neuville, Miller detoured and ordered his men to take out a German machine gun position, where he captured and released (amongst much controversy) a German prisoner.

Miller and his men encountered Private Ryan in Ramelle, where he (along with members of the 101st Airborne Division) held off a massive German attack to prevent them from crossing a strategically vital bridge that spanned the Merderet River. He marshalled his resources long enough to hold back the German advance, but was fatally shot by the German soldier he had previously set free. Weapons


 * -| Primary =

M1A1 Thompson




 * Weight: 10.6 lbs
 * Catridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 935 ft/s
 * Feed System: 20-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Colt M1911A1




 * Weight: 2.44 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 825 ft/s
 * Feed System: 7-round magazine
 * -| Special =

M2 Mortar Rounds




 * Weight: around 2.5 lbs
 * Slammed on surface to activate fuse, then thrown

Sergeant Horvath


Technical Sergeant Michael "Mike" Horvath had served with Captain Miller in both Africa and Italy, and was an experienced soldier at the time of the D-Day landing in 1944. He helps Miller rally and marshal the troops during and after combat. After a botched attempt on a German machine gun nest that leaves one soldier dead, and after Miller releases a German prisoner, Horvath angrily confronts Private Reiben when he attempts to walk off. However, Miller defuses the situation by revealing his prewar occupation as a teacher.

During the battle of Ramelle, Horvath destroyed a Tiger tank and defeated an enemy soldier who threw a helmet at him. He continues to fight despite being shot in both legs, the back, and the chest, though he bleeds out and dies at the end of the battle. Weapons


 * -| Primary =

M1 Carbine




 * Weight: 5.8 lbs
 * Cartridge: .30 Carbine
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,990 ft/s
 * Feed System: 15-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Colt M1911A1




 * Weight: 2.44 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 825 ft/s
 * Feed System: 7-round magazine
 * -| Special =

M1A1 Bazooka




 * Weight: 12.75 lbs
 * HEAT Rounds
 * Optimally used with a crew of two.

Private Jackson


Private Daniel Jackson was a sniper from Tennessee who served in Miller's squad. Highly religious and a proficient marksman, Jackson would frequently pray aloud for strength, calmness, and combat efficiency while he fought. He demonstrated his skills when he neutralized an enemy machine gun position on the beaches during the D-Day assault, and killed an enemy sniper in the town of Neuville by shooting him through the scope of his own rifle.

During the battle of Ramelle, Jackson was ordered to the top of a bell tower, where he provided covering fire and kept Captain Miller updated through the use of military sign language. He killed many German infantrymen in the streets of the town below, but his skill worked against him when he attracted the attention of a German Panzer tank, which fired into the church tower and killed him. Weapons


 * -| Primary =

Scoped M1903A4 Springfield




 * Weight: 8.7 lbs
 * Cartridge: .30-06 Springfield
 * Muzzle Velocity: 2,800 ft/s
 * Feed System: 5-round stripper clip
 * -| Secondary =

Colt M1911A1




 * Weight: 2.44 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 825 ft/s
 * Feed System: 7-round magazine
 * -| Special =

Sticky Bomb

Comp B, in a sock, soaked in grease Sticks 

Private Mellish

Private Stanely "Fish" Mellish was a Jewish-American soldier from New York who served in Miller's squad during the D-Day invasion. He helps secure the beachhead and clear out the bunkers, where he finds a Hitler Youth knife and captures it for his own. After his best friend, Adrian Caparzo, is killed during fighting in Neuville, Mellish is devastated. He takes out his frustration by taunting captured German soldiers, telling them that he is a Jewish soldier.

During the Battle of Ramelle, he (along with a 101st Airborne soldier) hole up in a house with a blown-out wall, pinning down advancing Germans with a Browning machine gun. After the .30 caliber ammo runs out, three German soldiers rush into the room. Mellish kills two, but his Airborne companion is killed and the last German engages in a vicious hand-to-hand fight with Mellish. Tearing the Hitler Youth knife from his grasp, the German soldier uses Mellish's own captured weapon to kill him, stabbing him in the heart. Weapons


 * -| Primary =

M1 Garand




 * Weight: 9.5 lbs
 * Cartridge: .30-06 Springfield
 * Muzzle Velocity: 2,800 ft/s
 * Feed System: 8-round en bloc clip
 * -| Melee =

Hitler Youth Knife




 * 11 Inches
 * Double-ege
 * Stabbing

Private Reiben


Private First Class Richard Reiben was a soldier from Brooklyn who served under Miller's command during the D-Day invasion. He was forced to discard his BAR at the onset of the battle, as the heavy weight of the weapon nearly drowned him before he could get to the beaches (though he did recover another one off of a fallen soldier's body). He pushed through the beaches and past Neuville without complaint, but angrily retaliated against Captain Miller after an attack on a German machine gun nest left their medic dead and after Miller let a captured German free. The situation escalated as Reiben threatened to abandon the squad and the mission. However, he was calmed into submission when Miller suddenly revealed his prewar profession as a school teacher (as the squad had placed bets on what their captain's job had been).

During the Battle of Ramelle, Reiben helped protect Private Ryan, pushing him out of harm's way when a Tiger tank fired its main gun at them, and fought to delay the German advance. He was one of the few soldiers to survive the battle, and was deeply saddened at his captain's death. Weapons
 * -| Primary =

Browning Automatic Rifle 1918A2




 * Weight: 19 lbs
 * Cartridge: .30-06 Springfield
 * Muzzle Velocity: 2,822 ft/s
 * Feed System: 20-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Colt M1911A1




 * Weight: 2.44 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 825 ft/s
 * Feed System: 7-round magazine
 * -| Special =

Mk 2 Pineapple




 * Weight: 1 lb 5 oz
 * Filling: 2 oz TNT
 * Fuse: 5 sec

Corporal Upham


Corporal Timothy E. Upham was not an original choice for Miller's Squad, but with his preferences having been killed on the beach, Upham was chosen because he could speak both French and German, and upon being chosen, he was the only non-Ranger of the group, belonging to the 29th Infantry Division. At Neuville, due to have never fired a bullet in anger before, Horvath is assigned to watch over Upham, and likely he doesn't take very much part in other skirmishes.

During the defense of Ramelle, Upham was a ammo runner for the .30 cal MGs, but they were quickly overrun because Upham was either pinned or too frightened to move. Surviving the defense alongside Reiben, being the only two survivors. When they captured several Germans, Upham recognizes the German that killed Wade and Miller. This is were Upham sheds his innocence and becomes a true soldier, as he shoots the German that shot Wade and Miller, and told the others to run.

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

M1 Garand




 * Weight: 9.5 lbs
 * Cartridge: .30-06 Springfield
 * Muzzle Velocity: 2,800 ft/s
 * Feed System: 8-round en bloc clip

The Rifle Brigade
The Rifle Brigade is a British Speical Forces Commando unit under the leadership of Captain Darcy, and they have operated all over the European theatre. Their mission into Germany, they paradrop out of Lancaster Bombers during a bombing raid, and they parachute down while bombs are falling. They then proceed to get captured, beaten, interrogated (not neccesarily in that order), and then are 'rescued' from the SS by a Wehrmact Officer, who is then shot to death by Darcy, and they then proceed to go and blow up a V3 Rocket facility. When we hear from them again, they just got back from wiring a SS HQ, and then we see an old folks home get blown to smitherenes... instead of the HQ. Then sent back to England, we see Darcy get a message to retrieve Hitler's missing anatomy, so he has to reassemble his team for a trip to the Middle East, where they fight hidden Nazis... and retrieve Hitler's missing... nut.

Captain Darcy


Captain Hugo "Khyber" Darcy was the commander of The Rifle Brigade. He joined the Army in 1927, fighting with the Grenadier Guards in India, and played a lead role in suppressing the Bhajee and Popadom mutinees. Ship back to England in 1938 after the 'Beef Curtains' Scandal, Darcy particapated in WWII as an infantryman, and in 1941 he was promoted to Captain after, all by his lonesome, single-handidly defended Sidi Bugbug against Erwin Rommel, and when asked to surrender, he called Rommel a 'Big nosed cunt' to his face. In the First Volume, he leads the group in a paradrop into Berlin, where upon learning that there wasn't an actual mission they were on, get captured by the SS, and are tortured for information, before they are 'rescued' and Darcy kills their rescuer. They then blow up the V3 Plant, and escape in a German Truck. In Volume Two, they botch a demolition mission, and after being 'sent' to England, Darcy is forced to reassemble his team to capture Hitler's lost Bullock.

In the comics, it flip-flops between Darcy being an extremely capable commander, and Darcy being a extremely lucky buffoon. In the First Volume he orders German uniforms to be put on as so not to draw attention, but in the same volume, he goes right out and claims that the United States is still a British Colony, and that "If they'd won their independence, surely we would have been informed?" Overall, Darcy is a good commander, and cares deeply about the men under his command.

The Conclusion of British Intelligence: A better man than I am, Gunga Din. No Mission to Dangerous for this Officer.

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

Sten




 * Weight: 7.1 lbs
 * Cartridge: 9 x 19mm Parabellum
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,198 ft/s
 * Feed System: 32-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Webley Mk IV




 * Weight: 2.4 lbs
 * Cartridge: .455 lbs
 * Muzzle Velocity: 620 ft/s
 * Feed System: 6-round cylinder
 * -| Special =

Gammon Grenade




 * Weight: Uknown
 * Filling: 2lbs Comp C
 * Fuse: Instantanueous upon impact

Doubtful


Second Lieutenant Cecil "Doubtful" Milk was a member of the Rifle Brigade and the official second-in-command. Orphaned at a young age, he attended college until kicked out because he wanted to study flower-arranging, and study buggery. He entered the Royal Navy in 1938, but it is then discovered that his transfer to spec forces was a clerical error. In pre-Rifle Brigade service, Milk was the only survivor of several spec ops massacres that he describes as 'beastly': Hell Island, Slaughter River, Carnage Ridge, and Abandon-Hope-All-Ye-Who-Enter-Here Alley. Doubtful's personality usually ends up in him apologizing for killing an enemy.

A running gag in the comics is Doubtful's supposed homosexuality, as whenever the unit survives a lethal incident, they find Doubtful mortally wounded, and he'd request some kind of sexual favor from Captain Darcy, and then they find out Doubtful had been faking the wound entirely.

Conclustion of British Intelligence: Hmm....

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

Sten




 * Weight: 7.1 lbs
 * Cartridge: 9 x 19mm Parabellum
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,198 ft/s
 * Feed System: 32-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Browning Hi-Power




 * Weight: 2.2 lbs
 * Cartridge: 9 x 19mm Parabellum
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,100 ft/s
 * Feed System: 13-round magazine
 * -| Special =

No. 69 Grenade




 * Weight: 13.5 oz
 * Filling: 3.2 oz TNT
 * Fuse: Impact

Sergeant Crumb


Sergeant Crumb was, at the time of World War II, the biggest and most powerful man in the British Armed Forces. Upon his birth, his parents abandoned him and emigrated, and then at age 1 he was institutionalized, and later that year ate his uncle. In his adulthood, he was imprisoned at Chinnery Prison, but after the "Brick Shithouse" incident in which he supposedly devoured 5 of his fellow inmates, they just wanted to get rid of him, and so in 1939 he was transferred to the Rifle Brigade. In Volume One, when the Brigade got uniforms off Nazis they had killed, it is Crumb who blew it because an eppualaute was off by two degrees.

While Crumb may not be the best marksman, he makes up for that for being a complete tank. His strength is massive, as in Volume One, Crumb fights in hand-to-hand combat with a Jager X soldiers about two-times his size. In Volume Two, when Darcy is reassembling the team, Crumb is fighting a large, American GI in a fist fight, and Crumb goes and punches the man's head off of his body!

The Conclusion of British Intelligence: I'm scared Mummy!

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

Sten




 * Weight: 7.1 lbs
 * Catridge: 9 x 19mm Parabellum
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,190 ft/s
 * Feed System: 32-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

M1897 Trench Gun




 * Weight: 8 lbs
 * Cartridge: 12 Gauge
 * Feed System: 5-round tubular magazine
 * -| Special =

Fists
 * Crumb is Strong, and pretty quick for his size
 * Described as 'Expert Neck Wringer'

Corporal Geezer


Corporal Geezer was born a criminal, and became a cut-throat thug in 1935. During a Royal Visit to his area of London, Geezer was almost arrested for shouting 'Wanker!', but no evidence was ever found supporting this accusation. He was finally convicted though, and he was arrested and sentenced for committing 413 murders (Yes, that is 4-1-3, 413 murders), but his sentence was waved upon his appointment to the Rifle Brigade.

Geezer is probably on a level of Melee fighting as Crumb, not because of his strength, but because his background gives his major experience in fighting with knives, axes, whatever he can get his hands on. In Volume one as they ambush Germans to steal uniforms, Geezer slits one's throat in one panel, and then cleaves straight through a stalhelm with a hatchet/axe in the next.

Conclusion of British Intelligence: Absolute Rotter.

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

Sten




 * Weight: 7.1 lbs
 * Cartridge: 9 x 19mm Parabellum
 * Muzzle Velocity: 1,190 ft/s
 * Feed System: 32-round magazine
 * -| Special =

Various Knives and axes
 * Quite often pulled out of nowhere.

Private Hank


Private Hank the Yank is the only non-British member of the Rifle Brigade. Hank arrived in 1940, before America's entrance into the war, because he needed to 'Show you tea-sipping Brits how it's done.' Though, that confused the Brits, because according to them 'America wasn't very much help in the last show'. He is an absolute genius with explosives. Easily identified by helmet, huge cigar, and loudness.

Hank isn't as... subtle as his British squad mates are, as he will regularly flip the bird to people whom he is fighting, and easily can wire buildings and blow them to smithereens. Of course, he isn't perfect, in Volume Two, they are all celebrating at how they can blow up a SS HQ without touching the old folks home next door. We then get to see the old folks home blow up, without scratching the SS HQ.

The Conclusion of British Intelligence: Typical Bloody Yank; all mouth and trousers.

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

M1A1 Thompson




 * Weight: 10.6 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 935 ft/s
 * Feed System: 20-round magazine
 * -| Secondary =

Colt M1911A1




 * Weight: 2.44 lbs
 * Cartridge: .45 ACP
 * Muzzle Velocity: 825 ft/s
 * Feed System: 7-round
 * -| Special =

Mills Bomb




 * Weight: 1 lb 11 oz
 * Filling: Uknown amount of Baratol
 * Fuse: 4 sec

Piper


The Piper was the oldest member of the Rifle Brigade, being born in 1836, making him 108 years old by the time of World War II. Piper holds the critical job of invigorating the Rifle Brigade, and causing torment and agony for the opponents. His weapon is his set of bagpipes (which is made of human skin), which causes the rifle brigade to be invigorated and fight harder in a frenzy, while causing the enemies to start bleeding out of their ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and other openings in the body. How deadly is it, well, when it effects Germans, some of them literally tear all the skin of their head off, and one even tears off his head.

Only Captain Darcy can understand the mutterings of the Piper, of which one example is "A braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht." Top SOE code breakers baffled.

The Conclusion of British Intelligence: Mad as an Otter.

Weapons

 * -| Primary =

Bagpipes
 * Causes massive bleeding from openings in the body
 * Torturous to the ears

X-Factors

 * -| Leadership =

Captain Miller's Squad: 80

The Rifle Brigade: 74

While Captain Darcy is a surefire leader and a good soldier, that sometimes fluctuation of sometimes also being a buffoon knocks him down, as does his sometimes obliviousness to actual facts that matter. What also catapults Miller over Darcy is that when tension and fights break out between his men, Miller shows the ability to calm and sooth the tensions and heat of an arguement, giving him the edge over Darcy.
 * -| Experience =

Captain Miller's Squad: 76

The Rifle Brigade: 82

Both Units have seen combat in most major European theaters: North Africa/Middle East, Europe, and (for Miller's Squad) Italy. What tips this into the favor of the Rifle Brigade is that (from what is gathered in the total six issues of their comic) is that while Captain Miller and Co. were separated from the support of the main body of the Allied Armies, they weren't completely cut off as the Allied Armies would catch up..... eventually. The Rifle Brigade, is para-dropped into Berlin without any support at all, and has to dodge bombs from friendly bombers as well as the Heer and SS units around the area, and then the fact that all of them are able to escape the SS without casualties. Their streak of running into problems continues in the Middle East, where in the neutral nation they are placed in to hunt Hitler's lost bullock, they find basically a bunch of hidden Nazis posing as Middle Easterners, plus their only Ally in the city is a Nazi spy, plus the Americans are also wanting the bullock for Uncle Sam, and they fight their way through this problem as well.
 * -| Teamwork =

Captain Miller's Squad: 76

The Rifle Brigade: 76

Both the Rifle Brigade and Captain Miller's Squad have show great ability to work together. The deficits in Miller's Squad results from the fact that due to war tensions put them on edge, which led to fights between the men. In the Rifle Brigades case, the fact that Doubtful is constantly playing dead/dying, and that he is constantly trying to get Captain Darcy to perform... sexual favors constantly impedes the team's progress, but when battle comes... watch out.
 * -| Brutality =

Captain Miller's Squad:: 74

The Rifle Brigade': 78

Captain Miller's Squad doesn't kill those it doesn't need to, as seen when Steamboat Willie surrenders and Miller let's him go. That does come back to bite him, as Willie is the one that eventually guns Miller down. The Rifle Brigade does usually operate the same way, though when they fight the brother of Oberst Flaschmann (the man who 'rescued' them from the SS), Milk manages to talk him out of killing him, and Flaschmann walk away... and then Captain Darcy whirls the man around and shoots him point blank in the face.
 * -| Stealth =

Captain Miller's Squad: 74

The Rifle Brigade: 56

Being a Special Ops group, you would think that the Rifle Brigade valued Stealth as a very high priority right... well... no. The Rifle Brigade tended to go in guns blazing, just as your stereotypical group of American soldiers would do, with the piper playing some inappropriately named song on his bagpipes as the Brigade charged in and started shooting things up. Being outnumbered and being in enemy territory, the men of Miller's Squad tended to keep out of as many fights as they could, cause they actually had a mission to do that they intended to follow, rescue Private Miller.

Scenario
Captain Miller and his squad will be prepping an area to defend against an imminant German counter-attack that will easily outnumber the American Forces. Not wanting to be left out of the heroics, the British High Command will paradrop in the Rifle Brigade to 'assist' with the defense.

They will probably start on good terms, but  Captain Darcy some member of the Rifle Brigade will end up screwing up and hurting someone's feelings.

Now, it is up to you gentlemen, who will win, and what will happen: Will we laugh? Or cry?