Bruce Campbell (My Name Is Bruce)

"Dig up a bar of soap and a bottle of Jack. And not in that order."

- Bruce "You know Jeff, I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. Killed a lot a zombies, saved a lot of lives, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove... they're just too damn heavy."

- Bruce "Next time you unleash an ancient demon, call that Buffy chick."

- Bruce "Ok, here's the deal. I'm gonna stall the wonton one-ton which should give you... Oh I don't know, maybe thirty seconds to find a way to stop him before he rips my head off and shoves it in my face."

- Bruce "Kid, I made a movie in Bulgaria. I'm ready for anything."

- Bruce "You don't know fear, kid. You've never worked with Sam Raimi."

- Bruce

''Not to be confused for the Real Life Bruce Campbell, who is Way cooler than this fictionalized comedic thing that came out of someone's twisted mind. However, since he's based off of the real one, most of his Bio is the same.''

To describe Bruce Campbell as a Washed-up, Boozing, Womanizing, Hound-dog, of a B-Movie Horror/Sci-Fi Actor would be an insult to Washups, Boozers, Womanizers, Hound Dogs, And B-Movie Actors, and Any-Combination-Thereof, everywhere.

Going from one crappy B-Movie, to another crappier B-Movie, Bruce's acting career was already in the shitter when he was doing a squeal to one of his worst movies, Cavealien. Needless to say, his life isn't the grand adventure it could have been, what with being divorced, living in a crappy trailer, owning a piece-of-shit-car-that-falls-apart-every-five-seconds, not to mention having a washed-up career.

However, fate has a strange sense of humor, especially when Jeff, one of his biggest fans, abducts him from his trailer, and stuffs the actor in the trunk of his car. Upon waking up, Jeff explains the situation to the movie star- a bunch of teenagers vandalized a graveyard full of Chinese miners, and pissed off Guan-Di, who protected the spirits of the miners, as well as bean curd. The deity has since gone off on a killing spree, beheading everyone he comes across, with the exception of a young boy, who was holding onto a bowl of bean curd.

After hearing the story, upon arriving in Gold Lick, Bruce, thinking that the whole thing is just some PR thing, or a low Budget Movie, or even a Birthday gag (as his birthday was in a few days), accepts the Leading Role as the Hero, and meets up with Kelly, Jeff's mom, who isn't too bad on the eyes. Of course, as in all films, there comes that moment where the Hero has to face the Monster. After the Townfolk are armed, Bruce, still thinking the whole thing is a movie, finally comes face-to-face with the deity, and it's then he realizes, especially just after Guan-Di beheads someone, that this isn't a movie! Bruce promptly retreats from the scene, and in the process, accidentally kills several of the locals, tries to steal one of the trucks, only for his hot-wiring attempt to backfire on him, manages to steal a kid's bike, and then an old lady's car (temporarily catnapping her cat, which he then tossed out the window five seconds later), and is chased out of Gold Lick on a manure truck for his cowardice.

Bruce manages to make it to his trailer, where he finds that his life has really gone to shit; his dog hates him, his ex wants more alimony, and has filed a restraining order against him, and his agent has filled out forms to have him star in Cavealien 3 and 4, with both being filmed in Bulgaria, which he really hates. Of course, his Birthday Gift was nice- a singing prostitute- only problem is that she's in the process of having her sex changed from a man into a woman, still with the lower parts of a man.

It's at this moment that Bruce gets a phone call from Jeff; it seems that the teenager has decided to face the creature himself, as he was the one that had accidentally released it. Realizing that the young man would only get himself killed, Bruce, with the help of the prostitute, heads back to Gold Lick, and tells Kelly the situation. After paying the prostitute, and taking a rain check on her offer of sex, Bruce and Kelly go to save Jeff. Bruce then distracts Guan-Di as Kelly and Jeff booby trap a mine entrance with dynamite. Bruce then lures the Chinese warrior to the mine, and tells Kelly and Jeff to set off the explosives, despite the fact that he wasn't out. Mother and son reluctantly set them off, causing the mine to collapse.

Thankfully, Bruce has managed to survive, and goes over to Kelly and Jeff. However, Guan-Di comes out and attacks- only for the whole thing to be revealed to be a movie. Bruce says that the film should end on a happy note, and so it does- Bruce and Kelly marry, live in a nice house, with Jeff being accepted into Harvard. After the film ends, Bruce asks, "What could be a better ending than that?", only for Guan-Di to show up, and attack him.

''Upon further research, it's been found that the real Bruce Campbell is making a sequel, in which his fictionalized self will be fighting a real Frankenstein Monster, or some such thing. To Be Updated Later.''

Battle Vrs Shaun Riley (Shaun of the Dead) (By User:Alockwood1)
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