Duke Nukem

Duke Nukem (briefly known as Duke Nukum) was your average womanizing, alcoholic, weapon toting United States citizen during the 90s. He spent most of his days throwing money at strippers and the bottle, but then the aliens attacked. At first Duke was indifferent, but then...they stole our chicks. Vowing to abort the entire alien species, Duke began to fight the invaders and the mutants they created- including the LARD (Pig versions of the LAPD), Alien footsoldiers and giant monsters. During this time he would show borderline super-human feats, such as ripping a giant monster's head off so he could defecate down it's neck, and killing aliens just as big as he was with nothing more than his "mighty boot". When he finally confronted and killed the Alien Queen, he had his ego inflated to obscene levels, and humanity didn't exactly try to squash this- building monuments to his greatness and declaring him a hero. But then the aliens returned. Fortunatly for the world, whenever invaders come knocking, the Duke is there to show them the door...and his foot.

The Battle
Drake had heard the stories of course- everyone had. You don’t get to grow up in America without conspiracy theories about Aliens and Area 51 shoved down your throat constantly- but Drake had always been skeptical. No, not of the alien thing, the fact that they had supposedly crashed in Roswell and the government managed to sneak it off before a single photo could come out but had a description just like in the movies. But then- he had fought crazy Nazi zombies, discovered El Dorado and had stepped foot in the lost city of Shangri-La, so maybe he wasn’t in the best position to judge. {C Still he had to maintain his skepticism. When Sully told him there was a supposed Alien artifact located in the Himalayas, he knew he had to take the chance. And now here he was- laying in the ripped up remains of a crashed plane, fading in and out of unconsciousness. He felt light headed as he thought of all the repetitive climbing he would have to do when he started on his way- but he pushed on. Nathan Drake did not lose out on a possible jackpot.

If there was one thing Duke Nukem loved it was enjoying the pleasure of the company of a fine woman, if you catch my horridly poorly disguised phrase of words, but kicking alien ass was a very close second. Word had gotten back to Duke about that Alien Mothership he damaged during the second invasion of Earth. He had met with the Cloaked Man- and he revealed that he and his government spooks were going to pay big bucks for an object located in the ship’s warp-bay. And he wanted Duke to get it for him. {C Naturally Duke agreed. He wanted to make sure the job was done- he never liked to just let a death happen off-screen because he knew the villain would always return in the next season. So after a visit to all the local brothels in a 50 mile radius, and you’d be surprised how many brothels Duke Nukem can find in a 50 mile radius, Duke booked the first boat out- to Nepal…

Drake groaned in effort as he pulled himself up the rock side. Bitter cold tore into his lightly bleeding hands as the wind blew across the snow that caked them, sending shivers across his whole body. He had been scaling this mountain for what seemed like an eternity, but finally he could see it. As he grunted one last time, pushing up to the peak a massive saucer construct laid bare before him. Across the side he could make out the word “Zeta”, and the side was torn open, as if it had been hit with some heavy weaponry. {C “Aliens.” He chuckled to himself. “I really can’t find anything normal, can I?”

And with newly found vigor, he entered the crashed Mothership, with only a small inkling of what it was he was searching for. The interior of the ship was filled with gray, lanky humanoids and anthromorphic pigs in police uniforms laying dead, blood smeared across the floors and walls- beams and wires hung below, drooping to the ground like a garden of overripe fruit. Drake squeezed through the crevices, careful not to knock anything to lose- fearing the ship might careen over at the slightest change in weight. If only he knew about the other passenger who was…less than concerned with such matters. {C “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair” Duke grinned to himself, kicking in the brittle walls with his mighty boot and taking in the damage he had done. He entered a large hallway, darkened by the lack of working lights. He was close, but he wasn’t the only one. On the other side of the hall, stood another man Duke recognized- the explorer and two-bit criminal Nathan Drake. Duke cracked his knuckles, knowing that Drake could only be here for one thing. {C Drake spotted Duke first, and was already drawing his beloved Beretta handgun in preparation. When the large, sunglass wearing brute snapped his knuckles, Nathan knew what was going to come next. Drake fired first, the bullets pounding into the huge chest of his foe. One. Two. Five times he fired, before Duke managed to close the gap between the two of them. With a roar, Duke punched at the ground, aiming for Drake’s head. The explorer barely rolled out of the way, and the Duke’s fist dented the floor beneath them. {C Duke grinned. Maybe this would be more fun than he thought. He drew his own gold-platted M1911 and fired six times in succession, but without aiming. Nukem wanted to draw this out, and besides- aiming was for pansies. The first five shots missed, but the sixth skinned Nate’s leg, tearing away part of the blue jeans and drawing blood across his lower leg. {C Drake grunted and rolled forward down the hallway- he knew he couldn’t take Duke in a close quarters battle. He needed distance. Duke turned and continued to fire at him as he ducked and weaved to the end and entered the Engineering Bay. Duke gave immediate chase, giving no regard for any kind of tactic or strategy. {C Engineering was a death trap. Waves of heat rolled across the fighters as they entered the room, lit in a dark red. Bursts of steam shot up from the various pieces of machinery. Duke looked across the new battlefield, cluttered as it was, and couldn’t find a sight of his foe. He could still hear the sound of Drake’s Dragon Sniper being fired, and as he turned his head towards the sound, the bullet impacted on the left eye of his sunglasses, shattering it. Drake fired a second round from the Sniper, this one scoring Duke in the shoulder. {C Duke pulled out his Devastators, and began to fire rockets in every direction, blowing up machinery and knocking down walls with wanton abandon. One of the rockets nearly hit it’s mark, shattering a tank on the far side of the room that Drake was hiding atop, sending him sprawling across the ground. He slammed into a roll and began to crawl as Duke fired more Devastator rockets in his direction. He managed to scramble to cover, narrowly avoiding the blast, and grabbed his AK-47. He waited for Duke to break his fire for a few seconds, and popped out firing on the left Devastator. The Devastator sparked and pieces began to shred off as concentrated fire tore it apart, causing Duke to curse and throw the whole set aside. He charged Drake’s cover with his laser blaster, one of the blasts striking Drake in the chest. Nate roared in pain, but leapt from cover, sliding underneath Duke firing his AK. Nukem grunted as Drake slid clear to the other side, hitting one of his most prized areas in the attack. {C “So much for balls of steel, huh asshole?” Drake quipped as he began to fall back again, tossing a grenade behind him to ensure he would have plenty of time before Duke could make a come-back. He ducked into the Warp Bay where he saw a huge glass tube. Inside was the most magnificent crystal he had ever seen. Suspended in mid-air, it glimmered with a deep purple, except when light hit it, casting a pink glimmer over it’s craggy surface. He had no idea what it was he was staring at, but he couldn’t pull himself away. Not on his own at least. He felt bitter cold, and looked down to see his feet frozen in place. Looking over his shoulder, he received a Freezethrower butt to the face, striking with enough force to tear the ice he was frozen in, shredding his lower legs as he fell. {C “Guess who’s all out of gum.” Duke spat, stomping on Drake’s chest. Drake struggled to draw his SAS-12 Shotgun, blasting Duke three times before the brute was staggered backwards. Drake struggled to stand, the pain in his legs was so immense, but he manage to get up and fire the shotgun again. Duke was finally pushed all the way back to the wall, yet he was hardly bleeding from the direct blasts. Nate wasn’t sure what kind of mutant Duke was but knew he wasn’t going to have a chance like this again, so he swapped over to his M32-Hammer, launching a grenade at the Duke. {C Nukem grabbed the grenade from midair- and had full intention of punching it down Drake’s throat, but it exploded the second he touched it, sending him flying through the wall. Drake continued firing grenades into the hole, shaking all of Mothership Zeta. After he was certain, Duke wasn’t getting up, he began to stumble back towards the crystal. He shattered the glass, causing the purple-pink majesty before him to flutter to the bottom. Drake bent over to scoop it up, but a burst of pain rolled over him. A flurry of bullets poured from a four-barreled machine gun in Duke Nukem’s hand. Drake’s foe looked like hell, his iconic red wife-beater was in tatters. Duke fired the Ripper again, severing Drake’s arm, and piercing his stomach multiple times, causing the adventurer to drop to his knees. He cried out in anguish, and Duke responded by firing the Freezethrower, incasing him in a complete block. {C Nathan Drake was now a cheap wedding decoration.

Duke smirked to himself “Hail to the king, baby.” And with a mighty kick, the statue rolled across the floor smashing into the wall. The ship lurched a final time, and began to slide across the snow. Duke quickly grabbed the crystal and dove out through a hole punctured in the battle, while Mothership Zeta slid down the mountain side, sealing itself in an icy tomb at the Himalayan base. {C WINNER- Duke Nukem

{C -One Week Later-

The Cloaked Man allowed a brief emotion to cross his face as the far side of his lips curled into a slight smile. He brushed his hand across the purple crystal before him. He was certainly glad he had chosen Duke for the job- he actually considered attempting to hire Drake before he settled on the self-titled “king”. At least Duke could be manipulated, he had reasoned. And oh had he been right. {C The M’Kraan Crystal fragment hovered slightly in the Cloaked Man’s special case. Finally, years of planning could come to fruition. He picked up his phone and began to dial his special number. “Yes, I have the power source. I understand that Dr. Schabbs could not come through, but you have made powerful allies my friend. I understand how long you’ve envied the land of Latveria and I will give you the power to take it. Of course, quid pro quo…mein fuhrer. {C Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, a woman in a long flowing white coat trekked through the snow, coming to the peak overlooking the ruins of Mothership Zeta. Half-buried in the snow, was a frozen arm. She began to dig out the frozen man, and called for the forward base to ready her Bacta Tank…

Expert's Opinion
While Duke was no where near as smart or skilled as Nathan Drake, Duke had a heavier hittting arsenal, better equipment and had more memetic "badassery" that won him the day.

The Battle
TBA

The Battle
The battle starts out with Sigma and Dr. Tenenbaum getting to dry land, carrying out examples of the technology with them. Duke spots Tenenbaum and Sigma walking up from the beach and mistakes Sigma for an alien taking Tenenbaum to an alien ship. Duke shoots Sigma with his Alien Blaster and he falls down Tenenbaum runs away to a safe place. Duke pulls out his M1911 out on Sigma and says "Hail to the king, baby!" and shoots Sigmas helmet, the bullet deflects and hits Duke in the shoulder. Sigma gets up and swings his Drill at Duke, knocking him on the ground. Sigma then runs away to find Tenenbaum. Duke gets up and says "No you dont you c0%k sucker!." Duke shoots two missiles at Sigma with his devastator. Sigma hears the missiles coming and turns around and catches them with telekinesis. Duke says "What the unholy f$$k!" and Sigma hurls them towards Duke but he ducks and they miss. Duke says "Take the bitch motherfucker, i dont care anymore." Sigma, angry atwhat Duke said, Throws a Gravity Well in between them. Duke then gets sucked into a mini sand storm and then gets hurled towards Sigma. Duke says "You want some more, huh!" Duke kicks Sigma on the ground and thinks he could kill Sigma with a punch and punches Sigma's armor, only leaving a dent. Sigma shoots Duke with his rivet gun. He then pulls out his Ion Laser and swtches to Burst Cells and Swings Duke up in the air with his Drill and then shoots Duke into pieces with his Ion Laser. It then starts raining and Sigma walks away.

Expert's Opinion
Due to Subject Sigma's superior arsenal, larger size, and tougher armor, he triumphed over Duke Nukem.

The Battle
The voting period has ended, and in favor of Quote! Sorry Duke, but Quote is the deadlier warrior. The battle will come tomorrow morning.