User blog:Jackythejack/Kids on Melancholy Hill: Noodle vs Gluk’oza



Music is a beautiful thing A form of medium that can surpass the barriers of language and even culture. However, the people who make the music can be just as special. Today, we take a look at two of the deadliest musicians we can find, that aren’t entirely fictional.

Noodle; The former Japanese super-soldier test subject turned guitarist of the British band Gorillaz.

vs.

Gluk’oza; The Russian pop artist who can fight threat after threat, and can still manage to drop a beat in the process.

Noodle

 * -| Noodle/Bio=

Looking at Noodle, you wouldn’t expect much but a Japanese immigrant who had became the lead guitarist of the virtual band Gorillaz. You would, however, be sorely mistaken. Noodle is far more than just a girl with a guitar. Back in the 90s, Japan was starting to perform experiments, taking a group of 23 children and putting them through a super-soldier training program. After deeming the children far too dangerous to put in actual combat, the project was terminated and the children needed to be eliminated.

However, upon eliminating the 22 children, Mr. Kyuzo, the one who was in charge of the project, couldn’t find it iin him to kill Noodle. So, at the age of eight, Noodle would have Her memory wiped from the project in its entirety and be put in a FedEx box and shipped to the United Kingdom, with Mr. Kyuzo falsely reporting her death. The only way to get her old memories back was if she heard the trigger words; “Ocean Bacon”.

After being shipped to the Gorillaz studio, Noodle hopped out of her box, performed a guitar solo that was described as “200 demons screaming in Arabic“, and soon replaced Paula Cracker as the guitarist of the band, which would soon be more like a family to her, or the closest thing she’s ever going to get to a family, despite how dysfunctional they really are.

Over the course of her time with the Gorillaz, Noodle would have experience after experience, eventually getting her memories back as well, leaving the band to find more about her past, coming back, and several other odd adventures that are too lengthy to list here. Instead, let’s take a look at some weapons.


 * -| Tommy Gun=



Ah, a predictable weapon, but it's been tested with time. The Tommy gun that Noodle carries is your stereotypical mobster kind of gun, with a fifty round drum magazine. Noodle is proficient enough with this weapon to be able to shoot a pilot in a combat plane, while it was charging right towards her and shooting at her. The gun weighs ten pounds, is 34 inches and takes .45 ACP ammo.


 * -| Katana=



Obviously a Japanese supersoldier, or a supersoldier of any kind, is nothing without a melee weapon to demolish people with. This fancy katana is what Noodle used to kill a demon king a long time ago, but...that's not important now, so don't worry about it. The katana is around two feet in length, and Noodle has exceptional skill with it.

Noodle is, by all means, a superhuman, though she's not too far into the superhuman spectrum, in some ways. When she was only eight years old, she jumped twenty feet into the air, destroying the current world record for a vertical jump, and when she was only a couple of years older, she was able to overpower Russel in a fight, and he completely towers her. She, along with the rest of her band, is able to fight zombie gorillas, and was able to survive a car explosion without too much issue.
 * -| Superhuman Physicality=

Gluk'oza
Unfortunately, I'm not able to tell you much about this woman, though I can sort of go into detail...just slightly? Gluk'oza, in reality, is a persona for a Russian musician who has the same stage name, so...not exactly the best persona. Gluk'oza's backstory is mostly shrowded in mystery, but her recent events are still there, and can be viewed alongside some pretty catchy Russian tunes. She seems to have a group of friends who are just as hardcore as she is who follow her around and cause chaos alongside her. Whether she's a vigilante or just someone who wants to have fun is up for debate, but if you cross her path...well, god help you.
 * -| Gluk'oza/Bio=


 * -| Skorpion-like gun=

The music video that Gluk'oza uses this weapon in seems to take place in the future, which is why it's a bit difficult to narrow down what kind of gun it is, but given the girl's background and nationality, it's safe to assume it's an odd, futuristic version of the Skorpion, so I'm going to be giving the statistic of that gun, so we have something to compare it to. This specific Skorpion is going to have a thirty round magazine and take .380 ACP cartridges.


 * -| Katana=

Well, technically speaking Gluk'oza uses two katanas, but I'm only going to include one to make it fair unless there's a response to add two katanas to make it more of a competition, but it has similar stats to that of Noodle's katana. Made of steel and around two feet long. These are one of the Russian superstar's most trusted weapons, and she uses them just about every other chance she can get.


 * -| Grenades=



Used in the same video where she had used the futuristic Skorpion, Gluk'oza seems to have a grenade which can be...potent in interesting ways. When she used it against the crime boss that she was hunting down (or presumably a crime boss), he got the explosion right in his face, but he didn't exactly get blown up. Instead, his eyes disintegrated and he was left blind to deliver the finishing blow, so it seems like that's it's main purpose? It's an odd way to use a grenade, but there's no shrapnel otherwise so it doesn't seem like it has a lot of killing potential, only blinding potential.

X Factors
Experience

Noodles experience goes far back, being trained to be a Japanese super soldier at an early age. Not only that, but she’s also bore witness to the attack on Plastic Beach by the Boogieman’s armies as well as being attacked by helicopters. Noodle had cleared all of Kong Studios from a zombie infestation and fought several zombie gorillas with her band members. She also assassinated an ancient demon that she released from a clam, during her hiatus from Gorillaz.

Gluk’oza, meanwhile, has a wide range of experience herself. She personally lead armies in combat against, um...pig nazis, broke into highly protected facilities, fought the first wave of an alien invasion, fought an underground infestation of vampire like creatures, and killed a druglord and his other men quite easily.

Skill

Noodle has shown many impressive feats of skill over the years, such as assassinating a demon lord, who became a heavily guarded Japanese crime lord at the time, besting Russel at wrestling when she was only a child. She also has the ability to shoot down the pilot of a fighter jet while on the ground, reacted to long range gunfire, and beat Cyborg Noodle in a fight (albeit the details are a bit rusty), when Cyborg Noodle is meant to be exactly like her, including combat and intelligence wise.

Gluk’oza, meanwhile, has shown skill of her own. Being able to take down entire hordes of aliens with minimal support, could fight vampire-like creatures, security guards, and pig soldiers in both armed and unarmed combat. It seems her main skills is shown in hand to hand and swordfighting.