User blog:Facetheslayer/Slayer's Deadliest Warrior Season 1, Episode 1. Indiana Jones vs. The Joker

Editor's Note:'''The show is designed for scientific purposes, and all views are reflected upon the creator's opinions. Anyway, it's just text!' Music ques, as the ominous background music is played...'' "Indiana Jones !  Fearless archaeologist, who braves many hazardous expeditions., and fought against the Nazi SS to preserve mankind's greatest treasures!" The Joker ! The self-proclaimed "Clown Prince of Crime", who cut a reign of terror throughout Gotham City, fighting against the GCPD, and numerous other vigilantes! Who? Is? Deadliest?! "Our team of Experts are armed with each fighter's trademark weapons to find out who would be victorious in a fight to the death. Blackbelt and studly former Canadian policeman, Geoff Desmoulin, hunky ER Psyhician, Armand Dorian, and pasty nerd Computer Whiz Max Geiger are present to test the bloody results" Geoff DesmoulinWe're back, baby! We've got a five on five skirmish of two of the most unique faces in history. "Testing the weapons for the Joker; former detective of the Gotham City Police Department, Dick Greyson !" Dick GraysonThe Joker was one of the most feared names in Gotham. He single handedly changed the landscape of that city. The Joker had many notable exploits, such as multiple robberies of mafia owned banks, and even taking over the dreaded Arkham Asylum. There's no one quite as lethal as the Clown Prince of Crime. "Meanwhile, testing the weaponry for Indiana Jones... treasure hunter, Nathan Drake !"

Nathan DrakeIndiana Jones was the forerunner for people in my trade! He was one of the most intelligent, and crafty men to ever grace Earth. He was the man who discovered the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, and freed many captive children from the hands of the evil tyrant, Mola Ram. There's no way a clown in a purple suit can beat him. --- Max GeigerOpening choice.... I'll have to go for Indiana Jones. He faced off against trained soldiers, and has fought more vicious, and bloodthirsty fighters. Dr. Armand DorianI hate to say it, but I have to go for the Joker. He has more technical advantages with his weaponry, and he's completely unpredictable. This will prove to be the deciding factor in this match-up. Tale of the Tape Indiana Jones Time Period: (1912-1954)Loyalty: OSSHeight: 5' 11"Armor: None Weapons Smith and Wesson M1917MP40Lewis GunRPG-2Bullwhip  The Joker Time Period: (1992-Present)Height: 5' 10"Loyalty: NoneArmor: None Weapons Glock-18Smith and Wesson Model 76M1 GarandJoker GasCombat Knife --- "Both of these warriors had unique, and unusual tactics.... but they both each had their own signature piece to their arsenal.  Indiana Jones survived many encounters, from an ordinary tool..." A scene showing Indiana jones snaring a nazi's gun out of his hand was shown. "The Bullwhip! Quick to lash out against any foe!" Length: 3 Feet Material: Leather Nathan DrakeThis is a traditional bullwhip, which can be used defensively, and keep foes at bay... or you can use it to strangle the life out of someone. He said, making a loop, and imagining that he was strangling someone. Geoff DesmoulinThe iconic bullwhip... but I'm not sure if this can kill. We've gotta see it in action Max GeigerSince we know how much danger the whip is....everyone back up! "The bullwhip is a double sided weapon. In the hands of someone uncoordinated, it can easily harm them as well.  Nathan Drake gets ready to test the weapon's effectiveness." Dr. Armand DorianSince Indiana Jones made such a career off fighting off Nazi's... we got the next best thing... A Neo-Nazi is shown tied up, ready to attack, as both his arms are tied to stakes. Geoff DesmoulinOkay, in Three! Two! One! WHIP IT!!! ''Nathan does a powerful lash of the bullwhip to the Neo-Nazi's face, leaving a scar and a light cut. He then lashes again, ensnaring his arm, and pulling the Neo-Nazi towards Drake, dislocating the shoulder. Finally, Drake strangles the life out of the Neo-Nazi with the whip.'' "The Whip proved damaging.... but the opposition wasn't impressed" Dr. Armand DorianEh, I've seen worse on this show Dick GreysonThat's it? Maybe I'll use that in the bedroom sometime. Nathan DrakeWell, just make sure your boyfriend is okay with that, Dick. The crew laughed, as the disembodied voice delivered commentary for the next test. "While the Joker was proficient with guns, he prefered to take a hands on approach, when dispatching foes..." A scene with Joker slashing a smile on the neck of a Gotham Police Officer was shown. "The Combat Knife! Sleek and portable, and able to carve a smile on any foe's face." Length: 8 Inches Material: Plastic and sharpened steel. Dick GreysonThis was Joker's personal knife, which we confiscated from Arkham Asylum. One thing he loved to do was cause psychological warfare, to see his victim's fear. "One of the key X-Factors of the Jokers' arsenal was intimidation. Greyson attempts to recreate Joker's personal scare tactics, while in his war paint." The Group heads to a Neo Nazi, who is in the same position that the other foe was left in. Dick GreysonSo let me ask you something? Do you want to know how I got these scars? The Neo-Nazi spits on Dick, before he wiped it off, and spoke out... Dick GreysonMy father was a drinking man... and a fiend. One night, he goes a little crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself... Daddy didn't like that very much. There was fear in the Neo-Nazi's eyes, as Dick continued with his tauntign, while opening the blade. Dick GreysonSo... me watching he takes the blade to her, laughign while he carves the b**** like turkey! He turned to me and says.... "why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" And... The blade cleanly slashed through the cheeks of the Neo-Nazi, and followed up with an ear to ear slash across the neck, followed up by a finishing stab to the heart. Dick GreysonWhy so serious? "The damage was impressive... but the opponent is not impressed at all" Nathan DrakeTook you long enough, didn't it? Dick GreysonFelt good though. You can keep your little bedroom toy. I've got a good blade.[ "Our Experts gather to decide on a better weapon." Max GeigerAlright, we've got these weapons, what are your opinions? Dr. Armand DorianI say Joker's. From a doctor's standpoint, that psychological fear that he'll install with that weapon is a huge advantage. Geoff DesmoulinI gotta agree with Doc. The blade is way more combat effiecient, while you have to get right on them to kill with the whip. Max GeigerAll around, then? Edge: Joker "The edge in special weapons goes to the Joker! Coming up... We take the fight to a distance, when we return... to Deadliest Warrior!" -- "Welcome back! To Deadliest Warrior! We've pitted The Clown Prince of Crime, against the legendary archeologist, Indiana Jones, who see who would win in a battle to the death." A scene was showing the Joker, and his men disguised as Gotham Police. "The Joker not only battled with fevered insanity.... but cunning, as well. In a famed assassination attempt, he taken the disguise of a Gotham police officer, and nearly assassinated Commisioner Gordon with..." The infamous M1 Garand firing squad was shown, as Joker and his men shot Commissioner Gordon, as it hits him. TDKM1Garand-4.jpg"The M1 Garand! America's premiere battle rifle From World War 2 until Vietnam!" Round: 30-06 Springfield Ammo Capacity: 8 (Internal Magazine) Rate of Fire: Semi-Automatic Weight: 10 lbs. Effective Range: 400 Meters Dick GreysonThis is the M1 Garand. Patton said this was the perfect weapon, powerful, reliable, and accurate. It has an effective range of 400 meters, and uses an internal 8 round clip. Nathan Drake8 shots? That's it? We've got something way better, and older than that. Dick GreysonHey, your mother doesn't count... Dick quipped back, as Max facepalmed to himself, while telling the announcer to introduce the next weapon. Max GeigerOk, announce the weapon Mr. Disembodied Voice! "Thank you. In contrast... Indiana Jones preferred raw firepower.  In this case, he used a weapon common to be mounted on airplanes in his time..." A Scene showing a younger Indiana Jones was shown, firing a Lewis Machine Gun from a Zeppelin was shown. Lewis-1.jpg"The Lewis Automatic Machine Gun! Britian's first, and finest attempt at a Light Machine Gun!" Round: .30-06 Springfield Ammo Capacity: 49 (Pan Magazine) Rate of Fire: 600 rpm Weight: 28 lbs. Effective Range: 800 meters Nathan DrakeThis is the Lewis Machine Gun. It's significantly heavier, at 28 pounds, compared to the 11 of the Garand. But we have a 49 round Pan Magazine, and a vastly superior fire rate, and range of over 800 meters. Dick GreysonAre you kidding me? That this is way too heavy and inaccurate. My M1 Garand would easily outshoot that. Nathan DrakeYou're probably just mad that mine's bigger than your's, Dick. Besides that M1 Garand couldn't even get near me while I'm firing with this. Dr. Armand DorianOkay, we'll give you the same test. Each of you have eight targets to take down in our firing range. Team Joker goes first. "Dick Greyson takes the M1 Garand in hand, and readies to fire." Geoff DesmoulinOkay, in three! two! one! Fire!!!! Dick takes aim, firing in the chest of his first target, then scoring three headshots on the next three, and four perfect hits to the heart. Geoff DesmoulinGreat run! We got that in 54 seconds! Dick GreysonSee that? Perfect 8 shots, and 8 drops. Dr. Armand DorianDoesn't lie... These have pinpoint accuracy to them. Nathan DrakeYeah, but... you only have eight shots. Under pressure, you can't make them count. The Lewis has this. Nate was holding a pan magazine for the Lewis Gun. Nathan DrakeThat's 49 shots, that reach more than your M1 Garand. Max GeigerAlright... let's see what the Lewis can do "Nathan Drake picks up the 28 pound Lewis Machine Gun, and attaches the 49 round pan magazine atop the gun" Geoff DesmoulinOkay, in three! two! one! Let them fly! ''Nathan fired up the Lewis, spraying rounds into each person at a fairly good rate, with low kick to the weapon, so it could be maintained. Each target was put with at least three rounds from the weapon, until the weapon was clear.'' Geoff DesmoulinOh man! We gotta see this! The crew analyzes the bloodbath after the Lewis Gun was fired off, as Nathan Drake smirked proudly. Dr. armand DorianOh man, look... one, two, three, four, five, six, SEVEN! Seven rounds in this guy. There's at least three in all these guys. It's brutal! "The overall damage is devastating... but the opposition disagrees." Dick GreysonSure, yeah, it fires faster. But that's a big waste of bullets. You probably missed half your shots with that heavy clunker. Nathan DrakeMaybe so.... but we have 6 times the shots you have, and it fires faster, and farther. Max GeigerHe's got a point. And with Indiana Jones' iron will, he'll make much higher use of this, than Joker's M1 Garand. I gotta give this to Indy. "The Edge in Long Range goes to Indiana Jones! Coming up, we close the distance on this battle, when we return... to deadliest warrior!" "Welcome back, to Deadliest Warrior! Our team is here to determine... who would win if Indiana Jones, and four OSS agents met up with Joker, and four of his gang members, in a battle to the death... It's rational thinking.... against fevered insanity.  But one of the most controversial methods of Indiana Jones' warrior history, was the usage of his enemies' own weaponry." Nathan DrakeIf you run out of ammo with the revolver, there's no way you can take out a ton of Nazi scum with just a whip. So he had to use the enemies' weaponry from time to time. And during his time period, Nazi Germany had some fearsome equipment. "In the heat of the moment, Indy mowed down SS memebrs, with their own fearsome sub-machinegun" A scene showing the archeologist spraying two SS members with an MP40 is shown. MP40.jpg"The MP40! One of the most sinister weapons to come from the slime of humanity!" Round: 9 x 19 Ammo capacity: 32 (Box mag) Rate of Fire: 500 rpm Weight: 8.8 lbs. Effective Range: 150 meters Nathan DrakeThis is the MP40, back in it's introduction, this thing almost got Germany to win the war. So many casulties were caused by this weapon, from it's superior accuracy. Dick GreysonDoes that thing even fire? Looks like you got it out of a museum. I can promise our SMG is better. "In contrast, the Joker prefered an SMG that can be concealed easily, and also pack power down range. His choice..." A scene showing the Joker firing wild shots at GCPD officers with the S&W Model 76 was shown. S&W_M76.jpg"The Smith and Wesson Model 76! Deadly sub-machinegun, that were preferred by Navy SEALs in the Vietnam War" Round: 9 x 19 Ammo Capacity: 24 - 36 (Box Mag) Rate of Fire: 720 rpm Weight: 8.75 lbs.Effective Range: 150 meters.

Dick GreysonThis is the Smith and Wesson Model 76. This design is Swedish, but they would not allow American forces to use their weaponry for war.... so Smith and Wesson made a copy of the Carl/Gustaf design, for Navy SEALs in Vietnam. Dick spoke, while Geoff moved the weapon about, looking at it, as the camera saw each angle of the SMG. Geoff DesmoulinOkay, we've got the same test for you both. A dual maze, showing off how well you can take out the three targets we have there. "Each person is entering an identical maze with three Neo-Nazis, weilding pistols, that fire paintball bullets..." Geoff DesmoulinOkay! On three! Two! One! Enter the maze! ''Both participants head down their maze at the same time. They were both promptly rushed, in which Nathan and Dick opened fire, spending 6 rounds into the first target. They ran through the maze, as around the corner came another one, firing shots from the pistol, however, Nathan used the wall as cover, spraying 10 shots, downing the Neo-Nazi, while Greyson rolled downwards, and shot up 6 rounds killing his second target. Finally the last foe came out with a grenade in his hand, as both of them unloaded the rest of their clip into him, making certain that he was down, as both came out in virtually the same time.'' Dr. Armand DorianImpressive work you two. Watching from the cameras, you even shown hints of your respective warrior's tactics. "The team steps aside to make a judgement..." Max GeigerOkay, I'm choosing the tried and true MP40 on this one. We know what it's capable of, while the M76 pretty much went into obscurity. Geoff, Doc, what's your thoughts? Dr. Armand DorianI'm going with the M76, since it's the more modern weapon. Geoff DesmoulinWell... to me, both have the same effective range, the only difference is that the M76 clears it's magazine faster. So... I'm calling this one a draw. "The edge in Medium Range is a draw! Coming up!  Both warriors bring in their sidearms, as we return.... on Deadliest Warrior!" (Thsi is not complete yet, but feel free to give feedback on what you think, and we'll save voting for tomorrow, when it's all up and ready.)