User blog:Appelmonkey/Monthly News July 2019

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 * National Police of Colombia (Colombia) vs. Icelandic Police (Iceland) Rematch. This is my own battle, so I am not going to give it a big blurb. Vote on it, please.


 * Grove Street Families (Grand Theft Auto) vs. Corleone Crime Family (Godfather). The Grove Street Families have been offered some easy money, all they have to do is kill an old sick fuck that is lying in the hospital. Easy pickings right? Wrong. What they don't know is that this old man is none other than Don Vito Corleone, and he has some of his loyal family members protecting him. Can the GTF complete their mission? Or will the Corleone be able to protect their Don and fight off these common thugs?


 * Aterui (Emishi) vs. Fritigren (Goths). Barbarians are nothing but wild uncouth savages right? Surely such uncultured simple-minded men can never reach above their station. At least that was what the so-called 'civilized' men thought before they were conquered. Even the tribal rulers can reach above their station and advance their people. Like Aterui, the Emishi warlord who lead the people of Tohoku against the Yamato dynasty and built what would later become the foundation of the famous samurai, and Fritigren, the Gothic leader who's incursions into Roman territory and victory in the Roman-Gothic War that started the long march towards the fall of the Roman Empire! Who is deadliest?


 * Lucy (Elfen Lied) vs. Ken Kanaki (Tokyo Ghoul). Sometimes people who look like humans can be horrible monstrous beasts who prey on the weak to satiate their unquenchable bloodlust. But the opposite is also true. Even monsters can feel love, grief, and anger like us. But whether they wolves in sheep's clothing or misunderstood outcast one thing is certain, you don't want to cross them. Like Lucy, the Diclonius bend on killing her former captors, and Ken Kaneki, the half-ghoul who struggles with his ghoul side and those hunting his kind. Who is deadliest?


 * Zombina (Monster Musume) vs. Raiden (Metal Gear). Hey you, I see you behind your computer screen. You are tired with all those identical spec-ops fighting, aren't you? You want something spicy. You want a weird battle, cause you yourself are weird as fuck. Well mate, in that case, I have good news. The crazy memeing minds of Jacky and Laqy have made this battle so strange it would make GSFB proud. Vote it you lazy prick.


 * Imperius (Diablo) vs. Raiden (Mortal Kobat). Some gods are painted as the protectors of mankind. These beings are often the sons of the head of their pantheon and are always good and noble in their pursuits. Not everything is this black and white, however, some carry a very thick shade of grey either because they were created that way, or because their struggle has corrupted them. In this battle of morally grey defenders, will Imperius reign down destruction on the sinful humans? Or shall Raiden kill this enemy of Earthrealm?


 * Gregor Clegane (Game of Thrones) vs. Peri (Fire Emblem). Fighting is everything for a blood knight. Winning, losing, morality, everything is meaningless when they can spill the guts of their enemies. And despite this common trait, neither of these two warriors couldn't physically be any more different. Such as Gregor Clegane, a Mountain of a man whose brutality had made him infamous through Westeross, and Peri, the insane Nohrian noblewoman whose killing spree has moved from her own vila to the battlefields.

World News

 * As the weather is turning towards its Summer months, the countries of Europe are facing the largest heatwave since 2003 coming to their continent. The previous 2003 heat wave killed 13,000 people in France alone, this recent heat wave smashed the previous highest recorded temperature of 113 degrees Fahrenheit. Stay cool out there, Appel, cause hell is coming for you.
 * Porn sites in Hong Kong were shut down during intense protests against the Chinese government in Beijing as they pushed along an extradition bill to Hong Kong's officials. This was to push along a political statement as sites wanted to push the population to protest the bill that will see civil liberties stripped from the population. The bill was to have those who face criminal charges in Hong Kong be extradited to the Chinese mainland for trial.
 * Boeing has been sued by 400 pilots after numerous reports of safety violations and cutting corners in the name of profits for their planes. Boeing has recently been discovered to attempt to cover up these flaws, but with the recent series of failures that have been made public drove to higher concern among the public. Recent designs and flaws in Boeing's plans for new technology has shown to be rife with issues, but Boeing continues to push the new technology along.
 * "My position is clear: homosexuality is not an illness, which is why it does not need to be treated," said Spahn, the German Health Minister, who has recently announced plans within motion to ban Gay Conversion Therapy. During the past year alone, 1000s of reported attempts to convert homosexual men to a straight life style have been undertaken by family members, religious organizations or coaches, these practices are harmful and painful to the individual with no benefit to be gained. The final report is expected to be drafted and submitted by August where it will be reviewed and pushed towards becoming law.
 * Japan after a slew of incidents involving elderly drivers, has announced plans to have a new system to provide these individuals with better features in concern for their health and driving ability. The law if taken into effect will mean that those 75 years of age or older will be required to take a cognitive exam to see their ability to maintain focus and proper safety measures while driving. 14.8% of all accidents within the island nation have been caused by elderly drivers in 2018, an ever increasing amount from the previous 8.7% from 2008.

Popculture

 * Ethan and Hila Klein of h3h3 productions fame are now the proud parents of a baby boy called Theodore. While there were some problems at the start related to getting proper nourishment, the little Theodore is currently healthy and happy. One has to wonder what an older Theodore will think of his parent's YouTube content though.


 * Some more drama in the YouTube beauty scene as some make-up sold by beauty vloggers was revealed to contain asbestos. Keep in mind some of these vloggers have mostly an audience that primary contains out of children. One of these YouTubers, JoJo Siwa, has posted apologies, though in JoJo Siwa's case it wasn't done seriously and it was posted on her second channel and the comments and ratings were turned off so make of that what you like.


 * The canvas bags that Bethesda promised as a pre-order bonus for Fallout 76 have finally arrived to the people who pre-ordered the game. Previously Bethesda did send bags, but these were made out of nylon instead of canvas as advertised. After severe backlash, they tried to make the excuse that they didn't have enough canvas to make the bags (cause it is such a rare material right?) but eventually caved in and did what they promised. Doesn't make Fallout 76 any better though.
 * Daniel Desmond Amofah, better known under his YouTube profile name Etika, was found dead at near New York's Pier 16 has committed suicide by drowning. Etika long expressed that he was struggling with mental health and depression on various social media and had multiple emotional breakdowns over the years. Shortly before his death, Etika uploaded a video to his YouTube channel where he expressed regret over pushing his friends away and going into further detail on his mental issues. The video has since been deleted for going against YouTube's community guidelines. Fans and fellow streamers have started a petition to restore Etika's channel in order to preserve his legacy.


 * The Amazon Prime series adaptation Good Omens (which you can read a little review of in Beast and Cfp's Movie Corner wink wink) has drawn the ire from various American Christian groups who have demanded in a petition that Netflix removed it from their line up for portraying satanism and the devil in a positive light. Yes, they wanted Netflix to remove it, not Amazon. The petition has since been removed, corrected and reposted. While it is unlikely that Amazon actually will remove the show, they did respond in a tongue-in-cheeck way that "[they] will cancel Stranger Things if [Netflix will] cancel Good Omens".


 * E3 happened and I will try my best to give you a tl;dr version of each conference.
 * Ubisoft had a cute dog their presentation, though even the presence of a cute puppy did little to distract from the usual prerendered Tomy Clancy games and very bad and awkward Just Dance dancing. The only good thing about their presentation is that you can play old lady hackers in WATCH_DOGS 3.
 * Developer Digital was great as ever, holding the usual presentation that perfectly satirized the game industry as a whole and even themselves, before showing off some great games and an honest to god arcade version of Into the Gungeon.
 * CD Projekt Red had a small, but memorable appearance when Keanu Reeves came on stage to announced Cyberpunk 2077, during which a heckler called Reeves breathtaking and was called breathtaking in return by Reeves himself. Ain't that wholesome?
 * Square Enix had a bunch of games to announce, most notable of which was the Final Fantasy VIII remake which was good, and the Avengers game, which had an art style that made it look like an MCU knock-off rather than an actual Marvel game and according to some leaked info it is going to be a 'life service' with a 'road map' so it probably won't be worth buying.
 * Microsoft revealed some more details of the upcoming Xbox which was codenamed Project Scarlet and showed off a bunch of colorful indie games and a new freaking Battle Toads game.
 * EA is making a Star Wars game, that's all you need to know.
 * Nintendo is going to ad Banjo-Kazooie and the Dragon Quest protagonist in Smash as DLC, so that's good. They showed off Luigi's Mansion 3, Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order, Animal Crossing: New Horizon, and a shit ton of Switch ports. If you didn't have any reasons to buy a Switch, you got some now.
 * Bethesda was mostly shit. They announced that Fallout 76 would finally be a Fallout game and contain some quests and NPCs. But realizing that they were too late to join the online survival game table they instead tried to take a piece of the battle royal pie, so Fallout 76 is going to have a battle royale mode too. Other than that they revealed some shitty mobile games. Strangely enough, the crowd cheered for all of those things, likely because they were liquored up beforehand. They did show off DOOM: Eternal, Ghostwire: Tokyo, and Deathloop, but they aren't developing those games so they don't count.

The Film Bros' Best of the Month
A new section on the monthly news! Beast and Cfp will review some movies and series of their choice whether they be nuggets of gold or crocks of shit.
 * Upcoming - Looking towards July, the month of America, it's apt to highlight two American icons coming to the multiplex, while A24 proves once again to dominate the indie scene. Spider-Man: Far from Home  opens the month, giving another adventure to the wall-crawling hero from icon Stan Lee, while one of the best American filmmakers of this era delivers what could be his penultimate film in Quentin Tarantino's Once Upon A Time in...Hollywood to end it. For fans of smaller work, A24's Midsomar from the director of last year's Hereditary releases, while Sundance hit from former YouTuber and breakthrough actress Awkwafina arrives in The Farewell.
 * In Theaters - Still in theaters by the end of this month, the blockbusters have been somewhat of a letdown, with big tentpole Men In Black: International failing to impress audiences or critics. I haven't seen it, but something tells me they should've let Lord and Miller do that Jump Street crossover they pitched back in 2014. As for what I have seen, I (and Cfp to a lesser degree) can recommend Rocketman, the wild ride biopic of the life of Elton John, while Cfp has plenty of nice things to say about Toy Story 4 and Child's Play.
 * Catch-Up - Netflix, Amazon, HBO, and more streamers have given audiences a chance to catch up on the historic big misses of recent years. On Netflix, the recommended newcomers include Taratino hit Inglourious Basterds and Disney's phenomenal new sequel to a classic in Mary Poppins Returns. For those still stealing an HBO subscription, The Hate U Give and A Star is Born make for gripping entertainment while First Man blasts onto home screens, while those shelling money to Amazon will get to witness the epic failure that is Serenity towards the end of the month.
 * Small Screen Success - Folks, they say we're living in the Golden Age of Television, and the month of June was no exception. Starting the month off strong, HBO gave us the finale to Chernobyl, the gripping and starkly horrifying miniseries depicting the aftermath of one of the worst disasters in human history, and premiered the Zendaya-led Euphoria, which I have not yet watched but Cfp has praised as "the sex positive, drug enthusiastic, body positive, race blind shit we need more of."
 * Not to be outdone, Amazon Prime premiered Good Omens, the adaptation of the Neil Gaiman/Terry Pratchett novel starring Micheal Sheen and David Tennant as an angel and demon who team-up to stop the apocalypse, and Too Old to Die Young, the television debut of Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn starring Miles Teller as a cop thrown into the world of hitmen, cartels, and corruption following the murder of his partner. While Omens is a wildly entertaining fantasy romp anchored by two strong lead performances, Too Old is of a much more acquired taste, and those willing to put up with sluggish pacing will find a visually stunning and intriguing thriller.
 * As for the other streaming giant, Netflix rolled out the new season of Black Mirror, Charlie Brooker's anthology series about the dangers of technology, which was something of a letdown, both for it's short runtime (a mere three episodes) and episode quality overall, though it's redeemed somewhat by "Rachel, Jack, and Ashley Too", a parody of Disney Channel Original Movies featuring Miley Cyrus as a thinly veiled parody of herself. The other major original release this month was the final season of Jessica Jones, which brings an end to Marvel's deal with Netflix that began in 2015. While it's a definite improvement over the disappointing second season, those hoping for a more climactic finale to 4 years of storytelling may be disappointed, as the show's ending is satisfying, but much more muted.
 * "But Beast," you ask, lip quivering, "I don't have any of these services, what's on regular TV that I would enjoy?" It's simple, dear reader: Legion, the best comic book show on television and maybe the best show on television overall, is back. Earlier this week, the first episode of the show's third (and final) season premiered, and was full of the visual quirks and subversive storytelling that makes it so great, giving the last hurrah of David Haller a great start.

Birthday
Is it your birthday this month? Post the date and/or the age you will be in the comments and I will add you to the list. Happy birthday!
 * Battlefan237 will be 19 this month.

Battle of the Season
It is that time again, Battle of the Season! Users get one week (or longer if needed) to nominate their favorite battles that were written between March and July 2019. A battle needs three nominations to be eligible for the final poll. Users can't nominate their own battles. After the time is up a poll will be posted where users can vote for their pick of Battle of the Season. Good luck everyone!