User blog:Wassboss/You have the right to remain Hilarious: Nicholas Angel vs Jack Cloth

Ever since there has been detective dramas there have been parodies of detective drama's. The cliches that are present within the genre are paid homage to and mercilessly mocked at the same time. In today's battle we pit two detective parody protagonists against each other in an intense, violent and hilarious fight to death. Who will be dying of laughter and who will just be plain dying when:

Nicholas Angel: The police officer who uncovered the deadly secret of Sandford.

takes on

Jack Cloth: The former detective, who quit the force after his wife was murdered in an abandoned prop warehouse.

Who is deadliest.

Nicholas Angel
"Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fuelled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."

- Nicholas Angel on Point Break Nicholas Angel is a policeman who served in the Metropolitan Police Service for over 10 years, being one of their most successful employees. His sterling efforts were noticed by his superiors, who were worried that his exemplary work made the rest of the force look bad. To solve this problem the Police Chief transferred him to the small town of Sandford where he discovered a sinister plot to keep Sanford's perfect image.

Jericho 941
 * -|Main Sidearm =

Range: 60 metres

Ammo: 10 Rounds

Round: .45 ACP Taurus P290
 * -|Secondary Sidearm =

Range: 50 metres

Ammo: 10 Rounds

Round: 9x19mm Mossberg 500
 * -|Shotgun =

Range: 40 Metres

Ammo: 8 rounds

Weight: 7 lbs

Jack Cloth
"I'll shake your hand... but don't expect me to hold you down and kiss you roughly on the mouth."

- Jack Cloth to Tom Boss Jack Cloth was a former detective inspector who quit his job after his wife was murdered in an abandoned prop warehouse. He is called back to investigate a new murder and is assigned a new partner; DC Anne Oldman. After more murders come to light he realises that the victims all served on the same jury, which convicted a man of killing his wife, a man who was released a few days before the first murder. As he rushes to stop the killer before he strikes again he finds that the case is not as straightforward as it first seems.

Glock 17
 * -|Main Sidearm =

Range: 50 metres

Ammo: 17 Rounds

Round: 9x19mm Heckler & Koch USP
 * -|Secondary Sidearm =

Range: 50 metres

Ammo: 15 Rounds

Round: 9x19mm Remington 870
 * -|Shotgun =

Range: 40 Metres

Ammo: 6 rounds

Weight: 7 lbs

X Factors
Training: Angel=85/Cloth=80

Both of these guys serve in the British police service and despite being from different areas both would have likely received a very similar level of training. What puts Angel ahead is that as well as taking standard police training he has also trained in a variety of other areas such as Advanced Driving and takes part in many extracurricular activities such as fencing and judo.

Experience: Angel=80/Cloth=75

As a front lines policeman, Angel deals first hand with criminals on a daily basis and has shown himself more than willing to take a hands on approach to his job, chasing down and apprehending any criminals he comes across. Cloth would appear to be older but this is offset by his role as a detective, he doesn't spend as much time in active duty as Angel and he also took a substantial time off after the death of wife.

Brutality: Angel=50/Cloth=80

Angel is very orthodox in his approach to policing and does not use excessive force against the criminals he apprehends. Even when directly attacked by an aggressor he always tries to disable them non-lethally, such as shooting them in the arm or leg. Cloth has no such qualms and regularly beats up and threatens suspects in his quest for justice and has no problem in killing the criminals he comes across even going as far as to crush a gangster with a digger.

Creativity: Angel=75/Cloth=83

Angel is a very by the book police officer, stick to rules and regulations as laid out in police guidelines, rarely straying from the standard procedures. He does show a certain creativity in the final showdown at Sandford but even then it's mostly curtsey of other people as opposed to himself. Cloth is a lot more unpredictable and thinks outside of the box to catch the various murders he comes across and can improvise on the fly depending on the situation.

Voting System/Notes
This will be a one on one.

The battle will take place in the village of Sandford.

The battle is set after the events of A touch of Cloth 3 for Jack and after the events of Hot Fuzz for Nicholas.

In order to be counted in full, votes must be at least 5 lines long or have been done in an edge format.

Anything less than 5 lines but which is competently argued and thought out will be counted as a half vote. I will inform anybody if their vote is considered a half vote and allow them to amend it to bring it up to a full point.

Irrelevant votes will not be counted at all.

I reserve the right to award a vote as half or discount it entirely for reason not mentioned here if I feel it is applicable.