User blog comment:LB&SCR/April Fool's Presidential Duels: Beatdown/@comment-3189283-20190401154342

Let's see shall we

8th Place 

Fairly predictably Bathtub Boi is the first one out. He's the most physically unfit out of the lot and while his experience and skill at boxing are a point in his favour it he just simply won't be able to keep up with the other presidents physically.

7th Place

After Taft it was a bit harder to pick but I eventually settled on '''Unconditional Surrender. '''Health wise he looks fairly good and he's the second youngest here so he's probably not going to tire as easily. However he lacks proper combat experience being a general more than a front line fighter and his small frame means he's going to get battered around by the bigger presidents who will also have a big reach advantage on him as well.

6th/5th Place 

I'm calling it a tie between Dubyah and '''Leslie Lynch King Jr. '''Both are fairly capable physically with both having military service and successful athletic careers under their belt (extra points to Bush for playing rugby instead of rugby-for-pussies). Still they lack relevant combat experience as serving in the navy/air force doesn't exactly require you to be good at hand to hand fighting.

4th Place

Just falling short of the top three is '''Old Hickory. '''As much of a badass as he was and how he was able to fighting off an assassin when he was 68, his age and physical state work against him here. Taft aside he's got the most physical problems such as abdominal pain and chronic coughing and while I'm certain he'll put up a great fight the remaining three presidents are just more physically capable.

3rd Place

By far the hardest choice was picking who would finish in third and who would finish in second but I'm reluctantly putting Big George here. He's very physically capable and has plenty of experience in combat although I couldn't really find anything about his hand to hand combat skill. That's ultimately what cost him against the top two on top of him being considerably older and more likely to suffer from fatigue.

2nd Place

Just missing out on the top spot is the '''Bull Moose. '''The youngest president here by a fair margin, his fighting prowess is in no doubt and despite being considerably shorter than the other presidents (with the exception of Grant) I don't see this being as much as a disadvantage because of his skill in boxing and tip top physical condition. What prevents him from getting top spot is his asthma which may cause him problems if he has a bad fit of it and also because the final president left is just that good.

1st Place

A bullet might not be able to stop the Bull Moose but the fists of Honest Abe will certainly be able to. Right from the start I suspected Lincoln would come out on top and after reading the other bios it become apparent I was right. Having spent many years of his youth street fighting and wrestling, it only takes a quick google search to see that he was a monster in physical combat, towering over everyone else in this free for all and having the strength to lift a man over his head and toss him aside like a rag doll. Even at the age of 52 I have no doubt he'll be able to deliver one hell of an ass whopping and with no real physical problems to worry about he'll be standing over the battered, bruised and unconscious bodies of his fellow presidents at the end.